


Brand New

by CourtoftheDragon



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, Video Blogging RPF, Youtuber RPF, Youtubers
Genre: (Some mystery), (and grumping), (but also youtube), Angst, Depression, Drama, F/M, Gen, Hospitals, Major Illness, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Mental Health Issues, Psychological Drama, Sad Danny, Sorrow, Suicide Attempt, Various emotions of Dan, hidden tags, lotsafeels, themes of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:18:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 137,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8567182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtoftheDragon/pseuds/CourtoftheDragon
Summary: After Dan wakes up from being in a car-accident induced coma for 4 months, he knows that his memory isn't perfect, but he can't figure out why his relationships are starting to fall apart.





	1. Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I'm CourtoftheDragon and I'm new to this community so I apologize in advance if I do things a little weirdly. I have been on fanfiction.net for a long time, although I didn't post much. I've created a lot of story ideas and am just barely getting around to posting them.
> 
> I've been a Grumps fan for at least a couple years now and I'm excited to share my little writings. I apologize in advance because I work full time and go to school, so most of my chapters might be slow and very short...nevertheless, I hope they keep you interested in more. I'm way out of writing practice so these have been good for me.
> 
> Anyways, onto this story.   
> ***This is my main trigger warning statement: All tags are valid, so if those themes make you too uncomfortable, then this won't be a good story for you.***
> 
> *That being said, not all story elements are tagged*
> 
> *Despite a warning, some of the later comments contain spoilers so just check those after reading each chapter. :P
> 
> Enough rambling! Enjoy.

"It's been 4 months, Arin. Only four." Suzy's eyes were beginning to well with tears. She stood with her hands on her hips opposite of Arin in the dark, who was standing by the front door. Their home was normally warm and inviting, but an uncomfortable dread spread throughout the room like smoke. Suzy walked up to Arin and placed a hand on his wrist. "Please, Arin. It's not time yet."

Arin sighed and looked down, rubbing the back of his head. He didn't want to cry in front of Suzy, but she was making it difficult. "Suzy...it's gonna be ok..." His voice was soothing as he looked up at her and took her hand. "The doctor said that learning should start as early as possible. And...I think it's our only chance to get Dan back."

Suzy rubbed the moisture from her nose and sniffed, tears beginning to run down her face. "We have 2 months, Arin. Please wait. It's not right. He's not...gonna be the same." She pulled Arin into a hug and began to sob lightly.

Arin rubbed her hair gently, his wet eyes staring at the ceiling for a moment. "I can't ..." His voice broke for a moment and he cleared his throat and continued, "We can't just wait while he lies in bed. It's risky but it's what he wants. And if he has a chance to wake up and be normal ... I know there's no proof he will be okay ... but we have to try."

Suzy's crying died down and they stood at the front door, Arin rocking her gently. She sniffed and looked up at him. "I know ... I know. I'm just scared. Everything feels so wrong."

Arin tilted her chin to look at him. "I'm scared too. But Dan's gonna be scared too." Arin grabbed his keys from the rack on the wall next to the door and opened it. Suzy stepped back, dabbing her eyes. Arin gave her a weak smile. "It's ok. I'll bring him home. We'll spend the evening together. It's gonna be okay."

Suzy nodded to reassure herself. "Yeah. It'll be ok. It's what he wants...bring Dan home. Be safe. I love you."

Arin nodded and walked out the door. "I will. Love you too, babe."

I'll bring him home.  
_________________________ 

When you're on the road all the time, there's a strange disconnect between where your mind is, and where you are physically located. Dan and Arin spoke about it many times, how they'd wake up in one city and think they were in the previous one. Days and weeks would be lost in between travel; work turned everything into a blur. "Bored excitement," is how they referred to the energy before and after a show. 

Dan felt out of place when he woke up in his own bed in LA that morning. And before the Grumps Live show that evening, he had felt that electric boredom. But it had been tinged with something else- something anxious, scratching at the edges of his nerves. He loved the show and the fans and had a fantastic time on stage that night, but he couldn't shake that weird feeling as him and Arin left the Regent Theater and parted ways in search of their rides.

Arin offered to drive but Dan needed to finish up a couple of the next NSP cover album recordings with Brian. Arin waited out front with him, away from the now dying crowds exiting the building. Arin doesn't remember what he said, but it had made Dan giggle uncontrollably. Arin remembers him looking up at the sky, grinning and laughing, a light breeze blowing through his crazy, curly hair. 

It was the tiniest, most normal thing. Arin held onto this image tightly now. It was the happiest he would see Dan in a long, long time. He watched Dan get into the passenger side of Brian's car as they drove away.  
___________________________ 

Arin couldn't sit still in the hospital waiting room. Although hospitals never lost business, he was the only person in the east basement wing. The sterile, alcohol smell and florescent lighting was becoming overwhelming. There was a TV on the wall in the corner, spouting an earlier recording of a daytime talk show at an obnoxious volume. He wanted to turn it down, but he needed the distraction. He also needed to stay awake.

He fiddled with his keys in his hands and checked his phone every so often for a text from Suzy but he didn't get service down here.

He was surprised that the doctor was even here this late at night. "These guys really do marry their work," he thought. It was shortly afterwards that a woman he recognized appeared from the double doors of a center hall. She was younger and had blonde hair up in a bun, thick glasses, a white lab coat with metal name tag, and a clipboard. She wore a concentrated expression as she jotted some notes down on the board. "Good evening, Mr. Hanson. It's pretty late to be down here, but I don't blame your urgency. Luckily for you, I practically live here." The doctor put on a grin and held out his hand to shake Arin's. "How are you feeling?”

Arin knew she wasn't talking about his health. He politely shook Dr. Jackson's (as her tag implied) hand, giving a grim smile back. "Oh, you know. We went over it a few more times. Suzy was worried about the risks and everything. But you said it wasn't a problem, right?"

Dr. Jackson nodded. "Oh yes, there's really nothing to worry about. We tested Dan's neural and physical responses at least a dozen times. All of his tests are good. You've definitely paid for the best- he will heal faster than the average person, I suspect." 

“Yeah…”

Dr. Jackson held open one of the double doors for Arin and they both walked down a long, white hallway lined with solid gray doors that were numbered. Arin wondered who was behind them as Dr. Jackson continued to jot signatures down a list. She paused for a moment, pen in her mouth. "Hmm...however...memory is a tricky thing, as you can imagine. We have done all that we can for Dan, but you will have to fill in some of the blanks for him. This is common for coma patients. He may not know where he is, who he is, or who you are. Do not worry or panic. Important details should return to him within a few days." Dr Jackson handed the clipboard to Arin.

Arin nodded as he listened, beginning to sign the release waivers, bills, and various papers that accompanied the test list. Now that they were getting something done, he felt a lot calmer. He read through the fine print, but his mind was still on Dan. "So...I don't mean anything by it, but...it's going to be hard to watch. Him waking up I mean. Because..."

"Because it's just too easy now?" The doctor chuckled. "Of course. It's very surreal. I'm sure it's one of the hardest decisions you've ever made. You've been through a lot in four months too." They stopped in front of one of the gray doors on the left. Arin handed the finished forms back to the doctor.

She stared at Arin very intently. "Normally, I'm not supposed to give patients my own opinion on this sort of thing. It's not professional, so let's just keep this between you and me. This decision is completely understandable, Mr. Hanson. Your friend's well being affects your own as well. And I can promise you that even after Dan steps out of here, we will continue to monitor his health and let you know if there are any new insights that will help you on your way." The doctor placed a hand on the doorknob. "The mind is delicate. There's only so much we can do. But things can always get better, you understand? And I know you'll take good care of him. Would you like to accompany me into the room?"

Arin looked down guiltily. "I want to. But...I'm still kinda scared. Is all of this even really necessary? I mean..." Arin didn't clarify his thoughts, the taste of bile beginning to spill into his mouth.

"If we proceed now, then we need to do it this way. Life is scary, Arin. Go in with me. I'm sure Dan will appreciate it." There was a small twinkle in Dr. Jackson's eye as she opened the door to Dan's room.  
_________________________ 

When Dr. Jackson opened the door, Arin was hit with a stronger smell of rubbing alcohol and a barrage of persistent beeping sounds. He stepped into the dimly lit room slowly, the Doctor behind him. He looked at the foot of the bed first and then moved up. What he saw made himself gasp slightly.

Dan had an array of white wires and electrodes stuck to his head and connected to a machine that was drawing lines up and down consistently. Several IVs and tubes of various kinds were hooked to his arms. He donned an oxygen tube in his nose.

The most disconcerting thing was that Dan's eyes were open, although dark and unfocused. Arin put his hands over his mouth and looked back at the doctor. "I...I didn't...wow. He looks so much better than I thought he would. How did you...?" Arin stepped to the left side of his friend, staring at him. He fought back the tears again. "Can he hear us?"

The doctor began to carefully remove some of the tubes from Dan's arms and the electrodes from his skull. "He can hear sound but he might not be processing it fully. He is only in a partially 'awakened' state. His brain waves have sped up, which is very good. We should be able to fully wake him in a bit."

While the doctor was working to put the EEG machine away, Arin studied Dan. He was wearing a hospital gown but there was evidence of heavy scarring on his right arm. Arin assumed that the scars went down that half of Dan's body. Despite this, Dan's eyes were not overtly sunken, his skin only a little pale. Arin couldn't stop staring.

After the doctor removed all the wires, she pulled out a black case from a cabinet and set it on a counter. Opening it up, it revealed various sizes of shots filled with yellow and clear liquids. She chose a smaller, yellow one and began to inject it into Dan's arm. "This is an aid," she explained, "We will wait a few minutes then apply the next set. The second shot will act faster. If you have any questions about the drugs and how they work, they are listed in the paperwork I gave you..."

Arin shook his head, mesmerized by what she was doing. "That's ok. I don't really need to know right now. It's just...like we said before. It's been four months, and now..." He cleared his throat, "It's just too easy."

The doctor nodded understandingly, now watching Dan's heart rate on another machine. "Technology has come a long way for 2016. The problem though is that our brains haven't evolved enough to keep up. We are still plagued with the same problems we've had for thousands of years, like tumors or strokes or comas. Whether or not they show improvement is not only due to the damage they've taken, but also how each person's brain is already wired. And we still don't know everything about the brain. Some people have perfectly healthy brainwaves and they just don't wake up. Others go through the worst trauma and somehow make it through. But it's not something we can always completely measure."

Dr. Jackson watched as Dan's heart rate rose slightly. Arin thought he saw Dan's eyes flicker. The doctor continued. "I personally believe that there's something in each person that our machines simply can't measure. Some people call it a spirit, others call it consciousness or willpower. But I believe that it's there and I think it has its own role in determining whether someone will heal. There's always hope." Dr. Jackson looked at Arin intently. "There's always, always hope, Arin." Arin understood and nodded mildly, still staring at Dan's eyes.

Now she pulled the shot from Dan's skin and grabbed the larger one. "This part is trickier. He might be alarmed or confused when he wakes up. Hold his arm so he doesn't hurt himself." Arin nodded and placed his hands on Dan's right arm. "Ready? Okay." The doctor pierced the nape of Dan's neck and depressed the liquid.


	2. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Always be thankful for what you have and time with your friends/family.

The view from the top of the Swiss Alps was gorgeous today. (Ok, maybe not the very top, but Dan thought he did pretty well for hiking on his own). He didn’t know where his roommates were but he didn’t feel lonely that morning when he left their cabin and traversed the hillside to go on his hike. He stood on a ledge and looked out at the pristine landscape. It was midday and the sun shone down on the lakes, trees, and buildings far below him. The air nipped at his exposed cheeks above his heavily wrapped scarf, but the cold didn’t bother him. He grinned at the scenery, perfectly content on his little mission up the mountains. He exhaled deeply and looked up at the sky. He felt like he could conquer the world.

The sound began low and soft, like white noise. Then it rapidly rose to a deafening roar not unlike a rocket shooting up from a Launchpad. Dan stared in pure amazement as a giant tidal wave rose above the mountain behind him, blocking the sun and the sky. He shouted and began to bolt down the mountain before the massive wave engulfed him-

A great pressure hit him, and everything faded to black.  
______

After emptying the vial of liquid at the base of Dan’s neck, Dr. Jackson bandaged the wound. She nodded to Arin. “It won’t be long now, I recommend you hold him down.”

“Why do I-“

Arin was cut off as Dan gave a loud moan and lurched forward, gasping for air and flailing his arms. Arin grabbed his arms, the heart rate machine was beeping rapidly. “Whoah! Dan! Stop, it’s ok! It’s ok!” Arin pushed Dan back to the bed. “Easy, dude…easy…”

Dan’s eyes took a moment to focus, his arms shaking a bit before they relaxed. His breathing calmed down as he stared at Arin, mouth agape. “Ah…Ah-rin…” His voice was hoarse. He looked around, moving his head slowly. His words slurred together. “Where…is this…”

Arin grinned, eyes watery. “Yeah, dude! Arin! I’m here, you’re ok. You’re, uh…you’re in a hospital...”

Dr. Jackson walked over to the other side of Dan’s bed, looking down at him. “Dan, do you know who I am?”

Dan stared for a moment before he replied. “Dr...Dr. Jackson. What…what happened?” He groggily flexed his hands and sat up, surveying himself and the room. He noticed the scars on his right arm as well as the tubes and he ran his hand over them. His nose felt incredibly dry; his fingers reached up to pull the tubes from his nostrils.

“Yes, I’m your doctor, very good. You were in a bad car accident and you’re in the LA hospital. Arin is here to take you home.”

Dan’s eyes became large and Arin felt bad for him. For a moment, he looked like a child. “Accident? Is everyone else okay?”

Dr. Jackson got out another clipboard from a drawer at a desk in the corner. She stood in front of Dan. “Yes, everyone else is just fine. But Dan…you’ve been here a while. I’ll explain everything to you...can you stand up?"

Arin helped Dan up, his feet touching the cold floor. He looked at Arin, who could only nod reassuringly to him. “You were…in a coma. For four whole months.”

“A coma? Jesus Christ…” Dan looked down at himself in total confusion. 

Dr. Jackson nodded. “Yes, it was pretty bad. There was a lot of damage to the right side of your body, although most of it was superficial. However, there was some harm to part of your right parietal, temporal and frontal lobes from traumatic brain injury…”

Arin watched Dan carefully as Dr. Jackson gave him the summary: He was submitted to the hospital in April after the car accident. Brian was driving but he only suffered chest whiplash, a mild concussion and a broken right arm. Dan however lost consciousness. He regained it shortly after entering the hospital, only to lose it again a few days later. 

Dan reached up and touched the right side of his head. He could feel where some of it was shaved underneath his wild locks. Arin wished he had anything good to say to wipe the lost look from his eyes.

Dr. Jackson continued “…The treatment that we used to wake you was a kind of a last resort medication. We simply didn’t know when you were going to wake up. But your brain activity and scans were very promising. But we didn’t dare try anything too drastic.”

Dan looked around, soaking everything in. “Okay, so…so where is everyone?” Arin felt a pang of guilt. He thought about bringing everyone… He put a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “They’re all sleeping, it’s like 2am. We didn’t know if this was gonna work... You’re going home with me tonight and we can see everyone tomorrow. Let’s get you to your feet first, dude.”

Dr. Jackson took a few minutes to remove Dan's IV tube completely and bandage him. Then she brought over a metal walker from a corner of the room and Arin helped Dan stand up. He took a few tentative steps and held the walker. The short hospital gown in him barely passed his knees and Dan somehow looked skinnier than usual. Arin and the doctor walked alongside him out of the room and down the hall. Dr. Jackson explained “We are going to get you dressed and run a few more tests just to make sure you’re clear to go home. I’m also going to ask you a few basic questions so we can see how your memory is doing, ok?” Dan nodded, looking back at Arin. “Yeah, ok…”

The hallway seemed to get longer with every step, but Dan was beginning to walk naturally. Arin kept a hand on Dan’s shoulder, watching him like a hawk. “It’s gonna be ok, dude. Everyone was worried about you. I'm so fuckin' happy to see you." Arin grinned and Dan returned an exhausted smile. Dan then sighed and shook his head. “Arin…I can’t believe this. I was really out for four whole months?”

“Yeah. It’s the beginning of August.”

“Fuck. I made everyone worry about me. And I missed Game Grumps, and NSP and concerts…probably birthdays…fuck…”

Arin fought back the urge to roll his eyes. Of course Dan could fall into a coma and still be worried about the people he loved and his job. “No worries, dude, I had some extra recordings out on the back burner and we still had Steam Train and all that. Don’t think about work right now- just take things slow.”

“And Brian is ok?”

“Brian is fine, you can call him later. Like I said, we all missed you. Like, a lot. I’d hug you right now if I wasn’t scared you’d fall over.”  
______

They walked into another room at the end of the hall that looked like a regular blood-testing lab. Dan went into a bathroom (Arin waiting readily outside) and changed into an outfit Arin brought for him – his classic Rush shirt with his jeans and sneakers. Dan stared at himself in the mirror as he cleaned up, eyeing some small, red lines that ran from the right side of his head down his neck. He also ran his hand across his beard, which was surprisingly trim as usual, his mane also its normal length and wildness, although a little pressed down from being in bed so long. Now starting to feel like himself, he left the walker in the bathroom and walked out.

Arin couldn’t help but grin at him. “Dude, you look like you just walked in here.”

Dan shrugged. “I kinda feel like it too…it’s weird. You guys had nurses shave me?”

“Yeah…it didn’t cost much extra. We wanted you to feel normal when you woke up.” Arin’s voice cracked a little bit and he cleared his throat, watching Dan carefully. 

The boys walked over to a desk that Dr. Jackson was seated at, where she was typing furiously in front of a computer. Dan and Arin sat on black stools across from her seat. She checked Dan’s blood pressure, breathing and heart rate, while Arin watched patiently. Then she stared at him intently. “Ok Dan, a few important questions for you. What is your full name, and when is your birthday?”

“Leigh Daniel Avidan, March 14th 1979.”

“Very good. Who are your close friends?”

“Um, I have a lot…but Arin, Brian, Barry, Ross, Suzy, Holly, Matt and Ryan, Vernon, Brent, Kevin, Mark…who else am I missing?” Dan smiled at Arin and he chuckled. Dr. Jackson took notes.

“Ok, good enough there. Who are your parents?”

Arin watched as the smile fell quickly from Dan’s face. He stared off into the distance, thinking. “Um…uh, I…I, uh…” Dan clenched his hands nervously. 

Arin chimed into help, “Avi. Your dad is Avi. And your mom…is Debra…” Arin trailed off, realizing from Dan’s look that he wasn’t helping.

Dan gave Dr. Jackson a scared glance and she nodded nonchalantly. “No worries right now, Dan. It’ll come to you later, there’s no rush. You’re doing really well. Ok, the next thing I have for you today is a little different. I want to check your language and speech areas.” Dr. Jackson pulled a pamphlet from a drawer in the desk and handed it to Dan. She pointed to the top paragraph. “The subject isn’t important, I just want you to read out loud from this paragraph to the bottom of the page. Let me know if you have trouble understanding it.”

“Uh…okay…” Dan took the paper and began reading. It was filled with a lot of random subjects and simple sentences that didn’t necessarily make any sense in order (‘She went to the store to buy candy’, for example). Some of the material was a brief history of cell phones, which Dan thought was odd. Like a normal reading test for an elementary school student, the material seemed to be harder to understand as Dan went further down the page.

When Dan got to the bottom of the page, he stopped reading aloud and glanced at the paragraph. Try as he might, he had no clue what it said. He could see the words correctly, but they didn’t register anything. He furrowed his brow. “I, uh…I can’t read that last paragraph. It doesn’t look like it’s in English.” Arin glanced at the paper. Dr. Jackson looked at Arin and asked, “Can you read that, Arin?”

Arin glanced at the paragraph. After a minute of looking it over, he gave a small smile and handed the paper back to the doctor. “I don’t know what it says but it looks like Portuguese.” He grinned at Dan, who exhaled in relief. 

“Oh, thank God. I was worried for a second.” Dan gave a small laugh and Arin felt warmth grow in his chest. Things were starting to feel like they’d be alright.

Dr. Jackson put the pamphlet away and continued typing. “Ok Dan. Going back a moment…what is the last thing that you do remember?” She and Arin watched Dan carefully. He looked down, feeling nervous again as he wracked his brain for the correct answer. “Um…it’s…it’s not the car accident…”

“That’s okay. Recall everything that you can.”

Dan closed his eyes as he remembered. “I was here, with Arin…but you were here last time, that’s why I recognized you…we were getting a check up, I guess? I remember us in a lab like this one, but that’s all I can think of.” Dan opened his eyes. “What were we here for?”

“We were getting a regular checkup,” Arin explained, “Because we were both super sick last winter and had a show coming up…so we had to get antibiotics. That was in February. Katie’s got the best stuff after all,” Arin added, motioning to the doctor, who laughed.

Dan nodded and smiled. “Yeah, that sounds right.” He couldn’t remember being sick but with how busy they were, it was a usual occurrence around that time of year. “She give you opium?” Dan laughed at his own question, Arin and Dr. Jackson joining in. “Opiates! Opiates, Arin. There’s a difference,” she exclaimed, handing Arin more paperwork.

“Whatever, all I know is that I was nowhere near Earth while we were recording those videos.” This comment made Dan burst out in giggly laughter, to Arin’s utter satisfaction.

While Arin looked over the bill and care sheet, Dr. Jackson took a couple vials of Dan’s blood and let him know that they’d be checking his fluids and cell count and would call him with updates. She also handed him a bag of several medications and gave him instructions on how and when to take them, as well as recommended diet and exercise. Closing everything up, the group stood up and walked outside the lab to the waiting room. Arin ran a payment and then they turned to go up the elevator to the first floor. 

Dr. Jackson waved at them as they left. “Follow your medication instructions, and call me anytime if you need anything! I’ll call you with your follow-up, it should be in a week or two. Take things slowly, Dan, and remember what you can. Now go get some normal sleep!” She turned and walked back through the double doors.

The boys grinned and walked alongside each other out the door. Dan placed a hand on Arin’s shoulder. He murmured in Arin’s ear, “She can call me any time, for sure.” 

Arin laughed. “What was that, Dan?”

“Oh please, you’re thinking the same thing. Our doctor is smokin' hot.”

“She can probably hear you from here, dude.”

“Well, she knows my number.”

"She's seen you naked."

"Giggity."

The boys kept laughing as they stepped into the elevator, heading back upstairs.


	3. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for bookmarking and reading!

__________________________ 

As the boys walked back out into the cold parking lot, Arin was impressed by how well Dan was walking. This thought was suddenly interrupted when Dan stumbled for a moment. Arin was quick to catch him. Dan had a hand on his head. “Whoah, sorry…I got vertigo for a second…Arin?”

Arin had his hands on Dan’s shoulders for a second to stop him from falling. Suddenly, Arin gave Dan a huge hug, throwing him off guard. “Arin, you okay?”

Arin pulled back, eyes wet despite him straining them. “We missed you...so much. It was really hard. We had good Game Grumps episodes for a while and then I had to go solo. Which is fine, I like doing solo runs. But I mean, I couldn’t do them for everything. And Ross or Barry or Brian just…couldn’t…”

Dan just gave a hearty laugh, since it’s all he could think to do in the moment. “I love you too, dude. I’m out now, so everything’s fine. We can tell the fans and get back to good ol’ business.” They got into Arin’s car in the dark, mostly empty lot. Arin waited at the wheel for a moment, tapping his fingers against it. “Well, actually…I don’t know if we should tell fans right away that you’re back.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Uh, what?”

“I’m not saying we should lie to them or anything. But I think we should give you at least a few days. I mean, you look fine, but…” Arin seemed to be choosing his words carefully, “We need to take things slow and make sure that you're really okay. And I would feel really bad if you got totally swamped by fans and overwhelmed while you were out in public after going through something like that. So…” Arin reached in to the back seat and presented Dan with a large beanie and some dark sunglasses. “I think it’d be a good idea if you go incognito during the day for a bit.”

Dan took the items slowly and nodded. “Okay, I mean, I usually already do when I go to coffee shops and that sort of thing-”

“Good, then it’s no problem. Just until you feel better at least.”

They were halfway home, Dan staring out the window silently. Then he spoke up again. “So, you aren’t scared of telling the fans about me for some reason?”

Arin’s eyes widened. “Nonono! Like I said, I just don’t want you to worry about it right away. Just take it easy for a few days. I dunno if you realize it, but you went through a really bad accident. We’re all lucky that you’re okay.”

Dan had more questions, but exhaustion weighed on him heavily. He just nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”  
___________________________ 

When Arin and Dan opened the door to Arin’s house, a strong smell of warm chicken bouillon hit Dan’s nose and made his mouth water. The transitional lights on the ceiling in the living room were dimly lit; somewhere an aroma pot was burning a flowery scent. “Suzy, we’re home!” Arin shut the front door and the guys walked from the living room towards the kitchen, where they heard some clatter. Suzy called out, “Oh-ok! It’s almost ready!” Suzy’s back was to them as she stirred a large pot on the stove; there were some empty bowls and garlic bread laid out at the kitchen bar opposite the stove. Arin took a seat on a bar stool and Dan awkwardly stood. He looked at Suzy’s back “Hey Suz- You made us dinner? That smells amazing.”

Dan heard Suzy exhale. She stopped stirring and turned to look up at Dan. Her face was red and she had removed her usual makeup, although he could see faint stains of black down her cheeks. She put her hands up to her mouth and although she was covering a smile, tears welled up in her eyes. “Oh my God…Dan…” She ran up to him and hugged him tight. Dan grinned and hugged her back. Arin laughed. “Oh no, here come the water works…”

Suzy laughed through her tears and stepped back from Dan, rambling off her thoughts as she wiped her face with a kleenex– “Oh, Dan...we missed you so much! And you look so good! I’m sorry- I look like a wreck right now, but I made you chicken soup 'cuz I thought it would be homey but if you want something different, that’s totally fine and-“

“Suzy! Suzy. Dan grinned at her. “Chicken soup sounds fucking amazing right now. And for the record, I missed you too.”

“How long did you miss us for, Dan?” Arin said jokingly, filling the bowls with soup.

Dan took a seat at the bar, wincing as he thought about it. The time still felt surreal, among other things... “Ugh, four months…it’s weird to even say that…”

Suzy sat down with them with her own plate of food. She looked at Dan concernedly. She was staring at him, as if to take him all in. “How are you feeling?”

Dan played with the spoon in his soup bowl. “That’s the weird thing. I’ve got these scars down my right side a bit and I’m a little dizzy but I’m basically fine.” Dan sipped some of the soup, some of his concern dissipating in the flavor. “Mmmh, this is delicious…so, what’ve you guys been doing while I was gone?”

There was immediate silence for a long moment, then Arin spoke up. “Well…we mostly worried about you for a while. I was so surprised when I saw you tonight because honestly, you look better now than you have in a long time, dude. When you were first wheeled into the hospital…you were so bruised and bloody. It’s been…it’s been really hard.”

The guilt began to spill into Dan’s gut. He nodded, looking down. “I’m sorry, you guys…I’ve caused you a lot of pain, and I don’t even remember. It’s not fair.”

“Don’t be sorry, Dan, it’s not your fault at all.” Suzy insisted. The three nodded and quietly ate for a few more minutes, then Suzy took their plates and placed them in the sink. Arin continued, “As far as videos go, I posted some of what was left in our prerecorded queue, then I did a bunch of solo sessions, sometimes adding Suzy, Barry or Ross while we switched between that and Steam Train. Views didn’t drop too much cuz everyone is watching the channel just to see if you’re okay.” 

Dan gave a sad smile. “I feel so bad…but now we can announce to everyone that I’m ok, right?" Dan looked at Arin and Suzy expectantly. "I know what you said to me in the car Arin, but really, shouldn’t we tell the fans that I’m ok, like, right now?”

Arin and Suzy glanced at each other for a moment. Arin folded his arms “We will record an announcement video, don’t worry. We’re not just gonna leave the fans in the dark about this- that’d be shitty. But we aren’t gonna rush things either. Just focus on feeling better.”

“Ok, so, you’re going to call everyone tonight, right? And what about Brian- has he been updating the NSP channel?”

Arin nodded. “So Brian hasn’t done anything with NSP. We decided to put it on hold and just did one general announcement about your health back in April, with Twitter updates here and there. I’ll call Barry and Ross tonight, and I'll see if Matt, Ryan and Vernon answer, but we’ll have to talk to Brian sometime tomorrow. He’s actually…on vacation right now. In London, with Rachel and Audrey.”

Dan’s eyes widened. “Really? He left the country while I was out? Why?” He looked down, feeling an emotional jab to his chest.

Arin shrugged it off. “I honestly wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think it’s a make-up anniversary trip or something for Rachel. He’s had a lot on his plate. You can call him tomorrow.” Arin smiled. “You can surprise the hell out of him.”

Dan laughed. “Oh, I will. That asshole is going to get a earful for not being here.”

Suzy washed her hands and walked over to a hallway leading to the stairs. “The guest bedroom is ready for you, you should get some sleep, Dan. Although I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to take a shower first; there’s a towel in the bathroom and a toothbrush if you need it. Oh, and I left some PJs on the bed. Just do whatever’s easiest.”

“Thanks Suzy. And thanks for dinner.” Dan smiled at them both. “I love you guys.”

Suzy smiled and hugged Dan tight again. “We love you too! Now go get some sleep before you fall over.”

Dan laughed. “I’ve got plenty of that I think. I’m gonna shower.”

“Ok, let us know if you need anything.”

The trio got up and headed upstairs.  
__________________________ 

The shower made Dan feel like he was in heaven. He closed his eyes and let the water fall over him. The temperature was as hot as he could take; the entire bathroom was fogging up fast but he didn’t care. He just wanted to stand there forever. He looked down at his body and noticed that the scars down his right side were more visibly pink underneath the warm water. He frowned at that, as well as how skeletal his ribcage looked; he lost more weight than he cared to. ~I’m gonna have to work out to get my muscle mass back,~ he thought.

As he rubbed shampoo into his scalp, he could hear Arin talking from the bedroom next door. He couldn’t tell what was being said underneath the shower water but it sounded argumentative. ~Are the guys mad at Arin?~ After a while, he rinsed and stepped out of the shower but by then the outside talking had lowered in volume.

Dan wrapped a towel around himself and opened the door, steam spilling into the upstairs hallway. “Hey, is everything alright out there?”  
Arin and Suzy were closed up in their bedroom. From behind the door, Arin called out, “Yeah dude, some of the guys just yelled at me because they wanted to come with to get you. It’s all good. They’ll be over tomorrow and we can hang out and figure out our plans.”

“Sounds good. Goodnight you guys.”

Suzy and Arin chimed in “Goodnight!” 

Dan brushed his teeth, got dressed in Arin’s now dramatically oversized PJs and fell back into the bed atop the covers. Before he could even feel nervous about it, he fell into steady, dreamless sleep.  
___________________________ 

Arin got under the covers next to Suzy in bed, who had the bedside lamp on and was pretending to read one of the novels next to her. They both sat back against the headboard. Arin sighed. Suzy put the book down and rested her head and arm on his chest, planting a kiss on it. “...The guys were angry,” she said, brow furrowed. 

Arin nodded, rubbing her hair gently. “Of course they were. I woke them up in the middle of the night with this. I don’t blame them. I’m a fuckin’ idiot sometimes.” Arin looked down adoringly at his lovely wife. “You’re not mad at me.”

Suzy smiled. “You have a big heart, Arin. And Dan is back…like…right? I mean, I dunno about his memory...but he seems okay, like himself…” They each stared off into space. “I mean, I hugged him…and we missed him so much.” She looked back up at Arin again. “Don’t you think...he’ll be alright?”

Arin shrugged. “Yes and no. I don't know. You know how things are. And I have hope and everything. But don't, like, jump to any conclusions just yet. He just got here. We...we'll have to help him."

“I know, I know.” Suzy hugged Arin tight. “I just have hope too. Things feel weird...this is all weird. But…it’s like intuition. Dan’s gonna be okay. He'll be okay.” 

Arin kissed Suzy’s head. “Oh good. I was worried there for a second.” They smiled at each other, gave I-love-yous, kissed and shut out the lights. In the darkness, Arin’s eyes remained open.

He needed his heart to be right. For Dan.


	4. Bad Math

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone!

When Dan opened his eyes the following morning, he felt confusion flow from his muddled mind into his gut. He sat up and wiped his eyes, squinting from the bright light falling onto his face from the nearby window. He got a strange sense of déjà vu from the baggy black shirt and the much-too-short pajama pants he was wearing. He sat up and glanced around curiously for a moment. Murmuring, he stood up and opened his bedroom door. He gazed out cautiously, one hand ruffling his wild hair back.

He could hear running water from the end of the hallway. And there was a woman- her dark, bedhead hair was across her shoulders. She was wearing booty shorts and a tee, washing her face in front of the sink. The rest of the house seemed quiet at the moment. Dan walked over to her slowly, yawning.

The woman rinsed in the sink, then glanced up at Dan. Dan couldn’t help but grin stupidly back- holy cow, she was gorgeous. Even without makeup on, her eyes were an intense blue, her teeth shiny white, cheekbones a model would die for. She grinned. “Good morning, Dan! Wow, you slept forever. You feeling okay today?” She handed him a hairbrush and moved aside, brushing her own hair.

Dan took the brush, overcome with new embarrassment. He couldn’t remember the last time he woke up at a girl’s house- maybe he was in his late twenties? He probably looked like a wreck. And he definitely couldn’t remember the last time he got black out drunk at a party. And here was this lady- this beautiful woman- who obviously knew him from last night, and he couldn’t even remember her name. Real smooth, Dan.

But he didn’t want to seem like a total idiot, so he played it cool, of course. “Yeah, I’m good, thanks.” He set the brush down moment and began washing his face instead. He avoided looking at her as he tried to add things up in his head. Because the math was all wrong- the house was quiet and clean. His breath didn’t smell like rum and bad decisions. Hell- he was actually 99% sure he took a shower at some point last night. While he gathered his thoughts, he absentmindedly stared at the prescription pill bottles that were sitting around the sink. ~She’s not hiding anything,~ he thought, rinsing his face.

He was probably going to get flack for this but he needed at least some answers. He wiped his face on a towel and looked over at the woman. “So…some party last night, huh?”

She chuckled. “Wow Dan, I didn’t know you were so hardcore. Nah, the real party will be today.”

“Oh?” Well, that didn’t help. And where was everyone? “Are we having it here?”

“We’re probably all hanging out at the Grump Space later. Figured we could all play games there and have some fun.” The woman frowned at her reflection, put the brush down and walked out of the bathroom.

That didn’t sound so bad. Grump Space…Dan had no idea what that meant, but he was getting déjà vu goosebumps again. But other than wondering where he was and where he’d be going next, more pressing matters were on his mind. Like this hot babe. And why he woke up in her house, in the twin bed of a guestroom. And if they…

But he had no clue how to ask that without sounding like an asshole. He had to know though- right? He tapped her on the shoulder. “Hey- so…last night…um…did we…?” He could already feel his face turning pink.

The woman raised an eyebrow. “Did we what, Dan?”

“Uh, uhm…” The words tumbled from his mouth, “I woke up in the guest bedroom.” He waited for her to make the connection.

She just stared at him cluelessly. “Yeah…you sure you’re ok, Dan?” She gave him a concerned look.

Dan nodded quickly, “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. I’ll go get dressed then.”

The woman nodded. “Ok, I’ll meet you downstairs in a bit, I gotta put my face and clothes on.” She disappeared into another bedroom and closed the door.

On his way back to the guest room, Dan could hear pots and pans clattering downstairs. “Uh…” He backpedaled a bit to the closed door. He really wished he knew her name. “Hey- who else is here?”

The woman’s voice answered from the other side of the door- “Arin is downstairs- my wonderful husband is making us breakfast this morning! Then we can go meet up with everyone.” Dan heard the woman’s footsteps in her room walk away from him.

Dan walked back to the guest room. He was feeling more lost by the minute. “Husband? Oh-kay…” He undressed and put his normal clothes back on. So as far as he could gather, nothing happened last night…so why was he here? Was he just another stupid late night crasher at this nice couple’s house? But the way she looked at him before…and again, where was everyone else?  
__________________________ 

Dan walked down the stairs, and was blown away by how clean the house was. It didn’t look like a party had happened at all. Dan looked around for people crashed out on the floor or the couch- there was no one else. He was left pondering if it was a parent’s house as he was greeted by white noise and the sound and smell of sautéed onions and meat. He walked into the kitchen, where a guy was flipping omelets in a pan at the stove. His blonde streaked dark hair was in a man bun, he had an untidy short beard, and he appeared to be wearing harem pants and a Sailor Moon t-shirt. Dan tried not to laugh as he took a seat on a bar stool. “Hey,” he said awkwardly, watching the man known as Arin put the omelets on plate.  
Arin grinned at him. “Hey. You slept long enough, Jesus. That’s okay though, it gave me time to make this for you. Remember when I said I’d make you eggs during that one Grumps session forever ago? Well, here they are. I’ve got French toast on the way too.” Arin placed the omelet and a glass of OJ in front of Dan. “You can get started if you want.” Arin turned away and began dipping bread slices into an egg mixture in a bowl next to the stove.

Dan stared at the omelet, not sure how to proceed. He looked blankly back at Arin. “Uh…What the hell is a ‘Grumps’ session?”

Arin was only half listening- he threw some newly cooked toast onto another plate and placed it at the bar, then looked at Dan. “There, bon-a-petit! Sorry, what’d you say before?”

Dan had enough- he was getting nowhere. He got up from the bar stool. “Sorry- it was super thoughtful of you to make breakfast like this, but I gotta go. My friend Brian is probably wondering where I am.” Dan patted down his pockets. “Do you know where my phone is?”

There was a pause where neither person moved. Arin set the pan down and shut the stove off, then walked over to Dan. His face became an intimidating blank slate. “Dan…what’s my name?”

Dan stepped back- he didn’t wanna start anything. He raised his hands defensively. “I’m sorry- that was rude of me, I can totally finish breakfast first and then go-“

Dan flinched as the guy rushed over to him- he thought he was going to punch him but then he stopped in front of him. Arin sighed heavily out of his nostrils and stared at Dan. “Just answer me. What is my name?”

Dan gulped. “Arin, your name is Arin.”

Arin looked like he was going to throw a plate at a wall. He folded his arms. “Okay, what is my last name?”

Dan raised his hands again. “I don’t fuckin’ know! I’m sorry- I must’ve had too much to drink last night-“

“You weren’t drinking last night, Dan! You don’t even drink! Oh my God…” Now Arin was pacing, one hand grabbing his hair as he glanced down.

The woman was suddenly there, rushing down the stairs. “I heard shouting- what’s going on?” She asked, looking back at both of them.

Arin gave her a serious look. “Dan doesn’t remember who we are. Call Katie right now- get the kit by the bed.”  
Suzy nodded and pulled out her phone, but Dan was walking to the front door. He was completely spooked at this point. “Look- I dunno what I did last night to set you guys off but I’m sorry and I really gotta go-“

“Dandandandandan…” Suzy rushed over to him and grabbed his hand as he was about to open the door. “You need to stay here.”

“Why?! I’m just going to piss you off more because of whatever it is that I can’t remember! I seriously think you have the wrong guy-“Dan was rambling, grabbing the doorknob.

“I don’t have the wrong guy, Dan! I have…” Suzy gave Arin a quick glance then continued, “I have a really sweet guy who is confused because he drank too much last night to remember all the fun we had. And that really bums me out. And it bums Arin out too. Because yesterday was awesome.”

Suzy put on the most pitiful puppy dog eyes that she could- and by God, Dan was melting right away. He let go of the door handle and looked at her. His cheeks turned pink again. ~So we did…~ In his peripheral, he thought he saw Arin roll his eyes. Dan fumbled over his words. “Ah, okay, but…but he said I don’t drink, and he flipped out at me…”

Suzy took Dan’s hand in both her hands. “He just has a weird sense of humor. We are kinda weird people. But can you please just stay? Have breakfast with us, and go to the party with us later. Or don’t, whichever. You can call your friends after you eat. It’s just…” Suzy bit her lip a little and glanced back at Arin, then at Dan. “We really like you, Dan. Please stay.” She put on a soft smile. “I won’t even be mad that you can’t remember my name.”

Dan’s face turned bright red. He looked at Arin for confirmation. Arin looked down, then walked over to Dan and put a hand on his shoulder. “She’s right, last night was a dope party. Sit down and have breakfast- I made it for you. Then you won’t get a hangover or whatever.”

Dan thought things through and nodded. “Okay…I’ll stay…” He looked back at Suzy. “And, uh…what was your name again?”

“It’s Suzy.”

“Right.” Dan slowly walked back to the kitchen. “You guys clean up really nicely after parties-“ he commented as he went back the kitchen stool. It was shaping up to be a weird day.

Suzy walked back upstairs, while Dan and Arin ate the omelets, sitting next to each other in awkward silence. Dan felt that he should make up for the silence. Finishing up the eggs, he cleared his throat. “So, where’s this party at?”

“It’s at an office in LA,” Arin mumbled. He was avoiding Dan’s gaze. Dan nodded.

“Thanks. That was a really good omelet.” It was at this point that Dan finally noticed white lines running down his right arm. He put his fork down and furrowed his brow. “What the-what are these from?!”

Arin took a swig of OJ. “Those are from life dude,” he mumbled miserably, downing the rest of the juice.

While Dan was pulling his sleeve down to inspect the scars, he felt something pierce his shoulder. He shouted but before he could do anything else, he was out like a light, falling back into Suzy’s open arms.

Arin got up and Suzy transferred Dan over to him, then carefully placed a cap back on the needle in her other hand. Arin dragged Dan over to their couch. “That was the emergency plan? Really?”

“Yup. It came with instructions.” Suzy pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket and showed Arin.

“I meant you, actually. Flirting with our best friend. Interesting improv.”

Suzy ignored Arin’s growing saltiness and unfolded the paper, looking through it carefully. “I thought I did pretty good, stopping him from running out the door. I’ll be right back with his meds.” She walked back upstairs for a third time.

After Dan was safely lying across the living room couch, Arin glanced at the unfinished breakfast that was before him. “He didn’t even get to the French toast. Goddammit.”  
___________________________ 

Dan awoke suddenly a bitter, chalky taste in his mouth, followed by a stream of cold water down his throat. After swallowing, he sat up and coughed. He looked over at Arin kneeling beside him, who had a glass in his hand. “Wh- what the hell?!”

“Take the rest of these,” Arin said sternly, dropping pills into Dan’s palm and handing him the water. Dan obeyed groggily, glancing briefly at the food on the counter. “I can take pills by myself Arin,” he said grumpily, downing the rest with the water. Arin sighed and stood up. “No you can’t, apparently. You forgot to take these last night, and it caused some problems.”

Dan’s brow furrowed, guilt a heavy lump in his stomach. “What kind of problems?” He looked down, realizing he was fully dressed and on the couch. “What’d I do?”

Arin headed back to the kitchen to clean up. “Nothin’, man. You just didn’t know where you were or who we were. But you know now, right?” Arin’s look was so hopeful, it nearly broke Dan’s heart.

“Of course…I’m at your house, we came back from the hospital last night.” Dan said quietly. He followed Arin into the kitchen. “Where’s Suzy?”

On cue, Suzy came back down stairs, this time carrying her purse and a calendar. She joined them in the kitchen and tacked the calendar to the fridge. “You feelin’ ok now, Dan?” she asked.

Dan nodded solemnly. “Yeah, I think I’m good. Sorry about…earlier.” Whatever that meant. 

Suzy smiled at him and handed him his cell. “Here’s your phone- I scheduled some alarms in it so you remember to take your meds. Oh, and here’s your keys too- there’s a pill container on the keyring so you don’t have to carry a bag.” Suzy pointed to the calendar that was filled with scribbles. “This is an additional reminder too.”

“Thanks, Suz.” Dan pocketed his stuff. “So…everything’s fine now?” He gave Arin an uncertain look.

Arin turned around from loading the dishwasher. “As far as we can tell, yeah. I think you should stay here for a week or two before you go back to living with Barry. But we can still get your stuff from his place later.”

“Okay…” Dan suddenly felt awkward, like he was invading their personal space. He looked at what was left of breakfast. “We ate already?”  
Suzy mumbled something about feeding the cats and walked out of the room. Arin wiped off the counter. “Yeah, I made you eggs and toast, like…like I said I would, forever ago.”

Dan grinned. “Aww, like you said you would in our Dark Souls 3 playthrough! Aww, Arin!” Dan laughed.

Arin bent over, laughing aloud in relief. “Yeah! And you fucking forgot, asshole!” His smile made Dan feel loads better.  
Dan giggled sheepishly. “Damn. Sorry, guess you’ll have to make more tomorrow!” The laughter from each of them was infectious and filled the entire room.

“Yeah whatever,” Arin said, looking up at the clock on the wall. It was forty after two. “Listen, we gotta get ready to meet everyone at the Grump Space – we’re already gonna be late. I’m gonna shower and stuff and then we’ll go. You can watch TV or do whatever- just take it easy.” With that, Arin went upstairs, leaving Dan alone.

Dan walked back to the couch, having nothing else to do. He skimmed through the contacts on his phone. The worry he was feeling was being pushed back by a low, steadily-throbbing headache. He glanced at Brian’s name for a moment, then set his phone down on the coffee table and exhaled deeply. He bent forward, rubbing his temples.

“Fuck”.


	5. Elephant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the rest of the chapter- enjoy! Thanks for reading!

The ride over to the Grump Space mostly consisted of Dan rockin’ out to Def Leppard from the backseat. “Pour some sugar on meeeh…in the name of love!” Dan’s air guitar was intense as he jammed out, disrupting some of the chip bags and snacks sitting next to him. He was wearing the beanie and sunglasses Arin had given him. He was actually thankful – the glasses were helping to curb his migraine. Arin glanced at him in the rearview mirror and gave him an amused look. But Arin’s mouth was in a firm like as he watched the road. Suzy held his hand and quietly looked out the window

Despite his efforts, suddenly Dan was nervous too, although he wasn’t 100% sure why. They were just seeing his friends – so why were his hands shaking? It felt more like an interview, somehow.

~~~

When Arin opened the office door, for a moment there was constant conversation flowing from the other room, and then silence. Arin shouted, “We’re here, guys!” Arin and Suzy carried the snacks to the back gaming room, where the lights were on. Dan took a deep breath and followed behind them.

As Dan rounded the corner, his eyes fell onto the rest of the crew: Ross and Holly were sitting on the couch in front of the TV, Barry and Vernon sat in pulled up chairs, Matt and Ryan were chilling at their desks in the back. Dan felt the room collectively hold in a breath, all eyes on him. He removed his sunglasses and gave everyone a little wave, grinning. “Hey everyone!”

There was a whirlwind of reactions. Matt and Ryan got up quickly, staring in amazement. “Holy shit!” “No way!” They walked on over. Barry and Vernon just stared, Vernon covering his mouth with one hand. Holly jumped up and walked over. “Oh my God...Dan!" Ross watched him carefully but stayed put on the couch a bit longer, his mouth slightly agape in wonder. Arin looked up from setting up food on the table behind the couch. “So…is that all you guys have to say?” He chuckled to kill some of the tension and Dan giggled, shifting his feet.

As if waking up from a stupor, everyone got up and approached Dan, slowly smiling and laughing awkwardly. The room warmed up as Matt and Ryan asked him various questions about his health and asked questions to test his memory. (Arin thought this was pretty rude, but he figures it was better than zero interaction). Dan happily answered, his heart warming up. Soon, Vernon joined in with questions. Dan showed off his scars and spoke about how much he missed everyone. Holly couldn’t help getting watery-eyed but she laughed it off. Barry and Ross had their arms folded, listening quietly, small smiles here and there at silly jokes.

When he felt too self-conscious, Dan steered the conversation away from himself and asked everyone about their own animation or alternative projects – in which Ross, Barry and Holly shared a bit more dialogue. Dan grinned, happy that he broke through their shyness.

Dan was extremely happy – more than he could say, although he did miss Brian’s presence immensely. But he was a little mystified – everyone was looking at him like they hadn’t seen him in years. The curiosity and attention they were showing him was brand new to him – he wasn’t quite sure how to respond to it.

And then there was something else – something left unsaid. Dan figured that it of course had to do with him being in the accident – nobody would wanna talk about that. But there seemed to be something deeper than that keeping everyone on their toes.

As Dan racked his brain for the possible cause – Arin called from the Grump living room – “Hey, all the consoles are ready! Dan, what do you wanna play?”

“Uh…” Dan hadn’t given it much thought, actually. But all his favorite games weren’t for large groups of people anyway. The crew migrated over to the TV while he decided. “I’d say just the normal party games, like Mario Party and MarioKart. And then extra people can do, like, Cards Against Humanity at a side table or something.”

“That’s a good idea,” Suzy chimed in, “and we have the Jackbox games too. This’ll be really fun!” Everyone nodded and murmured in agreement, taking places around the couch and TV, already creating teams.

Dan took a seat on the couch. “But before we get started…” Dan glanced over at Arin, “can we do a quick ‘welcome back’ vid? For the fans?”

Everyone looked up at Arin. He grinned. “Yeah, of course! And it doesn’t have to be super detailed or anything- we can tweet and stuff, or add another one later. But everyone will love it.”

Ross cut in, “We don’t need to worry about work right now. Let’s just drink and play fuckin' video games.”

“The Aussie would say that,” Dan commented, giggling. Some of the guys laughed. Ross wasn’t amused.

Arin waved him off, setting up a small camera on a tripod in front of the TV. “It’ll just be a quick one. I have an idea.”

~~~

Arin decided that the video should have some comedic value, so he shut off all the lights in the building and ran back to the entrance, carrying the camcorder. He held it obnoxiously close to his face, giving the audience a good shot of inside both his nostrils as he exhaled dramatically. “K guys, so…I’m at the Grump Space, cuz I forgot my damn thumb drive…” He stared at the screen in the darkness, Blair-Witch style. “And I fuckin' heard something in the other room. But nobody’s here right now…I’m scared…come with me, c’mere.” Arin’s voice was lowered to a whisper and he crept into the main room. The only clear sound was his heavy breathing. “Oh my God guys, I’m freaking the fuck out. What if it’s a robber? Or a fuckin' ghost? Fuckin' punk-ass ghost hauntin’ the office-“

Arin was interrupted by the sound of a red solo cup falling on the floor of the kitchen (courtesy of a silent Matt). He shone his phone flashlight on it as it rocked back and forth on the floor. “Holy-shit-oh-my-fuckin'-God-son-of-a-bitch, guys! Someone’s here- someone is- I’m gonna piss my pants…but we gotta be brave- we gotta keep going. I don’t have a weapon, guys…okay final stretch, gotta turn on the lights…Jesus…” Arin continued, his phone light aimed at the floor. He continued his act with some occasional thumps coming from the other side of the room. Arin shone the flashlight on the electric panel on the far wall. “Ok, ok, this is it. We’ll just see what happens. Ready…and…!” Arin flipped on all the lights.

There was a blur of color as Arin ran back to the couch and set the camera on the tripod. The camera focused on Dan in the middle of the couch with everyone around him. Everyone shouted “Welcome back, Dan!” Dan put on a fake surprised expression. “Holy Shit!” he exclaimed before he bent over in giggly laughter that he could no longer hold back.

Arin screamed dramatically, then cut the video mid-scream. He cleared his throat. “I think that works.” Dan couldn’t stop laughing.

~~~

Everyone got into party mode now: They divvied up food and teams to go against each other- someone wrote “Team Thundercunt” and “The Cockeaters” on a white board on the nearest wall, to tally points. Two main groups took turns alternating between console-gaming and Cards Against Humanity. They played Super Smash, Mario Party 3, Mariokart Double-Dash, among others. Colorful swears and nicknames were thrown. Beer and mixed drinks were poured, although Dan didn’t partake. He had to be careful, with his meds and everything. And he was already high on life, sitting next to Arin on the couch, laughing as he got severely chewed-out for throwing a blue shell before Arin crossed the finish line, landing him in 7th place. Dan was home.

Things got rowdy and loud as the day went on. Drunken banter was exchanged, drinks and snacks spilled. They played several rounds of each game as well as the entire Jackbox set. Dan teased everyone for being day drinkers, but time passed quickly. At around 8pm, some of the energy died down and people started to do their own thing. Arin, Suzy, Holly and Ross took turns playing a few rounds of Overwatch. Dan watched them, purely content. As the clock moved closer to 10pm, he closed his eyes and began to nod off.

“Looks like somebody is ready for bedtime!” Suzy exclaimed, shaking Dan awake. He blinked and looked around.

“Mmmh…sorry, I dozed off.”

“That’s okay,” said Suzy. “We should head out soon anyways. I offered to drive Barry home- you wanna grab some of your stuff from your house?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Dan agreed, getting up. Arin took the hint and shut off the TV. Suzy told Arin the plan and took Dan and an extremely tipsy Barry to the front door. Dan waved goodbye to whoever was paying attention, thanked everyone, and the trio left.

~~~

When Dan, Suzy, and Barry left, it was as if all the energy had been sucked out of the room through a vacuum. Matt, Ryan and Vernon got up and began cleaning up the food and mess they had made. Everyone was sullen. Ross and Holly didn’t move from the couch. Matt grabbed a trash bag and began filling it up. “Okay, well that was interesting at least,” he remarked.

Arin was kneeling in front of the TV, putting the games and consoles away. He looked over at the guys. “Thanks for coming, everyone. It means a lot us and to D-“

“Don’t say it.” Now Ross’ face was a stone cold wall of sudden, drunken anger. “Don’t even fucking say it.” Holly looked down uncomfortably, resting one of her hands on Ross’. Arin hid his eyeroll from them as he put the games back on the shelf. ~Here we go…~

Ross laughed humorlessly, his eyes shooting daggers at Arin. “I think what Matt meant to say was that this is the most disrespectful thing that you could have done, and you’re lucky that you have friends as good as us, because you owe every single person here an apology.”

Frustration began to bubble underneath Arin’s skin. Oh, he knew this was coming. Instead of yelling, he gave a heavy sigh as he began putting leftover food into the fridge. There was so much he wanted to say… “I can think of a lot worse things than having a good time with all our friends, but okay, whatever,” he spat out. He gave the rest of the guys a dour look. “Sorry guys, if this was weird for you. You can do whatever you want now. I don’t care.”

“I had fun.” Vernon stated awkwardly in the brief silence. He looked like he wanted to say more, but he stopped as Ross got up abruptly, fuming. “Don’t defend him!” Ross shouted accusingly. He stormed up to Arin, staggering, and even though he was smaller than him, he looked as though he might clock him. “This is fucking bullshit. You went and you picked him up without consulting anyone first! Have you told his family yet?!” Ross began to pace back and forth. Arin took a few steps back, and glanced over at everyone else. “You guys can go, I’ll clean the rest. Have a good night.”

Arin didn’t have to say it twice; the guys awkwardly said their byes and walked out of the Grump Space together. Holly just stood by the couch with her arms folded, monitoring them both. Arin put all the full trash bags by the door and walked back over to Ross. He wore a defeated expression on his face. “I’m not stupid, Ross. No, I didn’t fucking tell his parents. And he can’t remember them."

Ross laughed again. "Fan-fucking-tastic! He’s picture perfect. Brilliant, really worth the time.”

“He will be, if you give him a chance.” Arin folded his arms and leaned against the table. He was feeling more exhausted by the minute. He watched Ross closely, sighing again. He lowered his voice. “Ross, you’re right. I’m not denying you that. Getting Dan early was a stupid decision-“

“Don’t-“

“Shut up a second!” Arin held up a hand, silencing Ross. “Listen. I get what everyone is feeling. We have all been here, going through this the whole time. It sucks and I hate it too.” Arin glanced at Holly. “But then Katie called me, and said everything was ready, and I…I’ve been so fucking tired of waiting for things to get better.” Now Arin’s eyes were glimmering with moisture as he looked back at Ross. His voice shook with emotion. “Wouldn’t you rather do something to help- even the stupidest thing you can think of- to be able to get your best friend back?”

Ross shook his head slowly, “Arin-“

“Dan asked for this. He specifically requested that we wake him up, Ross.”

Ross stopped pacing, his anger quickly deflating. “Arin, half of his brain was swollen to his skull when he said that. He said anything he could to please us.” Holly walked over to his side. She looked at Arin sadly. She spoke gently. “Arin, it’s just too much. It’s too much for us, and Dan. We needed to wait. He…” she seemed to be choosing her words carefully, “needs the time to heal properly, and…and we do too. This is too early. It’s not fair to anyone.”

Ross nodded. “Arin, you're fooling yourself. This isn’t something that you just fix. I’m beyond pissed at you, but I’m still your friend. You can’t post that video, and you can’t continue with this. I can tell where this is going to take you, and it’s not good-”

Arin was grabbing his keys and jacket now- he’d had enough. From across the room, he shrugged nonchalantly. “K, now you’re just wrong. What do you want me to do- put Dan back to sleep? Is that the solution, Ross? It’s too late now. Either way, all we’ve got are meds and time. The same fucking things we started with.”

Ross and Holly were following after him now, throwing their own jackets on. “Arin, you can’t-“

“Meds and time,” Arin muttered, shutting off most of the light switches of the front room. He set the security alarm by the front door and glanced back at Ross and Holly. “I’m not posting the video, because I fucking know, Ross. I understand action and consequence.” Arin spat, opening the door, “But tomorrow afternoon, Dan and I will be back in here to record because that’s what Dan wants to do. I’m going to help him get his memories back, and whether you’re joining me or not is up to you. Thanks for coming to the party.” Before Ross could get another word out, Arin shut the door behind him, swiftly got into his car, and drove away from the office parking lot. Ross and Holly gave each other a look before they shut out all the lights and left the building.

~~~

That night, Dan was having trouble sleeping. He sat cross legged on the guest bed. He had headphones in, listening to ELP, among other favorite CDs on a little player he grabbed from his room at the apartment. He also had a big binder full of all his NSP projects that he was skimming through to pass time. He glanced at his phone - 3:33am. He wondered if it was too early. But he really wanted to hear from Brian. Pulling the headphones down around his neck, Dan selected Brian's number and held the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

Brian's serious tone was music to Dan's ears. His face lit up and he laughed. "Hey! Didja miss me?"

There was silence a moment. Then Brian uttered incredulously "Dan? Dan, is...is that you?"

Dan grinned, "Yeah, it's me. How are you? How's London, and Audrey and Rachel?"

Another strange silence. Dan heard an inhale, then an exhale. The smile begins to fade. "Brian, can you hear me?"

Brian coughed abruptly. "Yeah I can, sorry. I just... I'm sorry, I totally didn't expect you to call me at 7 in the morning! Jesus Dan, you're...awake..." Brian breathes faster now, as if he's walking around. "Never mind me, are you ok? What..what happened?"

Dan kept grinning as he rocked anxiously on the guest bed. "Well, Arin came to the hospital and got me late last night. He called everyone else and we all met up at the office and hung out for a bit earlier. I really missed you, Arin said you took a family vacation. When will you be back?"

Another silence. Stupid phone connection. "Hello, can you hear me?"

"Sorry, you said Arin got you from the hospital last night?" Brian sounded dubious.

"Yeah he did, then he called the guys. They were super pissed that he didn't take them with him to get me."

"Hmm...So, how are you, Dan?" Brian's tone lowered.

Dan shrugged, "I'm fine, mostly. I'm having some short term memory issues I think but the doctor said I'd be fine in a few days. I just can't believe it's been four months...I'm really sorry. I probably fucked up our schedule big time."

Brian's pacing slowed and stopped. "It's fine, don't even worry about it. We, uh...we..." Brian coughed again.

Dan grinned. "I missed you too. But it's all good. Gimme a week maybe, and I can start sending you song ideas. We gotta get NSP going again. When did you say you'd be back from London?"

Brian cleared his throat. "I didn't, actually. And I'm not sure. I think we plan on staying at least a couple weeks. I'll keep you updated."

"Sounds good. I'll just send you emails and texts if I put something together then. It's so good to talk to you..." Dan stared at the ceiling as he laid back on the bed. "Everything feels surreal right now....it's weird..."

"Yeah, It most certainly does...hmm..." Another pause. "Dan?"

"Yeah?"

Brian's tone became urgent. "When we were in the hospital a few months ago, before you were under...you...said something to me. Do you remember what you said?"

Dan raised an eyebrow. "No, sorry. I only remember stuff from a month or two before, the accident really fucked with me...The doctor said that's normal though, So no problems yet." Not exactly true, but Brian didn't need to worry. "What did I say?"

This time, Dan knew the silence wasn't the phone. "Brian?"

"...You called me an asshole, asshole."

Dan had to laugh. "That sounds like me."

"Yeah, tell Arin he's one too for not calling me yesterday and that he needs to do that when important things happen."

"I'll pass the message along." Dan hears a scream and a child wailing in the background. "Uh oh. Sounds like someone needs you."

"Yeah, I'd better go. I'm glad...that you're ok, Dan. I really am. I'm sorry I'm not there."

"It's fine, I'll be here when you get back."

"Ok. ...Be safe, Dan."

Dan smiled. "You too, have fun in London. Later."

"Bye Dan."

As Dan hung up, he continued to stare at the ceiling, following the moving blades of the fan. The smile began to fade. The conversation didn't go quite as he thought it should. But he knows Brian. He thinks he knows what the silence meant.

~~~

Arin got and ran to the guest bathroom for an emergency, middle of the night pit stop. When he washed his hands and opened the door, he noticed Dan's light was on. He groggily walked down the hall and knocked on Dan's door. "Hey, what're you doin' up so late?" He opened the door.

Dan broke from his trance and looked over at Arin."Oh, I just called Brian."

"Really? How'd that go?"

"It was good." Dan sits up in the bed. "But I have a question."

"Ok, shoot."

"Did I..." Dan looked at Arin intently. Now his expression was serious. Concerned. "Arin, did I...almost die? Like, really?"

Arins eyes widened a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, then blew out a sigh. He folded his arms and remained in the doorway, staring at his feet. This night wasn't gonna give him a break.

~~~

From the hallway, Rachel held Audrey and rocked her gently, but she wouldn't stop crying. Rachel shushed her. "Did you hurt your foot putting on your pants? It's ok, Daddy can kiss it better...Daddy, where are you?"

Rachel walked into the kitchen. Brian was sitting at the table, his face in his hands. Rachel frowned. "Honey?"

Brian's shoulders shook, water dripping in between his closed fingers.


	6. Numbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short bit for you guys.   
> Happy New Years Eve, everyone!

~The LA Hospital ER doors burst open a little before 10pm, as two teams of doctors rush in with two new patients on stretchers. The first patient is a tall man with gray hair in his early forties. There’s some bruising around his left eye. He is conscious but he groans in pain, clutching his bandaged, right forearm, snapped bone sticking out at the wrong angle. His chest is bare and covered in bruises and fiercely red horizontal lines.

He’s trying to look back at his friend on the stretcher behind him, calling his name urgently. It’s no use; the second man is unconscious. He’s hooked up to several IVs and machines. Half of the man’s mostly-naked body is wet, red and raw in places, top layer of skin torn by road rash, black grit still caught in between muscle. His face is hardly recognizable, black bruises and blood, the right side of his skull and face greatly swollen underneath his curly hair.

There’s a little over a handful of people waiting for them at reception, everyone is anxiety ridden. The teams go down a hall and at a fork, move opposite directions. A woman follows the older man down a left hall, while the group quickly follows behind the second man’s team of doctors. The doctors try to push them back. A bearded man with long, brown hair shouts angrily that they’re family and they all trudge forward anyway. The doctors ignore them, set on their task, and lead the team down the right hall, into a large operating room on the left. There’s a long window, and the group watches, holding their breath, hugging each other, tears streaming down many of their faces.

The doctors on the other side of the glass get to work. Half of them are rinsing his wounds with antiseptic, removing dirt and sewing his skin back together. One doctor shaves the hair from the swollen side of his head before taking a small knife to his scalp, carefully peeling back the skin. Then she takes a small hand saw and cuts into the skull ever-so-carefully, removing an inch of bone and setting it aside. The group outside watches in horror as blood and fluid gushes out but the doctor is not fazed; she places towels around the young man’s head. She removes another small square and from here, she inserts a tube, the fluid draining into a container nearby.

The group keeps watching, fascinated and terrified, hands covering their mouths. The work of the doctors is so swift, careful and calculated. Every waiting second is torture.

Everything is calculated, but something goes wrong. There’s unseen swelling in the lower back of the head, maybe a touch too close to the brain stem. The long beep of the heart rate monitor rings loudly throughout the room as the patient flat-lines.

Time slows down further, and there’s chaos and shouting within and outside the room. The group outside calls his name, calling for him to come back. A couple of them shut their eyes and desperately pray to a God that they don’t believe in.

The doctors inside grab the defibrillator and administer one shock. And another. And another. And another. Two of the assistants have their eyes on the clock, watching the seconds. A minute goes by. And another. Their lips are getting ready to call it. The man with the long brown hair glares at them. ~Don’t you dare. Don’t you even dare.~

At the beginning of the fourth minute, the heart rate machine begins to beep in rhythm again. The patient’s chest rises and falls. The group outside exhales, still holding each other, nerves shot. The team inside gets back to work using the rest of the time to drain that hidden remainder of fluid, finishing up the last stitches, bandaging, fixing as much damage as they can.~

~~~

~A day later, the patient sits up in his hospital bed. He stares out the window of his room, thankful that he has a view at all. One side of his body and his head is heavily bandaged. He’s lost track of time even with a clock, but he is always smiling, because the people he cares about are always in the room with him. The groups alternate between a couple people to all of his friends, but someone is always there. The man with the gray hair joins them sometimes, his wife and young daughter with him. The daughter is a joy to watch; she sings songs and dances for the patient. The gray-haired man's arm is in a sling but he dares not complain.

People are crowded outside in the parking lot and although some of them are loud, most of them are respectful, holding up signs to the window that read “WE LOVE YOU DAN!”, “GET BETTER SOON!” or “GOD BLESS YOU DAN”. They stay as long as they can, until security guards usher them away.

The patient’s parents are always with him. They were exhausted, having taken 3 flights to get there, never sleeping. Sometimes they are talking to his main doctor, a young woman with blonde hair and glasses. Dan can’t hear everything they say, but he knows that they’re going over options. Too many are listed for a normal person.

On one of the days, the woman sits down across from the patient with his parents. She addresses him as well, but he has a hard time registering what she says. He gets the gist of it; the swelling keeps coming back but they’re doing everything they can for it. He nods silently. His parents cry.

He smiles the widest when all of his friends come to visit at the same time. They show him presents that the fans made for him. He laughs and keeps them in the room with him, all around his bed.

He smiles, but it’s exhausting, because he knows about the one topic that no one will discuss. He can feel the pressure growing in the back of his skull.

When his parents are preoccupied with the doctor, he grabs a nearby pen and paper and begins to write. He writes a few copies of the same thing and signs them.

The patient gets his parent’s attention. He holds his mother’s hand and gives her the piece of paper. At first she is confused. Then she covers her mouth and looks away, shaking her head as she begins to bawl. She hands the paper to his father. His expression is a hard line that doesn’t falter. He stares at the patient for a moment. He insists that he will hold onto the paper, and pockets it. He says he will get a lawyer.

Later, the patient shows two more copies to the man with the long brown hair, and the man with the gray hair. Both of them immediately shake their heads stubbornly and try to reason with him. No, no way, they say. But the patient knows how tired everyone is. He knows how much they’re suffering, how hard it's going to be for them to smile. So he insists. They say they will hold onto the forms but nothing else.

On the fourth day, the patient knows that something is wrong. It’s hard for him to think clearly. He’s trying to stay positive but he's having mood swings. The migraine won’t leave, no matter how many pills he takes. It’s harder for him to speak now.

It’s sometime in the late evening - his parents have slipped out of the room, but the gray-haired man is with him. They’re listening to recordings of some of the covers that they’ve done through his tablet. The patient asks the man to come closer – he needs to tell him something important.

The patient whispers something into the man’s ear, and one of the pieces of paper into his hand. This time, his eyes are filled with tears. His vision begins to double, so he closes his eyes to rest.

The man asks him what he means. He doesn’t respond, having fallen asleep. The man shakes him. Then he shakes him and shouts his name. His parents and the nurses run inside.

The man grabs the patient's hand and sobs. 

Now he understands.


	7. Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, just a bridging segment here but it's leading somewhere.
> 
> This might be obvious but I'll be referring to Game Grumps videos in this fic completely out of their actual order (and plus in this fic, GG Live is on hiatus). 
> 
> I apologize if my pacing gets weird. I know where I want this fic to go but I'm still learning so sorry if things go too fast or too slow.
> 
> I've read all your comments, thank you so much for following my story! I hope you have fun with it. :)

"Actually..." Arin waited a moment, trying to think of the best way to word it. He looked at Dan intently. "There...wasn't an almost."

Arin recalled the hospital story to Dan from his perspective. When he was finished, Dan was bent forward, staring at the ground. "Holy Fuck."

 

"Yeah." Arin walked into the room and sat next to Dan on the bed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I didn't want to overwhelm you right away." Arin got out his phone, opening Youtube. "Shortly after you went into the coma, we were constantly posting announcements." Arin pulled up a video for them to both watch. "This is the earliest one."

~~~

In the video, Arin is sitting in the waiting room with Suzy, while Brian and his family sat a few seats away. All of their faces are puffy and tear stained. "Hey fans and lovelies, it's Arin. Sorry we haven't done an update in a while, um..." He looks away for a moment before he continues. "Ross and Barry are on their way right now, and we wanted Dan in the video with us, but his parents have requested privacy at this time. But we are right outside his door, basically. Yeah, anyways...Dan's health..." Arin exhales deeply, his voice becoming shaky. He can’t stop the tears from flowing down his face now and nor can Suzy, who quietly holds his hand. Arin continues, "Dan...fell into a coma a few hours ago. The doctors told us it was due to an acute subdural hematoma, which is bleeding in his brain basically. He immediately went into emergency surgery and they drained the extra fluid from his head, pretty much like they did a few days ago. The good news is that he's stable now as far as the swelling and also his heart and breathing and everything, um...he's on meds now to keep the swelling down..." Arin was fighting to keep it together but now he can’t hold back; his voice cracks as he begins to cry. "Sorry guys...um...they just don't know what else is wrong. They don't know why Dan won't wake up. They told us to give it time and that things are looking better, but we really don't know. We don't have a time frame of when he'll get better. We're waiting just like you guys."

Now Brian joins them in the video, tearing up as well. He could sense that Arin didn't have much energy left in him, so he takes over. "Hey, Ninja Brian here...lovelies, thank you so much for your support of Ninja Sex Party and of Game Grumps." Brian's voice begins to waver. "You guys are so amazing. We love you, and Dan loves you more than we can say, and we're just so grateful to have fans like you guys. We save all the mail you guys have been sending us, and we have a pile saved for Dan to open once he gets better, so keep em coming. For once, how about we fill the comments section with only positive comments? Dan'll love to see that once he's awake, and he really needs it right now. We all need it right now. Thanks again, so much, love you guys." Brian gestures his hand as he blows a silent kiss.

Arin takes the phone camera back for a moment. He seems a little better collected now. "As far as the channel goes, we are just going to be posting one pre-recorded video a day for a while while we include health updates for Dan as soon as we get them. So if you see a video with Dan in it, it's pre-recorded. When Dan gets better, we will tell you guys of course and we won't be posting a lot of new stuff without an announcement first. I hope you guys still enjoy the videos anyway that have Dan in them, and I hope we can still help you laugh or smile during this difficult time. We will update again soon, all over all our social platforms. Love you guys, stay safe."

The video ends with a brief wave and small smile from the three, then it cuts to black.

~~~

When the video ended, Dan scrolled through the comments. His eyes were watering; every single comment was a fan recalling a happy memory, or a small prayer for him to get better. He looked up at Arin and smiled. "Arin..." He couldn't help but put his arms around Arin, who returned the hug groggily. Then Dan pulled away and Arin stood up. "Now you kinda see why everyone was weird at the party. Because..."

"Because you all mourned me," Dan whispered.

"Yeah. For a long time. And then Dr. Jackson had an idea a few weeks ago, and there was no guarantee it would work...but here you are now." Arin gave a small smile. "And we're all glad you're back. There's just this slight, emotional disconnect for a bit, ya know? Grieving is weird." Arin glanced at the clock - a little after four in the morning. "I don't think I'll be going back to bed. Are you?"

Dan shook his head. "Nah, I don't think so. Maybe I'll play with song lyric ideas."

"Ok, well, I'll be downstairs. I'll make us some coffee." Arin left the room, leaving Dan alone. He sits and stares at the wall for a long time, tracing the white lines on his arm.

+++

Dan wanted to start recording videos again, so later that day (and a few times a week in smaller segments than usual), Dan and Arin began recording new videos. Dan wanted to take the wheel and try playing again, and he wanted to play games he was more familiar with. After giving a general health announcement again at the beginning of the video, Dan and Arin started with Solomon's Key. Arin was impressed by Dan's quick thinking and reflexes and was happy to see his friend enjoying himself in the little puzzle game.

Then the two moved on to playing Nintendo Tennis. Dan spent a few rounds relearning the controls, then let Arin join his team against two AI. Dan learned very quickly that Arin "Twinkletoes" Hanson was more about flirting and dancing and less about knowing just how to play tennis. Dan facepalmed as his friend constantly missed the ball. "Oh...we're so screwed..." he said, no hope in his voice. His head was a little sore, which didn't help his mood. He starts to get snappy with Arin, telling him where to go and how to properly use his racket. Of course, Arin was unfazed by Dan's anger- he welcomed it as he teased him, making it his goal to have Dan laugh at his own stupidity. And Dan can't stay truly upset for too long when he has too much fun with his best friend.

Despite a tug-of-war between team roles, figuring out game controls and constant silliness, the duo defeated the computer team. When the recording was over, Arin jumped up, fist-pumping the air in victory. "Dude! That was kickass!"

Dan was a little fatigued and giggly at this point. "Heheh, yeah, that game has always been one of my favorites. That was really fun."

Arin's stomach growled audibly. "Uh, you wanna go get lunch somewhere?"

"Yeah, I'm starving."

The guys got up to leave. As they were heading out, Ross appeared in front of them, on the way in. He was carrying his laptop bag and was engrossed in one of his many animation books. As he passed by, Dan turned and waved at him, smiling. "Hey Ross!"

Ross ignored him and silently walked into the office. Dan raised an eyebrow at Arin, who shrugged. "Must've had headphones in."

"Yeah." ~Maybe.~ Dan donned his beanie and sunglasses as they stepped out into the L.A. sun.


	8. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working diligently towards the next section- thank you for reading! I hand write a lot of my sections and then type them up. I dunno how I felt about writing this one- I hope it's alright. Lemme know whatcha think so far the comments.
> 
> Thank you all!

Dan no longer had the same sense of time as everyone else did. Every time he opened his eyes to a new day, he was a bit confused. He felt like he had only been asleep for a moment, and had trouble recalling his dreams. He wondered if his sleep cycles were permanently messed up or not.

Although he didn't have any particular qualms about which day of the week it was, on Tuesday he awoke with some mild congestion and a swollen throat.

After arguing with Arin to convince him that he was actually just fine, the guys went into the office that afternoon to record the Intellivision games. They were the only ones in the office that day. Both of their spirits raised exponentially throughout the day as they slowly figured out the ridiculous numpad controls for each game. They fought each other in a series of cute, pixelated one-v-one games.

Occasionally, Dan felt his mood shifting erradically. Sometimes when his character was shot down by Arin, he felt flashes of hot anger, or the lowest sadness. The feelings threw him off more than the controls were, but he tried to ignore them as he played the games. They only lasted a second anyway, and he didn't want to spoil the fun that he and Arin were having. For the second half of the recordings, the strange mood swings seemed to have disappeared. Arin and Dan laughed their asses off, genuinely enjoying each other's company for the rest of the session.

~~~

Wednesday passed without an incident, although Dan didn't feel his cold getting any better. But it was Thursday when he realized the announcement video hadn't been posted. He was in the office, on the couch with Arin, getting ready to record new videos. Ross and Barry were at their own desks, editing a couple of their recent Steam Train videos. Dan didn't always check the channel but he did often enough; even he enjoyed rewatching their own videos. He pulled up the Youtube page on his laptop. His brow furrowed in worry as he realized that it wasn't listed with their new videos in the lineup. He tapped Arin on the shoulder. "Houston, we have a problem."

Arin looked up from adjusting the mics. "What's up?"

Dan showed Arin the computer screen. "My 'Welcome Back' video isn't showing up in the uploads."

"What the...?" Dan watched as Arin stared blankly at the screen. "Shit, that's not good." Arin glanced up at Ross. "Hey Ross, did you edit and post Dan's announcement video?"

Ross pulled off one of his headphones. "Whad'ja say?"

"I said Dan's video announcement isn't posted- did it get edited?"

Ross raised his eyebrow. "Everything should be there...I dunno what to tell you." He put his headphones back on and resumed his work before Arin could reply.

"Well, it's not," Arin muttered in annoyance. He turned to Dan again. "I'm really sorry dude- I dunno what happened. I'll put it up today, with some Twitter announcements too."

Dan just nodded quietly. "Okay...It's just kinda really important..."

"I know, sorry. I promise I'll do it tonight."

~~~

Once the videos for the day were done and the guys were on their way out, Ross took off his headphones again and stood up. "Hey, Dan."

Dan looked back with clear surprise on his face. This was the first time Ross had looked at him in a couple of days. "Uh, yeah?"

"Arin told me you have a doctor's appointment on Saturday- can I come with?" Ross gave a silly smile. "You know, for moral support or whatever." Barry glanced at Ross for a moment from his desk but didn't intervene.

Dan shrugged but a smile formed on his lips. "Uh, yeah, sure, I don't care. I just thought you were mad at me or something."

Ross smirked. "Pffft, nah. Who gave you that idea?" He gave Arin a look.

Dan laughed lightheartedly and turned away. "Whatever, asshole. See ya later."

"Right back atcha." Ross gave a little wave and went back to working.

Dan left the building feeling a little better about himself.

~~~

After the recording session, Arin played games with Suzy for KittyKatGaming at their house while Dan hung out in the guest room. He was on the bed with his laptop out, trying to come up with new NSP song ideas. It was difficult for him to concentrate; he was congested, the front of his head ached horribly and his thoughts were fuzzy. He really wished that Brian was available to bounce ideas off of- he'd called him earlier but no one answered, so he left a voicemail. He didn't feel much like eating dinner with a nonexistent appetite, so Dan just sighed and put his headphones on, zoning out to Rush.

When Dan opened his eyes again, several hours had passed. He wasn't sure how long it had been before he'd fallen asleep. The clock read 8:57pm. ~Fuck, forgot my other meds,~ he thought, getting up and pulling the headphones off. He sleepily walked to the bathroom and glanced in the mirror- he was aware that his reflection was a little blurry. He sighed and picked up each bottle one by one, squinting at the labels. PAIN RELIEF. IMMUNE SYSTEM SUPPORT. BONE DENSITY. COGNITION. He huffed. ~Cognition- what does that even mean? Just memory? I feel like a train hit me...oh well. Bottom's up.~ He threw the pills back into his mouth and gulped down water, cringing at the bitterness.

Then Dan remembered again. Arin promised. He walked back to his room and pulled out his laptop.

He pulled up the channel. Nothing new.

He pulled up Twitter.

Nothing.

Dan slammed his laptop shut a moment, exhaling out his nostrils as the irritation set in. "Arin..." he muttered. He sat there for a moment, thinking deeply. Then he sat cross legged on the bed and got to work, pulling the laptop back up in front of him. ~Fine. If he won't do it, I will.~

~~~

The next morning, Arin got up to get breakfast with Dan. It was just them today- Suzy had already gone out to run some errands. When he passed the guest room and noticed that it was empty, he quickly headed downstairs. "Dan? You down here?"

A low voice replied, "Yeah, I am." Arin followed it into the living room. He gasped at what he saw.

Dan was sitting on the couch, his laptop open on the coffee table in front of him. He had his hands in his lap and was staring straight ahead into space; Arin found it really disconcerting. Arin walked up to him slowly, and everything got worse. Dan's eyes and the bags underneath them were dark and exhausted. Arin blew out a sigh. "Jesus Dan, you look exactly like a zombie. Did you sleep last night?"

Dan burst into laughter, further startling Arin. Then it quieted down into giggles. "Oh, Arin..." Dan put his face in his hand. "Sorry, I'm kinda giggly today..." Once the giggles died down, Dan exhaled. "No, I didn't sleep so much last night. I'm also really sick. Oh, and I'm super fucking hurt that my best friend is lying to me."

Dan shot Arin a look, and if it were a gun, Arin would be painted on the opposite wall. Dan was absolutely seething in silent anger. He fiddled with his hands in his lap irritably as he watched Arin's reaction, his mouth a hard line.

The alarm bells were ringing and Arin knew he had to tread carefully. He sat in a loveseat opposite Dan. He thought for a minute, then spoke in a serious tone. "Dan, why would you think that?"

"You know already. You tell me." Dan waited for Arin to respond.

Arin looked away. "I didn't post the announcement video," he admitted, guilt forming in the pit of his stomach. "I'm sorry."

Dan chuckled. "You're sorry." He raised his voice. "Okay, I just want to clarify that with you." Dan stared at Arin and watched him shift uncomfortably in the loveseat. He continued. "You're sorry for lying to me at least twice now-"

Arin cut in, "Twice? When did-"

"When you told me you wouldn't have a problem telling fans that I'm fine!" Dan angrily shouted. "And then for the Goddamn video! And you didn't say anything on any other website either! Jesus, Arin, I don't get it. You're disregarding my feelings, as well as the millions of subscribers that care about us! Why?!"

Arin gulped, trying to figure out how to navigate the conversation. "I...Dan, I really am sorry. I care about your feelings, but you're not okay-"

Dan threw his hands into the air in frustration. "So tell everyone that I'm not okay! I don't care how you say it - but you even said yourself that it'd be shitty leaving everyone in the dark!" Dan got up and began to pace around the room, breathing heavily. Then he faced Arin again. "Ugh, you're not a good liar, Arin. You're trying to stop people from knowing I'm okay, and I think I know why."

Arin stood up, gesturing Dan to stop. "Now wait just a second, Dan. Believe me, I want to tell the fans that you're fine, but-"

Dan stormed up to Arin, his hands shaking at his sides. Arin's eyes widened; he had never seen Dan this mad before. "Stop it," Dan spat. "You don't want to tell them anything. You made it totally clear when you didn't post the video, and when you blocked my ISP address and changed all my fucking account logins." Arin opened his mouth but Dan continued. "I couldn't log into Youtube at all. I spent two hours last night arguing with the Reddit mods because I couldn't access my accounts! And when I made a new one, I couldn't post anything! They wouldn't verify me- I showed them a fucking picture of myself, and all they said was some spiel about some legal bullshit, and to talk to you! And I did this while trying to upload my own, crappy, two minute phone video by-the-way-"

Dan was stepping closer to Arin. Arin stepped back defensively with his hands up. He could practically feel the steam coming off Dan. Arin spoke quietly. "Dan, we didn't want anyone to misuse your logins while you were gone- it was a normal safety precaution! Let's...let's just sit back down and talk this out. Come on, man."

"I'm not sitting down until I get a straight answer from you." Dan folded his arms and stepped back, waiting for Arin to answer. Arin couldn't think of the right thing to say. After a couple of awkward minutes, Dan sighed, looking at the floor. He laughed cynically. "You know, I kinda understand. I saw the view counts on your solo videos. Some of them had even tripled. And I can't imagine what the medical bills cost-"

Dan gasped in surprise as he suddently flew backwards. When he had steadied himself, Arin had his arms up, ready to shove him again.

"Hit me," Arin taunted, walking up to him. His eyes began to water. "Hit me, Dan. You know you want to."

Dan rolled his eyes. "I don't wanna punch you, Arin, this is stupid-"

Dan flew back again as a harder blow hit him square in the chest. He grabbed the doorframe of the adjoining hallway to stop himself from falling. "Arin, cut it out!"

Now Arin was the angry one. He glared at Dan. "I know that I'm a dumb guy and I make bad decisions-"

"Arin-"

"But I'd rather feel you beat the shit out of me than hear you insinuate that I would ever, EVER use you for financial gain. EVER." A tear fell down Arin's face and he quickly wiped it away. He stressed every next syllable. "I'm taking care of you, Dan. I just want you to fucking be okay."

Dan just stood there and stared blankly back at him. Arin sighed and looked down, feeling calmer now. He weighed options in his head. Then he decided on what to say. "So...once you fell into the coma, legal contracts with Youtube got weird because-"

Arin didn't finish the thought- he was interrupted by a loud thud on the hardwood floor. When he glanced up, Dan was on the ground, eyes flickering rapidly, arms and legs flailing. "DAN!" Arin realized what was happening. He quickly knelt down and carefully turned Dan onto his side as he convulsed, spit flying from his mouth. Arin pulled out his phone immediately and hit speed dial. He didn't spare a moment when the line picked up. "It's me- Dan's having a seizure," Arin waited a moment and watched the seconds pass on his phone. After some time, Dan's body relaxed and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Arin put the phone back to his ear. "About 35 seconds. He's breathing. I'll be there in 20 or so." Arin pocketed his phone.

Arin ran outside to open the passenger door of his car, then he went back inside and lifted Dan into his arms. He ran back out as fast as he could and deposited Dan into the backseat, lying down. Then he jumped into the driver's seat and sped off, his emergency lights blinking as he drove away.


	9. Losing Innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I was up ‘til 3ish last night planning out this story. :) Thank you for following me and leaving me comments, I love reading them.
> 
> **Spoiler tag: There’s a major scene at the end of this layer that is directly pulled from The Last Unicorn movie, so if you haven’t seen that yet and don’t want spoilers, I’ll mark it with stars. I thought it would add some nice flavor though and it’s a large part of the chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: The Last Unicorn film is by Rankin/Bass Productions for ITC Entertainment and animated by Topcraft. The novel is written by Peter S. Beagle. The dialogue I’ve included is pulled directly from the movie, which is on Netflix and I recommend it if you haven’t watched it yet.
> 
> Thanks again!

"I don't know what you did to him, but he really doesn't look great," Dr. Jackson rather bluntly commented, her arms folded. She, Arin (and now Ross) were standing in the main clinical lab in the basement of the hospital. Dan had reawoken shortly after arriving, disoriented but otherwise figuring out the situation, although he was physically exhausted. Ross had arrived about 30 minutes later while Arin watched Katie perform routine tests (pupil dilation, blood pressure, etc) on Dan while asking him basic questions.

Now Arin stood next to Katie as they watched a large, cylindrical white machine whir in a circle around Dan's head as he lied down on his back on a table within it. He was fighting to stay awake but having some difficulty, despite the incredibly loud buzzing of the machine. Meanwhile, Ross was walking around the room while taking a look at various equipment and posters.

Arin sighed, troubled by Katie's comment. "I'm not gonna lie, it's been a difficult few days. I feel like he's kinda unpredictable." He looked over at her. "Do you know why he's so sick?"

Katie shrugged. "There are a number of reasons. His immune system may feel a bit compromised. If I'm being completely honest with you, everything beyond this point is experimental territory. But we're definitely going to change his medication."

Arin nodded quietly. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, but it could've been worse. He gestured a hand at the machine. "So, is he going to be okay? Do we need all this?"

Katie looked at Arin intently. "Well, that depends. Do you want Dan to have a life away from all the extra trouble? Or do you want him to have a genuine one?" Katie gave Arin a small smile.

A knot formed in the pit of Arin's stomach. The machine shut off abruptly and Katie walked over to help Dan get out of it. "I'll see how the scans turn out today and call you tomorrow."

Katie wanted to use the extra time to check Dan's memory. She claimed that it required complete focus from him, so she requested that the boys wait outside. They sat on a bench next to the main double doors. Ross sat back while Arin was leaned forward, playing with his hands. "I'm glad we're out of there," Ross commented. "I was starting to get the creeps."

Arin raised an eyebrow. "Don't like hospitals?"

"No, not really. I don't like them in video games either. Is Suzy here?"

"Yeah, she's still upstairs." The guys sat in silence for a few minutes, then Arin added, "Thanks for coming, Ross."

Ross looked over at him. "Of course, mate. I know this is important to you."

Arin let out a heavy sigh. "I...you were right, Ross. This is a nightmare. and I just keep pouring gas on the flames." Arin put his face in his hands.

Ross patted his back. "It'll be a nightmare, no matter what. And if it makes you feel any better, I didn't come to tell you off this time. But you know why I'm here, right?"

Arin nodded quietly. "Yeah. I know."

"Now's as good a time as any. Let's go for a little stroll." The men got up and walked down the hall to the elevator.

~~~

Dan was seated in a comfortable office chair in a small, darker room in the back of the lab. There was a large computer monitor projected onto the opposite wall. Electrodes were connected to his head again and led to a different machine. He was playing a series of simple matching and memory/typing games on the screen while Katie sat at a desk next to him, typing the machine test results into her own computer. Every once in a while, Dan would give a little snicker. Katie looked up at him and smiled. "You find this amusing?"

"Oh yeah," Dan replied sarcastically, giggling. "I feel like a kid in an arcade again. This thing's advanced- does it have Pac Man?"

Katie gave a hearty laugh, turning around in her chair. "It can, but that's not part of the test. I'm sorry Dan, I didn't mean to baby you. This is just to check normal brain functions. Then you can go home and finally get some rest." Dan nodded, focusing on the screen. Katie could sense some of his tension. "Arin told me you haven't been feeling well this entire week," she stated, watching him carefully.

Dan looked over at her. His expression had saddened. "Yeah. Everything seems harder than it should be. And...Arin hasn't been honest with me about some work issues. Did he tell you what we do for a living?"

"I don't know all the details. Something about playing video games?" Katie chuckled.

Dan couldn't help but smile. "Yeah- we record them and do commentary over them for an audience. Sometimes we do live shows. And then there's my band..." His voice trailed off.

"...Ninja Sex Party?"

Dan stared at her. "You know us?"

Katie gave a knowing grin, her cheeks turning pink. "I may or may not be a fan, actually," she admitted, giggling.

Dan grinned wide. "No way! Oh, wow. Remind me to get you autographed stuff once Brian gets back!" Dan burst into laughter. He stopped paying attention to the computer screen.

Katie shook her head. "Oh, nonono! Don't worry about it. My only reward is your health and continued happiness." She paused for a moment to scoot forward in the chair. She began to slowly remove the electrodes from Dan's head.

Dan reached up to his scalp. "Oh, I can help you with those-"

Katie gently took Dan's hand in hers and guided it back down to his lap. "It's okay, I got it for you." She gave him a reassuring smile, continuing to remove the sticky pads.

"Okay..." Dan gulped. He became extremely aware of Katie's breath on his neck, her hands in his hair. His heart rate picked up as his face began to turn red. ~Don't be stupid, Dan,~ he scolded himself internally, taking deep breaths.

Katie moved around Dan and removed the electrodes from his head until she was directly in front of him. She focused on her task. "So...Arin said you were forgetful at the beginning of the week..."

"Yeah, I was..." Dan replied. It was all he could think to say in the moment.

"He said you were flirting with his wife," Katie said, chuckling.

Now Dan's face was beet red with embarrassment. "Oh my God, I did?! He didn't fucking tell me that!"

"Haha, yeah! He said that Suzy put on this look...and you practically melted at her feet." Katie continued to laugh, smiling devilishly. She removed the last of the electrodes. Now her mouth was inches away from Dan's face. She looked into his eyes- hers were now glazed over, sultry even. "I wonder," she murmured seductively, "what you would do if I gave you that look?" She guided Dan's hand slowly up her inner thigh.

Dan's brain stopped as blood immediately rushed somewhere else. "D-doctor..." he stammered, fixated on her. But before she could respond, he pulled his hand back and pushed the chair away. He stood up, his heart racing a mile a minute. He just stared at her, trying to catch his breath. "I'm sorry, you're attractive- Hell, you're really fucking beautiful. But I don't want you to lose your job...and I'm not at my best..." His voice trailed off.

Katie stared back a moment in mild surprise. Then she looked down. "I'm sorry too- that wasn't okay. That was totally uncalled for and unfair, actually. Not professional at all. I'm sorry." She sighed and stood up, opening the room door for Dan. "I'll get your new medication and instructions ready," she said firmly, walking past him to a sink in the main lab, ignoring his gaze.

Dan walked over to her slowly, shakily. He suddenly felt incredibly bad. "Dr. Jackson..." he murmured. "Not now, but maybe...One day..."

Katie gave a small smile, getting some pill bottles out and filling a glass with water. "Oh Dan, I don't need any pity. Don't worry about it." She turned to him and showed him the bottles. "Take these now, then go home and get as much rest as possible today. I'll have your scan results by tomorrow morning. I'll see you again next week but if you have a problem, come back immediately." Katie handed Dan a paper bag of his medications with instructions and escorted him to the double doors, holding one open. "Take care, Dan."

"Thank you, Doctor..." Dan replied quietly on his way out.

When Dan left the lab, he wasn't greeted by the guys. Instead it was Suzy waiting on the bench outside. She looked like she had been crying recently, her makeup smeared down her face. When she saw Dan, she stood up and embraced him. "Dan...are you okay?"

Dan gave her a smile, although he was genuinely surprised. "Yeah, I'm alright, but are you okay too? What happened?"

Suzy gave an embarrassed laugh, gently wiping her eyes. "Oh, it's nothing- I'll tell you about it on the way to the car. Arin and Ross had to go back to the office to talk about something." The two stepped into the elevator and headed upstairs.

Dan wondered if the "discussion" had anything to do with his argument with Arin this morning. But he didn't feel much like reentering that territory today. As they were walking, he noticed Suzy carrying a few books in her purse. "Reading some cool novels lately?" he asked.

"Oh..." Suzy glanced at her bag. "Yeah, so...um, a few months ago...this whole situation got me thinking about doing more charity work," she explained as they crossed the hospital lobby. "So now, at least once a week but usually a few times...I get toys for the kids upstairs in the cancer ward." They exited the building and walked into the parking lot.

Dan grinned. "Wow, Suzy, that's awesome. I bet they love that."

"Yeah...I also read books to some of the kids. But..." Suzy bit her lip. They stopped at her car for a moment. She looked at the ground. "I found out today that...one of the girls probably doesn't have very long to live," she whispered. New tears fell down her face. "And I had been reading to her for a long time."

The smile was wiped clean from Dan's face. He stared at Suzy with pure concern. "Suzy...God, I'm so sorry..."

Suzy gave him a sad smile. "It's okay, Dan. That's just life, I guess..." She suddenly looked very tired. She opened her door. "Let's blow this popscicle stand." Dan nodded and they both got into her car and drove away.

When the two got back to the house, Suzy went up to her bedroom. Dan walked into his guest room and immediately passed out on the bed.

~~~

When Dan opened his eyes again, it was already dark outside. He stared at the ceiling for a moment and took deep breaths. He touched his throat- it already felt much better. And the sleep seemed different somehow too- he finally felt like he had been deep sleeping for many hours. He stood up and walked to the bathroom to take his new pills. The shadows beneath his eyes in his reflection were still present, but they had faded. Most of the lights were off in the house. Dan some some warm, flickering light coming from downstairs, so he headed down.

In a sitting room on the other side of the entrance foyer, Suzy was sitting quietly and writing in a journal, petting a sleepy Mimi beside her. The room was dimly lit by their modern fireplace and a lamp beside Suzy on a table. There was a large flatscreen TV mounted on the opposite wall and another couch facing it. Dan walked in to greet her. "Hey, Suz."

She looked up. "Hey, Dan. Feeling better?"

Dan sat down on the other side of the couch. "Yeah, actually. And you? Is your evening okay?"

Suzy shrugged, closing the journal and setting it aside. "It's been a fuckin' weird day, dude." She giggled a little and Dan grinned back. She continued, "Sorry, I dunno what Arin is doing- he's been gone all day. You could call him if you wanted to hang out with the guys. I'm personally enjoying the quiet."

Dan scratched his head. "Nah, I don't really feel like going out today either. But I'll leave you alone." Dan got up to walk away.

"Dan, wait. Uh, I didn't have any plans for dinner, but..." Suzy thought for a moment then looked up at him. "Do you wanna order a pizza, and maybe watch a movie?"

Dan sat back down. "Yeah, that sounds nice. what do you wanna watch?"

Suzy shrugged. "Oh, whatever you want. I'm not that picky today."

Dan rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then smiled. "I have an idea."

~~~

A short while later, Arin stepped through his front door. He sighed- he'd had a long night hanging out with Ross and Barry. He could hear the movie playing and smell the pepperoni pizza, so he walked up to the sitting room area. He stood behind Suzy and Dan and looked at the screen. They were watching The Last Unicorn.

****

Dan and Suzy were watching the scene in the forest where the magician Schmendrick changes the unicorn Amalthea into a human girl, to save her from an attack from the giant Red Bull. After casting his spell, Amalthea falls to the ground in her new body. Losing interest, the Red Bull leaves the area. Schmendrick's friend Molly runs to aid Amalthea. "What have you done?!" she cries. "What have you done?!"

Schmendrick approaches the two. "What do you mean, what have I done?! I only saved her from the Red Bull by magic, that's all I've done- MAGIC! By my own true magic! Doubtless, you are wondering how I plan to turn her to her proper shape- wonder not! The power will come to me whenever I need it. And one day, one day it will come to me when I CALL! You were right! You were right!" Schmendrick places a hand on Molly's shoulder.

Molly glares up at him. "I didn't know you meant to turn her into a human girl!"

Schmendrick walks around them. "The Red Bull came for a unicorn, so she had to become something else! The magic chose the shape, not I! I am a bearer, I am a dwelling, I am a messenger!-"

"You are an IDIOT!" Molly shouts angrily. "Do you hear me?! You've lost her! You've trapped her in a human body- she'll go mad!"

In Molly's arms, Amalthea the once unicorn opens her gorgeous violet eyes. She is a beautiful, young woman, pale with long flowing white hair. There is a red mark on her forehead from where her horn used to be. "Oh..." she murmurs, standing up with her new legs. She grabs onto a tree nearby to support herself.

"I can change her back, don't worry about it- I can change her back," Schmendrick says, trying to reassure Molly.

Amalthea loses her balance and falls to her knees. Molly runs to her and covers her naked form in a cloak. "What have you done to me?" Amalthea asks sadly, staring at her hands.

Molly holds her and begins to weep. "Oh, no...oh, please no..."

Schmendrick watches them. "I couldn't think of anything else to save you," he replies.

"What have you done to me?!" Amalthea cries out. She begins to weep. "I'm a unicorn- I'm a unicorn!" Molly holds her as they both cry.

Schmendrick puts his hands on his hips. "The magic knew what it was doing..."

Amalthea continues to weep. "I wish you had let the Red Bull take me- I wish you had left me to the Harpy- I can feel this body dying all around me!"

"But it's only for a little while," Schmendrick says. "I promise you! Soon, you'll have your true shape again forever!"

Molly cuts in. "Schmendrick, you can't let her stay like this, you can't possibly-"

"Why not?!" the magician Schmendrick cries. "Unless you think you could defeat the Bull if you meet him again!"

Amalthea shakes her head, overtaken by sadness. "I'm afraid of this human body. More than I was the Red Bull. Afraid."

~~~

******

When the scene ended, Arin looked over at Dan and Suzy's expressions. They sat close to each other, watching attentively, tears running down each of their faces.

The last word of the scene seemed to hang in the air around them all.

Afraid.


	10. Schrodinger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If only you'd have known me before the accident  
> For with that grand collision came a grave consequence  
> Receptors overloaded, they burst and disconnect  
> 'Til there was little feeling please work with what is left." - Death Cab For Cutie - The Ghosts of Beverly Drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first part of the next section. Thank you everyone for reading and being patient!
> 
> There are lots of Death Cab quotes that I find work well with this fic, lol.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The following morning, Dan found Arin on the couch in the living room. He had his eyes glued to the screen, watching Sailor Moon Crystal and eating a bowl of Lucky Charms. Now it was his turn to sport dark circles beneath his eyes. Dan poured himself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen and took a seat next to Arin on the couch. “Hey, man.”

Arin jumped, nearly spilling his bowl. He cleared his throat. “Mmmh, morning, Dan. How do you feel?”

“I’m good. Way better.” Dan looked him over. “You look like shit though. You didn’t sleep after the movie?”

Arin shook his head, pausing the TV. “No, not really. Suzy was really upset last night so I talked to her for a bit.”

“Yeah, she told me that she reads to the kids at the hospital, and one of them might pass away…”

Arin nodded gravely. “Yeah…and we’re just worried about you too. Dr. Jackson called me and said there’s nothing wrong with your brain scan. But seizures don’t just happen, I don’t think…but I dunno…” Arin sighed. “I kept checking up on you every hour last night. I was afraid…” Arin stared at Dan now, his eyes becoming watery. “I was scared that I had messed you up.”

“Arin…” Dan frowned, feeling deeply touched. Then he grinned to try and lighten the mood. “You didn’t break me. I’m totally fine.”

Arin looked away for a moment. He looked like he was fighting back his feelings. “I shoved you really hard. And that entire argument was completely stupid. I should’ve just told you what was going on, and I’m really sorry. I’ve been a shitty friend, and-“

“Arin.” Dan cut him off, raising his hand. “Stop. You aren’t a shitty friend.” Dan thought deeply for a moment. “I was…I dunno, I was being paranoid, or something. My mood was fucking all over the place last week- I thought I was going crazy. But you were right, it was a good idea to change my accounts while I was gone.” Dan set his bowl down on the side table. “Arin, you’re taking care of me. You’ve treated me like family this whole time, letting me live here and everything. You guys are my best friends.” Dan looked down. “I’m…I’m more thankful than I have the words to say.”

Arin still seemed uncertain. “Okay…and about the video…”

Dan quizzically raised an eyebrow. “Video? Our videos are great. I still love doing Game Grumps.” He smiled. “What are you worried about? I’ll be fine.”

Arin just stares at Dan for a moment, gears turning in his head. Then he nodded. “Okay, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good bowl of cereal,” he said, pointing at Dan’s bowl.

Dan looked back at the now Soggy Charms. “Ah, fuck! K- I’ll be right back.” Dan walked out of the room to get another bowl, leaving Arin alone with his thoughts.

Arin still seemed to be a bit down, although he was more animated as he rambled about the dynamics of Sailor Moon to Dan. “I don’t really like this new animation- it’s not charming like the old one. And it’s mostly all done on a computer instead of hand drawn, which detracts from the personal style….instead of lots of physical fighting, most all the characters have to battle with sheer willpower, plus their awesome elemental abilities, but it’s still all willpower. And Usagi just fuckin’ sacrifices herself constantly to save everyone…”

Dan nodded attentively, leaning his chin on his palm as they watched TV. He already knew all this- Arin had talked about it millions of times. But Arin was stuck in one of his passionate explanations and Dan didn’t have the heart to stop him. They sat and enjoyed the morning together while munching on Lucky Charms.  
~~~

Arin’s gloomy mood didn’t seem to improve throughout the day, although he was skilled at hiding it underneath his silliness as he and Dan recorded new videos at the Grump Space. Dan tried extra hard to make Arin lighten up during their Dark Souls 3 recordings. For the second half of the day, Arin seemed to take out a lot of his inner frustration on Super Mario Maker. Dan was lost in one of his giggle fits as Arin cussed out the screen, two seconds away from throwing the controller at the wall. After trying to pass one jump in the level for what seemed like at least the hundredth time, he dropped the controller. "AAAUUGGHH- Next time on Game Grumps- FUCK THIS LEVEL! Jesus Christ!" As Dan was bent over giggling, Arin glanced at him. "You think my suffering is funny, Dan?!"

Dan sat back up. "Of course. Hilarious actually," he answered (partially) sarcastically.

"Whatever. Arin picked up the controller and stopped the recording. After taking a few breaths, he wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Being angry is tiring."

Dan chuckled. "I bet. I'm starving- let's get sushi."

"Yeah, okay."

30 minutes later, they were both eating sushi on the couch. Dan was quietly analyzing Arin as they ate. "Man, we've spent a lot of time on this couch," he commented.

"Yeah, we have. I've got a permanent ass groove on this side," Arin replied, smiling. Both of the guys laughed. Once it died down, Arin looked at Dan, something dawning on him. "Shit, sorry. I forgot to apologize to you about yesterday. You could've hung out with me and the guys, but I figured you'd wanna sleep instead. I should've invited you."

Dan shrugged. "It's fine, I didn't wanna do anything last night. What'd you end up doing?"

"Oh, nothing really. We just got lunch and then hung out here for a bit."

"It was nice of Ross to come to the hospital," Dan commented. He poked at a roll with his chopsticks. "I dunno...I just feel like him some of the other guys have been weird to me lately. Like, when I went to get my stuff from the apartment, Barry said hi to me, but that was it. It was almost like I wasn't even there."

Arin sighed. "Yeah, I noticed it too but I dunno what's going on. I think they're just still awkward after everything. Plus they're really busy. And Ross is always anxious, he just hides it well. I'll tell them later that they're being weird."

Dan smiled. "Oh, you don't have to say anything. But thanks."

Arin finished up his last few rolls. "So, I noticed that you haven't been singing much."

Dan's expression dampened. It was true- he hadn't really practiced at all since he'd gotten out of the hospital. "I know I need to, my vocal chords are probably a fuckin’ mess." He sighed. "I haven't been able to write anything lately. I was having too many migraines this week."

Arin's eyes widened in alarm. "You were having headaches?"

Dan got up from the couch. "It's fine, they're gone now, I think. Don't worry."

Arin got up and threw the trays away. "Okay, but you should tell me stuff like that. And if you need to practice NSP stuff at the house, you can. We've got a room in the basement you can use. Or I can drive you to the studio, I dunno."

Dan smiled. "It's cool. Just worry about you." He looked down as they both headed out of the office. "It's been a bit- I should call Brian and see what the plan is."

"Yeah, you should. Let him know what's up."

~~~

Dan didn't call Brian until the following afternoon to catch up with his time zone. Or at least that's what he told himself as he clicked Brian's number and held the phone to his ear, pacing around Arin's living room. The phone rang a few times before a gruff voice answered. "Hello Dan."

"Hey Brian, how's it goin?"

"It's going well. What have you been up to?"

"Oh, just the usual- Game Grumps and hospital visits." Dan gritted his teeth- he was not a fan of small talk.

But Brian was surprised. "Hospital visits?"

"Well, yeah. I was getting these awful headaches...they got me on all sorts of pills. It's been making song writing a pain in the ass."

"I'm sorry, Dan..." Brian gently replied. "I haven't been working on anything either. I've been too distracted."

The line went quiet. Dan shook his head and sighed. "I...I really wish you were here, Brian. But I know that's selfish."

Quiet again. Then Brian cleared his throat. "I know. Sorry, I've been busy. Rachel wants to go to Paris, and I thought we might taking Audrey to Disneyland."

Dan gave a small smile. "That sounds like fun. So...when do you think you'll be back?"

"I don't know." Brian thought for a minute. "Maybe another week, week and a half."

"Oh, okay. Well..." ~Ok, no more flirting around.~ Dan stopped pacing, his mouth a hard line. "I could be paranoid, but I just get this impression...that you don't want to come home yet."

Brian chuckled. "Dan, I'm on vacation. I'll be back soon. I'm just-"

"Brian, stop. And please don't hang up just yet," Dan said firmly, sitting back down on the couch.

Now Brian seemed irritated but he kept his tone controlled. "Dan…what do you need?"

Dan huffed. "When did you decide that you couldn't talk to me?"

"...Dan..."

"Was it when you decided that it was all your fault?" Dan asked. The other line became silent, save for Brian's breathing. Dan continued, "I know you, Brian. You're beating yourself up over this. But it was an accident. And I'm okay." Dan's eyes became watery, his voice quiet. "Everything's okay now."

Quiet. Then some erratic breaths. "Dan..." Brian murmured. "I-I really can't..."

"Face me? I'm not mad at you. Not at all. I'm fine. I'm just worried about you, and I want to make comedy and music again. Do you?"

Brian sniffed, taking a breath. "Of course, Dan...I just...needed a break from work..."

"And that's fine. But like I said, I'm not mad. So stop punishing yourself, okay? And please just talk to me."

On the other end of the line, Brian was thinking deeply. When he replied, it was serious. Calculated. "Dan...you aren't okay."

Dan couldn't help but laugh, standing back up. "You too, huh? Arin's been telling me the same thing. Why does everyone seem to know me better than I do?"

"Listen, Dan. I mean that nobody is okay. Everything's fucked."

Now Dan was beyond confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Have you remembered what you said to me yet?" Brian sounded desperate now, almost like he was pleading. "On the day you went under?"

"I told you before, I can't remember anything from like the first two months! Jesus, Brian, what is wrong?" Dan's eyes were wide with concern and fear. "You're freaking me out."

Brian's voice broke now. "Dan, if you can remember what you said to me...or, hell, if you can recall anything right after the accident, then I'll know." Brian's voice was wavering- now it was clear that he was crying. "I'll know that everything will be okay!"

Dan was completely flabbergasted. "What the fuck are you saying, Brian?! Tell me what's wrong!"

"I can't do this right now-I'll talk to you later-"

"No, Brian, wai-"

The line went dead.

"BRIAN!" Dan shouted, frustrated and now anxiety ridden. ~What the fuck?!~ He dialed the number over and over but Brian didn't answer. Dan switched to Katie's number and dialed as he paced around, his other hand ruffling his hair.

A pleasant female voice answered. "Dr. Jackson's office."

"Katie, it's Dan. I need help." Dan's voice was shaking.

Katie became alarmed. "What's wrong?"

"It's my friend, Brian. I just called him- he's in London right now- but he's having a nervous break down, and I can't do anything-"

"Easy, Dan, start over. What's going on?"

"I don't know! I was just talking to him and he said that something was wrong with me, and that I needed to remember something in order to be okay-" Dan was running out of breath, his mind racing. "Doctor, is there something wrong with my fucking brain?!"

"Dan, trust me, you are okay. Your scan was clear. Sit down and take deep breaths- it sounds like your friend triggered your own anxiety too. Slow down, take it easy. Deep breaths."

Dan wouldn't stop pacing but he tried to breathe in and out slowly. "Okay...okay, so I'm healthy?!"

Katie was firm. "Yes, Dan, you are okay. I promise I would tell you if something was wrong."

"And it's okay that I can't remember the time before the accident?"

"Yes, Dan. During traumatic experiences, especially head injuries, it's completely normal for the brain to forget information. I have no idea what Brian was talking about. I can give him a call for you- it sounds like he needs some counseling."

Dan nodded. "Yes, please. Please call him and then call me back."

"I will," Katie insisted. "It sounds like Brian had a mental breakdown, but he will be okay. He's been through some trauma too."

"I don't care what you call it- just help him please."

"I will...Where is Arin?"

Dan glanced at a door by the kitchen that led downstairs. "He's working out in the basement."

"Well, tell him to take his damn headphones off and help you!" Katie spat irritably, hanging up.

Dan walked swiftly downstairs. Arin was jogging on a treadmill in a training room, singing obnoxiously to k-pop. Dan stopped in front of him.

Arin stopped the treadmill and pulled out his earphones. "What's wrong?"

~~~

"I have never in my life heard him so upset before," Dan said. A couple of hours later, he was sitting at the kitchen bar while Arin made stir fry. "He completely flipped out."

Katie had talked to Brian for a while and called Dan back to let him know later that day. "Let him rest," she said. "He'll call you back tomorrow."

"That's so weird," Arin commented. He put the food on two plates and sat next to Dan. "He was upset when you were under- we were all scared. But this sounds new. What did you say to him?"

"I just told him that..." Dan sighed. "I told him that I knew he was blaming himself for the accident. And I was right!" Dan's voice quieted. "And then he got all emotional and said that I'm not okay, and everything's fucked for some reason, and that I need to remember something that I said before the coma."

Arin gave Dan an incredulous look. "What the fuck, dude? That makes no sense. Especially for Brian."

"I know." Dan poked miserably at his food with his fork. "I've been emailing him, but now I'll definitely have to call him, like, everyday. I wish he'd just come back already."

"Seriously," Arin replied. "He shouldn't deal with this while overseas. At least he's with his family, I guess."

"Yeah." They ate silently for a few minutes, then Dan spoke. "Do you know what I said to him?"

Arin shook his head. "No, nobody else was in the room with you."

Dan stared, lost in thought for a moment. Then he continued. "You were worried the other day that you had really hurt me."

Arin knew where Dan was going with this. He turned in his chair to face him. "Dan, I shoved you and you fell down and had a seizure. But Katie said that all your scans were good." Arin put a hand on Dan's shoulder. "You aren't perfect. Not even. I don't know if you ever will be. But you're here. And you're healing- and that's what matters."

~~~

The guys decided not to record that day and instead spent the rest of the evening inside watching Godzilla and Miyazaki films.

That night when everyone was getting ready for bed, Dan stood in the bathroom, setting out his pills. He glanced at the labels as he brushed his teeth. PAINRELIEF, BONEDENSITY, ANXIETY, EVERYBODYLIES, CONVULSIONS, IMMUNESYSTEMSUPPORT- ~Wait, what?~

Dan did a double take, putting down his toothbrush. He quickly rinsed and picked up one of the bottles. He read the label again. POISONOUS.

~What the fuck?~ Dan shut his eyes a moment and reopened them, staring at the label. COGNITION. ~Okay...~ Dan carefully uncapped the bottle.  
Suddenly, hundreds of tiny black spiders spilled out of the bottle, crawling up Dan's arm to his torso. "AAAGGHH!" He fell to the floor, shaking his arm violently and shouting in terror. The pill bottle crashed to the floor.

Arin opened the door almost immediately, looking down at Dan. "What is it?!"

Dan blinked and stared at the floor. The spiders were gone, his pills scattered all around him. He gave a nervous laugh. "Sorry, I just slipped...I'm okay."

I'm okay.


	11. Comments

Within the next couple of weeks, time seemed to slow down significantly for everyone. Dan and Arin fell back into a normal routine of recording videos. And although the temperature had only decreased by four degrees as August turned into September, Dan felt changes happening all around him. The air had become a touch cooler as he walked through downtown Santa Monica with Arin and Suzy, each of them strolling casually with coffee in their hands. The other Grumps (Ross, Holly, Matt, Ryan, Barry and Vernon) were all wandering around separately in small groups. Everyone had agreed to go incognito while wearing various caps, glasses and baggy clothes. It happened to be a quieter day for them anyway, and nobody was stopped by a fan on the street. After getting lunch at a local sandwich place, they were indulging in some fresh air and a bit of shopping for the day. As Suzy pointed at the windows of nearby shops, Dan took a seat at a nearby bench and looked up at some palm trees. He wondered briefly if the leaves were changing color upstate.

Dan had been calling or texting Brian every day to check on him in the morning. Brian always responded, although sometimes no more than a brief greeting. Sometimes he told Dan what he was up to for the day. He had extended his vacation a little bit he said, although he admitted that he wanted to see everyone again. Dan was just happy that he wasn't having anymore strange episodes. Sometimes Brian seemed anxious or sad over the phone, but he listened as Danny shared new song ideas with him. And even though it wasn't ideal, Danny practiced singing occasionally in Arin's basement.

But Dan had realized that he wasn't spending enough time outside when he began to get hit with bouts of sudden claustrophobia throughout the day. He had to stop a recent recording session when he was hit by a sudden panic attack that caused him to run outside. As Arin sat with him on the sidewalk while he took deep breaths, Arin felt guilty. The problem hadn't even occurred to him.

So now everyone spent more time going out when they could. With this came significant mental changes for Dan. He could almost feel his mind physically broadening over time, struggling to find a peaceful balance between himself, his feelings, and his relationship to everything around him. The freedom of wandering around Santa Monica with his friends in itself contained a quality of surrealism. Even with the relief that the open sky above provided him, as Dan watched people and cars pass him along the street, he always vaguely felt like he was in a play. An actor. An extra.

It didn't help that no one seemed to be getting any closer to Dan. They were spending more time with him, sure. He saw the guys more often in the office. He even joined them here and there for lunch or tabletop games. But there was a staleness to everyone's attitude around him. Whenever he spoke with them, it was always small talk. Jokes. Cubical banter. Empty calorie talk. But even if they'd asked him about his day, what could he even say that was so refreshing?

Dan had tried to call his musician friends, like TWRP. They never responded to his calls. They did shoot him a text, saying that they could meet up once Brian gets back. At that point, Dan was too hurt to even reply. He brushed off his feelings to them being busy on tour.

Dan felt that Arin, Brian and Suzy were slowly becoming his only friends. And as time passed, he felt more and more like a burden on them. After his latest doctor appointment, Katie had recommended that Arin begin doing small memory-building exercises with Dan. These consisted of simple things like flashcard memorization, reading and writing specific paragraphs, along with general memory recall. There were no more weird incidents with Katie, although sometimes Dan wondered if there would be in the future.

Arin sat down with Dan every evening to do his "homework" and review what Dan could remember. Both men found the assigned exercises a bit condescending. However, Dan used this opportunity to try and help out Arin, who would work on the Game Grumps agenda and pay various bills while Dan flipped over flashcards at a table in the Grump Space.

After solving some memory tests a few times, Dan stacked the cards, looking at the papers in front of Arin. "Got a busy week?"

Arin sighed, scratching his head. "Not as full as I'd like, actually. I had to postpone our plans for the Youtube Red show, but I don't think the fans will care at all. But right now...I dunno how to fill in the blanks..." Arin's expression darkened, filled with worry.

Dan felt inclined to probe. "So...Brian's been calling you, right?"

Arin nodded. "Yeah- he started asking me for Grumps updates, probably for Steam Train. He really should come back soon."

"You're telling me." Dan slid the cards back into their deck box. "I'm almost 100 percent positive that playing video games is more helpful than this shit." Dan laughed.

Arin smiled at him. "Yeah, I have no idea what Dr. Jackson is thinking. A couple of visual exercises are probably fine."

"I feel like I'm a kid and you're the adult, payin' your bills next to me," Dan said, laughing again. To his dismay, he didn't get a response from Arin. Dan lowered his voice. "Hey...are you alright?"

That was a huge question. Arin shrugged. "Some things have been hard. I dunno...I bet you've heard Suzy crying?"

Almost every other night, Dan could hear sobbing behind Arin and Suzy's bedroom door. Sometimes she was on her own, other times Arin was with her. Dan offered to hang out with her whenever he saw her but each time she had politely declined, leaving to record KKG or retreating back into her taxidermy room. "Yeah, I've heard her...is it the kids at the hospital?"

"Probably. But you know how depression is. There's not always a reason." Arin didn't discuss it further as he looked through the papers in front of him.

Dan stared off in thought for a moment. "I've been sad a lot lately too. I have this constant feeling of, like, being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or something."

Arin lowered his papers, staring at Dan. "Dan..."

Dan smiled. "I think it has a reason though. One I just can't remember, probably." Dan looked down. "I've...tried really hard to remember the first two months. I go back to our doctor appointment in February. But there's nothing else."

"That's a good place to start. Don't give up, dude."

"I'm not giving up. I'm just realizing my limits," Dan said sadly, smile disappearing. "Maybe I should move in with Barry again..."

Arin sighed. "Dan, we totally don't mind having you. And I'm sorry if you've felt like, less independent lately. You can do whatever, just...just do it because it's what you want."

~~~

This is what Dan was thinking about as the crew hopped back into their vehicles and drove over to the LA Art Museum to spend the rest of the day there. 

One of the installations inside was a dark blue room filled with hundreds of hanging, colored lightbulbs to resemble stars. Suzy murmured in awe. "Oooh! They're like glow worms! I love these kinds of things." As Arin and Suzy continued through the museum, Dan stopped in this room to collect his thoughts. He stood amongst the thousands of tiny stars and reached up to touch one above him. ~What makes me so different from this?~ he thought vaguely before he walked off to join the others.

~~~

The following week, Dan decided it was time to break the rules.

Arin wasn't home; he'd gone to the Grump Space to help Ross record Steam Train. Suzy was at home but she was busy recording KKG. Dan got dressed and tied his hair back, grabbing his shades, phone and car keys from the top of his dresser.

Arin had been kind enough to retrieve Dan's car from the apartment, although he didn't anticipate Dan actually using it. His driver's license had been put on a temporary medical suspension until he took a new test. But Dan wasn't all that concerned about it as he carefully snuck out the back door and around the house to his black sedan in the driveway. ~I'm pretty much just going down the street. And I have my phone,~ he thought. He quickly glanced at the front window. The curtains didn't move. He opened his car door, tossed his laptop bag into the passenger seat and got in. Sparing no time, he turned the ignition and drove away from the house and down the street.

Dan grinned as he headed through the area to a local cafe. ~This is fun, I feel like a teenager again,~ he thought as he turned on the classic rock radio station, turning up the volume. He was both surprised and relieved at how easy it was to return to the wheel- he hadn't lost any skill, nor did he have any issues navigating roads.

After a private kareoke session to Metallica, Dan parked his car in a lot and headed into a small cafe with his laptop bag.

Dan spent the next 40 or so minutes chilling at a small table near a window, sipping a venti chai tea and listening to music through his earbuds while he planned out new NSP song and costume ideas.

While he was working, Dan's eyes met with a wide-eyed, 20-something year old blonde girl who was staring at him from a few tables over. When he saw her, she blushed in embarrassment, then got up to slowly walk towards him. She stopped in front of Dan, playing with her hands nervously. "Um, excuse me, sir..." She mumbled, eyes transfixed on him.

It was then that Dan remembered that he wasn't wearing his hat, his shades still in the passenger seat. He smiled back at her and pulled out his headphones. "Hey there."

The girl spoke softly. "U-uhm...are you Danny Sexbang?"

Dan grinned wide. "Yeah, I am! You must be a fan! It's nice to meet you!" He chuckled and politely held out his hand for her to shake it.

The girl took his hand in hers. Her eyes began to glisten. She shook his hand, then pulled hers away and covered her mouth, looking down. "I'm, I'm sorry...I just..." She looked back up at him and gave a small smile as tears fell down her face. "I-I didn't expect to see you...my name's Emily..." The girl sniffed and looked away a moment in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, heh...but I'm glad you're okay..."

Dan kept smiling and gave a laugh but he furrowed his brow in concern. "Of course I'm okay, but are you alright?"

The girl nodded, although she stared up at the ceiling to try and stop her tears. "Yeah...it's just that, now that I'm here, I don't know what to say..." She gave a small laugh and looked back at Dan. "I love you- I mean, you're so amazing and inspirational, Dan. Everyone's been so worried about you...it's really good to see you!" The girl dabbed her eyes with her hoodie sleeve. "How long have you been out of the hospital?"

"I've been out for a few weeks now..." Dan said with some uncertainty. "It's nice to meet you, Emily." Dan felt incredibly bad for her. "I'm so sorry to make you cry, though. Did you see the update video and announcements?"

Emily shook her head. "There aren't any. My friends and I have been checking all your guys' channels and Facebook and Twitter and Reddit. We haven't seen anything in a while."

Dan's mouth fell open. He felt like he had been smacked in the face with ice. Something began to simmer inside him. Something he had felt before. Deja Vu.

"I'm sorry...there should've been something..." That was all he could say. His hands began to shake as he glanced back at his laptop and selected Youtube in his web browser.

Emily started to think she was bothering him, so she stepped back. "That's okay. Um, is it okay if I get a picture with you?"

"Yeah, of course!" Dan replied, trying to keep his cool. He bend down a moment to grab his phone from his bag. He turned it on- no new messages yet. He selected the camera and stood up. "Okay, do you want it like a selfie?"

When Dan looked up at Emily, she suddenly had a bewildered look on her face. She stared at Dan a moment, then she shook her head, backing up. "I'm sorry, I should let you go...nevermind! But it was nice to see you!" And before Dan could say anything else, the girl fled the cafe.

~What?~ Dan just watched her go, blinking in confusion. "Oh...okay..." ~What was that about?~

She had thought he was still sick. Dan switched gears. His eyes darkened as he sat back down at the table, pulling up the Grumps channel.

New videos were up. But the announcement from a few weeks back wasn't there. ~Of course,~ Dan's inner voice thought cynically.

Of course. It was never posted. And Dan suddenly remembered his first fight with Arin. Why his accounts were locked. Whe Arin had shoved him. And he thought of the second conversation they had. Arin asked him. But he'd forgotten, somehow.

But Arin knew that. ~He fucking knew.~ A sea of anger began to boil, welling up within Dan.

Still shaking, Dan exhaled a long breath and brought up one of their most recent videos. Out of curiosity.

All of the series that Dan and Arin had recently recorded were posted. But as Dan skimmed through a couple of the videos, he realized that the possible time stamps had been carefully edited out. All mention of his medical experiences gone. Deleted.

~Are you fucking kidding me?!~ If it was anyone else's computer, Dan may have thrown his hot tea at it and stormed off. Instead, he did something he never thought he'd do: he glanced down at the comments section. There was an argumentative chain of replies that caught his eye.

"These newer videos are a little weird. Dan sounds different."

"He sounds fine to me."

"These are pre-recorded, right?"

"They have to be, Dan's still in the hospital."

"Wouldn't they run out of material by now though? Don't they only record a month in advance, or something?"

Then the tone of the conversation changed. A new person jumped into the conversation. "I heard ____ ___ _______ _______ ___ ____ ______ __ ____..."

Dan stared at this response. There was a sentence there- he could see the words. But he couldn't read them. ~What the hell is this?~ He kept reading the replies.

"No. No fucking way. Dan wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't he? A ton of celebrities would. Hell, I would!"

"But that would mean..."

Another person jumped in. "You two shut the fuck up! Nobody needs this kind of negativity right now!! This is how bad rumors get started- take your fucking bullshit somewhere else!"

The rest of the chain devolved into a name calling argument. Dan glanced back at the weird comment. ~What the fuck?~ He couldn't decipher it. But he needed the quick distraction, so he took the time to run the sentence through Google translate.

The message didn't resolve, no matter what language Dan selected. It seemed to be oddly encrypted. ~Whatever!~ Dan groaned and smalled his laptop shut, quickly stuffing it into the bag in frustration. He grabbed it and swiftly returned to his car, tires squealing as he sped out of the lot.

~~~

The Grump Space seemed strangely still today. If a guest had walked in, a cold air of forboding may have fallen over them, alerting their intuition. At first, the cause would be unknown. Then, as they take a few steps, they'd be able to listen. They'd hear a man sobbing. They'd take a few more steps. A discussion going on.

Arin sat at the table with his head in his folded arms as he wept. He was completely choked up, broken hearted. The other Grumps sat across from him. Ross was at Arin's side, with Holly on his other side. Although they silently sat with him, their own faces were flushed and stained with mournfulness. Ross patted Arin on the back. "You did your best, Arin," he murmured. "You did all you could do."

Arin was wailing. It was as if weeks of pent up emotions were pouring out of him. "I can't do this to him!" He cried out. "We can't do this- we tried so fucking hard!" Ross passed him some tissues and Arin blew his nose loudly. He looked at Ross, his face a wet, swollen mess. "I just wanted to fucking believe..." he said between his hyperventilated breaths. "More than anything- I can't tell him!"

"It would be cruel not to, Arin," Ross replied, his expression stony. "He's not stupid- he knows something is wrong."

"I've been completely awful to him," Arin said miserably. He was still shaking but his sobs were lowering. "I...I don't know how to fire Dan. I don't even know how to tell him goodbye. He's Dan. He's my best friend. I can't do this without him..." Arin's eyes welled up with tears. "Game Grumps is over."

Ross rubbed Arin's back. His own eyes were moist. "Tell Dan that he's gone. By tonight. Or...just do what you have to do."

The guest standing in the shadows of the hallway felt like his chest had been ripped open. There were so many things running through his mind. He felt pulled apart in every direction. Nothing made sense. "...Wh-what?" He whispered. His whole body shook. For a moment, he couldn't think or move.

~Run,~ his inner voice said. ~Just leave.~

Dan turned around and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Everyone in the office looked up in surprise. Arin got up and glanced out the window just in time to see the back end of a black sedan speed away.

Arin grabbed his phone out of his pocket- several missed calls and texts from Suzy. He opened one. WHERE ARE YOU?! DAN IS GONE! HE WON'T ANSWER HIS PHONE-

"Fuck. FUCK!!" Arin opened the door and ran out, hopping into his car and racing down the street as fast as he could, everyone else watching him go as they stood on the front lawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is still reading this fic. I have fun writing it, sorry it takes a bit of time.
> 
> Thanks again! :)


	12. Baptismal Font

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any lyrics used.

For a little while, the Hanson home was silent, tension pressing against the walls as Suzy paced the living room, dialing Arin's number over and over again. Then it was snapped as the front door was thrown open with a bang as Dan stormed inside. Suzy ran up to him, her face full of anxiety. "Oh, thank God! Dan, where did you-"

"Not now, Suzy," Dan growled as he briskly walked past her and headed upstairs to the bathroom. He tossed his memory pills in the trash and grabbed the rest, stuffing them into his laptop bag and then heading into Arin and Suzy's bedroom. Suzy ran up the stairs and after him. "Dan! What are you doing-"

"I'm getting what's mine and I'm leaving!" Dan shouted angrily, searching the room for the emergency medical kit. When he saw it on the dresser, he opened it for a moment to take a look. Two out of four syringes missing...he closed the kit and grabbed it and was about to leave when he saw some papers stacked beneath it from the hospital. He reached out to grab one of the sheets-

Suzy came up behind him and took his arm. "Dan, wait a second-"

Dan yanked his arm back, glaring at her. "DON'T touch me! Don't fuckin' touch me," he said. His voice was low, eyes dark as he pointed a shaky finger at her. "My LIFE is not a game! And I deserve to know what THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Dan shouted in rage, staring daggers at Suzy. She began to cry, stepping back from him. "Dan..." she whispered between shaky breaths. "Please..."

Dan looked at the document. It was slightly older, dated for the late summer. It appeared to be a typed up report by Dr. Jackson on Dan's diagnosis. Dan read through it once as Suzy stood, watching him. He exhaled sharply and read through it again, staring at the key words. {...swelling of inferior right temporal and occipital lobes...controlled with medication and surgery but inconsistent results...excessive fluid retention...risk of clotting...could cause paralysis...can affect the autonomic nervous system, or block flow of blood/cerebral fluid...cause unknown...responds to stimuli, but inconsistent...difficult call, but at this time...} 

Dan read it again. And again. And again. 

The numbers. 

"Eight to twelve months..." Dan whispered. Suddenly, he felt icy cold, like his blood had slowed down. Like time had stopped. Completely numb.

Suzy approached Dan cautiously. She was quietly crying, one had reaching out to him, the other hand behind her. "Dan...we are so sorry...we're gonna help you through this..." With a fearfully shaky hand, she reached back out at Dan's shoulder again, looking him in the eyes. "That report is old...we would tell you if something was wrong..."

"No," Dan said firmly, "You wouldn't. You've all been lying to me. This whole time. And I can't figure out why..." he whispered. He stared off, tears beginning to spill from his eyes.

Suzy rubbed his shoulder gently. "We're going to help you through this, Dan. We're your friends," Suzy whispered, trying to console him.

In his peripheral vision, Dan saw light glint off Suzy's other hand. "No," he gruffly replied. "You're not." With electric reflexes, Dan dropped what he was holding, twisted around and grabbed her other arm. Suzy screamed as she pushed her arms against Dan's, the shaky syringe in her hand inches from his chest. Dan pushed Suzy against the wall and twisted her hand. She cried out in fear and pain and dropped the syringe on the floor. Dan dropped to the floor to retrieve the shot. As Suzy turned to run, Dan grabbed her leg and tugged, causing her to scream and fall to the ground. 

Arin got there just in time to see Dan pierce Suzy's leg with the syringe and depress the liquid. Suzy tried to grab it but was too late, she fell asleep almost immediately and fell back. "SUZY!" Arin shouted. He grabbed Dan by his shirt and waist and forcefully threw him into the hallway.

Arin fell to the floor to check on Suzy as Dan got up from the floor and ran down the hall. "WHAT DID YOU DO, DAN?!" Arin shouted. "NO, YOU DON'T!" Arin chased after him. Before Dan got to the stairs, Arin tackled him, trying to put Dan's his hands behind his back. Dan was able to struggle free and turn around. As he tried to reach his hands up, Arin pinned his arms to the ground. "DAN! STOP!" Arin shouted, anxiety ridden. Dan had a surge of andrenaline- he bent his legs up and kicked Arin as hard as he could in the chest. Arin shouted and flew back as Dan's feet slammed into him. Arin grabbed the wall, bent over and coughing. Specks of blood fell onto the carpet; he had accidentally bitten his tongue. As Arin tried to catch his breath, he felt Dan's fist collide with the bottom of his jaw. Arin spit blood into the air and fell onto his back. While he was down, Dan pinned Arin's arms down with his thighs. Then he put both his hands around Arin's neck and squeezed hard.

Arin couldn't breathe. He tried to wheeze and struggle, his face cherry red, eyes bloodshot. But Dan was strong. He stared up at him. Dan's eyes were on fire; he was completely enraged. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WAS DYING?!" He shouted in infuriation at Arin. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ANYTHING?! THAT I DON'T REALLY MATTER TO YOU?! OR ANYONE?!"

"Dan..." Arin mouthed silently. He wanted to tell Dan the truth. Everything that he hadn't said before. But it was too late now. Dan held on for a few more seconds, then let go of Arin's throat. Arin took a deep breath and coughed more, blood dripping down his mouth. "I'M SORRY, Dan!" He cried out pathetically. "I'm sorry! Please stop!"

After giving him a moment to catch his breath, Dan punched Arin across the face. Again. And again. And again. After Arin was pretty bruised, Dan stopped, lowering his stained fists, hyperventilating. "This is what you wanted," Dan said quietly, still shaking. "I'm done. I quit. I'm leaving now." 

After a moment, Dan slowly got up, walking back into the bedroom, stepping carefully around Suzy. It was then that he couldn't stop the tears from running down his face. He didn't try to as he grabbed the documents and stuffed them hastily into the laptop bag. Taking it with him, he then grabbed the medical kit and walked back out into the hall. He pulled one of the remaining syringes from the bag, uncapped it and carefully depressed it into Arin's arm. Arin fell unconscious, breathing hoarsely. 

"I'm sorry, too. Now you don't have to think about me anymore," Dan said, staring down at Arin sadly. His lip began to tremble. Then he walked back to the guest room and continued to pack up the medical kit and the rest of his things into a backpack he had gotten from the apartment. Then Dan threw the backpack over his shoulder, grabbed his laptop case and walked downstairs. He exited the house, locking it behind him. He jumped into his car and drove away. 

Dan didn't know where to go. He headed north. He turned on the classic rock radio station and turned it up as loud as he could.

And then he cried. And cried. And cried. 

~~~ 

Dan didn't know how long he was driving for. When he brought himself away from his thoughts and back to the present, it was already dark outside. As he stared at the road, his face was an exhausted, apathetic mask. ~I should call Brian,~ He thought absentmindedly. Their time zones differed quite a bit at this hour, but he wasn't sure that he cared much. Dan pulled over into a gas station parking lot. He was in a place where there were a lot more leafy trees around. He had been right; they had started turning yellow and orange of the season.

Dan had wiped most of the blood from his hands, although there were still some stains between his knuckles. He pulled out his cellphone. Ignoring all the missed calls and texts, he dialed Brian's number and put the phone to his ear.

After dialing a few times, Brian's worry ridden voice answered. "Dan! Where are you?! Arin called me- what the hell is going on?!"

"You were right," Dan said, matter-of-factly. "Everything is fucked, Brian."

"Dan, where are you? Everyone is looking for you."

"Wouldn't they like to know?" Dan paused a moment, tapping his fingers against his steering wheel. He lowered his voice. "Brian, I'm going to ask you the same thing that I asked Arin earlier today, and I'd like a real answer." Dan swallowed, controlling his emotions as he continued. "Why didn't anyone tell me that I was dying?"

There was silence. A light rain began to patter on Dan's windshield. Brian quietly answered, "We failed you, Dan. We all failed, and-"

"I don't want fucking excuses anymore!" Dan shouted stubbornly. "Tell the truth, Brian. Be the one person that I can trust." He gritted his teeth and waited.

Brian thought for a moment. "...You aren't dying, Dan. Not anymore, at least. You're alive." Brian's voice wavered. "You haven't remembered everything...but that's okay! That's okay, and-"

Dan interrupted Brian with a fit of laughter. Dan put a hand to his face, staring down into his lap, shaking with giggles. "They got to you, too." Tears dripped from his eyes as he laughed. "This is so disappointing..."

"Dan..."

Dan shook his head as his laughter died down. His breathing became uneasy. Outside, the rain began to pour hard onto the car. Dan's voice got quiet. "You're wrong, Brian. I'm not alive. I haven't been for a while now." He bit his lip. "Every morning...I wake up. And a shadow forms in the back of my skull. And it moves forward, to the front of my eyes...and it says to me, 'Is this really how it's going to be now? Do you really think you deserve a second chance? Who do you think you are?'"

Brian began to cry, voice shaking. "Dan, stop..."

Dan laughed again. Then his laughter shifted into a sob. "Oh, Brian," he said, staring blankly out his windshield, "I'm dead to everyone, apparently. And you know that. That's why you aren't going to come back."

Brian fought to keep it together over the phone. "Dan...I'm coming back soon..."

"But you won't stay!" Dan cried out in anguish. His face was crimson, tears flowing. He wiped his eyes. "You got the job over there. At Queen Mary's, to teach physics again. I know. It's the job you wanted before all this."

Now Brian began to sob. "Dan, I don't want this..."

"I know you, Brian. Go ahead, tell me that I'm wrong." Dan sat and listened to Brian weep. He didn't reply. As Dan listened, he watched light flicker in the sky as lighting flashed across the clouds here and there. "I know what I really said to you that day," Dan said. He waited a moment, then continued. "It didn't...I didn't remember it. There wasn't a golden epiphany. I just know what I said to you. Because I know us." Dan cried silently, waiting for Brian to reply. Dan smiled through the rain. "I said to you 'Don't let NSP die.' That's what I told you, Brian."

"Dan!" Brian cried out in sudden joy. "Yes! You're right!" He sounded so relieved. As if he was experiencing a miracle in the middle of the storm. "You are right, Dan! You know what you said! You'll be okay- tell me where you are-"

"Goodbye, Brian," Dan said. Before Brian could reply, Dan hung up the phone.

Dan sat quietly in the driver's seat for a few minutes, staring outside at the cold darkness. "I wonder when we had good rainfall last," he said absently. He rolled down his window and dropped his phone on the pavement.

He heard it crack in several places as he drove over it, leaving the parking lot. 

He drove. And he drove. And he drove.

~~~

Dan wasn't entirely sure where he was anymore. He only knew that he was somewhere in Northern California. He was hunkering down in a dimly lit, modest motel room in a woodsy but populated area. He figured that the others might still be looking for him, but nobody came to his door or looked at his car over the next three days.

On the first night, he spent all of his time lying on the lumpy, stained bed and listening to all of his CDs. He kept the music playing even as he slept. It only ended in the early morning when the batteries of his walkman finally ran out.

The second day was a little more eventful for Dan. He needed to go out and buy food and supplies. He drove down the road and visited a local supermarket.

A few other shoppers glanced at Dan as he browsed the hardware section of the small Mom and Pop store. Two young women watching him found him attractive but also gave him pity; Dan was disheveled looking, his beard a bit bushier than before. The light had disappeared from his eyes as he shuffled down the aisle slowly, underneath the flickering florescent lighting. He grabbed a small packet off the shelf and kept walking, heading to the frozen food section.

When he returned to the motel, Dan sat at the tiny, wooden dining table provided and ate pizza while he stared at his empty journal in front of him. The TV was on in the background, spouting some loud infomercial on cooking pans. Dan stared at the blank page, tapping his pen lightly between the lines. Trying to find the right words. But they never came. After an hour, he gave up and closed the journal. He laid down on the bed and stared past the glaring TV screen.

~~~

On the second night moving into the third day, Dan overslept. He also had a complete and peculiar dream. Within it, he was running through the trees and brush of a thick jungle. He was frantically running away from a fierce tiger. It roared and pounced after him as he ran, catching up to him fast. Dan stared ahead. He was running towards the edge of a cliff- but there was no where else to go. He closed his eyes and jumped over the ledge just as the tiger was about to get him.

Dan grabbed onto the side of the cliff. When he opened his eyes, he saw that he had grabbed a thick vine, which had strawberries growing on it. But he also heard more growling beneath him. When he looked down, he saw another tiger waiting below him, licking its lips. Getting ready to catch him.

Dan held as tight as he could but he heard snapping from the vine. When he looked back at the top of the cliff, he didn't see the first tiger anymore. Instead there were two tiny mice. A white and a black mouse took turns gnawing on the vine, breaking through each thread.

~Fuck.~ Dan didn't know what else he could do. He looked at the strawberries- they were juicy, red and ripe. He picked one and placed it in his mouth before he squeezed his eyes shut. ~That's the sweetest one I've ever had,~ he thought absently as the vine snapped and he began to fall.

The Buddha once told this scenario as a parable. Unfortunately, Dan was only versed in Judaism. But it was all inconsequential anyway as he opened his eyes the following evening, the dream slipping from his mind.

Life is strange.

~~~

Dan spent the night in a bath robe, sitting at the dining table again. He had drawn the blinds and kept the room lit with the warm, bedside lamp. He had his laptop open, playing various Ninja Sex Party music videos. A hint of a smile appeared at the edge of his lips as he watched them. He had his journal in front of him open, once again blank.

In the kitchen, the microwave was buzzing, turning a container of frozen thai noodles. On the other side of the room, steam billowed from the bathroom as the tub slowly filled with hot water.

There was a bottle of scotch on the table with two poured glasses on each side. After the melody of "Take on Me" had stopped playing, Dan looked over at the still glass that was opposite him. Then he spoke, moreso than he had in the last few days.

"Brian...remember when you came back from London the first time?" Dan swirled the ice around in his drink. "It was when I was in that studio apartment with like, thirty people." Dan chuckled. "We were getting high all the time." He took a pill bottle from his pocket. PAIN RELIEF. He popped a couple of pills into his mouth and took a sip of scotch. "You were there for a few hours. I was so mad at you. I finally turned to you and said, 'What are you doing here?'" Dan chuckled again. He clinked his glass against the other and downed the rest of his scotch. "Cheers."

The music video for their cover of "Wish You Were Here" began to play. Dan felt his lips move automatically as he sang along, watching it carefully. His voice wasn't perfectly practiced, but it was still his.

[So, so you think you can tell  
Heaven from Hell,  
Blue skies from pain.  
Can you tell a green field  
From a cold steel rail?  
A smile from a veil?  
Do you think you can tell?]

Dan couldn't stop the tears from falling from his face as he watched the video and sang with it. As the guitar and piano played a duet, the tears hit the page of his journal, staining it with a series of blurry circles.

He was interrupted by the obnoxious beep of the microwave. Dan got up and walked to the kitchen, removing the steamy container of noodles. He opened it and the delicious aroma hit his nose.

~It smells sweet.~

~~~

Dan removed the bathrobe and stepped into the warm bath water, submerging his body, long legs bent above the water. He had left his music on in the living room. His cover of The Last Unicorn began to play.

[When the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain  
And the last lion roars at the last dusty fountain  
In the shadow of the forest though she may be old and worn  
They will stare unbelieving at the last unicorn]

It wasn't until then that Dan's nerves began to hit him. A few items were next to him at the edge of the bathtub. He grabbed another pill bottle (ANXIETY), popping two into his mouth. Dan stared at the ceiling. His whole body began to shake. ~Why am I doing this?~

And there it was- the Shadow. It slithered across the side of Dan's head, resting above his right ear. ~You know why,~ it whispered seductively. He could almost hear it smirk. But the most disconcerting thing was its tone...it sounded exactly like Dan. ~Everyone's leaving you, anyway. You're truly a ghost.~

Dan began to hyperventilate. Tears ran down his face, steadily flowing. With greatly trembling hands, he grabbed a towel from the rack next to him and placed it between his teeth. ~Okay...It's okay...~

Steam continued to rise from the water as Dan carefully picked up the next item on the side of the tub. His heart began to thump harder. The razor blade glinted in the light as Dan held it up, trying to steady it on his skin. ~Does it hurt badly?~ he wondered. ~Dying?~

~Of course it does,~ the Shadow replied. ~Of course. But when it comes to pain, nothing beats life.~

Dan pressed the razor against the inside of his left upper arm. He began to whine, his face red, his voice muffled by the towel as fear consumed him. ~I don't want to die.~ He thought this over and over. ~I don't want to die!~

~So don't,~ the Shadow replied smugly. 

 

As if it were that simple now.

 

[When the first breath of winter through the flowers is icing  
And you look to the north and a pale moon is rising...]

 

Dan counted as he stared at his forearm. ~One...two...~

 

Dan dragged the razor hard down his arm. For a moment, there was no pain. Then a sharp, hot sting ran down his entire arm. Blood spilled out into the water, and, Oh God, there was so much! He screamed in agony and misery into the towel, his heart racing faster and faster. Before he could do anything else, Dan brought the blade up and to his other arm, pulling down faster than the first. His screams were covered outside by the sounds of his singing in the living room.

[And it seems like all is dying and would leave the world to mourn  
In the distance hear the laughter of the last unicorn

I'm alive! I'm alive!]

Dan stared at the ceiling, too afraid now to look back down. He could feel his life, sticky, dark and thick flowing out of him, filling the tub slowly. His head began to spin in an endless circle. Dan's eyes and body became incredibly tired.

With his last efforts, he took the syringe next to him and with a stained hand, injected the final shot into his chest.

Dan saw the shadow cross over his eyes before he closed them. He set his arms down beneath the water and settled into sleep...

Silence. The drip of his blood. A tear-stained journal, next to an empty Thai container, atop a crooked dining table. It read one sentence in smeared pen ink.

I loved you all.

~~~

.

.

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silence. Time passes. Then, the drip of a leaky faucet. A low heartbeat - impossibly slow. A rattled breath. Then, a sudden jolt of electricity in his chest. Dan gasped and and his eyes shot open. Another jolt shocked him. He bent over the side of the tub, coughing, taking long, painful breaths. Caught in new confusion, he looked down at himself.

He looked like a corpse, deathly pale skin. The tub crimson with blood, splattered to the sides of the ceramic and on his legs. The towel is on his chest, submerged in the water. Dan pulled it out of the tub and onto the floor. He pulled the depleted syringe from his skin. Then he carefully lifted his left, sliced up forearm.

Dan thought he saw a spark of light from inside his arm. In his sudden, morbid curiosity, he carefully peeled back his skin and muscles on either side of his arm.

Underneath there were veins and arteries. But they weren't red. They were blue, gray, black. Dan saw another spark from within so he moved them aside, digging further down to the bone.

Coated in a thick plastic (now sliced cleanly through), Dan's radius and ulna were made of silver metal that was covered in a series of multicolored, tiny wires. Some of the wires were cut, frayed at the ends. As water dripped into them, they sparked outwards with electricity and Dan jumped as he felt the signal move straight into his chest.

He was too mesmerized to look away. Leaning out the side of the tub, he moved the wires aside and rubbed the sleek metal. ~Wh...what...the...fuck?~

Dan thought he saw words etched carefully into the side of the metal bone. He stared at the tiny engraving, brushing away leftover blood.

JACKSON & SMITH AUTOMATIONS  
COPYRIGHT 2015-16  
S/N 182A7795D

Dan set his arm down on the side of the tub and looked back up at the ceiling.

He stared. And he stared. And he stared.

 

Life is strange, and then you die.

 

And then you are reborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you feel? The story isn't over yet.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


	13. Connections

It had been a few hours after Arin and Suzy had been knocked out when they were awakened later on by a confused Ross. Now Arin, Suzy, Katie, and Ross were all sitting around in the Hanson living room. Arin held a large cold compress up to his bruised face. Suzy sat next to him, now sporting a black wrist brace. Katie had a cup of tea in her hand, one more placed in front of Ross, untouched. Katie sipped hers loudly, miserably. "You lost him," she whined, sighing. "My life's work. Gone."

Arin chose to ignore her, switching the compress to the other side of his face. He had a bandage across his now-broken nose, both eyes and cheeks purple and green. Ross raised his eyebrow at Katie. "You didn't back up his information, Doctor?"

Katie nodded as she stared off for a moment. "Well, I saved the blueprint of his brain model and his neural patterns, of course. But syncing up an artificial brain, and then calibrating that with a body can be quite a bit complicated." Katie took a sip of the tea. "Dan's been the most incredibly functional android I've put together so far."

"I thought your company was getting ready to release these models for Christmas."

Katie shrugged. "We've got plenty of prototypes available for alpha stage testing, for those with extra money to blow. But they're entirely different types of computers. After actually seeing what Dan is capable of..." Katie glanced at Arin and Suzy. "I don't think it's wise for the company to proceed in that direction anymore. But money speaks louder than I can, I suppose..." 

"What makes you say that?" Suzy asked.

Katie set her tea down and stared at everyone. "I'm talking about possible human ethics violations. And what you've been trying to prove this entire time. The one thing that, if I can prove it somehow...hell, I could get a Nobel Prize in science." Katie laughed at the idea, stars in her eyes. "I'm talking about providing solid proof that my android is truly your friend, Dan. Or, at the very least, an actual AI. Of course, it would take years of complex study…"

"Impossible," Ross responded skeptically. "It can't be him. He never remembered anything crucial anyway."

Katie huffed, raising her voice. "Nothing important! Have any of you actually spoken with Dan lately?"

Before Katie could continue with her explanation, Arin got up and angrily stormed over to the front door. Suzy got up to follow him. "Babe, where are you going-"

Arin stopped at the front door, fuming. He turned and glared at Katie, pointing accusingly at her. "This is all bullshit. And you're an awful doctor, by the way! Real top-notch attitude about all this!"

Katie gave Arin an incredulous look. "Excuse me?!"

Arin pointed at his face, spitting out the next sentence. "Dan did this to me because he was sick of everyone completely fucking him over! He had a right to feel that way! And you don't get to talk about him like he's both a person and also your fucking science project!" Arin glared daggers at Katie. "And meanwhile, he is still alive, and we're no closer to helping him than before all of this!" Arin shook, tears dripping from his swollen eyes. He opened the front door. "Now if you don't have a way of tracking Dan, would you kindly leave my house." It wasn't a question.

Katie looked at everyone else, who just watched her. She looked back at Arin. "I'm sorry, Arin, that was rude of me-"

"Do you have a way of finding Dan?"

Katie shook her head. "No, Arin, I don't think of him as a lost pet-"

Arin snorted, "Right." He looked at her expectantly. When she didn't move, he pointed outside. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" he bellowed in irritation.  


Katie rolled her eyes and picked up her purse, heading out the door. Before she headed to her car, she stopped on the porch and turned around. "Arin, I need to tell you something-"

"Please leave-“

"Wait just a damn second!" Katie shouted back, a hand raised. "Listen! I'm going to help you look for Dan. Even if I need to drive all day and night. But first, you need to understand something." Katie stood stubbornly, waiting for Arin's reply.

Arin folded his arms. "You have one minute."

Katie spoke slowly, carefully. "You need to understand, Arin. Now, when you were helping Dan recall his memories, what were you focusing on?"

Arin thought for a minute. "We were trying to get Dan to remember what happened before and after we visited you in February to get the scans done. And information leading up to and after the accident. And also his family. But he never really remembered any of those." Arin sighed in frustration.

Katie held up her index finger. "Okay, okay, not too bad. You were on the right track. Did you review anything from his past memories? Or childhood? Before you both visited my office the first time?"

Arin exhaled. "No- what good would that have done? Those were pre-programmed in."

Katie shook her head. "No, Arin. They weren't." She allowed him to process that information but Arin still looked at her doubtfully. "Can I come back inside, please?" After a moment, Arin stepped back, allowing her past him. Katie walked back in and sat back down on the couch in the living room, Arin sitting across from her. Katie put on a serious expression, speaking slowly. "As I was saying...normally, when we make the androids, we simply record "memories" that are actually just records of their experiences and their personal information. We blend that with their mannerisms and preferences to create a personality profile. Then we create a 3D printed model of the brain, repeatedly activating what we perceive as their most common 'neural patterns'. Then we include the profile on a data chip that we install to synce up with their brain and their drive." Katie stared at Arin. "I had already tested and installed Dan's brain into his body when I was busy creating his profile chip." Katie smiled to herself, thinking of the memory. "Before I had installed it...he responded to me."

Ross laughed, shaking his head. "No way! This is all a lie." He looked at Arin. "You don't really believe this, do you?"

"No, Arin, I'm not lying! I mean, it's possible that maybe I downloaded the profile somewhere and forgot about it...but I checked his software and components over and over. And the chip wasn't installed." Katie looked at everyone intently. "The way I see it, there are a few possibilities. That's one of them. Another possibility is that consciousness exists...even within technology." Katie ignored Ross' rolling eyes.

"This is crazy," Ross exclaimed. "Absolutely nuts." Arin and Suzy looked at each other, thinking deeply.

Katie nodded. "I know, I know it sounds completely insane. And scientists been doing consciousness studies for years, with no firm conclusions. All I can say with certainty right now is that the information came from somewhere, but I can't locate the exact source."

"It all came from the internet," Ross said, cynical of her. "All you've done is invent software that was able to put together the profile for you. It might even be a true artificial intelligence, congratulations. But you aren't God. You've been fooled by your own creation. And you're just using our feelings to get a promotion." Ross looked over at Arin. "Dan's just an android. An incredibly accurate imitation. Not a real person." He glanced back at Katie. "This alone won't get you a shiny enough award?"

Katie opened her mouth to respond but stopped when she saw the look on their faces. She looked down and sighed before getting up again. “Okay, okay. I understand when I’m no longer welcome.” She walked back to the front door. “Regardless of what you believe, we have to find Dan. He could be causing trouble. Or at the very least, he’s extremely expensive.” Katie stepped out the front door.

On her way to her car, Arin stopped her. “Dr. Jackson, wait.”

She stood at her open car door. “Yes?”

He sighed. “Why…why didn’t you tell me all of that before? It would've been helpful.”

Katie gave him a sad smile. “I thought you’d be able to tell...by spending time with Dan. I’m sorry- it was a stupid assumption to make.” She looked at the ground. “It seems like all I’ve been able to do well is make Dan forget…”

Arin just stood on the porch, looking a little lost. “Okay, so what do we do now? Call the cops?”

“I don’t think the police will be very helpful in this situation. Dan is neither legally a missing person, nor is he stolen property. And we don’t need to inform them that he got violent. No, this is our responsibility now. If I were you, I’d search places he’d normally visit. Oh, and call your friend Brian and let him know what’s going on. And call me if you need any help, or if you find him.” Before Arin could respond, Katie stepped into her car and left the driveway.

“Arin, get in here!” Ross called from inside. “We have another problem.”

~What now?~ Arin stepped back inside to the living room. “What is it?”

Ross had his phone out, looking at the Game Grumps subreddit. “Somebody saw Dan today. They took a picture.” Ross showed Arin the screen. It was a cell phone shot of Dan’s back as he was hunched over, looking at his laptop in the café. His hair tied back revealed skin. J&S was lightly tattooed on the nape of his neck.

Arin set down his cold compress and stared at the picture. “No. Nonononono…this is bad.”

Suzy moved over to take a look. “What do we do? People are gonna be so pissed,” she remarked.

“They already are,” Ross said. He looked at Arin. “Comments are blowing up everywhere- people are panicking. What should we do?”

Arin exhaled slowly. “…How many witnesses were there?”

“It looks like just this one girl, hopefully.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s not so bad.” Arin handed the phone back to Ross. “We can’t ignore this but we can’t fully address it either. Call Brent to get a second opinion, but I think we just have to tell them that it’s all photoshopped. Give them our regular statement on Dan’s health. Hopefully this won’t blow up later,” Arin said. He stood up and turned to Suzy, pulling out his phone. “I’m gonna call Brian and then I’m just gonna drive around, I guess. I’d have you come with me, but we need you here, Suz.”

“But babe, we have no clue where he would be.”

“Dan needs you at the hospital. You know, in case anything happens...if he shows up there.”

Suzy gave Arin a worried look, then slowly nodded. “Okay, just be safe and call or text me.”

“I will,” Arin replied. He clicked Brian’s name and held the phone to his ear.

~~~

Dan was committed not to think too much. He knew that any questions he had didn’t have a readily available answer. He also knew that if he tried too hard to logically understand his situation, he’d probably end up facedown in the crusty motel carpet again. His mind was a cloud of smoke that he found himself constantly weaving in and out of. His body was cold and slightly stiff.

He carefully stepped out of the tub and looked back- he’d need to get rid of the blood, somehow. But he didn’t feel like shocking himself in the water. He grabbed another towel from the rack and dipped it under running sink water, wiping himself down as best he could. When he was quite a bit cleaner, he dropped the towel and slowly stepped into the living room.

On his way there, he glanced down at his forearms. ~Wires…I’m made of wires…and metal, and plastic…~ he thought. Suddenly, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he felt himself falling into blackness.

When Dan reopened his eyes, he was on the floor. He took a breath and pushed himself back up to his wobbly feet. He grabbed his laptop bag off the floor and retrieved the medical kit from inside it, carefully using his arms palms down. He grabbed a thick roll of bandage from the kit and looked away as he wrapped up each of his arms. He figured more padding was needed inside, but he didn’t feel like prodding at the moment. When he was done, he hesitantly glanced at his arms. Nothing was exposed. He tied up his biceps to try and help with any further bleeding and grabbed his clothing from atop the bed. He shivered and his fingers twitched on their own occasionally as he put on his shirt and leather jacket.

When Dan had his jeans and sneakers on, he slowly walked back into the bathroom. He took the anxiety meds that were next to the tub and popped another couple of pills in his mouth. Then he took a long drink straight from the sink faucet and looked at himself in the mirror.

He was as pale as a sheet, his lips a touch blue. He had dark shadows beneath his eyes. ~Hello Ghost.~ He opened his mouth and peered inside, then brought his face close to the mirror, staring into his eyes. Searching for a sign. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he fixed up his hair and carefully headed out of the motel room.

It was dark outside; the clock read a little after midnight. After spending a few minutes to charm the extremely concerned lady at the reception desk, Dan seemed to convince her that he had bad pneumonia and was going to call a doctor. He exhaled in relief as she walked away to help some new guests. After listening to the dial tone for a minute, Dan dialed Arin’s number on the yellow corded phone and held it to his ear.

A groggy voice answered. “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Dan said. “Hi Arin.”

Dan listened to Arin cough obnoxiously into the phone. When he came back on the line, he sounded breathless. “DAN! Where the fuck are you?! We’ve been looking for you this whole week- you didn’t answer our calls-“

“Yeah, sorry,” Dan said lamely. “I broke my phone.”

“So where are you?!” Arin could hear the slur in Dan’s voice. “Are you okay?!”

~Am I okay? There’s a fucking question.~ Dan glanced at a brochure on the counter. “I’m at the…’Majestic Redwoods’ Motel. In Glenn County.”

“…Jesus dude, that’s like, eight hours away."

“I know. I’m…” Dan put a hand to his forehead for a moment, closing his eyes. “…I’m really sick. I can’t drive back down on my own. I need to see Dr. Jackson.” Dan thought about the mess in the bathroom. “And…I need cleaning supplies...and a bag or two…”

Arin panicked. “Dan, what happened?!”

Dan glanced at the reception lady- still talking to the guests. “…There’s blood involved.”

“DAN! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN-“

“I had an…accident, with my razor,” Dan replied stiffly. “I’m gonna go lie down. I’m in room 107. I’ll see you whenever you get here.” Before Arin could reply, Dan hung up. ~I’m so done with today,~ he thought as he trudged back to his room, laid down on the bed and immediately fell into uneasy sleep.

~~~

Dan was awoken a few hours later by a loud whirring noise coming from outside. As he opened his eyes, it seemed to die down. ~A helicopter?~ He thought, sitting up. Before he got up to check the window, a few minutes later, there was a loud knock on the door.

“Dan? Are you in there? It’s Dr. Jackson.”

“The door’s unlocked,” Dan replied faintly.

The door cautiously opened. Katie peered inside, holding a large briefcase. Arin stood behind her, wearing a backpack, looking exhausted. When Katie saw Dan’s face, she gasped, tears spilling down her face. “Oh my God, Dan!” She rushed inside and set the case on the bed before hugging Dan tightly. “We looked everywhere for you! I’m so sorry…” She pulled back, staring at him with pure concern. “Oh, you look horrible…I’m so sorry! And you’re so cold! You need fluids and sugar-“ Katie rushed to the kitchen to get a glass of warm water and search for a possible snack.

Dan looked up at Arin, but Arin wasn’t looking back. His bruised face slowly flushed red as he began to cry. He was staring at the bathtub full of blood. “Jesus fucking Christ. Dan…” he whispered. His heart was overflowing with guilt and sadness. But he couldn’t apologize anymore. It would never be enough. He walked over to Dan, setting down the backpack, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Dan, I…” Tears flowed down his face. He looked down. “I…I don’t even…” He shook his head. When Arin looked back up, he wore a sad smile, his lip quivering. “I’m so fucking glad you’re still alive. No more lies. I swear to fucking God, no more. I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

Dan just nodded coldly, staring at Arin. His expression was unreadable. He made no reply as Katie returned with a glass of water and a box of Triscuits. “These will do. Eat up, Dan.” She handed the items over, focused on her task.

Dan drank some of the water and handed it back. But when he opened the crackers, he just stared at them. Katie furrowed her brow. “Dan, are you okay?”

“Doctor, the bathroom…” Arin said weakly. Katie gave him a quizzical look and walked over to the bathroom. When she saw it, she gasped loudly and covered her mouth, eyes wide in astonishment. She immediately hurried back over to Dan.

“Dan, show me where you’re bleeding, now-“

“Why do I need to eat this?” Dan asked again stubbornly. He began to look annoyed. “How do these help me?!”

Katie was perplexed. “What has gotten into you?! Show me your wounds!” she demanded. Dan glared at her for a moment. Then he slowly removed his jacket and placed his forearms in his lap for her to see. The bandages were stained a little red down the center. Katie gently took Dan’s arms in both her hands and closed her eyes, sighing. “Dan…you tried…” She looked up with wet, sorrowful eyes. “You tried to kill yourself.”

Dan nodded, staring off into space. “…Why do I need to eat?” he quietly asked no one. “Why do I need to sleep, or breathe?”

Katie looked questioningly at Arin. He just looked back sadly, having no comfort to offer. Katie took one of Dan’s arms in her hands. She stared into his empty eyes. “Dan, you need to eat because your body and mind are weak. You need the energy in order to feel better. Now, I’m going to fix your arms and then I’m giving you a blood transfusion. And then we can all rest and go home.” She placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder. When he didn’t respond, she removed it and began to peel back his bandages.

Every layer removed revealed the truth to Katie and Arin. When the cuts were exposed, Katie slowly gasped. Arin widened his eyes. “Oh my God!” he exclaimed.

“He cut straight through his wiring,” Katie said incredulously. When she glanced at Dan, he was still looking away, unresponsive. “Dan?! Dan!” she said, snapping her fingers in front of his face. Still no response. “He’s in emotional and physical shock.”

“Yeah, no shit!” Arin shouted, beginning to panic. “What do we do?!”

“He’ll be okay- just help me lift him back onto the bed. I’ll fix him,” Katie said urgently. They each stood on either side of Dan and lifted him onto the bed in a lying down position. Katie opened the briefcase. Digging around for a bit, she pulled out a small soldering gun and some pliers. She glanced at Arin. “You’re emotional support while I do this.” She plugged the gun into the wall outlet and looked at Dan. “Dan, this might sting or burn, but it will help you.” Katie went into work mode, carefully pulling out a few individual wires, beginning to fuse them back together.

“Yeah, okay,” Arin said with zero confidence. He sat on the other side of the bed, watching him. Dan looked like a doll. “When will he respond again?”

“Probably when I give the transfusion,” Katie replied. “But he’s aware of you. He’s saving energy.”

The process was entirely slow, torture for Arin. He just watched Katie work and waiting for Dan to respond, keeping a hand on his shoulder. Arin looked down. He let his regretful tears drip into his lap. “Dan…I’m so sorry that I let this happen. I really wanted to tell you but I was too afraid of hurting you…and I didn’t know what to say…” Arin sat up and stared into Dan’s eyes, trying to maintain contact with him. “Everything I haven’t said has been a huge mistake. You shouldn’t forgive me for this. But…” Arin thought for a moment. Then, he seemed to reach a decision. He spoke with more determination. “You’re a person, Dan. You are definitely yourself- and I don’t fucking care what anyone else says. You are real. Your body is both real and artificial-“ Arin looked at Katie for confirmation. “Right?”

Katie nodded. “Yes. Dan…your brain, organs and most of your framework was 3D printed. We used some of your actual DNA and cells in the more complex places, like your brain and heart. It’s not all living tissue- we haven’t perfected the technology yet, but we’ve been trying.” She moved onto applying a special blue gel-like glue around Dan’s cuts, smoothing his skin back together with small metal tools. “...You are also a computer. There’s a large unit behind your heart that’s connected to everything. But you are intelligent and self aware. And you have knowledge that I never gave you. From what I see, you have your own memories and you make your own decisions. So in my book, you are a person.”

“Yes,” Arin pressingly added. “You’re Dan. You’ve always been Dan. Before and after the scans. Before and after the accident. When I hear you practicing your songs in the basement…” Arin looked down. "I don’t normally believe in this kind of stuff...and it’s really complicated now. But I know I’m right. I just feel it.”

After a while of fixing up Dan’s arteries, veins and skin, Katie finally got a transfusion going through a blood bag and IV. Arin watched as his best friend’s complexion slowly became healthier, like a re-colorized black-and-white photograph. Dan began to breathe deeper. He blinked a few times but remained still.

When Katie was done, she re-wrapped Dan's arms, put everything away and donned latex gloves. “Okay, good as new. Keep him company, try to get him to eat. I’m gonna work on the bathroom, and then I never want to see the color red ever again,” she remarked, walking out of the room while carrying the backpack.

Arin continued to rub Dan’s shoulder, grabbing the box of Triscuits. “Dan, can you hear me?”

Dan closed his eyes. He gave a long sigh and then looked over at Arin with tired eyes. Then his lips moved into a sad smile. “You look like total shit,” he said gently, giggling lightly. Tears spilled from his eyes.

Arin felt pure, unadulterated joy bloom in the center of his chest. He teared up again too, pulling Dan into a firm embrace. Arin began to sob. “I love you, dude! I’m so sorry I lied to you, and I’m sorry I fired you, and-“

Dan rolled his eyes and grinned. “Oh my God, Arin, you are the gayest, straight man I know-“

“Shut up!” Arin shouted through laughter and tears. He shoved the box of crackers into Dan’s lap. “Just shut up and eat your damn Triscuits!”

Dan kept giggling softly while he ate some of the crackers, sitting up. “These need cheese,” he mumbled with his mouth full.

“You are the cheese, stupid,” Arin said. He sat up against the bedframe next to Dan as they both shared the box of crackers, sleepily munching them. Dan finally started to feel better.

After a few minutes, Dan got bright eyed. He set his head on Arin’s shoulder. “…I remembered. About that day at the lab. I kinda know how I was made…”

“You know how your body was made,” Arin corrected. “We can go over all that on the way back. I’m gonna go help Katie clean up. Get some sleep.” Arin slid off the bed and shuffled over to the bathroom door.

“…Arin?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I punched you. A lot."

"Yeah, yeah." Arin rolled his eyes, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Dan laid back down and closed his eyes, finally starting to feel peaceful. He didn't have the best answers...but he had people who cared about him. He wiped some of his tears away, then rubbed his palm thoughtfully with his thumb. He smiled, more tears dripping into his pillow.

~Thank you.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thank you for reading! :)


	14. In Between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thanks so much for waiting! I hope this is an okay chapter for you guys, I know it's short. I'm really grateful for this story and the people who follow it- I hope you're still liking it ok! Lemme know in the comments whatcha think. :)

For the remainder of the night, Arin joined Dan in his motel room, while Katie grabbed her own a couple doors down. Despite how early into the next morning it was, neither of the guys was ready to go to bed quite yet. They continued to sit on the bed together. They quietly ate a late-ordered pizza while half watching some unnamed TV drama in front of them.

Dan still had at least a thousand questions that he needed answers for in his new situation, but he wasn’t emotionally ready to jump head first into the more difficult questions. Wading in slowly, he glanced at his slice of pizza. “So…how much do I actually need to eat and sleep?”

Arin thought a moment. “Uh, I dunno…maybe like, once a day, or every couple days on the eating? Katie will know better. But I’m pretty sure sleep is still really important for you. For updates, or whatever.” Arin looked at Dan intently. “I expected more questions. You’re taking things well…”

Dan immediately shook his head. “I don’t really feel like vomiting all over the bed.”

Arin chuckled but looked concerned. “Okay, okay. Take it easy.”

Dan nodded, deep in introspection as he ate silently. “…Is Suzy okay? And everyone else?”

Arin wasn’t 100% sure how to answer. “We were all worried sick about you. Not much else going on right now.”

That’s when Dan was finally able to catch the lie in action. It was a sudden observation. He raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were gonna be honest with me now.”

“What?”

“You glanced away just now. For just a second.” Dan thought back to a few nights before. “…Is our channel in trouble?”

Arin sighed. “No, not exactly. Well, maybe. You were seen the other day.”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, a girl at the café...”

“Yes, her. She took a picture of you.” Arin pulled out his phone. To Dan’s surprise, Arin moved Dan’s hair aside, aiming his phone at Dan’s neck.

“Arin, what’re you-“

Click. Arin showed the pic to Dan. His eyes widened. “I’m…branded...”

Arin nodded, putting his phone away. “Right now, we`re just arguing that it’s fake.” Seeing the look on Dan’s face, he added, “The picture. As for everything else…”

Arin felt his heart fall into his stomach. He also had waters he wasn’t ready to swim through. But he knew this wouldn’t end well. “…things are complicated right now.”

Dan immediately became annoyed. “Yeah, no shit, Arin…”

“Dan,” Arin said firmly. His expression became serious. “I’m not fucking with you right now. You aren’t ready to go down some roads just yet.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Dan angrily yelled. “Quit jerking me around already!” He was about to get up but Arin grabbed his upper arm. “Stop-“

“Stop! Look at me, Dan!” Arin shouted in frustration, pulling him back, staring at him. Arin’s eyes welled with some emotion. “I am really done arguing with you. Look at me and tell me I’m lying.”

Dan searched Arin’s eyes. Then he seemed to relax a bit. “…What am I not ready for?”

“There’s something very obvious that you still haven’t asked me yet. You know what it is. And when you’re ready to ask, then I’ll tell you,” Arin said with finality. Exhaling, he stood up. “I’m gonna take a quick shower. Then we should go to bed. It’s a super long drive tomorrow.” Arin walked into the now sparkling white bathroom and shut the door, leaving Dan alone with his thoughts.

Dan zoned out, thinking deeply. Then his eyes seemed to light up with an epiphany. “Whoah…” Dan’s eyes flitted back and forth. Sorting through information. After looking a few minutes, Dan got up and grabbed his notebook from atop the dining table. Opening to a new page, he began to write and draw…

When Arin stepped out of the bathroom in his pajamas, he found Dan at the table with a pile of intricate drawings of machines spread out around him. Dan was diligently writing a series of notes on another sheet of paper. Arin picked up a drawing. “Whoah, I didn’t know you could draw! What are these?”

“I didn’t know either,” Dan said, extremely focused. “They’re models of bio-printers. I think I accidentally Googled them with my brain…so I was figuring out how they work.”

Arin grinned. “That’s awesome! So, you can just search stuff? Can you GPS our way home too?”

Dan stopped writing and spaced out for a moment. Then he nodded. “Yeah, I think so…”

“Sweet! That’s so cool! I wish I could Google shit with my mind.”

“Instead of with the tiny, amazing computer you have on your person at all times?” Dan asked, smiling back.

Arin ignored Dan for a moment to help him pile up the new sketches. “Here, let’s look at these tomorrow...we should sleep."

“Yeah, alright.” Dan somewhat reluctantly handed Arin the notebook.

While Dan was brushing his teeth in the bathroom a few minutes later, he stared at the bathtub. There was no sign that anything had ever occurred there. ~A few hours ago, I almost died…now, I don’t know what I am…~ Dan vaguely thought. He suddenly felt fatigued.

The guys collapsed on the motel bed and shut out the lights. They both stared at the ceiling for a bit. Then Arin turned to Dan. “Hey…can you look up porn with that?”

Dan’s eyes glossed over for a moment. Then he grinned, immaturely giggling. “Oh baby, yes I can!”

Arin loudly laughed. “No way! K- you just lost bed privileges-“

“I’m not gonna jack off next to you, Arin! Jesus! And this was your idea!”

The guys fell into a fit of laughter before they were consumed by deep sleep.

~~~  
The next day while Dan was in the shower, Arin was sharing a cold, lobby coffee with Katie in her room. Late morning light filtered in through the windows. Katie was in a chipper mood until she saw the look on Arin’s face. They sat at the dining table, sipping quietly. Katie spoke first. “I’ll meet you at the lab tonight, and then we can-“

“Katie,” Arin interrupted. His face was sullen. He looked down, fiddling with his hands. “…I’m going to tell him.”

Katie nodded knowingly. “Of course. It’s inevitable at this point. But, do you know your plans afterward…?”

“I don’t know…I was just going to see what he wanted to do…”

“What he wanted…” Katie repeated. She sighed and set her cup down. “Arin…” She thought of her words carefully. “I know that I said some things about Dan yesterday.” She stared at him intently. “But…he isn’t really a person. He’s not just a machine either. He’s something in between. But we don’t have a definition for that. Until then…”

“He belongs to you,” Arin answered. He looked up, eyes watery. “He doesn’t get a say.”

Katie nodded, frowning. “True. But…this isn’t necessarily the end. You can continue to rent him. He will be able to be in his band, like he initially wanted. I’m sure he could keep being in your videos here and there. But, as you stated before…he is my ‘project’. And I intend to follow great pursuits with him.” She took a sip of her coffee, then added, “You could always simplify his model too. If you still wanted him around and were worried about his suffering.”

Arin stared at the floor for a few minutes but he couldn’t hold it together. Tears dripped down his face. He was so tired of crying. Of all this. He looked up, voice wavering. “We…we made him sick. We made him suffer on purpose…and he didn’t have a clue…”

Katie placed a hand sympathetically on Arin’s arm. “You were trying to give him a normal life.”

“He’ll never have one,” Arin whispered. “Never. And it’s my fault…” he began to quietly sob. 

“Arin…” Katie frowned at him. 

“I did it just for him, at first.” Arin stared off into space for a moment. “Then…over time…I got selfish ideas. I thought this could help…be real…somehow…”

“You had faith,” Katie said.

“For all the good it did,” Arin replied with a cynical laugh. 

“Well…you have at least a couple weeks to decide. Maybe more. Don’t overwhelm yourself,” Katie said. She continued to console Arin when there was a knock on the door.

“Hey, you guys ready to check out?”

Arin retreated to the bathroom to rinse his face. Katie answered the door for Dan, wearing a smile.

~~~  
Dan’s phone was ringing nonstop, pulling him from deep sleep. He was in his boxers, lying facedown in his pillow, his blankets a twisted mess around him. He grumbled and turned over, grabbing his phone from the bedside table and putting it to his ear. “Mmmh…hello?”

“Dan! Get over here! We got an invitation!” Arin sounded like a young boy on Christmas day.

Dan yawned, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Invitation to what?”

“’The Game Grumps are invited to be in the J.S.A. Android Museum!’ This is fucking awesome! We’re gonna be robots!”

Dan was greatly confused. “Why are you waking me up at-“ He glanced at his alarm clock. “Oh. Noon. Okay, I’m up.” Dan walked into his bathroom stretching his arms. “I’ve never even heard of this…what is it?”

Jackson & Smith Automations was a new, US-based robotics company, working out of California and New York, to create human or animal androids as true artificial intelligence companions. They received some inspiration from a Russian, non-profit organization called the 2045 Initiative. The Initiative’s goals were extremely eccentric; They planned on creating human avatars in several phases to be able to upload a person’s consciousness into a computer by the year 2045, in order to achieve ‘true immortality’. The J&S Automations Company had much simpler goals that were rooted in the entertainment industry, but they were definitely intrigued by the Initiative’s design of robotics, use of artificial organs, and the supposed creation of neural processors.

The J.S.A. Company wanted to introduce their new products with a celebrity android museum- much like a wax museum, except 100 times more interactive for the audience. The company also wanted to start pre-releasing alpha-stage, customizable computer companions to the public, available for purchase during the holiday season.

“And since they were gonna open a museum in LA, we got invited to be in the social media section,” Dan explained to Arin as they drove southbound on the freeway. They’d been in the car for a few hours now, singing karaoke, recalling silly stories as Dan gave Arin some driving directions. (Katie very smugly flew back in her helicopter). Arin was glad to have his best friend next to him again. Dan felt more and more refreshed as he remembered some of the details of that day in February. Arin was helping to fill in the blanks for him, and Dan used some bits of information he was able to find online to try and re-jog his memory. 

“Right. So we had a meeting at the Grump Space with everyone. Most of the guys thought it was cool but super weird and suspicious. Everyone was worried about costs, which is totally understandable. Ross said he thought it’d be giving a new company too much of our personal information.”

“Seriously though! Here’s a list of all the things I do, what I like, my blood type, brain, DNA…” Dan laughed at the absurdity. “Like, how could we not be worried about that?!”

“Oh, we were suspicious as fuck, man. But Dr. Jackson insisted that everything was confidential and under high security. She said the scans wouldn’t cost very much, and if we said no, they’d shred and delete everything. But it was one of those rare times where I actually forced myself to read through all of the Terms and Conditions.” Arin chuckled. “At the very least, it was a free tour of a freaking sci-fi, robot making laboratory! How do you say no?”

“And Grump can’t go without Not So Grump,” Dan said, smiling. “I was weirded out too, but I trusted you. And I thought it’d be really cool to see something like that.”

“It was fucking amazing…” Arin went off into a ramble about the details of the design laboratory.

But Dan zoned out quite a bit during that part. He already knew the details. His stomach lurched, his nerves getting jittery. Because he knew. He was on the wrong side of this equation.

Arin spotted a gas station ahead. “Time for a snack break.” He parked next to a pump and got out. When he came back a few minutes later with two Cokes and a bag of beef jerky, Dan was still in the passenger seat. Arin watched him a moment while he pumped gas, then he paid and got back into the car. “Hey…you doin’ alright?”

Dan gave Arin a calm, pensive look. “Yeah, I’m okay. Uh…so, is Dr. Jackson an actual doctor?”

Arin nodded slowly, setting the items down between them. Dread began to drip into his chest. “Yeah, she is. She’s a neurologist and might have a minor in Psychology. She also does brain surgeries sometimes.”

“But primarily, she’s working on androids now...and she made me.”

“She made your body-“

“She made me,” Dan restated, staring at Arin. “But, not the one for you?”

“No. We decided not to build mine. Too expensive."

“Okay, but…they were gonna be released for Christmas…so...” Dan said. His heart began to fall. His eyes begged Arin for more answers.

Arin sighed deeply. Suddenly he looked much older as he stared out the windshield. “…Katie says you’re the best model she has. None of the other androids come close to acting like you do. She says you’re a miracle. And we really wanted the best for you.” When Arin looked back at Dan, he seemed exhausted. Like all happiness had seeped from him. He cleared his throat. “This whole time…we’ve been feeding you this illusion that you’re sick. But the things you’ve been through lately…” Arin looked down, biting his lip. Trying to hold back the wave of guilt. “It’s all programming. The headaches. The cold. It wasn’t real...I mean, you felt it, but you never needed to. And it wasn’t fair to you.” Arin began to cry silently as he stared back up at Dan. “I’m so fucking sorry…”

Dan just watched Arin a moment, his own eyes watering. He nodded gently. “A part of me knew that something was off.” He thought about the paranoia, the hallucinations. “I think I just wanted normalcy too. So…why…?”

Arin knew this was coming. But he wasn’t prepared. His voice wavered. “To…to let you keep Ninja Sex Party. To make up for lost time. To try and give you…a real life…after the accident…” Arin broke. He gasped and his body shook as he quietly sobbed.

Dan’s face was streaked with new tears. He reached out and placed a shaky hand on Arin’s shoulder. He suddenly felt afraid. “Arin…what happened to my body?”

“…Ross was right,” Arin whispered. He looked back up, past the windshield. Past the world. “…I can’t play pretend anymore.” Arin gave Dan a sullen stare as they both sat in the gas station parking lot, life casually moving on around them.

~~~  
Every single day had been harder than the last. But Suzy couldn’t let anything stop her as she got dressed and did her hair and make up for the day. Looking herself over in the mirror, she decided everything was good as she grabbed her bag and drove back to the hospital.

The walk back never got any shorter. She passed other doctors and patients walking through the hallway. She heard crying, laughter and business all around her but it was white noise at this point. As if rehearsed dozens of times, she stopped at a door on the left and carefully stepped inside, closing it behind her.

She was greeted by the strong smell of antiseptic, stale air. Machines were beeping and pumping. The blinds were drawn. She took a moment to open them, afternoon sun spilling into the room. She flipped on the lights and pulled up a chair to the side of a bed that was in the middle of the room. Staring thoughtfully at its occupant for a moment, Suzy pulled a book from her purse. She removed the bookmark and began to read.

“.…The true secret in being a hero lies in knowing the order of things. The swineherd cannot already be wed to the princess when he embarks on his adventures, nor can the boy knock on the witch's door when she is already away on vacation. The wicked uncle cannot be found out and foiled before he does something wicked. Things must happen when it is time for them to happen. Quests may not simply be abandoned; prophecies may not be left to rot like unpicked fruit; unicorns may go unrescued for a very long time, but not forever. The happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story….” 

Tears dripped onto the pages as Suzy continued to read aloud her tattered copy of The Last Unicorn.

~~~

“Babe…babe, wake up.”

Suzy was shaken awake. She blinked and groggily looked at someone sitting next to her. It was darker in the room than it had been before. When her eyes adjusted enough to see the long brown hair and beard, she hugged him tight. “Arin! Thank God, you’re finally back. I was worried about you.”

“Yeah.” Arin’s voice sounded drained. “…I brought him here too.”

Suzy pulled back from the hug, giving Arin a quizzical look. She realized now that her seat had been moved to the back of the room with him. He pointed forward and she glanced up. She gasped.

Dan stood next to the bed. His eyes were bright, wide open as he stared at the ghost who was lying next to him. It was completely familiar, yet so far away. An alien.

The pale ghost was in horrible shape. It was wearing an oxygen mask, a machine working its lungs. Several tubes and pads were attached to its arms and bare chest, affixed to beeping monitors. The rough scars down the right half of its body were angry and pinkish red. Half of its curly head of hair was shaved, a drainage tube running from the side of its skull into a plastic container next to it. Its eyes were closed, and seemed to have been that way for a long time. Its face was sunken, almost skeletal.

Dan ran his own hand across the ghost’s arm…its skin was surprisingly warm. When he looked back at Arin, he realized that he couldn’t stop the tears from coming. The couple cried with him, Arin trying to give him a small smile. Suzy put her hands on her mouth. It was hard for Dan to find his own voice. “How…how long do I have?” he whispered. He stared back down at the ghost.

Arin stood up slowly, walking over to him. “The doctors said possibly 8-12 months, but-“

“But if there was no hope…then I wouldn’t want this,” Dan stated, almost matter-of-factly. He knew. That he couldn’t put the people he loved through this for so long. This never-ending Hell. He asked again. “How long?”

Arin looked down. His tone was cold. Controlled. “You…wrote a will. 6 months, if no apparent changes.”

“…and that’s in…”

“Two weeks. Then your parents come. And the lawyers. And they all decide…” Arin’s voice trailed off.

Dan looked back at Suzy. He recognized the book in her lap and smiled. His body trembled, his quiet voice cracking. “Suzy…thank you for reading to me. Thank you…”

Suzy smiled back. But they all broke down together. They all began to sob quietly, watching the patient in the bed.

“Thank you…thank you…” Dan whispered, his lips trembling. It was all he could think to say. But it was all too much now. He closed his eyes and collapsed backwards, just in time for Arin to catch him. Arin lifted him and placed Dan’s tired, second form into the seat next to Suzy. Then Arin pulled Suzy into a tight embrace. They began to bawl. They stood and cried together in the small hospital room.

After a while, the only sounds left in the room were the machines, buzzing, beeping, pumping, whirring. Counting down.

 

Counting down all the time that’s left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote used in this chapter was pulled from The Last Unicorn novel.
> 
> The 2045 Initiative is an actual thing. I dunno how much real science is behind it...But you can wiki it if you're curious.
> 
> Thanks again!


	15. Memory & Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, lyrics used aren't mine.

Dan opened his eyes and found himself in an oddly familiar place. He stared at the florescent lights on the ceiling for a moment before he groaned, sitting up on the thin bed. The air was cool and crisp against his skin. It smelled like plastic, burning metal, books, and more medical scents. He shivered as it hit his bare chest- he noticed his jacket and shirt were on the desk next to him.  


Dan’s eyes searched the lab, which was surprisingly clean and divided into sections. There were small rooms with large glass windows that featured bio printers on center platforms within. The printers had various colored tubes attached, liquids inside moving up and down. In the center of each printer, a mechanical, pen-like arm moved back and forth, slowly building an artificial organ. Finished models were on display in glass cases, some floating in containers of some sterile, yellow or blue liquid.

There were some conveyor belts in the center of the room that had partially built metal skeletons and unfinished computer components sitting atop them. Some of them moved, and larger mechanical arms next to them were carefully piecing together each part of a robotic skeleton. Other arms were along the far wall, holding up finished metal bodies. Some were having repairs soldered back together, sparks flying. Some of the skeletons were partially covered in skin and had individual faces and eyes, although none were complete just yet. In yet another corner of the expansive laboratory, there were head and face models sitting on tables, with alien looking art supplies sitting next to them. Some of the models had endoskeletons; the faces silently cycled through several facial expressions.

The lab was crammed full of data: Back rooms contained shelves of books and various bottles of bodily samples. Walls were covered in posters of medical and robotic models and designs. Empty lab desks and computers were everywhere. Dan was next to a desk near the front entrance and he assumed it to be Katie’s.

Despite much of the unnerving atmosphere, Dan wasn’t phased by it in the slightest. After donning his clothes, he glanced around the room again. No sign of the doctor. Curiously, he took a walk around the room.

While he was walking past a partially finished, young, brunette, female model android, her blue eyes followed his movement. “Hello!” She called to Dan in a cool, relaxed voice. Dan stopped and swiftly turned to face her, startled. The robot seemed to read him. She frowned in concern. “Sir, are you okay?”

Dan blinked. Suddenly, he felt strangely intrigued. He approached her. Looking into her eyes, he felt inclined to answer. “…Yeah, I’m good. You just startled me.”

“I’m sorry!” the robot dramatically replied. Dan noticed that her voice didn’t match up with her lip movements, although it was subtle. Her head also gave a strange twitch here and there. It made Dan a little uncomfortable…but she did have a cute face. Her expression moved back to neutral a moment, then a soft smile. “My name is Julie. What’s yours?”

Dan couldn’t help the small smile that was spreading across his face. There was something endearing about the simple interaction. “My name is Dan,” he gently replied.

Julie smiled jovially, as if she’d just received a great gift. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dan!” Julie watched Dan attentively, then continued. “What are your hobbies?”

Dan kept smiling but it faltered as his thoughts began to wander. He looked away from her. “…I like to sing. I’m in a band. It’s called Ninja Sex Party.”

Julie’s eyes moved back and forth briefly, then went back to tracking Dan’s. “I’ve never heard of it. Could you play me a song?” she eagerly asked.

Dan looked back at her. He felt his cheeks get warm. ~…Why am I embarrassed?~ To save face, he smiled again, feeling his jean pockets. Right, no more cell phone. “Uh, I can’t play one, but…” Dan thought a moment. ~This is silly…but why not?~ “I can sing you a song. It’s not one I wrote, but I did a cover of it.”

Julie nodded in interest. “I’d like to hear it,” she firmly replied.

Dan paused, looking at the ground. Then he closed his eyes and began to sing. He sang the lyrics loosely, slowly, and gently. His clear, strong tones spread new warmth into the otherwise strange, clinical room.

[We’re talking away  
I don’t know what  
I’m to say, I’ll say it anyway  
Today’s another day to find you  
Shying away  
I’ll be coming for your love, okay?]

Dan began to sway as he sang. 

[Take on me…  
Take me on…  
I’ll be gone,  
In a day or two…]

Dan opened his eyes. They widened when he saw the look on the robot’s face.

Julie had her head tilted, her eyes dazed, pupils dilated. Her mouth was slightly open, her cheeks turning a soft pink. To Dan, she looked as though she was caught in between infatuation, awe, and sentimental longing. “Wow…”she whispered. “You are…that was really beautiful.”

Dan felt his entire face feel hot. He chuckled, looking away again. ~Stupid…but, the way she said it…it sounded almost…~

“I see you’ve met one of my newer models!” a voice called out from behind Dan. He turned around to see Katie carrying a box of files and tools over to her desk. She set it down and rushed over to him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier, I had to run a few errands…how are you feeling right now, Dan?”  


Dan ignored Katie for a moment. He was transfixed on Julie. Waiting for her to ask him another question. But she didn’t. She was stuck- wistfully staring back at him, unmoving.

Katie looked at Julie thoughtfully. “As you can see, her expressions need some work. But she’s very good at reading people and learning their faces.” Katie looked at the robot intently. “Julie.” The robot went back to a neutral expression. “…What do you think of Dan?”

Julie looked at Dan again. Then, much like Dan had a moment ago, she blushed and looked away in apparent embarrassment. “You seem really sweet…”

Katie looked amused. “Good answer.” She looked at Dan. “She’s just a demo, so she doesn’t know much yet.” Katie glanced at a clock on the wall. “Damn, it’s already ten. Okay Julie, time for sleep.”

“Goodnight Katie,” Julie responded. She closed her eyes and went silent.

Dan just stared at the robot. Past her. Against his will, apprehension began to well up in his chest. It began to move up to his throat. He turned around and walked back to the bed by the main desk, past Katie. She patiently followed him. “Arin brought you down here himself, a little over an hour ago. Sorry about your shirt, I was just checking your vitals and your system…” Katie carefully watched Dan. She could feel the resistance between them. Hesitantly, she placed a hand on his shoulder. She tried again. “Dan…how are you feeling?”

Dan was still zoning out. ~Don’t feel…just do…~ When he spoke, his voice was quiet. Defeated. “I…think that I might be walking through a dream that never ends. There’s a routine…and people I know…” Dan sighs. “Connections, but not deep ones. There’s happiness and awful experiences…but no real order to anything.” ~No meaning.~ “I’m just here…”

Katie bit back her exponentially growing worry. She just nodded and listened supportively. She led Dan back to the bed. “Here, how about you sit down…and I’ll try to help you tonight. See if I can make any use out of my Psychology degree.” Katie chuckled at the lame joke but Dan was only looking more tired by the second. She sighed and pulled a clipboard and paper from her desk drawer, then turned back to him. Her concern was now plainly evident. “Talk to me, Dan. Why do you think you’re here?”

Dan kept staring off ahead somewhere. But when he spoke next, his voice was firmer. “I don’t know how I didn’t see things from the very beginning. The fucking ridiculousness of it all…” Dan lied down in the bed, staring at the ceiling. “There’s…a miracle serum that wakes me up. When I wake up, there’s confusion…but only for a moment. No pain, or pushy nurses, or hurting wounds. I can just walk on out, no problem. Laughing, even. Out of the fucking hospital.” Dan’s breath catches in his throat before he continues. “There’s…nobody waiting for me, except Arin.” Dan’s eyes begin to water. “No family…no Avi, or Debra, or Mom, or Dana and the boys…no Brian…no other friends…” He thinks of the party. “And when I finally do get to see my friends, there’s almost nothing. Nobody cares that I almost died.” Dan looked back over at Katie. His expression was bitter. “How much did Arin pay them to even talk to me?” Katie gave Dan a sorrowful look, writing notes on her clipboard silently. After a moment, Dan continued, his tone softening. “…I had so much resentment. I was so angry that no one would just talk to me. But I never said anything. And…now I know…I know that…” Dan’s voice fell to a whisper. A couple of tears spilled down his face and neck. “I’m the monster. The Shadow…I’m the one that doesn’t belong here. I’m not real…and people can never truly see me…” Dan glanced back at Katie. His breathing became heavy. “When people look at me, they’ll only see him. And he’s almost gone…”; Dan stared back at the ceiling. His body began to tremble. “I’m…almost…gone…”

Katie stood up abruptly, ignoring her own stirring emotions. She set the clipboard down and hurried over to Dan, taking his hand in hers. “Dan, deep breaths…this is good…keep going, but stay with me…”

“I could have stayed in the bathtub,” Dan said dejectedly, his voice almost gone. “It would’ve been over then. It was enough.”

~Don’t you ever fucking say that!!~ Katie screamed in her head. ~Dammit…now…~ Katie took a few breaths for herself. She glanced at the box on her desk. “Keep breathing, Dan. Focus on just your breath!” she ordered sternly. “In through your nose, out through your mouth.” ~Goddamn, I wish Arin was helping with this.~ Dan appeared to be listening to her. His tears were dissipating, his chest rising and falling deeply.

Katie rushed back to her desk, digging through the box she placed there. Dan turned onto his side now to watch her, grateful for the brief distraction. He cleared some of the moisture from his throat, murmuring. “Mmmh…doctor…what are you doing?”

Katie sighed with some relief, then pulled a tape recorder, a bell, and a small metal clicker from the box. She set the recorder and the bell on her armrest and held the clicker. She took a seat and pulled her chair up to the bed. “Okay Dan. I think it’s time to go back to some hypnotherapy.” Upon hearing the word, Dan’s eyes widened in fear. Katie put a hand on his head. “Nonono…not to forget. Not this time. I’m going to help you remember as much as you can.”

Katie dimmed the lights in the room so some of them gave off low, warm light, shutting off the florescent bulbs. She hit the circle button on the tape recorder. “Dan, close your eyes and relax. We’re going to count from one to ten with the clicker…when you hear the bell, you’ll be in extremely deep relaxation…”

Katie counted for Dan. With every number, he saw himself walking down a set of white stairs that led into darkness. Every step became harder as his body became heavier and heavier, his breathing longer. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall into the peaceful blackness.

The bell sounded, and Dan dropped down gently into a memory.

~~~

“The lab is in the hospital? That seems really weird,” Dan commented. He was sitting alongside Arin in the car. His window was down an inch, the February hair breezing through his hair as he glanced down at a brochure in his hand.

“Well, this isn’t their headquarters or anything. And with all the work they’re doing with artificial organs, new doctors probably wanna study whatever they’re doing,” Arin replied, tapping lightly on the steering wheel. He looked over at Dan and grinned. “You nervous?”

“Not exactly…but I’m not a fan of hospitals. I mean, they don’t exactly have good vibes.”

“Yeah…so, what do you think? Is this a dumb idea?”

Dan shrugged, putting the brochure in the glove box. “Oh, I don’t know. If they can do what they advertise, then that’d be fucking incredible. But is this seriously what they want all our information for? It seems bizarre to me.”

“No more weird than all our phone apps asking us where we live?” Arin joked.

Dan laughed. “Yeah! Asking for my DNA is kind of a huge difference, dude!”

Arin laughed as they pulled into the parking lot. “Yeah, well, we’re celebrities. We only care about fame and money.”

The guys walked into the hospital and took the elevator downstairs. After wandering aimlessly for a bit, they found a pair of double doors at the end of a long hallway. There was a tiny reception area beside it. The guys walked up to the desk and waited. 

One of the doors opened and a young, blonde haired woman in a lab coat appeared. Her bright eyes lit up from behind her glasses when she saw the boys, and she grinned. “Hello! Are you two…” She glanced at a clipboard in her hand, “the ‘Game Grumps’?”

The guys grinned back and walked over to her. “Yeah, we are. I’m Arin-“

“-And I’m Dan.” They each held out their hands.

The doctor shook their hands. “Pleasure to meet you both! I’m Dr. Katie Jackson. I’m a neurologist and I run the lab down here. I don’t get very many patients or visitors right now, we’ve mostly been seeking donors for our fun little project. Come on in, we’ll get started!” She held the door open for the guys as they walked inside.

The main room was large and looked like a regular hospital lab with a main desk, tables, and sinks lining a far wall. There were a couple of smaller rooms in the back and a high tech, cylindrical machine on the eastern side. The walls were covered in posters of the body and plastic organ models were placed all around. Cabinets of equipment and more models lined the walls. Dr. Jackson led them to the back, western corner of the room. “The main lab is back here. Are you guys excited?”

“Hell yeah,” Arin replied, eliciting chuckles from the other two. “You getting many donors yet?”

“A lot of celebrities have applied but haven’t gotten back to us yet. We’ve had a couple come in though. You guys are some of our first.”

“Sweet. So, are you Jackson, as in…?” Dan asked.

Dr. Jackson nodded. “Yes, I am the CEO’s, Robert Jackson’s daughter. But feel free to call me Katie, I don’t mind. And once we’re inside, you’ll get to meet my assistant, Ryan Smith." They stopped at a large, conspicuous metal door in the corner. Katie punched a code into the keypad on the wall and scanned her index finger. It beeped and the door clicked. Katie pulled it open and they all walked in, cool air hitting them on the way inside.

The next room was simply a small office area with two desks and computers on each side of the room, with chairs lining the walls. At one of the desks sat a man with short, red hair and a scruffy beard. He had a large, muscular build that looked slightly awkward underneath his short lab coat. He wore a serious expression and was completely focused on his computer monitor, typing away as everyone walked inside. “Okay, so before we do any scans, we will go over paperwork and any questions you have in here. I’m sure you have plenty of concerns.” Katie handed each of the guys a thick stack of papers.

Dan whistled. “Wow, you guys aren’t kidding around. I’m not signing my soul over, right?”

Katie chuckled. “Nono, although I encourage you to read as much of that as you can. We tried to bold all the important information.” She sat down at her own desk. “Now, I’ll try to address your immediate questions.” She turned her seat around to face them. “Your personal information. We do not sell it to anyone. We do not give it to anyone. It does not leave this lab without your permission. We do not use it for anything other than making your android as accurately human as possible. You are not obligated to answer every question. Do only what’s comfortable.” After the guys had signed some of the forms, she continued. “Today’s lab costs are only about $200 for each of you, up to $500 if you wanted to include extensive tissue samples.” Dan gave Arin a nervous glance at this comment, then smiled back at Katie. “We don’t charge for the androids until they are being built but that includes when we begin to print parts and organs. Costs can be extremely expensive, starting in thousands of dollars, so I encourage you to read carefully. There’s a chart of costs on page 22.” Katie glanced at a clock. “I apologize, this takes a fair bit of time. I’m going to set up some of the rooms and machines for us while you fill those out. I’ll be right back.” Katie got up and walked into another adjoining room, leaving Dan and Arin alone with the quiet assistant.

There was silence for a few minutes as the boys filled out the paperwork. Then the man at the desk spoke up. His voice was low. “We don’t want your souls, just your bodies.” He turned around in his chair to face them, grinning and chuckling. When he saw the looks on their faces, he sheepishly added, “Sorry, maybe it’s too early for that joke. I’m Ryan Smith, Katie’s assistant. I help design and build the androids, as well as collect and organize all the lab data.” Dan and Arin introduced themselves to him. He continued, “Pleased to meet you. I’m sorry I didn’t say hello before, I get too absorbed in work sometimes. There’s a lot to do…” He chuckled and looked at them carefully. “Now, I saw from the email that you two make videos on Youtube…have either of you done acting, or animation work?”

The guys raised their eyebrows. Arin replied, “Uh, yeah, actually. I’m an animator. And Dan and I are taking acting classes right now.”

“I’ve done some acting already, mostly music videos though,” Dan added.

Ryan nodded attentively. “Okay, alright…have you done voice acting, or motion capture?”

“Yeah, we have. Dan and I have done voice acting and I’ve done a little bit of motion capture,” Arin said, sitting up straighter in his chair. “Do you guys do that stuff here?”

Ryan grinned. “Yes, of course. It takes a lot of different kinds of data to built a robot that moves, speaks, looks, and thinks like a human being. I hope you didn’t mind that work, because we will be looking at plenty of it today.”

Arin looked like someone had handed him a puppy. “No way- awesome!” He excitedly smiled at Dan. Dan grinned back, relaxing quite a bit.

“This is gonna be fuckin’ sweet, dude.”

Katie opened the adjoining door, peering back inside. “Are you all done with your forms?”

~~~

After having a tour of the main lab, the guys stopped inside a small recording studio in the southeast corner of the giant lab. Wearing black tape sensors around their lips, cheekbones and eyes, the guys stood across from each other and spent the first hour or so exchanging banter with each other into microphones. Several cameras were aimed at them. Ryan sat at a computer in a joint room, mapping out their faces on his computer. Some of the dialogue they had was scripted. But as they both went down the list of required emotional, facial expressions, it wasn’t long until natural silliness ensued and the boys keeled over, laughing hysterically at each other. It almost felt like a normal work day as they teased each other, struggling to get through the required dialogue. Some of the script had serious tones of anger and sadness; those required several takes as they both fought to keep their composure, snickering at each other. After a while, Ryan got up from the computer and walked back to meet them. “For facial movement and your voices, that’s everything we need for now…any questions?”

Dan lightly raised his hand. “Yeah…when do we get paid?”

~~~

Back in the main lab, Katie had a corner of the room cleared for a green screen, set out on the wall and floor. She was instructing Arin on what to do. He stood and listened carefully, wearing the traditional black suit with white sensors on it. Dan and Ryan stood in a small room on the other side and watched them through a one-sided, tinted window. Behind them, a long, silver machine was booting up. It looked like an MRI machine, only larger and with a longer cylinder.

Dan glanced at Ryan. “This is a super impressive lab. But are you the only people running everything? Seems like there’s a lot to do.”

Ryan put on a somewhat distant expression, thinking deeply. “There’s quite a lot of work to be done. We have more assistants, they just work different shifts. They also have less hours here- they’re usually at the main building in Silicon Valley.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to have a larger team at one time though?” Dan asked.

Ryan looked a moment as though he was considering biting his tongue. Then he lightly shrugged. “Yes, it would be much easier. But…” His eyes were watching Katie carefully, “nobody else particularly enjoys working with Dr. Jackson.”

Dan was surprised. “Why not? She seems perfectly nice. And dedicated to her job.”

“…Dr. Jackson has had a difficult year. Right before we announced last year that we were moving HQ into a larger building in California, her fiancé passed away.” Ryan looked down. “Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.”

Dan exhaled, a low feeling edging into his heart. He looked out at Katie. “...I'm sorry. That’s awful.”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah, it is. And since then, she often gets snappy and impatient with the other workers. I’ve been told that her temper is...sometimes explosive.”

“But not with you?”

“No. She’s never even raised her voice to me.”

“Well…it’s a good thing she has you, then,” Dan said.

Ryan’s eyes seemed a little sadder. “Yeah…I suppose.”

Outside the room, Katie appeared to be struggling with something on a computer screen while Arin stood, waiting. Ryan turned to Dan. “I’m gonna step out and help her. She’ll be in here shortly to start your full body scan, if you wanna go ahead and change.”

“Okay,” Dan said. He watched Mr. Smith walk across the lab and over to her.

Dan stared at the intimidating machine as he stripped his clothes off. Katie had left him a thin pair of shorts he was supposed to wear. He tried to think about what it would be like to lose someone you love so much to a terminal disease. His mind flickered briefly to a memory of his late grandfather- he brought it back quickly. ~But your fiancé…I can’t imagine…~ As he slipped on the shorts, he glanced back out the window. Katie and Ryan stood together and watched Arin do a series of basic movements in front of the green screen. Dan saw Katie slip her arm around Ryan’s waist. While Arin was busy, they glanced at each other. Ryan whispered something into Katie’s ear. She smiled and kissed her assistant briefly on the lips. Then they pulled away from each other and went back to business.

Dan’s eyes widened. Because that’s when he finally noticed them.

Slipping out from underneath his coat collar, the letters at the nape of Ryan’s neck as he turned away from her.

~~~

A few minutes later, Katie joined Dan in the back room. Dan stood somewhat awkwardly in the hospital shorts, awaiting her directions. She turned to him “Sorry to keep you waiting like that…now, this part takes a bit of time. Do you suffer from ADHD, or anything similar?”

Dan shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of. So, this machine is going to scan pictures of my skeleton and like, my organs?” he glanced back at the machine with some uncertainty.

“Yes, it will. We might not use all that we scan, but it gives us accurate sizing for the model. The machine also does a more detailed scan of your brain.” This time instead of a monitor, Katie had a large tablet in her hand and was moving her fingers across it rapidly. Her movements seemed to affect the machine; it came to life as the cylinder whirred around a moment then stopped, the bed within the cylinder sliding out of its tube slowly. “We typically use 3D models of brains for our androids. Once we can get the ‘neurons’ firing rapidly, then we install the brain into the model and connect it to the body’s CPU. I use the term ‘neuron’ lightly though…some of the cells can be real but those don’t tend to last. I’ve been working diligently to try and fix that though…” Katie walked to a cabinet on the wall and opened it, pulling out some thick headphones. She handed them to Dan. “Sorry, I’m blabbing again…anyways, you’re going to be in the machine for probably around an hour, and you’ll need to be as still as possible. But in the meantime, you’ll wanna wear these because it’s rather loud and weird. Feel free to take a nap if you need to.”

Dan took the headphones politely. “I’ve never done anything like this before,” he said nervously, lying down flat on the table, his head resting on a light foam pillow.

Katie gave him a reassuring smile. “Not very many people use machines like these, unless they have tissue or muscle problems. Its always a little scary at first, but you’ll be fine. But if you start to feel sick, there’s a red emergency button inside, on the right side.” Katie looked at Dan carefully. “Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’m going to be,” Dan replied nervously, putting on the headphones.

“You’ll be fine, I’m monitoring you. Okay, I’m gonna move you inside in just a minute.” Katie’s fingers played across her tablet. Dan heard a mechanical whirring sound as the bed he was on slowly moved within the cylinder. “Oh, and I almost forgot! The headphones play relaxation music, is that okay?”

~~~

Dan felt cramped within the hollow tunnel of the strange machine. He could feel mild claustrophobia creeping up on him. The cylinder around him began to move, making a loud rumbling sound, luckily muffled by the headphones. At first, it made rhythmic sounds similar to a churning washing machine, with small chirps here and there that sounded birdlike. But Dan was constantly startled as various low and jarring, beeping tones went off loudly around his head at seemingly random intervals. He eyed the emergency button for a moment before he closed his eyes, turning up the volume on the headphones with a switch in his hand, trying hard to concentrate on the soft, celtic music playing into his ears. Eventually, the beeping became another background pattern and he found himself drifting off to sleep.

~~~

Dan opened his eyes, and stared up confusedly at the florescent lights of the high ceiling above him. Cold air was hitting every part of his skin. He blinked. ~Wait, what?~ He moved his hand slowly up to his ear. No headphones. But he thought he felt something else there. A long, horizontal line above his ear.

He looked to his left. There was the recording studio, the printer rooms, the repair stations…no green screen. No Arin, or Ryan. Where were they? And how did he get out here?

When Dan looked to his right, he saw Katie at a desk next to him, typing away code on a computer monitor and sipping a cup of coffee. Dan realized that he was in a bed next to the desk. He sat up slowly, staring at her mystified. “…Dr. Jackson?”

“Whuaah!” Katie let out a frightened cry that echoed throughout the lab. She looked over at Dan, coffee flying from her cup and spilling onto the desk. She set it down, gasping and clutching her chest as she stared at him, panting lightly. “…Jesus, Model One, you scared the hell out of me….why are you getting up? You’re not done running basic diagnostics.”

~What did she call me?~ Dan was becoming more confused by the second. He looked around the room, becoming afraid. “What time is it? When did I get moved out here? Is the scan done?”

Katie just stared in her own bewilderment, watching Dan closely. “…You know what time it is, Model One…what scan are you talking about? Restart diagnostics, now.”

Dan was beginning to get frustrated. “Why are you calling me-“ his thought was interrupted as blue and white lights flashed in front of his eyes. Dan gasped and fell back into the bed and watched as hundreds of letters, numbers, equations, codes appeared in his vision, constantly changing. He shouted in fear, “AAAAHH! W-what is this?! Where the fuck is Arin?! ARIN!”

Katie made a sudden, alarmed sound and put her hands on her mouth. If her coffee were still in her hand, she would have dropped it. She stared at Dan in utter disbelief. ~No…~ She glanced at the computer chip sitting on her desk (now covered in coffee) then back at him. Her eyes were as wide as can be. “…Dan. DAN?!”

“Katie, what’s happening to me?!” Dan cried out. He felt completely nauseated and tried squeezing his eyes shut, but the numbers persisted. He stumbled off the bed onto his feet, swaying, stomach churning.

“Stop diagnostics!” Katie shouted, standing up from her seat.

When the flashes ended, Dan blinked and stared down at himself. But there was no comfort there. He was completely naked. But the most disconcerting fact was that the skin of his chest was pulled aside, chest cavity open to reveal hundreds of wires, a metal ribcage slightly opened. A black box, nestled behind a beating, artificial heart and breathing lungs. 

Dan screamed in pure terror. He ran in the direction of what he perceived to be the exit, although dizziness was overtaking him. But Katie was faster. She firmly grabbed his arm and Dan felt something cold pierce his skin and a liquid bruise. Suddenly, everything slowed down. Dan stopped running, breathing heavily. Calm began to wash over him, replacing his negative emotions. He stood there with his back now against a wall and sighed. He breathed in and out deeply and looked down at Katie with a tired expression. “D-doctor…what’s wrong with me…”

Katie took both of Dan’s hands in hers, rubbing his comfortingly, her voice soothing. “It’s okay, Dan…everything is okay…nothing is wrong…” Her eyes were watering. Suddenly, she found herself overwhelmed by several different emotions. Katie looked down and couldn’t help but laugh, her tears dripping onto the floor. “We did it…we did it, Ryan…” she murmured. After a moment, she looked back up at Dan, beaming at him. His expression became concerned. Katie cupped one of his cheeks tenderly in her hand. “Everything`s alright, Dan…”

You’re perfect.

~~~

Katie continued to take notes on her clipboard, flipping to a new page. Dan was still lying down on the bed. His eyes were open, although they were half lidded as he remained in the trance-like state. Suddenly, he looked over to his left. He began to giggle.

Katie raised an eyebrow, watching him carefully. “What are you laughing at, Dan?”

Dan’s voice was a low murmur. “Mmmh…Brian.” His lips curve into a smile “He’s showing me a video…of Audrey on his phone…”

“...And, what’s the date, Dan?”

“It’s…Friday. April Fool’s Day. We just had a show…at the Regent Theater…”

That caught Katie’s attention. She stopped writing, eyes transfixed on Dan.

Dan mumbles something that she doesn’t catch. Then his expression slowly changes to irritation. Dan glares at something on the left. His next words are much clearer, aggressive. “…The fuck does he think he’s doing?” Dan firmly raises his left hand, middle finger up. “Stay in your lane, asshole!”

The next moments happen in slow motion to Dan. But to Katie, they happen in a matter of seconds. 

Dan’s expression changes from anger to fear, eyes open wide. He reaches for something to his left- “Brian!” he shouts. In his mind, everything is thrown to the right, then upside down, then around again. Dan’s entire body lurches out of the bed to the right, onto Katie’s lap as his body begins to seize violently. She screams and drops everything in her lap but he can’t hear her. His whole world is a low, loud rumbling, the painful screech of metal on concrete. His skull, arm, waist hit a surface forcefully, and he jolts. Then he's dragged across something hard, gritty, burning against him. For just a moment, Dan smells metal, burnt rubber, smoke. He’s lying in something warm and wet.

Dan continues to seize in Katie’s arms. She holds him tight, scared, panicking. “DAN! I’ll count you back! I’ll count-“ She frantically searches the floor for the clicker she dropped.

Then Dan stops moving completely. All he sees is whiteness- he squints through it. Then images come back. His entire body relaxes again. His eyes are still open. He blinks. Before Katie speaks to him again, he slowly, shakily stands up, looking around. He wears an expression full of wonder. His chest doesn’t rise and fall much. He lifts his hand and stares at it in amazement, like he’s never seen it before. Katie stands with him. “Dan…” she whispers. “A-are you okay?”

Dan still doesn’t hear her. Now he’s walking around the bed, staring at it intently. He looks like he wants to cry but no tears come. “Brian…” he says sorrowfully. He walks up to the bed and runs his hand alongside it. Then he shakes his head. “No, Brian, don’t move…” Dan glances at something past the bed. “Don’t look…it’s okay…I’m okay…” Dan’s lip quivers. He turns around and walks away from the bed. Now he’s pacing from side to side, desperately searching for something. “Help…” he says weakly, desperately. “…Somebody help us! Please!”

Katie doesn’t know what to do. She just watches, her hands on her mouth, tears forming in her eyes.

A minute later, Dan sees something- he sighs in relief. “Yes…yes, thank you…” he says. He backs up, his eyes traveling from one side of the room back to the bed. He’s watching it like a hawk. “Yeah, help him…”

Katie sees the tape recorder on the floor, among her other items. The recorder is dented on one side but still going. While Dan is distracted, she picks up the items, placing them on the chair. She continues to watch him.

Dan glances up- once again, his eyes travel from the side of the room to the bed. He appears to be relaxing. “Yes…it’s okay now…” He began to look exhausted. “Everything will be okay now, Brian…”

In Dan’s mind, he’s unaware of his body. But suddenly it came back, something tugging at him hard by the back of his neck. A green light takes over his vision. He resists a moment, then decidedly falls into it, down, down, dread filling his chest as he goes. A sensation like a gigantic vacuum sucks Dan down forcefully. He limbs and body begin to feel impossibly heavy, cold. Everything goes dark...

Katie is able to catch Dan this time before he hits the floor. His eyes are closed but he’s breathing deeply. She stares at him for a long time. Then she lays him down on the floor. She walks back and grabs the items from the chair, then returns to him. With a horribly shaking hand, she holds the clicker. Her breathing is erratic. She speaks quietly. “D-dan…I’m counting you back now…t-ten…you are extremely relaxed…nine…you’re s-starting to feel awake…”

~~~

At the sound of a bell, Dan opens his eyes. He takes a deep breath. He’s aware that he’s lying on the floor. He blinks and looks at Katie. He’s concerned about her- she’s holding his hand tight, tears running down her face. He sits up. “Doctor…what’s wrong? What happened?”

Katie looks like she’s struggling to keep it together. She stares into his eyes. Her voice is a whisper. “Dan…d-do you remember? What yo-you just said to me? What…what you saw?”

Dan doesn’t know what he said. But the images flash in his mind. But he’s also tired- he doesn’t want to make sense of it now. “I don’t know,” he says honestly. “I think it’s there, but I don’t know…” He feels bad for Katie. He doesn’t know what he did wrong. He pulls his hand from hers and places it on her arm. “Katie…why are you crying?”

The flood of emotions is too much. She can’t hold back anymore. Months of sadness. And now this. It all mixing together, no longer able to be contained. “D-DAAAN!” she wailed in absolute grief, hugging him tight and sobbing loudly. 

Dan is completely confused but he is troubled by her suffering. He feels a need to help. He holds her, rubbing her back comfortingly. His voice is soft. “Katie…I’m okay…what’s wrong? Please tell me…”

After a few minutes, Katie calmed down. Once she was quiet, she pulled away from him, snot and water dripping from her face. She wiped it away on her lab coat sleeve, feeling deeply ashamed, embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she sighed. “It’s just...this is hard…to do alone…and…” She places a hand on his chest and looks up at him. “Dan…it’s you.” She bites her lip, looking down. “It’s really, really you…” ~And I did this to you…~ “I’m so sorry…”

The memories slowly flood back to Dan. He nodded, listening to her. He’s beginning to understand. However, his problems suddenly seem insignificant as he tries to console the woman crying in his lap. He lifts her chin, meeting her gaze. “Dr. Jackson…do you need me to stay with you? Because I will.” ~I sort of know what it feels like...and you don’t have to be alone…~

Katie wants it so badly. She needs it. She sees herself pulling him up from the floor, taking him into her arms. Driving him to her apartment. Lying down in bed next to him. Running her hand through his hair as he smiles at her sleepily. The way it feels when their lips finally meet each other...his hands on her body…and waking up to his beautiful face the next morning…

But that’s not really where he belongs.

Katie sighs and composes herself. She stands up and offers Dan her still shaking hand. He takes it and stands, waiting expectantly. Katie pulls out her cell phone. “Thank you, Dan…I really appreciate it…” She dials Arin’s number and places the phone to her ear. Looking up tenderly at Dan, she puts a hand on his shoulder and forces a smile. “…but it’s time for you to go home. Go home, and stay there.”

~~~

It was getting close to midnight. Suzy had gone to bed hours ago but Arin was still up. Upon answering the door, when he saw Dan, he firmly embraced his friend before dragging him inside the house. Now he sat on the living room couch with Dan. The lights were dim, and both of them had a cup of green tea, just sitting contently for a while. Arin was going over in his head everything Katie had told him. He looked pensively at Dan, who was still, looking down into his cup. Dan was ruminating over the nights events in his head. He was thankful to be back in the warmth of Arin’s home but he was ready to recharge for the day. Sleepily, he turned to Arin. “…Did anyone stay at the hospital?”

Arin nodded. “Barry, actually. Said he didn’t feel like going home tonight…” Arin thought a moment. “Brian should be there sometime tomorrow too.”

Dan nodded back as they had their quiet exchange. “Good. I should talk to him. Brian, I mean.” Although it would be nice if Barry even looked at him.

Arin didn't say anything else about his evening. He was still watching Dan carefully. If he wasn’t so tired already, he would’ve felt bothered by it. But Arin was determined to see a smile, somehow. Or, hell, any real emotion. He cleared his throat. “I know you’re the guy who loves small talk…but how are you doing now?”

The corners of his mouth flickered up for a moment. Dan shrugged looking over at him. “Oh, you know… I’m here.”

“Here is good.” Arin set down his glass. “So…Katie said that you were in therapy…and you remembered your family. And the car accident. She seemed really upset on the phone." Dan just nodded silently, sipping his tea. Arin probed further. “…The accident was two months after your scans, Dan.”

“...So I was never there,” Dan concluded. He sighed, finishing his cup and setting it down. “I probably…pulled it from a drama…or a news station online…”

Arin felt irritated by this. But he listened patiently, scooting a little closer to Dan on the couch. He put on a smile. “You know…self doubt is a pretty human feeling.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Dude…shut up...”

“I mean it!” Arin pushed. “Really.” ~Come on, Dan.~

Now Dan sighed, leaning forward to rest his head on his hand. “Even if I am Dan-“

“You are-“

“But even if I am,” Dan pressed stubbornly, “then…it’s like, I’m a version that’s stuck in the past, or something. That’s just how it feels. And I can’t…move forward.”

“The mind adapts to new and crazy stuff all the time,” Arin said, trying to be reassuring.

“This body won’t,” Dan said dismissively.

Arin wanted to push back again but he knew it was a bad move. So they sat quietly for a few more minutes before he spoke again. “Suzy and I started to suspect it after you watched the movie with her. We thought it was possible…but we were afraid of being wrong.”

Dan looked intently at Arin. Bothered by him, trying to figure him out. When had Arin ever believed in anything, especially like this? “You seem so sure now, like you know. But everyone is just riding hope at this point. Hoping, wanting. What…what good will it do?” Dan sighed again in frustration.

Arin felt a little bit like he had been stabbed. ~Really, Dan? That’s how you feel?~ But he wouldn’t say it out loud. No more arguing. He put a hand down on the couch, between him and Dan. “Dan…hope is like, another one of the most human things you can feel. Next to need, anyway. And…” Arin’s eyes were watery. He felt a little scared. ~…What if I can’t...? God, what if I can’t get him back?~ Arin swallowed the moisture in his throat. He stared at Dan. ~You need to see…~ “Dan, you’re my best friend. I can’t do any of this shit without you. I just want us…to go back…” he knew how pathetic it sounded even as he said it.

Dan smiled a little, but it wasn’t the one Arin was looking for. “I know, Ar. I just don’t want to make a promise that I can’t keep. But you're my best friend too.” Dan scooted closer to Arin and rested his head on Arin’s shoulder much like he had the other night. “Thank you.”

Arin laughed cynically. “Oh…what could you possibly be thanking me for?”

“For caring about me, stupid. And giving me somewhere to stay. And…for never treating me any differently.”

Arin started to feel a little better with Dan next to him. “You know…you’re thanking me for the hope right now.” Arin closed his eyes a moment. Dan’s hair brushed against his neck and chin. There. Real. “I’ll never treat you differently. You’re Dan. You’re my friend.”

“So…what now? What about tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think about it right now,” Arin said honestly. 

Despite Dan’s exhaustion, he didn’t feel like moving. And, more than he wanted to admit, he felt comforted by Arin. He didn’t really feel like being alone on a small, twin bed. It was selfish. But Arin could decline. “I’m not ready to sleep just yet. Do you wanna watch TV, or something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

~~~

The guys stared at the TV, which was playing some late night anime. About half an hour later, Dan had fallen asleep, his body slipping down, his head now in Arin’s lap. But Arin didn’t mind. He glanced down at Dan and smiled. ~Not ready to sleep, huh?~ He put a hand on Dan’s arm. “…Dan? You still with me?”

“Mmmh…yeah…” Dan murmured but he was still out of it, breathing deeply. 

Arin watched Dan sleep. He felt gratitude, appreciation growing in his chest. ~He came back.~ Arin found himself leaning down. He could feel Dan’s breath on his face. ~What if…I just…~ He leaned a little further. He could feel Dan’s scruff on his lips. “Dan…I…”

Dan’s eyes opened. They were glossy in the dim light. “Mmmh…what is it, Arin?”

Arin’s face flushed. They looked at each other a moment, then Arin pulled back quickly, looking back at the TV screen, clearing his throat loudly. “Mmh, nothing. I was just making sure you were breathing.”

Dan had seen it again. The flicker away. And the blush. But he didn’t let it bother him this time. He sat up slowly, getting out of Arin’s lap, sitting up next to him. “Sorry I dozed off. But you don’t have to worry. Breathing’s not really a requirement for me.”

“I guess not,” Arin replied. His eyes were trained on the screen. When he felt the heat leave his face, he looked back. “Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re the kindest and coolest person I know.”

Dan chuckled. “I’m sorry.”

“Shut up, I mean it. I mean…like…we get mail every day about how you make fan’s lives better.” ~And mine.~

~Thousands of future broken hearts…~ Dan looked down. “You do too, Arin. It’s a team effort. We’re awesome, together.”

Arin could still tell that Dan was deeply bothered by something. “Dan…did Katie make you come here tonight?”

Dan looked up in mild surprise. “No. Well, yes. But, I want to be here.” Now Dan was uncertain. “Do you still want me here?”

Arin gave him another tight hug. “Dude, don’t ask stupid questions. This is your home.”

Home. Dan smiled, this time a real one.

~~~

Early the next morning, Katie was alone in the lab. She was doing some light dusting and organizing paperwork at her desk. The tape recorder was next to her, on play.

“…D-Dan...a few minutes ago, you were l-looking at your hand...when you looked down…what d-did you see?”

The answer was murmured. Gentle, low, soft. “I see…bright light...warm…and like…diamonds. Or prisms…the light goes through them...and there are colors all around...it’s beautiful…”

It’s beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting, everyone! I hope this chapter was okay. I wanted some back story for Dr. Jackson. Hope you still enjoyed it! More to come with the Grumps!


	16. Just One Reason

When Dan awoke the next morning, he was still on the couch, but he had a pillow underneath his head and a blanket across him. He was pulled from his grogginess by the smell of fried eggs and coffee wafting over from the kitchen. He stood up and walked to it, yawning.

Arin was prepping breakfast as usual. A sleepy and disheveled Suzy was already at the table, picking at her food. When she saw Dan, she gave him a tired smile but her eyes were rimmed in red. "Mornin', Dan."

Dan smiled at her and took a seat next to her. "Good morning, Suzy." He thought of asking her how she was doing, then decided against it. Dan glanced at the oven clock. 9:40. "Wow, made it into the AM."

Arin turned away from the stove and smiled. "Right? It's a miracle."

"What's on the menu today?"

Arin brought over the other two plates. "Eggies in a basket. I fried 'em in lots of butter."

"There was nothing wrong with that sentence," Dan replied chuckling, digging heartily into the fried eggs encased in saturated toast. "Mmmh. These are delicious."

"Thanks, dude."

The trio ate in somewhat anxious silence. Dan assumed that everyone was too scared to ask each other about the direction of the day. But they had to get somewhere, right? Dan looked at Arin. "So...we have a plan for the day?"

Arin took a moment to chew his food, then met Dan's gaze. "Well...I'm dropping by the Grump Space to record with Suzy, then I'm talking with Ross and Barry later to help them start setting up Ross' new office..." Dan was still looking at Arin expectantly, so he continued. "Uh, do you wanna come with? And just hang out?"

Dan thought about it for a second. "I could come and help you guys, but...isn't it better to go to the hospital first? For like, easier parking and everything?” Dan looked at both of them. Suzy stared carefully at her food and said nothing.

Arin shifted uncomfortably. "...Yeah, it would be. But we're a little behind on production too, so I gotta get some videos outta the way today too. We can both go to the hospital later in the afternoon though for a little bit."

Dan's heart dropped into his stomach and he flinched. ~…What?~ The sudden disloyalty was not what he expected from Arin. Dan didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t feel like starting a fight right now. So he just nodded, his throat beginning to feel swollen. "...That's okay. I can drive just fine, so I'm just gonna shower and head out. I'll see you later then." Dan grabbed his empty plate and walked over to the sink. 

Arin turned around in his chair; he put on a culpable expression at Dan’s reply. “So Barry might still be there, and Brian will be eventually. Ross might drop by too. Uh, you might wanna steer clear of him though. He's been stressed.” Watching Dan intently, Arin added, “I’ll meet you at the hospital later.”

~I bet he is...~ Dan thought back to when he'd first overheard everyone at the office. He heard what was being left unsaid. "Alright. Thanks for breakfast." Dan said no more as he left the kitchen and walked up the stairs, sighing under his breath, Arin’s eyes following him.

~~~

Dan was so sure of himself when he left the house and drove to the hospital. But now that he was there, he hesitated outside of the room. ~What if everyone just gets mad? Is this a waste?~ But it felt too wrong to leave now. Dan held his breath and opened the room door.

Barry was seated next to the hospital bed. His eyes were red; He had been speaking quietly to the patient for a moment, but stopped as he looked up at Dan. His eyes widened; to say he was astonished was an understatement. Dan just stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, giving him a minute. Then Dan cautiously stepped into the room and shut the door, walking slowly to the end of the bed, looking down at the occupant. The patient's skin and hair looked a little cleaner; Dan assumed he had gotten some sort of bath this morning. But his breathing was still light, the machine nearby doing most of the work for him. The right side of his head looked puffy, despite the drainage tube.

Dan let out the breath he had been holding in and just stood there and watched, hands in his pockets. He still had his beanie and sunglasses on and was too nervous to say anything to Barry first. He just stood there, feeling his friend's eyes penetrate him.

After a couple of minutes, Barry finally asked. "...What are you doing here?"

Dan kept staring at the patient. He didn't feel any dizziness this time. "...Just visiting." He figured the minimal approach was best. But suddenly, Barry's discomfort and hurt was in the air, palpable, welling up in Dan's chest, pressing on the air around him. He closed his eyes, and looked at the floor. "...I'm sorry. I really didn't want to upset you. I'll just go." Dan turned to walk away, combatting his own feelings silently.

Barry spoke up as Dan was leaving. "Wait. Did...did Arin send you here to check on me?"

Dan shook his head. "No. Arin went to work. I’m here on my own.” He didn't try to hide the bitterness in his voice. "…Anyway, I'll leave you alone."

"Dan," Barry said again, almost like a demand. Dan looked at him and met his gaze reluctantly. Barry's lip quivered. "...Why?"

Dan just stared back at him, his heart getting heavier by the minute. He opened his mouth to attempt a reply, when the door behind him opened.

"...What the hell is he doing here?!" 

Dan turned around and faced his other friend's evident flames. "I was just leaving, Ross.” he said tiredly. "Arin warned me that you wouldn't be happy to see me."

Ross spared no time in getting up in Dan's face, closing the door behind him. Dan stepped back as the shorter man accosted him. "Nobody is happy to see you!" he shouted, grabbing Dan's shirt. Dan just looked at him woefully, which seemed to piss him off even more. Ross raised his voice. "Did you think it would be funny?! To stand there and watch us all cry?!"

"Ross," Barry called, standing up. He motioned at the patient in the bed. "We should be quiet."

Ross let go of Dan's shirt but continued glaring at him. "Listen, buddy. Arin can think whatever, but I see right through you. You aren't replacing anybody, ever. You’re just a stupid toy.”

"Like I said, I was just leaving," Dan spat, walking out the room. He was at the end of his own rope. He ignored the rest of the words Ross threw at him, shutting the door.

Dan walked briskly over to the reception area nearby. He took a seat far away from the loud TV in the corner. He rested his arms on his knees and placed his hands across his forehead, closing his eyes, trying to keep it together.

~You're right, Ross. 

You see right through me.~

~~~

Dan waited in the reception area for about an hour, his mind flipping through Reddit boredly, not paying deep attention to any one thing. When he began to get antsy, he got up and took a couple of walks around the entire floor, wandering aimlessly. He got strange looks from a couple of nurses but he was in no mood to care. He was surprised, however, when he heard a tiny voice call his name from behind him. 

"Danny!"

Dan turned around and felt a small person collide with his leg. "Whoah!" He stopped and stared down at the mop of brown hair that was gripping his pant leg. Then the little girl looked up and grinned at him in familiar admiration. "A-Audrey?" 

"Danny!" Little Audrey Wecht shouted, hugging Dan's leg tighter. Dan looked around- he didn't see Brian. He crouched down to talk to her, taking his shades off. "Where's your Dad?" 

"Daddy slow!" Audrey said, giggling. 

Dan couldn't help but smile at her- he did miss her too. He spoke softly to her. "Audrey, let's go wait in some chairs over there and call Brian to meet us here. Hold my hand. Audrey-" Dan wasn't fast enough- Audrey had reattached herself to his leg. He awkwardly walked her to the end of the hall so he was out of the way of walking traffic, the little girl giggling mischievously. Then he pried one of her hands from him and took it in his hand. "Hold my hand, Audrey. Hug time is over-" 

"Danny awake!" Audrey shouted. 

Dan felt his heart immediately sink. He let out a long breath. ~Oh no...~ He looked left and right for Brian again but saw no one. Dan lowered his voice and ruffled the little girl's hair. "Audrey." She heard his more serious tone and looked up at him. Dan pointed at the reception area. "Let's go sit down and wait a bit for your Dad." 

"Daddy slow!" Audrey replied again happily, taking Dan's hand as they walked over to reception and sat down. Audrey climbed into a chair obediently and hugged Dan's side contently, sucking on her hand. 

Dan had a hand on her shoulder. He stared off into space for a bit. Having an internal crisis. ~How do I explain this to a 2 year old?~ But Audrey was a Wecht- she was smart, right? "...Audrey?”

"Yeah?" The little girl gave Dan her full attention.

When her eyes met his, Dan wasn't sure exactly what to say. ~Fuck.~ "Um, Audrey…I'm not Danny. Danny is sleeping." 

Audrey waited a moment and then just laughed at the silly game, putting her hand on Dan's chest. "You awake!"

Dan sighed. "No..." He wished he could explain it better somehow without scaring her. ~I'm Dan's...helper. Or something... ~ No, that wouldn't work. Who was he helping anyway? 

Dan gave up, closing his eyes. Audrey kept staring at him. Her next words in her small voice nearly shattered his heart. "...Daddy an I miss you."

Dan opened his eyes and looked at her. He ruffled her hair again, his eyes watery. "I missed you too." 

When Dan looked up again to scan the hallway again, he was met with astonished, icy blue eyes. 

Brian just stood there and stared at Dan, saying nothing. Everyone knew that the ninja’s gaze was intense but this was more so than usual. Dan looked back down at Audrey. “Uh…she saw me in the hallway, so I brought her over here…” As Dan looked at Brian, all of the longing for his best friend came back to him. He felt the grin spread across his face. He got up, walked over to Brian and gave him a huge hug, patting him on the back. “Brian…I’m so glad you came. I missed you so much, man.”

Brian didn’t say anything. Dan pulled away from him, looking at him again. The older man just continued to stare at him in amazement. Brian put his hands on Dan’s shoulders. His voice was low. “You…look exactly like him,” he said quietly. 

Dan’s smile faltered. 

~~~ 

Brian sat down with them in the reception area and from a backpack he was carrying; he gave Audrey a few picture books on the solar system to occupy her time. Although he was quiet, Dan could tell that Brian was a bundle of nervous tension. Before Dan could say anything, he spoke. “…Have you been in the room?” 

Dan nodded. “Yeah, but Ross got pissed off and kicked me out. That’s why I’m out here.” 

“Did Arin bring you here?” 

“No. Arin is coming later. He’s at the office. I drove myself.”

A few more minutes of silence. It was killing Dan- he knew that Brian was holding everything back. Dan sighed. “…You’re doing it again.” 

Brian raised an eyebrow. “What?” 

“You won’t just talk to me,” Dan said in frustration. He played with his hands in his lap anxiously. He tried to break through Brian’s shell. “…You told me over the phone that if I remembered things, then I’d be okay.” Dan couldn’t help but laugh cynically. “…But everything is so beyond messed up.” 

Brian was avoiding Dan’s gaze now, staring ahead somewhere. “…Yeah, it is.”

“…I hope I didn’t completely ruin your vacation by calling you.”

Brian shook his head lightly. “You didn’t. Audrey had a good time at Disneyland.” Brian looked down at Audrey. “Tell Danny who you met at Disneyland.” 

“I met Donald and Goofy!” Audrey replied adorably before pointing to a picture in her book. “Jupiter!” 

Brian nodded and smiled attentively to his daughter. “Yes, that’s Jupiter! Good job! What’s this one?”

“Uranus!” Audrey replied, giggling immaturely at the name. 

Dan smiled. He was so glad that Audrey was here to keep Brian company with her innocent and bright mind. Then he glanced down. “I…tried to explain to her. About…about me.”

“I heard. She’s too young to understand everything that’s going on.”

Dan sighed, playing with his hands. “…Maybe that’s for the best. How’s Rachel?”

Brian shrugged. “Oh, she’s worried about me.”

“I am too,” Dan said sincerely, watching Brian closely. “That’s why I kept on calling you.”

Brian just nodded again. “Thank you. I appreciate it,” he said cordially. The distance in his voice was not lost on Dan, who felt it sting like a slap to the face.

Dan looked down. Trying to hold everything together. ~Jesus, how many times do I have to do this? Brian…~ Dan looked back up at Brian. He intently focused on his feelings. “…I really, really missed you. The last few days have been…” Hell? Was that a sufficient word? “Anyway, I’m glad you came back. And I’m glad I can see you. Nobody else talks to me all that much.” Dan was trying to read Brian, but he noticed him shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Brian was staring down the hallway, ignoring Audrey’s pleas for attention. Dan widened his eyes. “You’re…you’re still afraid.” Brian nodded but remained silent. Dan spoke quietly. “Brian, I forgave you before. It’s ok.”

Brian looked down at his shoes. His eyes watered and he closed them for a moment. His voice wavered now. “I know you forgave me. But, I don’t know if…if he will.”

Now the sting was raw, a feeling of disappointment mixed with betrayal surged in Dan’s chest before settling somewhere low in his gut, a heavy ache. ~No…please…~ Dan began to feel dizzy, his mind fuzzy. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, fingers rubbing his temples. ~You told me…that I was alive…you told me…~

Tears had begun to fall down Brian’s face now. He was ignoring Dan, lost somewhere I his own thoughts. His voice was shaky as he spoke. “I can’t…I can’t stop replaying it in my mind. The pain…the blood…” He looked over at Dan now, although he was glancing past him. “…You, lying next to me…your face…” Brian shook his head, wiping his eyes. But the tears kept coming. His tone became lighter as he bit back sobbing. “…Why didn’t I just hold the steering wheel steady? Why’d I have my damn phone out?”

Audrey glanced up at her father and became concerned. “…Daddy?”

Dan couldn’t stand seeing his friend in this state. His own face was a river of tears. He stared hard at Brian, fighting his muddled feelings. Trying to form the connection again. He thought about the memories of the car accident. He couldn’t go over them completely; the barrier between them was too strong. But he had to try something. “It wasn’t your fault! Some jerk drifted into you. You need to stop beating yourself up, Brian.”

Brian took a few deep breaths. He hugged Audrey close to him, ruffling her hair to comfort her. But he still avoided Dan’s eyes. His voice became softer. “If…if he were to pass away…I could get one or two years…”

Now Dan’s mind was aflame; quick anger, hot like skin beneath a pressing branding iron. He stood up and glared at Brian unbelievingly. ~What the fuck?!~ “You think my parents are going to sue you?! Seriously?!” Now other people in the reception area were glaring at Dan, a few people shushing him. Audrey grabbed onto her Dan’s shirt, staring up at Dan with big eyes. Dan deflated, feeling guilty but still upset, crying lightly. “At least you can even talk to them. I can’t even see my own family.” Dan closed his eyes a moment, his hands shaking. “And now, after all those phone calls…you’re just acting like they never happened. You’re my best friend, Brian.”

Now when Brian looked at Dan, he felt that Brian was actually seeing him. But Brian’s expression became less sorrowful and more sympathetic. When he spoke again, his voice was more controlled. “Look, Dan…” the name rolled off his tongue unnaturally, “This isn’t easy….When I first heard you on the phone…I expected to get the call sooner or later, knowing Arin. But…there was no way to prepare for it.”

Dan nodded understandingly, relaxing a little. “I know. I heard it in your voice.”

Brian swallowed and hugged Audrey close to him. “But…now, seeing you in person…” Brian looked away. “…The illusion breaks.”

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, dreadful disappointment planted itself in Dan’s heart. He exhaled hard and shook his head. New tears came again. He hated this. Every second. “Brian…please…” ~Don’t do this.~ He stared hard at the older man. His tongue burned with frustrated fire and hurt. “We’re just gonna throw everything away then? All that work?” He couldn’t say the rest out loud. ~…Our band? Our friendship?~

Brian’s next words were almost inaudible. “…Feelings tend to discard logic and reason…” his voice drifted off.

Dan laughed cynically. His laughter shook with his whole body. His tone lowered. “…That’s just it, then. I can’t win. I really get nothing from all this.”

Dan turned to walk away. He couldn’t do this anymore. But as he walked off, he heard Brian pick up Audrey and follow behind him. “Wait-“

Dan turned around. “Why?!” He cried out loudly in frustration. “What do you want, Brian?” He meant it every way that he could. Dan’s thoughts went back to one of their previous conversations. ~I want to make comedy and music again. Do you?~

Brian just looked at Dan for a moment, walking up to him. Then he set Audrey down and gave Dan a tight hug. Brian was shaking as he cried silently. Dan’s eyes widened and he just stood there for a moment. Then Brian pulled away, his face red and wet as he looked at Dan deeply. When he spoke, he sounded afraid again. “…After the last time we spoke, I couldn’t stop thinking. ‘This is it. This is the last time I’ll ever get to talk to him.’ I blew it.”

The sincerity both warmed up Dan and filled him with increasing guilt. He gave a tired sigh, patting Brian on the back. “…It’s okay. Like you said- this whole thing is hard. But I’m just making it worse for you by being here. Everyone’s been through enough.” 

Dan tried to pull away, but Brian held him there. He cleared his throat, finally calming down. “…It hasn’t been a waste.” 

Dan’s eyes widened in surprise when Brian pulled back, a small, sad smile on his lips. He held Audrey’s hand, who had been clinging to his leg and watching them both. “I’ve kept all the emails and the lyrics. They’re pretty good.” He wiped his eyes, and finally, no new tears came. He recomposed himself. “…I like the song about eating in the shower.”

For the first time in a long time, Dan’s heart flooded with a glimmer of hope. He grinned and looked down, eyes still watery. Gratitude bloomed gently inside him. ~There you are.~ Dan laughed, this time sincerely. “Yeah…I’ve been working on that one for a while.”

Audrey stared at them and finally tugged at Brian’s pant leg and had the courage to ask, “Daddy, why you crying?”

Brian lifted Audrey into his arms. “Daddy’s okay, sweetie,” he said, giving her an affectionate kiss on the cheek, which made her giggle. 

Dan smiled at them both. “She’s really tough through all of this.”

“Yeah, she is.” Brian gave Dan a slightly amused look. “…She’s not the asshole who made me cry like a baby.”

Audrey gasped and put her hand on Brian’s mouth. “Daddy! Bad word!” Brian pulled her hand away and gave her raspberries on her stomach, which caused a fit of laughter.

Dan laughed with them. But concern crept up in his mind again. He put a hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Sorry. So…are you going to be okay? Going in there?”

Brian turned around and looked back down the hallway. He sighed through his nose. “I’ll manage.”

Dan could sense that they were about ready to part ways. He put his hands in his pockets and sighed. “…He’ll... be happy to see you. Maybe not literally…but he’ll know.”

Brian nodded. “…I’m planning on sharing the lyrics with him. See what he thinks.”

Dan gave a last bittersweet smile. “Yeah, you should.” He took a quick glance at the clock above the reception desk. “…I guess I’ll go to the cafeteria and meet Arin here later.” Dan looked at Audrey. “Audrey?”

The adorable toddler gave him her attention. “Danny!”

“Audrey, I’m going back to sleep, okay?”

The little girl gave Dan a puzzled look. “Sleeping?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah, I have to go back to sleep. To make my body strong. Be good for your Dad, ok?”

Audrey gave a nod, putting her fingers in her mouth. Brian spoke. “…I’ll give her a few minutes before we go inside.” He looked Dan over again and then added, “I’m sorry. For what I said about your parents. That wasn’t fair.”

Dan shrugged. “I understand. Don’t worry about it.” Dan gave them a farewell smile. “I’ll talk to you later, if you want. I’ll have a new cell phone in a couple of days but you can still shoot me an email.” Dan gave a little wave. “See ya, dude. Like I said…I missed you guys.”

Brian nodded, slowly turning back into his usual, serious self. “Ditto.” Audrey waved goodbye to Dan and the duo walked away. Dan watched them round the corner at the end of the hall. He sighed. ~Love ya.~ Dan made his way to the elevator.

~~~

Dan spent the next hour hanging out in the cafeteria below before he headed back upstairs. He sat in reception again for half an hour, becoming more and more anxious. His eyes kept scanning the clock on the wall. He got up and cautiously walked back to the hospital room, opening the door slowly. It was dark inside; everyone had left. Dan walked into the room, hands still in his pockets. He stared at the patient in the bed and listened to the machines do their work. After a few more minutes, he let out a defeated sigh. “…Sorry.”

~~~

Dan’s disappointment was warm on the coals as he drove up to the Grump Space a while later and saw that Arin, Barry and Ross’ cars were all there. And now that he was here, a familiar sense of dread came over him. He sighed and turned the doorknob to head inside, already having a good idea of what everyone would be discussing.

Dan walked across the hall. No bickering this time- full shouting. Instead of hiding back, he stepped into the doorway of the next room and stood with his arms folded, listening.

Arin was standing next to the table, Ross pacing in the middle of the room. Barry was sitting on a desk, watching them with a concerned expression. Ross was absolutely furious. “You brought him back! We all fucking agreed that we were getting rid of him and you went and got him, and fixed him, and took him back home! What the fuck, Arin!?”

Arin was looking grumpier than usual too as he walked up to Ross. “I told you that I wasn’t going to abandon him. You knew what I wanted.”

Ross spoke through clenched teeth. “But we all agreed-“

Arin glanced at Barry. “Barry, what do you think? Should Dan stay or go?”

Barry looked like a deer in the headlights. He looked down. “Ah…well…”

Arin looked back at Ross, exasperated. “Good, we’re all in clear agreement then!”

Ross stopped in front of Arin, looking up at him defiantly. “He’s a total waste of money and space! That bitch doctor tricked you again so that you’d keep spending our savings on him!”

It wasn’t as if the other words didn’t hold a strong sting, but this struck a chord with Dan. He stepped into the room. “Hey!” When everyone’s eyes were on him, he walked to the middle of the room. “You shouldn’t say things like that about people you don’t know.”

Ross laughed coldly. “Speak of the devil! I probably know her better than you do,” Ross spat. “I bet she brainwashed you to be whatever she wants!” He looked back at Arin, pointing at Dan. “When will you get it through your thick head?! I told you a thousand times that this isn’t Dan! It’s a FUCKING robot!” Ross began to shake. “Dan is dying in a fucking hospital bed, Arin! And you’re letting Dr. Jackson and this piece of work abuse your emotions and control your life! We’re not doing this anymore!” Ross glared at Dan. “You need to LEAVE! Now!”

Arin rolled his eyes. “He doesn’t control me, Ross-“

“Arin, shut up!”

Dan didn’t know what to say. He knew nothing would help. He looked down. He had to try. “I…you’re right, Ross, and…” 

But before Dan could get a word out, he felt a fist roughly collide with his neck. He flew back and landed on the floor, coughing and holding his throat. When he looked up, he was looking into Ross’ enraged eyes while Arin held him back, both of them struggling. “ROSS! Calm the fuck down!”

“TURN HIM OFF!” Ross shouted, fighting against Arin’s grip. “If he doesn’t have a switch, I’ll make one!”

Arin was getting angrier by the second. “Ross, if you lay another finger on him, I swear to God I’ll fucking fire you!”

Ross slipped from Arin’s grasp. He rushed forward, about to kick Dan in the face. Dan lifted his arms and closed his eyes, ready to take the blow.

It didn’t come. When Dan opened his eyes again, Ross was being pinned on the ground by an irritated Barry. Arin stood next to Dan and offered him his hand. Dan took it and got to his feet, legs wobbly. He now realized that his cheeks were wet. When Dan looked at Arin, his eyes were sorrowful.

When Ross continued to struggle against Barry, Barry forcefully shoved him further into the carpet. “ROSS! ENOUGH!” When Ross seemed to calm down a bit, Barry got off him and stood up. His eyes had become shimmery too. “This isn’t what Dan wants! What is this, high school? Chill the fuck out.”

Ross slowly got to his feet. He gave them all a rotten expression as he straightened up. “…He’s a liability. He caused an incident that created chaos for the channel-“

“That lasted all of like, two or three days,” Barry firmly replied, arms folded. “And had only one clear witness. And was basically our fault to begin with. It was almost nothing.” Barry waved a hand at Dan. “Does he really look dangerous to you?!”

Dan stared at Barry in total surprise. Ross shook his head. “He’s more dangerous than you think. You all need therapy…”

Barry ignored the comment, sighing and stepping up to Ross. He thought carefully for a moment, then spoke. “Ross…when you make a video, or an animation, a piece of you is in that art, right?”  
Ross rolled his eyes. “I know where you’re going with this…”

Barry continued, “You’re right. This isn’t Dan. But…” Barry looked up at Dan. Dan continued to stare at him, dumbstruck. “…He has pieces of the real Dan within him. And he’s our best friend’s dying wish, for God’s sake.” Barry looked down, clearing his throat. “I know that Dan isn’t gone yet, but when we saw him today…” Barry looked up at Ross. “You know he doesn’t look good. And…if this is what he wanted…then as his friend, and as another creator…I can respect that.” Barry looked at Dan determinedly. “I don’t think it’s a huge problem if Dan stays. There’s already a payment plan in place. We can sort out the details later.”

Ross walked past them, back to his desk, chuckling cynically. “…Glad to see that no one cares what I think. Or sees the big picture.” He threw on his jacket and grabbed his backpack, storming out of the office. “It was nice knowing you all.” 

Dan heard the finality in the statement. As he heard the door slam, he swiftly went after Ross. He ignored Arin’s protest as he opened the door and ran outside. 

Dan ran up to Ross, reaching for his shoulder. “Ross-“

Ross shrugged him off forcefully, going to his car and opening the door. Dan grabbed his arm. “Ross!”

Ross tossed his hand away and glared at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Ross, don’t quit over this!” Dan pleaded. He tried to sound as sincere as he could. “Please don’t leave over something this stupid!"

“Go away!” Ross got into the car and tried to shut the door. 

Dan blocked it with his arm; it slammed down on his wrist and he yelled as the pain throbbed down his arm. “OW! Fuckfuckfuckfuck-“ 

Ross opened the door again and before he slammed it, Dan grabbed it and held it open, wincing in pain. Ross shouted again “Get the fuck off my car!”

“No!” Dan shouted stubbornly. “Ross, you need to listen to me!” ~Please. Please don’t go! I don't want this!~

Frustrated, Ross stood up and pushed Dan back. “WHAT?! What’s so goddamn important?!” When Dan didn’t answer, Ross shoved him back again. “You gonna try and save the day now?! Maybe say something that you think’ll make me upset?! You get off on this, don’t you?! Fucking with us?! Knowing that you’re the new center of attention! I bet you love it!” Ross was shaking again but he held his hands at his sides, glaring up at Dan.

Arin and Barry stood at the door, watching. “Dan, come back inside! Just let Ross go!” Arin shouted.

Dan ignored Arin. He stared at the ground. There was so much he needed to say. His mind was racing.

~I know that you won’t ever think that I’m real. I don’t even know if I’m real anymore. But…I feel and remember the times we’ve spent together, making videos. I remember how fucking pissed I was at you when you started reading ‘The Beej’ out loud when we were playing Space Quest.”~ In his mind, Dan gave Ross a small smile. ~I miss you. I miss all of you guys. And…I’ve lost so much happiness without you because of this. I want to be here for you guys. More than anything. But I just can’t now…~

None of those words would make it past Dan’s lips. He was aware of the barrier. He felt his voice leaving him, fast. His willpower. His voice was quiet. “…Ross, I’ve hardly even spoken to any of you in weeks. I don’t know what I said to offend you, but…I hate this. I really do.” When Dan looked back at Arin and Barry, his eyes were wet. “I don’t want you guys to fight, especially not over me.” He looked back at Ross. “I’m sorry for whatever I did to hurt you. Don’t quit the channel because of me. I’ll just leave. It’s fine.”

Ross rolled his eyes but stood there, breathing heavily out his nostrils. He thought deeply for a minute, then he sighed. “If…he dies…then, you’ll leave us alone? For good?”

Dan nodded solemnly. “I’ll do whatever you want. I’m not afraid of dying anymore. My biggest fear is letting the people I care about down. And I’ve already done that.”

Dan sighed and turned away, back towards the other two, feeling defeated. Until Ross called back to him. “…Android.”

Dan turned back to face Ross, who had his hands in his pockets. Ross looked up at Arin too. “…Arin said that you both were trying to help Dan somehow. We’re running out of time….Dan’s brain isn’t really healing.” Ross took a few steps forward. “You’re close to Dr. Jackson. She had to’ve missed something. The doctors need to check again.”

Arin sighed. “Ross…”

Ross continued. “Just convince her to look again. There’s gotta be something useful in her lab, or whatever. She’s a brain doctor, for fuck’s sake! She can take a damn break from playing with dolls to actually help her fucking patient!” There was a more determined look in Ross’ eyes now as he looked at Dan. “Help Dan hold on. That’s what I want you to do.”

Dan nodded. “Okay. I will.” He watched as Ross got into his car and drove away. 

Arin put a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “…Don’t worry about what Ross said. You don’t owe him anything. Things'll be fine, he’s just acting up…”

Dan stared at Arin. His tone became dark. “…Why weren’t you at the hospital today?”

Arin looked deeply uncomfortable. “Dan…I mean…I was gonna go, but…” his voice trailed off. He had nothing better to say. “…I’m really sorry. I didn’t make it there today.”

“You’re really sorry,” Dan spat at him, the anger rising in him again. This was all becoming rather exhausting. He sighed. “…Are you going to tell him that? On the last day?”

Arin looked like Dan had hit him in the face as Dan walked down to his car. “I’m going to go get my stuff and go back to the house. I think it’s best if I get out of your way, for you and Suzy.” Dan looked back at Barry. “…Is that alright with you?”

Barry just nodded. But Arin was walking towards Dan, looking panicked. “Dan, I’m sorry! I’ll be there tomorrow, I promise- you don’t have to leave our place-”

Dan swiftly walked over to his car, shrugging off Arin. “I’m just going to the house, Arin. It’s no big deal. Everything’s fine.” ~As you would say…~ He opened his car door. Before he got in, he gave Arin a hard look. “Dude…don’t just ignore how Ross feels. And maybe go over your own feelings or something. Because I expected better of you today.” Before he could hear Arin’s lame reply, Dan got in his car and drove off, cranking up the volume on his stereo.

~~~

Arin hadn’t followed Dan back to the house to retrieve his things. Dan didn’t mind- he was starting to feel like he needed alone time again. Suzy appeared to be gone; it was quiet as he threw everything into his backpack.

Dan figured he should still be nice, so he left a note on the bed. 

(Hey guys, thanks for everything you’ve done for me but I think it’s time I return to my place and try to get comfortable again. Suzy, I’m sorry you’ve been down and I hope you’ll feel better. If either of you need anything, just let me know. I should be getting a new phone soon- I’ll text you when I can but you can still email me. Thank you so much for everything.  
Much love, Dan)

Usually, he would have much rather done this all in person. But Dan’s energy was at an all time low. As he tossed the backpack over his shoulder and held the laptop bag, he stood next to the doorway for a moment to take one last look at the place and immediately felt longing in his heart.  
~I’ll miss this. But I miss my room too.~ With a small nod of his head, Dan turned and walked out the door.

~~~

When Dan got back to the house, Barry’s car wasn’t there yet, which was perfectly fine with him. He stepped up the door, unlocked it, and hesitantly opened it, peering inside.

Most everything already looked untouched as he peered into the small living and dining rooms on the left hand side. There was a stale scent in the air, and the coffee table and stairway banister had some dust on it. ~He really hasn’t been spending much time around here…~ Dan carefully walked up the creaky old stairs, down a short hallway to his room on the right.

The dustiness was even worse in his room; he coughed, looking around. He could tell that his door had been shut the entire time that he was gone. Everything was where he placed it last. It wasn’t horribly dirty but it wasn’t clean either; several of his clothes were on the floor in wads. He had thrown everything around, in a hurry to make it to the theater on time…his queen bed was messy too but that was normal. He set his bags on the bed and with a dirty tee he found on the floor, he lightly dusted off his music posters on the walls, his stereo and entertainment system, his collection of Giants helmets on the wall, and his small desk in the corner. He got to work doing some light cleaning, throwing his clothes in his hamper and opening the window by his desk to get some light and fresh air. ~There. That’s better.~

It wasn’t a large room, but Dan didn’t need a lot, as long has he had a notebook and a practice studio, which was down on the first floor next to their gaming room. 

Even though he was in a horrible mood, Dan felt best when he was listening to loud rock. He walked over to his record player and put on the vinyl of Def Leppard’s Hysteria, then lay back on his bed and closed his eyes, allowing the exciting music to surround and engulf his room. He could feel the bass in his chest, reverberating throughout his entire body. He put on a small smile. It was like a second heartbeat to him. The vocals injected into his veins; the guitar made his head buzz. He didn’t feel as bad about leaving Arin’s house anymore.

~~~

The sound of the front door slamming shut awoke Dan sometime later. He sat up, listening. He could hear Barry walking around downstairs and thought he could hear bags rustling. He turned his music down and hesitantly opened his door, walking down the hallway. He slowly stepped onto the stairs, peering into the dining room. Barry was setting some styrofoam containers on the table and Dan could smell fried food. Suddenly feeling a bit apprehensive, he walked down the stairs and across the living room. 

When Barry looked up at Dan, he thought he felt his heart stop for a moment. Then Barry gave him a small smile and Dan relaxed, exhaling and walking into the dining room. “Hey, man.”

“Sup, Dan,” Barry said casually, grabbing one of the containers and walking into the small kitchen to the microwave. “I grabbed us some Chinese. The rice is kinda cold though…didn’t get anything fancy, just beef and broccoli, sesame chicken and sweet and sour pork. Go ahead and dig in.”

“Thanks.” Dan began opening the containers. He looked down at the table. When was the last time they had used it, anyway? He looked up at Barry. “Uh, did you want to eat in here, or your room…?”

Barry shrugged, setting the now warm, fried rice on the table. “We can sit in here, if you want. Whichever. Sorry it’s dirty.”

“It’s fine.” Dan grabbed a washcloth and lightly wiped off the table, then grabbed some plates from the cupboard. Barry sat down on one side of the table, Dan could feel his eyes on him. Dan set the plate and silverware in front of Barry and loaded his plate with delicious food. The men sat quietly for a while, but it didn’t feel strange to Dan like he thought it would. But he did feel a need to break the silence. He cleared his throat. “You, uh…you surprised me. Back at the office.”

“You surprised me at the hospital. So we’re even.” He eyed Dan’s bruised neck and wrist. “Ross got you good.”

Dan shrugged. “I’m fine.”

The next few minutes were more awkward. Dan could tell that Barry was in the same boat he was- struggling to find the right words. Dan figured he should jump in first. “I guess…I don’t really understand why…”

Barry got up to grab them some drinks. “You heard me. I meant what I said.”

“I know, but…I mean…” Dan stared at his plate. “Isn’t it difficult…?” ~To look at me?~

Barry set a Perrier in front of Dan and sat back down, opening a Diet Coke for himself. His expression became more serious. “…Everything is hard now. Ever since April…” Barry thought for a moment, then shook his head. “…I can see where Ross is coming from. But, I can’t deal with his attitude anymore. He’s been bitter for days. And he always wants to vent to me, and…” Barry let out a sigh. “It’s tiring, I’m thinking about recording here for a while.”

Dan looked at Barry intently. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” He began to feel guilty again. His eyes softened. “…I really don’t have to stay here, Barry.”

“It’s cool. If I cared, then I would’ve said something.” 

Dan sighed, taking a swig of the water and setting it down. He started feeling frustrated again. “I still don’t get it. Why are you being so nice to me? And you still call me Dan…”

Barry looked a little caught off guard. “Why shouldn’t I be nice? Do you have another name?”

Dan couldn’t help but laugh. “Not really. Sorry, just…I don’t offend you? At all? Or at the hospital?”  
“Oh, I was angry when I saw you. And hurt,” Barry said, picking at the sweet and sour pork. “…When Arin first got you, I couldn’t believe it. I thought he might, but…actually seeing you there…” 

At this, Dan looked away, feeling deeply ashamed. “That entire party was a sick joke. None of you deserved that. I’m sorry it happened.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It was Arin’s idea. And we all did it anyway.” 

Dan shook his head. Arin. “I’m worried about him. I don’t think he’s thinking rationally anymore.”  
“He usually follows his gut first.” Barry set his fork down on his now empty plate. He looked at Dan carefully. Analyzing him. “…Let me ask you something personal. When you first saw Dan in the hospital…how did you feel?”

Dan blew out a long breath. “Man…I don’t…” Dan thought about it for a few minutes. Then he stared at Barry. His voice was low and soft. “…I don’t know if I can really describe it. At first…I felt like I was staring at someone else. But I knew it was me. And, everything else that had happened suddenly made sense.” Dan lowered his gaze. “At the same time…I learned that I don’t really know who I am. I mean, I know. I am Dan Avidan. I’m Dan…I remember having a life…” Dan’s eyes shimmered. “…and yet, It’s like I don’t exist now. It’s like a paradox. I…feel like I’m the true thing. I’m here, I’m real. But I saw him. And now, everything feels fake. I mean, I still feel everything as strongly, but I can’t trust myself about any of it.” Dan gave out a small laugh. “And then I thought about all that you guys had done for me…and it was too much. I passed out.”

Barry nodded, listening politely. He smiled a little. “So…you’re like, Schrodinger’s Dan. You are and are not Dan at the same time?”

Dan chuckled at the stupid joke. “Yeah. Guess so.”

“Makes sense. You’re center of reality was thrown out the window.” Barry stood up and took his plate over to the sink. “…So, I was pissed when I first saw you. And I was mad earlier at the hospital too. But…in the end, it really doesn’t matter.” Barry walked back up to Dan. “…You’re so much like him. It's weird. But it’s been quiet around here. It was starting to feel pretty empty.”

Dan couldn’t finish the rest of his plate. He got up and slowly helped Barry put the rest of the food away. When they were done, they both just stood in the kitchen. Dan looked over at Barry. “Thank you for letting me stay.” Dan remembered something for a moment, then immediately felt guilty again. “Fuck. I don’t really have a way to pay rent, do I?”

Barry shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve been alright on my own so far. If it was a problem, I wouldn’t still be here.”

Dan looked down. “Okay…and…whatever Ross says, I’m not…trying to replace him.”

“I know you’re not,” Barry said confidently. “And even if you were, you won’t be able to.” Barry walked to the hallway and turned some lights on, then turned back to Dan. “I’ve been working on my own video series. Com’ere and tell me what you think of the next episode.”

“Okay.”

The guys sat together at Barry’s large desk in the gaming room while Barry pulled up his ‘How About This Game?’ episode on immersion. He played it for Dan and paused it occasionally to offer even more of his opinion and ask for criticism on the editing. Dan just listened and watched patiently, giving his own opinion on the video. He was glad that he could finally help out somehow.

Later on in the evening, the men went their separate ways, Barry staying at his desk while Dan went back to his room and switched his record over to Rush. He fell back into the music and let himself get carried away, lying back on his bed.

~~~

Dan heard his email notification go off in his head. He blinked and mentally pulled up his inbox. He expected to see a huge apology letter from Arin.

The mail wasn’t from Arin, but Brian. Dan opened it. It only had two sentences.

(I read the lyrics to him. I think he smiled.)

Dan felt the warmth in his chest again. He held onto it for a few minutes before letting it drift away. He brought up a reply window, a tear falling down his cheek. 

(That’s great. Have a good night.)

~~~

It was quite some time later before Barry decided it was time for bed. Dan’s music had died down hours ago. Shutting out the lights, Barry crossed the living room and walked upstairs to his bedroom, which was next to Dan’s.

On his way to his door, he thought he could hear talking coming from Dan’s room. He glanced at the door, which was ajar. Curiously, he quietly walked over to Dan’s room, listening a moment.  
Dan was whispering a string of somethings, but Barry couldn’t hear the words. Although it was rather dark, some light filtered in through Dan’s window. He saw Dan’s body, silhouetted against the light. He was in his pajama pants, kneeling on the floor. His head was bowed, arms on the bed with his palms together. As Barry watched, he saw Dan’s arms begin to tremble. Between the erratic breaths, there was only one word that Barry could hear through the doorway. 

“Please…please…”

Barry spoke up. “…Dan? You alright?”

Barry heard Dan clear his throat loudly and watched his silhouette quickly stand up. “...Uh, yeah, I’m good. Goodnight Barry.”

“...’Night, dude.”

Dan walked over to the door and shut it abruptly. Barry walked back to his room. He sat down on his bed and stared thoughtfully for a moment at the wall adjoining Dan’s room. After a few minutes, he got ready for bed and turned off the light.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for still reading! I wanted to establish relationships a little bit.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks again, everyone, I appreciate it!


	17. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I'm constantly inspired by music while I write this. X3)
> 
> "Feel like a man, who fell to earth  
> That this is not where I belong  
> They rule my life from a metal box, that's windowless  
> And I wonder, where it all goes wrong  
> Maybe this dream will stay alive  
> But can the madness be undone?  
> Am I the new intelligence?"
> 
> \- Jamiroquai "Automaton"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for following!
> 
> This is actually only the first half of the entire chapter technically, I just had to split it in half because it was getting wordy.
> 
> I dunno how I feel about this section (I just kinda cranked it out) but I hope you enjoy it. Thanks!

When Barry awoke the next morning, Dan wasn't there. He searched the entire house, finding one mug in the sink. Barry shrugged and walked into the bathroom to get ready for the day.  
~~~  
Dan opened the blinds of the patient's room to let the sunlight in. He boldly pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down, watching him. Today, Dan had a hoodie on to try and be more inconspicuous. His notebook was tucked beneath his arm.

Dan placed his hand on the patient's wrist. It still made him feel odd- it felt like a stranger or a friend but he knew how its skin felt, cooler underneath his touch. Curiously, he pressed down on the patient's hand. He felt nothing, although he saw their fingers twitch. Dan wanted to try something else. He stared at the patient's face. "...Danny. Dan Avidan." Nothing, no movement. Dan sighed at sat back. He rubbed the patient's hand gently, his thoughts wandering. "I'm going to help you," he whispered, glancing back at their closed eyes. "...I'll help us."

A sudden pressure in Dan's forehead made him gasp and push himself backwards. He rubbed between his brow and the ache went away. Dan blinked, staring at the patient. ~...What are you up to?~

Dan's thoughts were interrupted a few minutes later by the door opening. He looked up in panic, until he saw that it was just Barry. Dan got up from the seat and stepped aside, offering it to him.  
Barry nodded in acknowledgement. "Hey." He walked over it, his eyes washing over the patient. "...How is he today?"

Dan shrugged. "I don't know. He looks about the same as yesterday." Dan glanced down at his notebook. "...Have you heard anything about next week?"

Barry shook his head, sitting down in the chair. "No, just that Brian will be here and his parents. And all of us, of course." Barry's eyes questioned Dan.

Dan looked away. "...I don't know if I'll be here then...but I'm going to go talk to Katie. See if we have any other options. Is Ross coming by today?"

"Eventually, he's working on his office first. Brian should be coming by again soon though, I think."  
Dan walked over to the door putting his hands in his pockets. "...Sounds good. Well, I'm gonna head out, I guess. Might as well." Dan turned to leave when he remembered something. "Oh, if you see Arin..." he looked Barry in the eye, "you haven’t seen me.”

Barry nodded in understanding. "Alright. Good luck."

"Thanks." Dan left the room. With his head down and shoulders hunched, he made his way to the elevator.

~~~

Katie stared into the woman's eyes, carefully holding the tiny paintbrush against her upper cheekbone. Katie tapped it lightly onto the skin, creating a trail of new freckles. While the doctor painted, she heard a door close loudly on the opposite side of the room. She jumped in surprise and watched the brush smear a coffee colored line down the woman's face. "Fuck." Katie glanced up just in time to see a tall, curly-haired someone walk into the bio-printing lab. She got up from the art table and left the lifeless bust staring off into space as she went to join him in the lab.

When she opened the door, she found Dan in front of a printer that was working on the base of a 3D sculpted heart. He seemed almost hypnotized by it as his eyes scanned its moving components, figuring it out. He had his notebook out in front of him and he began to label each part on his blueprint with a pen. Katie saw the notebook and smiled, walking over to him, hands in her lab coat pockets. "Hey, stranger. You my new assistant now?"

Dan took a moment to answer, watching the mechanical hand do its work. Then he looked at her, his expression solemn. "Hey, Doctor. I'm just learning about the printers..." Dan looked down the row carefully. "...I don't see one for brain tissue though." His soft chocolate eyes questioned her.

Katie searched Dan's gaze. "...There are two artificial brain printers in the back, but I try to keep those in a more sterile room." She raised an eyebrow. "Why the sudden interest, Dan?"

She watched him struggle. Trying to find the right words. His mouth was a hard line for a moment. When he spoke, he was quiet. "Doctor, is there any other way...to help...me?" He hesitated on the last word.

Katie blew out a sigh. She knew what he meant. "Dan..." Her eyes drifted downwards. "I've already spoken with your parents. We've done three surgeries so far. There's not a whole lot we can do right now." She looked back at him, expecting a defeated gaze. "I'm sorry. We just have to take things day by day."

When the doctor looked up, she was met with his determination. Dan set his notebook down on a desk and turned to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. Katie stared it surprise at his intensity. "You used real cells in my brain, right?" he asked urgently.

Katie was taken aback. "Yeah, but-"

Dan's grip became firmer. "But what? You told me once that you were trying to figure out how to make lasting brain tissue, right?" His dark eyes bore into her. "Have you found anything?"

"Dan, please let go of me." Katie watched him carefully.

He sighed and dropped his arms, stepping back from her. "I'm sorry. I'm just-"

“Desperate, I know," Katie replied, nodding sympathetically. "I understand." Katie looked down for a moment, thinking. Then she walked back to the door, holding it open for him. "Here...let's step back into the main lab and have a chat..."

~~~

The duo took a seat in the usual spot by Katie's desk. She poured coffee for each of them and they sat across from each other, sipping quietly. "So," Dan said, thinking deeply, "...what have you learned? I mean, what about my cells? How do they work?"

Katie knew where Dan was going to steer the conversation but the information was good for him to have. She held her mug in her lap, looking pensive. "The printers I have in the back room are for artificial tissue, not real. In order to create real tissue, we have to work with stem cells instead." Katie logged into her computer and brought up a screen, showing Dan charts of various cell types. "So, there are a few different types of stem cells, but the ones we would want to use are called allogeneic mesenchymal cells." Katie pointed to one of the charts on the screen. "Those are the ones I used for your brain- they initially come from fetal nervous tissue or the bone marrow of a donor. We occasionally get donations from the LA Institute of Stem Cell Research. These are cells that learn how to become other types of cells. This specific type is ideal because when they're implanted in the body, the host doesn't see them as foreign intruders and attack them. They're sometimes given to stroke patients to try and improve brain function..."

Dan stared at the screen, feeling a little lost but hopeful. "Okay, so...can we use those to fix bad tissue?"

"Well..." Katie thought deeply for a moment. She pursed her lips. "There are a lot of complications with the idea of stem cell treatments. One major problem is that there's just not a ton of clinical data to say that stem cells will definitely help a coma patient, although there was a promising study done in Russia recently. But we’ve had better luck working with mice or rats within certain lab settings. They're also extremely expensive injections, usually around fifteen thousand dollars per shot, and a patient typically gets 2-4 injections." Katie took a sip from her drink. “If we made the assumption that they could somehow help your brain, there's still no guarantee that they will survive or function properly, because we aren't used to working with these cells as much outside of a lab environment. We don't 100% control their development yet. It's sometimes possible for them to become the wrong type of cell, or to mutate and become tumorous..." Katie gave Dan an apologetic look. He just stared at the computer screen. She continued. "So it’s a potentially very risky procedure, especially with the fluid that’s already collecting in your brain. And I don't even know exactly where we would put them. On the right side of your brain of course, where the damage was done, but...we don't know if there's a specific area causing illness or if it's the entire tissue...”

Dan looked at Katie eagerly. “So they could help?”

Katie shrugged. "Perhaps. They might do nothing. We’d have to try them.” She bit her lip. “But…at this time, I don’t know, Dan…the evidence for coma patients is extremely limited and somewhat controversial. As your doctor, I don’t feel it’s safe enough to offer this as a solution based on the findings of just one major study. Your parents could go to the local stem cell Institute if they wanted. Get all the information and try it out. But I…can’t personally advise them to do that. It'd have to be their own decision." The doctor sighed, placing a hand supportively on Dan's thigh. She felt him deflate next to her. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make this harder for you."

"Yes you are," Dan said, frustration rising up in his throat. He gave her a hard look. "It sounds like this is the real miracle treatment that we're just ignoring for no reason.”

"It could be a miracle. Maybe. But it’s not for no reason, Dan. I don't want to jeopardize your already somewhat volatile condition. I also don’t want your family to throw needed money away on just a maybe-"

"My life is already 'just a maybe'!" Dan shouted, getting up from the chair and putting his hands behind his head as he paced the room, breathing heavily through his nostrils as he let off steam. Katie stood up with him, watching him from her desk. After calming down a bit, Dan walked back over to her with his arms at his sides. "...Have you done a scan for him recently?"

Katie was quieter when she replied. "...A few weeks ago. We have another one scheduled in a couple of days. The swelling has been persistent the entire time, so we're monitoring it closely."

Dan gave another frustrated huff “...Why would you bother telling me any of that if you weren’t gonna help me?!”

Katie looked hurt. "I’m trying to help you. And you have a right to have a basic understanding of how this all works, Dan..." She gestured at him. "I used some of this to make your current body."

"Use them on my real body then!" Dan shouted again, becoming angry. He began to pace again. "I don't get it...you can put real cells into a computer and that's fine, but putting them into a real body is crazy..."

Katie didn't reply to the statement. Instead, she quietly bent down next to her desk and opened a filing cabinet. Her lips were pursed together as she opened a folder and pulled out a high quality digital picture of a brain. Katie beckoned Dan over. "...I have something to show you."

Dan was curious enough to approach her, taking his seat across from her again. Katie set the scan on her desk and pointed at it with the end of a pen. "This is the quick scan I did for you the other night while we checked your vitals.” She pointed out several small, black spots in the scan. "...See those? Those are the real tissues. Not very much, just enough cells to adhere to the artificial framework and see what happens." Katie looked into Dan's eyes. Her voice softened. "...They're supposed to emit a signal with the rest of your brain. They would be lit up on this scan."

Dan stared at the little black dots. He sank in the chair. "So...they..."

Katie nodded. "...I'm sorry, Dan. It's still pretty impressive; they probably survived around thirty days, which is definitely worth looking into..." Katie watched Dan's eyes become moist. She wished with all her heart that she had better news to give him. "...It won't hurt you to keep them there...they don't impede your functions like regular tumors would-"

"Remove them. I don't want them." Dan's decision was firm. A tear fell down his face.

Katie frowned. "Dan..."

"Take them out of me. I don't need them. He needed them-" Dan stared at her, his face turning red, a couple more tears running down. "He needed them months ago! He's the one that needs help! He's the one that doesn't have any time! Fucking DO SOMETHING!” Dan stood up and kicked the table, some of his coffee spilling off to the side. He briskly walked into whichever room was closest him (the main scanner room) and went in, slamming the door shut.

Katie let out a deep sigh. She sat there a moment, tapping her fingers on her desk. She took a moment to pull out her phone and dial, holding it to her ear.

Dan stood against the wall of the scanner room with his arms folded, watching Katie talk on the phone. When she was done, she opened the door. She gave Dan a sorrowful look and offered her hand to him. "...Follow me. I'll remove them." Dan went with her, staring at his sneakers. She led him into a room tucked away in the back.

~~~  
Around an hour later, Katie set another fresh cup of coffee down in front of Brian. He sat across from her desk with his arms folded, watching her carefully. He noticed that she occasionally glanced at the back of the room.

Katie pulled her clipboard and a pen from her desk and turned back to Brian, crossing her legs and giving him a smile. “Thank you for coming, Mr. Wecht. It’s been a little bit since we last spoke. How’ve you been doing?”

Brian politely nodded, taking a sip of coffee. His eyes were fixed on her. “Alright.” He eyed her clipboard. “I didn’t know this was a therapy appointment.”

“Oh no, not really, I just wanted to check in with you,” Katie reassured him, setting the clipboard on her desk. “I wanted to make sure you’re feeling better overall. Any more anxiety attacks?”

Brian curtly shook his head. He was wearing his usual, controlled expression. “No, but I wouldn’t say that I’m any better than before.”

Katie nodded caringly while keeping her focus on him. “Of course. You’ve already shared your concerns and fears with me. Have you gotten a chance to speak with Mr. and Mrs. Avidan?”

The look Brian was giving the doctor intensified. “No, I haven’t spoken with them since I got back from London.” He glanced up at a clock on the wall. “Is this going to take long? I need to get home soon.”

Dr. Jackson nodded. “I’m sorry, I’ll get to the point. I saw you and your friends the other day when I was in Dan’s room to check his recent records, and it seemed to me like everyone was a bit more on edge than usual…” Katie remembered the hard glare that Ross had fed her when she’d walked inside.

Brian nodded. “Okay. What of it?”

“…Is everything alright between you and your friends?”

Brian raised an eyebrow at the question. “As good as it can be, given the situation. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well…” Katie looked him in the eye with some concern. She chose her next words slowly. “For starters, I’d understand if you were still upset with Arin. After everything that’s happened, he still hasn’t turned in his android. Has he talked with you at all about that?”

Katie saw Brian’s eye twitch for just a moment but otherwise, he was a mask. He spoke more firmly. “No. What he decides to do with his property is his business.”

“It’s yours too,” Katie insisted, uncrossing her legs and putting her hands in her lap. “Especially when that property directly interferes with your job, your relationships with your friends and coworkers, or your life. And gives you major anxiety. It’s every bit your business.” Katie leaned forward. “But you haven’t asked Arin to get rid of him. I’m curious why.”

Brian began to look peeved. “I haven’t been all that worried about my work. But I am worried about Dan, and whether or not he’s receiving the best care he can get.” Brian’s expression hardened. Now he laid out his cards. “…Some of my friends are concerned that your interests are split between helping Dan and working on your AI project. And I’m starting to feel inclined to agree with them.” Brian’s eyes ran across the unfinished models standing on the left side of the room.

“I can understand why you might feel that way,” Katie sympathized, nodding to him. “Is there…something you’d like me to do differently for Dan?”

Brian looked off in the distance a moment, his jaw tense. “…It’s your perspective that worries me the most. Doctor, do you have a complete degree in Psychology?”

Katie nodded slowly. “Yes, I do…”

“Then you should probably know when your actions and opinions manipulate the people around you,” Brian pressed. His light eyes turned cold and he bent forward. “I’ve been told by a friend that you insist that your android is somehow the real Dan, instead of your patient. And I know Arin believes you.” Brian emphasized his next words. “He’s emotionally compromised, we all are. But you’ve decided, as a medical professional no less, that it’s best for Arin to keep spending time with your robot. In fact, you’ve convinced him that keeping the robot will not only help, but that it may cure Dan’s coma somehow?” Brian gave the doctor an incredulous look, questioning her with his eyes. Then they narrowed. “…What do you think that conclusion would look like on a written letter to your company?”

Katie looked like she’d been smacked. Her mouth was agape. She couldn’t believe it. “Ah- it's... you’re threatening me now?! I-I called you here because-“

“You called me here because somebody has to pay for this,” Brian stated, “and it shouldn’t be my grieving friends, or Dan, or Dan’s family.” Brian glanced around. “Do you get other clients? I’m wondering what you do down here by yourself. If Arin is helping you pay the bills, then I hope it’s for a really good cause.”

Katie bit her lip, twirling her pen in between two fingers nervously. This wasn’t at all how she’d envisioned this conversation going. She cleared her throat before murmuring, “Arin’s payments don’t hold a candle to my expenses…” She looked up at him in agitation, losing her cool. “Where is this coming from? You believed that he was real too! That he could be saved somehow! You were crying to me over the phone about it!” Now Katie looked hurt. “If everyone’s so worried, then why didn’t you talk to Arin then? Why hasn’t anyone just asked me to take the android back!?”

Brian stood up, his face calm as he stared at Katie. Trying to read her. “You miss the point. We shouldn’t have to ask. What we believe doesn’t matter, because no matter what you are doing down here, no matter how you normally sell your product, you are also the doctor. Not us. You should already know what’s best. You should be the objective voice of reason and apparently, you just aren’t. And Dan’s the one who needs the attention. The real one.”

Katie glanced at the floor a moment, then stood up with him. “…I already spoke to Arin about how the future with an android would look. He understands the costs. And told him that it’s not a real person. I told him!” Katie stared Brian in the eye. There was a hint of fear in hers. “Are you just gonna file a complaint against me then? I’m doing all I can for Dan! I’ve researched all the treatment options! I update his records every week! What more do you want me to do?!”

Brian just fed her his stare before he turned his back on her and began to walk towards the exit. Katie called out- “I called you here to tell you that Dan’s not going to die in two weeks!”

Brian let out a huff. “That’s not your place to decide.“

“I’ve seen it before. Trust me, there won’t be any lawyers. A living will needs a proper notary, especially one that was written on the back of a dinner menu. So Dan’s parents still have power of attorney. You really think they’re just gonna let their only son die?” Brian stopped for a moment. Katie added, “You told me that you made a promise to him. I have my own promises too, Brian, and you don’t have to understand them.” Katie walked briskly to her desk and opened up the top drawer, pulling out a CD in a sleeve. She walked up to Brian, holding it out. “This isn’t legally supposed to leave the lab, but you’ve already got my career in your hands apparently, so why not?”

Brian raised an eyebrow at her. “What is this?”

“It’s the last ten or so minutes of a recent hypnotherapy session with the android. I’m not going to pretend like hypnosis is a flawless practice, but you’re gonna wanna listen to this one.”

“No thanks,” Brian spat in irritation, pushing past her.

Katie stepped in front of him and held the disk up to his chest. “I helped you when you were hurting. I was your doctor too. Humor me a little before you get me fired, Mr. Wecht. You can even staple it to the complaint letter,” she said with a grim smile.

Brian took the disk from her hand impatiently and silently walked out without looking back. Katie walked back towards the operating room, hands in her pockets as she blew out a long sigh.

~~~

Dan was still unconscious and hooked up to a few machines, although it was a much simpler setup than a usual surgery. His skull had already been reattached and Katie was taking her time resetting his scalp and a new head of hair virtually indistinguishable from the last, which she tossed in a trashcan nearby. A metal tray of bruised and bloody tiny clots of tissue sat next to her tools. The blue gel glue set in between his skin and left no lines or scars on his head. Katie then worked on sealing up his chest; she had decided to also remove some deceased heart tissue from his pericardium. When she was finished with her task, she looked up at him, running her gloved hand gently through his new hair. “You’ve been through so much already,” she whispered. “…I’m sorry.” Dan was hooked up to a heart rate monitor; with uncertainty, Katie watched the lines moving on the screen. Her eyes drifted to where the machine plugged into the wall. In irritation, she suddenly pounded the side of her fist against the wall, fuming. 

None of this was fair. But all the words wouldn’t leave her mind.

‘I'm wondering what you do down here by yourself.’

‘You should already know what’s best.’

‘Do something!’

After a moment, she walked over and grabbed a small tablet that was atop a table and started typing settings into it. Then she set it down, looking at Dan. “…I’ll be right back.” Katie removed the gloves and her mask and tossed them in the trash, walking out to her main desk.

~~~

Katie pulled up the J&S web page on her screen. With a few more clicks, she eyed the list of proposed expenses, tapping her pen anxiously on her desk. After a few minutes of deep thought, she pulled up a new page and began to type. The screen read ‘Change of Billing Request’.  
When she had hit send, she blew out another long sigh and stared at the screen for a while. Then she stood up and walked back to the little operating room to check Dan’s system and wake him.

~~~

Dan felt a little dazed and heavy after the operation but not as new or clean as he was hoping to feel. He let Dr. Jackson check his vitals before leading him out of the back room, back into the main lab. He had put his clothes back on, and apparently Katie had fitted him perfectly with a fresh hair, although he felt no difference between that and the old one. He took a long look at himself in one of the mirrors at the art table. He was exactly the same as before. Dan glanced over at the lifeless bust that Katie had been working on earlier and raised his eyebrow at the smeared line on her face. "...You had an accident with the brush?"

Katie glanced over at the lifeless head and chuckled. "Oh, yeah. I forgot to clean that up. You startled me earlier. I should've just digitally printed those..."

"Do you design all of their faces?"

Katie shrugged. "Many of them. And their bodies, of course. I've always been pretty good at painting portraits. Your design was especially easy to do- having seen your face online almost every day...and then in person too..." Katie blushed at the confession, looking away.

Dan was about to ask her about this when they both heard a loud thudding coming from the front entrance room. Katie walked over briskly, Dan behind her. They crossed the tiny reception-like area and Katie opened the giant silver door. "Hello?"

A sweaty and disheveled Arin stood in the doorway. He was carrying a couple of plastic bags of snacks in one arm and what looked like a few sleeping bags in the other. Arin saw Dan and put on a nervous, sheepish smile. "...Hey. Thought I'd find you down here. You hungry?"

~~~

The boys sat down next to each other at an emptier art table, eating what would typically be their grumping food: various chips, candy and fruits. Katie provided them with privacy by running to the back upstairs to collect reports of some kind. Arin was watching Dan with concern, but he wasn't pressing him like Dan had expected him to. Arin took a bite out of an apple and munched it for a bit before he spoke. "Mmm...sorry it's not real food. I just came here after running by the Grump Space real quick. Just to check on Ross, see if he needed help with his office. Then I ran to the store and then came here. You doin' alright?"

Dan was past tired of hearing that question, so he ignored it. He looked at Arin, popping some Skittles in his mouth. "...Thanks for this. You could've emailed me." 

"Yeah, well...I don't like being in your head unless I'm invited," Arin joked, hoping to get a smile out of Dan. When he didn't respond, Arin mumbled something unintelligible, grabbing a small bag of chips.

Dan eyed the sleeping bags. "...You were planning on staying the night?

Arin shrugged. "Maybe. I don't think they'll let me cuz I'm not really family, but I thought I'd try anyway. I bought three sleeping bags, and there's some pillows in my car."

Dan looked over at Arin. "I'm not going to stay in the room. Ross would just get upset again, and it's not helping Brian- especially when he has Audrey with him. And my family could be there at any time. That'd be a nightmare."

Arin looked at Dan questioningly, unsure. "Okay, uh, do you want Suzy and me to just sleep down here with you then?" Dan sighed, looking down and rubbing the bridge of his nose with one hand. Arin continued, "Look, dude, I'm just trying to support you-"

"I know," Dan replied firmly. He looked back at Arin. "I get what you're trying to do."

"Okay, so what do you want me to do? You wanted me to come to the hospital, right?" Arin was getting annoyed too, but his face was full of sincere concern. "What do I need to do to help you? I’m here for you." As if just remembering where he was, Arin added, "Did Katie have anything that would help us?"

It was like watching the lit fuse of a dynamite stick. Arin saw Dan's frustration build as the lanky man tapped his fingers in irritation on the table. "She talked a lot about stem cells and then told me we can’t use them," Dan grumpily replied. He stared off a bit, collecting his thoughts. Then he looked back at Arin with a murky, serious expression. "...Before, when you came and got me from the motel, you needed me to understand myself and this situation. And now that I do know what's going on, you don’t seem to get it…”

Arin stubbornly held up his hand. “Dan, if you’re about to tell me that you aren’t real, I’m stopping you there-“

“It doesn’t matter!” Dan shouted in sudden irritation, standing up. He walked around slowly, looking at the ceiling. “…Jesus Christ Arin, it literally does not matter if I’m ‘real’ or not. “ Dan stopped pacing and stared hard at Arin before he put his hands up. “Don’t you get it?! It doesn’t matter who I am! I already explained it- because of this body, I can’t be here for any of you, because nobody else wants to see me! You and Suzy are my only friends right now and even then-“ Dan stopped for a moment, hands shaking, “…even then, you are fuckin’ holding onto me like I’m some sort of kid teddy bear, like I’m going to magically just make everything okay!” Dan took a few steps towards Arin, his eyes moist. “And for some stupid reason, I’m the one that has to know that this is all bullshit, and I have to feel it, to really feel it-“ Dan threw a hand up to his chest, pounding on it. Now his face was read and streaked with new tears as he continued, “and worst of all, I know that you’re my best friend, and I know that you’re just doing this because you miss me, and you wanna help, but guess what?! Now I have to miss me, and everyone and everything else too!”

Dan stood there and stared at Arin for a moment. Arin’s eyes spilled a few tears now as Dan walked over to him and put his hands on Arin’s arms. His voice was a low whisper. “Arin…you can help me by finally admitting to yourself that in a few days…I’m probably not going to be here anymore. Okay? You’ve done everything you can. There’s nothing else to do.” Dan let go of Arin’s arms and stepped away from him, closing his eyes. “Everyone is here for me by being in that room. But as this,” Dan gestured at his body, “you haven’t been here for me. I’ve been here for you.”

The room got quiet. Arin stared at the table. Dan watched as he sat there, trying to remain calm. His voice was low, his eyes wet. “You’re right. You’re totally right, as usual…” Arin bit his lip and despite his anger, Dan suddenly felt extremely guilty. He sighed. “Arin…”

“I’m terrible,” Arin said. His face began to flush red. “I’ve given you…just, total hell, and…” Arin bit back tears but they couldn’t be held back, dripping onto the tablecloth. Arin’s eyes met Dan’s and the regret was written all over him. His breathing became stressed. His voice cracked as he spoke, emphasizing his words. “You…you killed yourself because of me, Dan,” he cried, quietly beginning to sob. He gave a sorrowful laugh. “What more does that say? I’ve completely failed you. I ruined everything.” Arin’s breath became erratic. “I didn’t…drive for hours to get you just to…to have it be…” Arin looked down. ~To have it be so wrong.~

Tears fell down Dan’s face too. His heart was filled with remorse as he placed a hand on Arin’s shoulder. His voice was soft. “No, Arin…I’m sorry, I’ve just had a shitty day…”

“Don’t apologize-“ Arin said firmly, pulling away from Dan. He stood up and walked around the table, running his hand through his hair. “This is wrong,” he murmured. “Everything is so fucking wrong…” Arin’s hands began to shake. He was at odds with himself.

I have to fix this. I have to.

But Dan’s right.

No! He couldn’t be- this is all wrong-

Everything is wrong-

because

this

world

without you

would

be-

Arin’s head was spinning; he saw stars in his vision. He didn’t realize that he wasn’t breathing until he started to stumble. Dan got up in time and grabbed him, wide eyes glistening. “Arin! Breathe-“

Arin pulled away again, taking loud, shallow breaths. He squeezed his eyes shut and began to hyperventilate through his nose. His arms shook harder. His face turned crimson.

Dan nervously reached out again. “Arin-“

“AAAAAAUUGGGHH!” Arin screamed in absolute rage, his entire body shaking. The sound echoed off the walls and completely startled Dan who stepped back, eyes huge.

“FUUUUCK!” Arin shouted at the room as he furiously paced around. In pure distress, he grabbed the unfinished bust from the table and hocked it across the floor before he took the table cloth and tugged it hard, the plates of art tools tossing into the air, causing a calamity of noise as they shattered against the floor, broken metal and porcelain strewn everywhere. “FUCK THIS!”

This was more than anger at a video game. It was absolute infuriation that Dan had never seen before.

Dan was terrified. “Arin! Stop it!” He stared, afraid to step in. “Those are expensive! Stop!”

I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT MONEY!” Arin screamed in fury. He smacked more tools off the opposite long table and kicked over a few chairs into it, knocking over another couple of busts. “THIS- IS- ALL- FUCKING- BULLSHIT!”

Dan stood there in shock a moment before he jumped to his senses and ran to Arin, grabbing his arms and yelling “STOP ARIN! NOW!”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” Arin yelled, shoving Dan back into the side of a table. It wasn’t too hard but Dan winced and stared at him in sadness and slight fear.

Arin was swiftly walking away now, hands clenching his hair. He closed his eyes, trying to escape it all.

Get away from me.

I’m poison!

I’m poison and I’ll never get you back!

“I HATE THIS!” Arin shouted into the void. He stopped walking and put his face in his hands. He stopped shouting and continued to sob like a child.

Dan slowly walked up to Arin, tears streaming down his own face. “Arin…” before he could reach out again, Arin turned around and squeezed Dan tight in a hug, bawling into his shoulder.

Dan just held him there, crying silently and waiting patiently as Arin cried out all his emotions, staining Dan’s shirt. He sighed and closed his eyes, rocking them both back and forth.

After crying for a few minutes, Arin settled down and pulled away. Arin looked up at Dan in total shame. He whispered. “…I hate myself, dude. I need you, and…”

Dan put a hand on his shoulder again. “I know. I love you too,” he said sincerely, wiping Arin’s eyes. Then he dropped his arm and looked in amazement at the wreckage on the floor. “This is bad. Katie is going to murder us. She might even call the cops…”

“I don’t care,” Arin said tiredly. He glanced at the exit, then took Dan’s hand in his and walked him to the door.

Dan stumbled behind him in surprise. “Ah- where are we going?”

“To get real food,” Arin grumbled, opening the door for both of them. “I’m fucking starving.”

~~~

On the way out, the guys passed Katie in the hallway, carrying a stack of reports. Arin trudged past her, still holding Dan’s hand. When she saw the grief on their faces, she turned around. “Ah- where are you two going?”

“Arin is really sorry!” Dan shouted to her as they briskly walked away from the doctor. “He’ll pay you back!”

“What does that…” Katie started to ask in worry. She quickly walked back to the lab. When she got there, she pushed the door open. She gasped loudly in astonishment when she saw the damage. She just stood there a moment, then glanced at the ceiling.

“…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

~~~

The boys walked down the sidewalk for fifteen minutes before Dan thought it safe to ask, “Arin, where are we going?”

“Doesn’t matter. Away,” Arin grumbled. They had dropped their arms, although Arin still walked close to Dan as they followed the street north.

Eventually, Arin spotted a Wendy’s across the street and decided it was their destination. As they crossed the intersection, Dan watched Arin with growing concern. “Did you mean what you said? You really hate yourself?”

Arin shrugged nonchalantly, eyes running over Dan’s torso briefly. “I shoved you again…”

“I strangled you and gave you a black eye,” Dan stated matter-of-factly, holding the restaurant door open for them both. “Don’t worry about it.”

Dan gave them the space to take their order. He hadn’t actually consumed fast food in a few years and didn’t have any desire for it, but it was really the least of their worries right now. He opted for a small chicken and fruit salad while Arin ordered the largest, greasiest burger combo he could manage before they took a seat at a booth in the corner, next to a window.

They dug in. Dan took a couple bites of questionable lettuce. He decided that he didn’t need to mention the small operation he had; Arin had enough going on right now. He watched Arin savor his sauce-dripping hamburger and sarcastically asked, “Is it as amazing as it looks?”

“Of cour, iz fuckin’ wonderful,” Arin mumbled with a mouthful of beef and cheese. He swallowed, eyeing Dan’s salad. “Is that enough for you?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

They ate quietly for a few more minutes. Then Arin’s expression turned somber again. He spoke slowly. “Dan…would you be happier if…you were…”

“No,” Dan replied firmly. “I wouldn’t be.” ~How could I leave, knowing you’re all stuck feeling this way?~ “But like I said before, what I want doesn’t matter. I’m worried about you. How much has it been costing you to keep me?”

Arin avoided the question. He looked out the window for a moment, then gave Dan a serious look. “Don’t go back to the hospital.”

Dan huffed in protest. “Arin-“

“Don’t go back. Get in your car and just…drive away.” Arin stared at his tray. “You deserved something better, and this isn’t it.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Shut up. Come on, don’t be stupid, that makes no sense. I live here, I’m staying here. I stay where all you guys are.” Before Arin could reply, Dan punched him hard in the arm.

“Ow! What the-“

“Don’t do that again!” Dan scolded him, getting upset. “I have no idea how much those heads and tools cost.” Dan rubbed his forehead. “You might’ve just billed yourself another few thousand dollars for no fucking reason! And you could get banned from the hospital or something, or arrested…”

“Whatever,” Arin grumbled. “Money is money.”

“No, it’s not just money! And really, you’d be ok going to jail?”

“Sure,” Arin said with fake cheerfulness. “Fans would probably get a kick out of it.”

“Not funny,” Dan said sternly. “And Katie needs her job. You owe her a really serious apology when you get back.”

“Okay, Mom,” Arin said, seemingly unconcerned. “I’ll fix it, or whatever. Cuz I’m super good at that.”

Dan sighed in frustration. “Call her back and then go explain what happened. Asshole.”

“Pussy,” Arin threw back without any thought. He looked at Dan, saw how tired he was. Then Arin's eyes lit up with an idea. Something mischievous. Suddenly he began to make cooing noises. “Oooh….oooooohh….”

Dan raised his eyebrow. “Arin, what’re you-“

“MY PUSSEEEEE!” Arin whined loudly, garnering weird looks by some of the other people in the restaurant.

“Arin, no, come on, stop-“ Dan pleaded but a smile was already forming at the corners of his mouth.

Arin grinned; that was his signal to go- even louder and in a sing-song voice- “I’M GONNA FUCKIN’ PREEEHEEEE!”

And, goddamn it, despite his efforts not to, Dan snorted and fell into a loud fit of giggly, hysterical laughter. His enjoyment made Arin laugh and then they both couldn’t stop. They both bent over the table and as some other people inside stared at them or shifted uncomfortably, the guys shared a moment of bliss that they hadn’t had for days.

When the laughter had died down, Dan looked up at Arin, wiping happy tears from his eyes. “I fucking hate you.”

“Yeah, I know.” Arin’s grin was huge.

~~~

Dan excused himself to use the bathroom. While he was in there for a few minutes, he shot a quick email to Ross:

[I talked to Katie. She told me about stem cells but I guess they haven’t been lab tested enough to safely use, or something like that. He’s getting new scans soon. That’s all I know.

I’m sorry.]

On the way out, Dan had to stop as a happy couple that recognized Arin were talking to him for a few minutes. After they walked away, Dan pulled his hoodie tighter and walked quickly over to Arin. “Fans?”

“Yeah, they saw me outside from the window. I told them I had a bad cold.”

“Let’s go before more people see us.”

“Yeah, ok.” They left the restaurant and reluctantly started heading back the way they came from, lying low. Dan looked over at Arin. “…Stay with Suzy this week. She needs you. Stay in the room, if you can, but don’t worry about me. I’ll be around.”

Arin nodded. “I know you will.” He looked down at his feet. “I’m sorry.”

“No more apologies, except for Katie.”

The feeling of dread began to rise exponentially as the two got closer and closer to the hospital. But Dan felt at least a touch better today with his best friend walking at his side.

~~~

Brian held the patient's hand in his, rubbing it gently. In his other hand he held the CD, pondering its contents. Then he set it down in his backpack and grabbed a notebook and a pen. He sighed and looked at the patient’s face. Brian's hard expression softened. 

“…I’ve got some new song ideas to bounce off ya today. Let me know what you think…”

After an hour, Brian packed away his things and bid Dan a goodnight for later. He felt guilty leaving but he had a family to get back to and regular obligations to fulfill.

He only wished he could take Dan with him to have over for a lovely, warm dinner. It had been a long day for everyone, after all.

But it'd never be long enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Noting here that obviously, my understanding of stem cells is very basic and limited so sorry if I get any facts wrong, but I did do some research.


	18. Underlying Theme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two of this section! Hope you like it!

Brian couldn’t get his brain to shut off. He had successfully gotten Audrey to stay in bed, and Rachel was out like a light next to him after her long day. He glanced at the clock: 2:33am. After staring at the ceiling for another twenty minutes, he gave up and got out of bed. He quietly left the room, yawning. Coco lifted her head from the floor and tilted it curiously before getting up and following him, her tail wagging.

He sat on the living room couch with his laptop out, a few scientific papers pulled up in Word documents, related binders open next to him on one side of the couch, Coco lying down on the other, munching on a bone. He got maybe a couple of sentences added to one of the papers before he saved and closed the files, sighing. He sat there a moment, feeling pensive. Then he got up again and crossed the room to grab his backpack that was sitting on the floor, outside of the entryway closet. He brought it back to the living room and rummaged through it. He pulled out his big NSP binder (similar to Dan’s) and the practice/tour agenda. As he did, a couple photographs from the last NSP/Starbomb concert fell out of the binder.

Brian held up the photos. The first photograph was of Dan, Brian and Arin. Dan and Brian sported their character costumes, Arin in a black tee, leather jacket and jeans. In the photo, Brian struck a flexing pose from behind his keyboard. Arin had his head tilted back in a hearty laugh, his head leaning into Dan’s shoulder. Dan was behind him and had his other arm around Arin’s shoulder in a half hug. Dan was glancing downward, a huge grin on his face. Arin held Dan’s hand against his own heart.

The second photo was Dan right beneath the spotlight with the mic held in both hands. His eyes were closed as he passionately sang to the crowd.

Brian turned the photos over slowly and tucked them back into the binder, feeling his own heart sink.

He pulled the white CD sleeve from the bottom of the bag, thinking deeply as he held it up. Then he inserted the disk into his laptop and put on his headphones.

As Brian listened to the beginning of the recording, his eyes widened, a spark of something going off in his chest. Then the light dulled down considerably as he continued to listen.

When it ended, Brian interlaced his fingers and rested his chin on them. Deeply contemplating. Then he pulled up his web browser. He began to pull up every local news station he could think of, going back in their archives to April. He pulled up all the articles that covered the car accident. His eyes scanned them, looking for specific time stamps. Looking for anything.

He glanced at his phone. The video of Audrey. He brought up all of his social media pages, going back as far as he could.

It wasn’t anywhere. He’d never posted it online.

Brian pulled the photograph of Danny back out of the binder. Holding back his feelings, he folded it and tucked it into his pocket.

Brian restarted the recording and listened again, turning up the volume.

He replayed it again. And again. And again.

~~~

The brief elation that Arin had brought to Dan didn’t last.

For the next few days, Dan merely existed as a ghost, haunting the hallways of the LA hospital. Time and stress were painting bruises beneath his eyes as he wandered around. He stopped trying to entertain himself by browsing the internet. It was vital that he stayed in the moment with everyone else, there to join them in their suffering. It was all he had left to offer at this point.

Sorrow gradually dripped into his heart, piling up slowly. He could feel the Shadow taking over his limbs and muddling his mind. He wasn’t eating anymore. He saw a myriad of faces pass him. An older man with gray hair would glance at him occasionally but didn’t approach him. A younger man with light brown hair came in with a silver-haired woman on his arm. This man seemed to scowl every time he noticed Dan, his eyes boring holes into the android. But over time, Dan noticed that the man’s expression softened over time until his face became a mask of indifference.

Email notifications constantly went off in Dan’s head but he ignored them, just as he was ignoring the murmurs of the nurses all around him. While he was sitting in the lobby, one of them offered to get him something from the vending machine. He politely declined and sank back into the uncomfortably cushioned bench. He didn’t get up again.

Day turned into night. Someone in scrubs approached him, her tone apologetic. Dan nodded absently and dragged himself out into the parking lot. He sat down on the steps to the building and rested his chin on his hands.

At some point, someone more familiar placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t bother to meet their gaze and couldn’t make out what they were saying to him. They gave his shoulder a hard squeeze and walked away. When they were farther from him, Dan looked up to see a long, brown haired man and a black haired woman frowning at him with deep concern. They were carrying the sleeping bags. They watched Dan for a moment before getting into their car and driving away. Their faces had been puffy and red.

A few minutes later, a car drove up and stopped near Dan. A mellow man with black hair and a short beard got out and slowly walked to Dan. Once again, Dan couldn’t make out his words. The man handed him a device – a cell phone. Dan nodded and silently took it, pocketing it. More useless words filled the air. Then Dan felt himself being hoisted up, a hand on his back and around his waist. Finally he made out a small sentence. “Come on, buddy…” His feet moved on their own as they both got into the car.

The new man continued to speak to Dan. He seemed to be going over the events of the day. Dan wasn’t paying any attention. There was an old song stuck on repeat in his mind. One from a decade ago...

~~~

Dan didn’t know what happened after that. A strong aroma hit his nostrils and he looked down to find that he was at the kitchen table, a plate of food in front of him, the man sitting across from him. Dan closed his eyes and pushed the plate away. He finally spoke. “…I’m sorry.” Dan didn’t see the man’s response. He just listened to the sound of the plate being moved and the other movements around him. Dan stayed at the table.

When he felt that he was alone, Dan began to hum the song that was stuck in his head. After a minute, his humming died down and he let out a soft whisper, his eyes glistening underneath the light.

“…so I listen to the closing door…”

Before it’s gone. 

~~~

The following morning, Dan was pulled from the melody when an email notification went off in his head. He blinked and realized that he found himself in the hospital lobby again. He ignored the notifications, sinking back into the chair. Three more went off. He pulled up his mailbox- they were all from Arin. Before he could open one, his new phone began to buzz in his pocket. Dan blinked again and pulled out the phone, putting it to his ear. “…Hello?”

“Dan, your parents are coming. Today. Everyone’s gonna be there soon. What are you-“

Dan hung up the phone before Arin could finish. Suddenly, the heart he had been ignoring began to beat rapidly in his chest. He glanced at the door anxiously. When were they coming? What should he do? Where should he hide? And in his nervousness, the dread seeped in; was this the final day?

Despite his wild nerves, Dan walked to the farthest side of the lobby and planted himself in another chair. He put his hoodie up, tucking his hair in as much as he could and putting his shades on. He rested his head against the wall and folded his arms, pretending to sleep, his eyes fixed on the front door. He felt like he was sweating beneath a blazing spotlight.

As quickly as the blood was now rushing to Dan’s chest, as soon as his eyes fell on the exhausted and anguished faces of Avi and Debra Avidan, Dan felt his heart jolt to a stop that very moment. How tired they looked…it was as if they’d aged an additional ten years. ~Dad…Debra…~ Mrs. Avidan was tearing up and leaning into Avi, whose expression was unreadable. Despite his control, Dan thought he saw his father’s eyes shimmering beneath the florescent lights.

No one else was with them except Dan’s older sister, Dana, who trailed behind them with a handkerchief, held up to her eyes, trying to prevent her make up from running. The trio walked down to the end of the hall and entered the infamous room on the left.

Sitting as still as a statue, Dan watched as all the people he loved and cared about and formally knew as his close friends trickled in through the entry doors within the next hour or so.

The entire Grump crew waited anxiously in the lobby. Everyone looked completely stressed out: Arin had his arm around Suzy as they whispered to each other; Ross had his arms resting on his knees, covering his mouth with Holly rubbing his back; Barry, Vernon, Matt, and Ryan had their arms folded while they zoned out; Brent and Brian were pacing around, staring at the floor. Nobody looked at Dan but he knew that some of them were aware of his presence.

Dan heard heels clacking from behind him and watched as Dr. Jackson walk down the hallway, carrying a thick binder in her arms. She ignored Dan and instead gave the Grumps an acknowledging nod before she swiftly walked down the opposite hall and also entered the room.

As time went by, tension as building in the tiny lobby until the crew was still and almost silent. An hour and a half had passed but it felt like eternity. Then the last door on the left slowly opened and Dan’s family emerged, walking back to the lobby with Katie behind them. Dan’s parents and sister were melancholy but as they reached the group waiting for them, Dan saw his mother’s eyes light up. There was a flurry of movement as everyone stood up to greet and hug each other. Brian backed up and waited against the wall with his arms folded. When things had died down a little bit, Dan’s family stood amongst everyone as they all waited expectantly for the news. Katie stood off to the side with her hands in her pockets.

Debra decided to be the spokesperson. She gave the group a large, bittersweet smile, wiping the tears from her eyes. She was a little choked up. Dan couldn’t help himself; he pulled off his sunglasses and watched them, his face streaked with tears. Debra was crying as she addressed everyone. “Thank you all for being here- I didn’t expect you all!” She dabbed the corners of her eyes, Avi squeezing her shoulder. “Dan is so lucky to have friends like you. You’re all so wonderful.” There were small smiles from the group. Debra glanced at Katie, then continued. “Dan…still has a lot of fluid collecting in his brain, but the doctors have been very good about keeping the pressure down. He had some scans done this morning.” Debra wiped her eyes again as the tears flowed more freely now. It was harder for her to get the next words out. “…Things haven’t gotten too bad. We’ve been told that the swelling is a blessing in disguise, because it means that Dan’s brain is still working hard…” Debra looked down and began to cry harder. Avi put his arm around her and held her tight. She continued, “I’m sorry…ah…” Debra wiped her eyes and calmed a little before continuing. “...We have faith. But we decided to try a new treatment for Danny.”

Dan’s eyes widened. He listened more intently.

Debra continued, “Dr. Jackson has told us that stem cell injections might help his brain injury heal and make sure things work properly when he wakes up. We’ve decided that it wont hurt to try them out.” Debra looked over at Dr. Jackson, permitting her to explain the situation.

Katie spoke up. “Sometime next week, we are ordering the injections and then within the following two weeks afterward, if all goes well, then doctors should be able to take Dan into surgery to do the first tissue graft. We will let Mr. and Mrs. Avidan know if and when it’s scheduled. We're also moving him upstairs to a new room on the fifth floor tonight, just to have nurses checking on him more often and providing him some more physical therapy in his limbs to prevent muscle atrophy.”

The next sentence was harder for Mrs. Avidan to get out. “…They said that Danny has …at least a year, but most likely longer, especially if the treatment can lower the swelling. We will be praying for him to heal.”

Now everyone in the room was tearing up and crying, including Dan. Some of the crew had their hands on their mouths. Debra forced a smile through her tears. “Thank you all again for coming…we’re so, so sorry if we scared you…” She said apologetically. “Your love means everything...we're more grateful than we can say! We love you all so much!” There were mutual murmurs of forgiveness and love from the group.

Katie stepped forward. “Because of his new needs, Dan’s visiting hours will decrease a little bit. There be a schedule on the wall in his room- you can all have copies if you’d like.”

Slowly everyone’s eyes were widening. It was as if they were all slowly waking up from a deep sleep. Hugs were exchanged again, this time tighter than before; now everyone was talking to each other and openly crying except for Avi, who felt it was his family duty to be a symbol of unrelenting strength. As everyone got up to move around and share in their gratitude and sorrow, Brian finally had the nerve to approach Debra. Dan couldn’t hear what was said but he watched Brian take her hand in both his, his eyes spilling fresh tears. After Brian exchanged some words with her, Debra pulled him into a tight embrace.

And while this was all happening, Dan wiped the waterfall from his face and waited as the silent bystander, trying to take it all in. He was a little numb from shock, his mind holding back the chaotic flurry of everything else that was threatening to tip him over the edge. He was at least glad that Brian was able to face his own fears.

But the dreadful question still remained:

What happened now?

While Dan was wondering this, his eyes skimmed across the crowd and met with his sister’s.

He saw it happen in slow motion. Her eyes widened in absolute incredulity when she saw him. Murmuring something to Debra, Dana started crossing the lobby, making a b-line towards him. He glanced quickly at Katie, but she was busy talking to Brian now. Everyone was too distracted to notice.

Dan’s heart leapt out of his chest. ~Shit. ShitShitShit!~ He fumbled out of the chair and went down the elevator hallway, throwing his glasses back on.

Luckily for Dan, his stride was much longer than Dana’s, allowing him to keep his distance. But she was catching up to him. “Hey!” she shouted. “Hey! Stop!”

Dan couldn’t risk it; he bolted down the hallway and turned left down an adjoining hall. Interestingly enough, there was no one to run into as he spotted the empty restroom on the right and jumped inside, pinning the door shut with his back, squeezing his eyes shut. ~Please go away…please…~

A few seconds later, Dan heard Dana panting outside the door. She hadn’t seen where he’d gone. She stopped near the bathrooms and stared down the empty hallway, putting a hand to her chest. She bit her lip.

Dana looked down at the floor. Her voice was low, just above a whisper. “…N-Nash and Carter need their uncle back. Mom and Dad…and m-me…” Dana closed her eyes, quietly crying. She held a shaking fist up. “Please hold on,” she begged the empty air. “Please!”

Dan was shaking now. Every fiber of his being wanted to run out and hug his sister. But he couldn’t move.

A moment later, he heard her footsteps fade away. Dan dragged himself to the last stall in the small bathroom. He stepped inside and curled up on the floor with his back against the wall, hiding his head between his knees. He threw the sunglasses across the floor and sobbed louder and harder than he ever had before.

~~~

Dan didn’t know how long he was in the restroom stall. But at some point the door opened and a familiar, large body with long brown hair sat down next to him, rubbing his back. “…Dan?”

Dan looked up at Arin. His face looked just as wet and terrible as Dan’s, except that he was grinning. “Dan…you’re alive. You’re still alive, dude! You did it!” Arin patted him on the back.

Dan tried to force a smile but it didn’t turn out right. He looked back down at the floor. He thought about the price of the injections. The price of himself. “…At what fucking cost?”

Arin just rubbed his back for a few more minutes before he spoke again. “We made an update video in the lobby. Once we post it, you’ll see.” Arin gave Dan a tight half hug. “You’ll see how much the world needs you, Dan. You’re gonna be okay.”

Arin took Dan’s hand in his and pulled him from the cold tile floor. “Let’s get the hell outta here.”

Dan followed Arin silently, and Arin never let go of his hand until they were at the car. As they crossed the lobby, Dan could hear the radio softly playing Pearl Jam’s “Just Breathe”.

As they got into the car, Dan closed his eyes and was out as soon as he sat back.

The last day was finally over.

~~~

The following day, Dan turned into a hermit. He desperately needed time alone to emotionally recharge himself. He uninstalled the email app and muted his phone. He left his bedroom, intending to take a long bath. His nerves became jittery within five minutes of stepping into the water, so he gave up and got dressed in an NSP shirt and pajama pants. His clothing was starting to feel strange, like he was borrowing them. He shrugged off this feeling as he walked downstairs and resigned himself to sitting quietly at the dining table with a hot cup of loose-leaf green tea.

Barry passed Dan on his way to the kitchen and said hi, but Dan didn’t respond. Then he noticed the green plug in Dan’s ear. He grabbed something wrapped in brown paper from the fridge and passed it to Dan. Dan looked up at him and nodded a silent thank you, unwrapping the sub sandwich. Barry looked at Dan and pointed down the hallway before he walked away with the other half of the sub in his hand. Dan closed his eyes and ate quietly, beginning to feel refreshed.  
After he ate, Dan just sat at the table with his eyes closed, breathing deeply. He hadn’t practiced mindfulness meditation regularly in a while but now seemed as good a time as any.

He was genuinely curious of what he might find between his thoughts and his breath, produced by his plastic lungs and mind.

~~~

After a while, Dan went back upstairs and fell backwards onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. With curiosity, he checked his messages. He only had two: one from Suzy and one from Arin. The one from Suzy simply read:

[I hope you’re doing alright, Dan. Call if you need to. Love you lots. – Suzy]

The one from Arin was more casual.

[Dude, the new Jamiroquai album is fantastic.]

He included a link to the album. Dan figured he could take a break from the silence. He removed his earplugs and put in his earbuds, clicking the link, lying back and closing his eyes. The first song had a disco vibe and Dan enjoyed it. This was Arin’s favorite band. Dan smiled as he fell into the groove. This was the type of thing he loved too. When the second song started, he was intrigued by the unique, electronic sound. Dan looked at the song title and blinked.

Automaton.

At some point while Dan was listening, the something that existed between his brain and his breath took solace in the music. It fell in line with the beat and stayed there.

~~~

“Dan? Dan, you alright?”

Dan blinked and looked up at his door, where Barry now stood. It was darker in his room now. Dan pulled out the earbuds that had stopped playing music hours ago. “Yeah?”

“I said are you ok? You looked spaced out.”

“Uh yeah, I’m fine.” Dan sat up and glanced at his phone- 7:10pm. “You?”

“I’m good…” Barry replied. When this was followed by a moment of awkward silence, he added, “I’ll still be in the gaming room if you wanna hang out.”

Dan gave a small smile. “Okay, cool. Thanks.”

When Barry went back downstairs, Dan followed behind him, intending to grab something to eat when there was a knock on the front door.

Dan turned, raising an eyebrow. He walked to the door and checked the peephole.

Brian stood on the other side of the door, his backpack slung over his shoulder.

Dan’s heart began to race. He glanced back a moment before he gulped and hesitantly opened the door with semi-wide eyes.

Brian’s mouth gave the hint of a smile and he gave a small nod. “Hey, Dan.”

Dan cleared his throat. “Hey, Brian.” He pointed back with his thumb. “Barry’s in the back-“

“I’m not here for Barry, actually,” Brian stated, looking at Dan intently. “You busy?”

Dan still had a surprised look on his face. “Uh, no, not really.”

Brian eyed Dan’s pajamas. “Get dressed and grab your laptop bag."

“Why?”

“I’ll meet you in the car,” Brian said, turning and walking back to his new SUV.

Dan swiftly got dressed and grabbed his bag, rushing out the door.

~~~

“Where are we going?” Dan asked a couple of minutes into the ride, tapping his fingers on his leg nervously. 

But Brian seemed completely relaxed in his Hawaiian shirt and khakis. “Telling you would ruin the surprise,” Brian replied.

This made Dan more jittery but he couldn’t help but grin at Brian’s outfit. “Dude, you couldn’t look more like a dad if you tried.”

“Shut up,” Brian said. “Don’t test me.” He smiled.

~~~

A few minutes later, Dan recognized the route they were taking. “We’re going to the studio,” he said in slight awe, looking over quickly at Brian.

Brian just nodded. “Yeah.”

Dan felt uneasiness quelling in his stomach. “But…”

“I’m gonna grab a drink first. You want anything?” Brian casually asked.

“Brian…” Dan felt emotion welling up in his chest, unsure of what else to say. Brian pulled up to the drive thru of a café and just looked at Dan expectantly. Dan’s mouth was agape a moment before he responded, “…Green tea.”

As Brian was taking the drinks, Dan noticed his hand shaking as it held onto the steering wheel.

~~~

They stopped in the parking lot of the studio, beneath a lit street lamp. Brian shut off the car and sat there a moment, taking a sip of his coffee. Dan waded into conversation slowly. “So…you wanna show me something?”

Brian shook his head, looking over at Dan. “No. I wanna record. Have you been practicing lately?”

“Yeah, but…” Dan had so many mixed feelings. He looked into Brian’s eyes. “You wanna record with me? Why?”

Brian was quiet a moment, then he replied, “I’d like to see how well you do.”

“That’s not the only reason,” Dan said dubiously, sipping his tea.

“Right,” Brian admitted. He looked at the steering wheel. “…I wanna ask you something first. About the car accident.” When he glanced back at Dan, his gaze was intense.

Dan gulped. He tried to back out, feeling a bit apprehensive. “Brian, I don’t think-“

“It’s just a question,” Brian insisted. “Please?” He seemed strangely desperate.

Dan could hear the sincerity. “…Yeah, okay.”

Brian pulled out his cell phone and Dan watched him tap the screen a few times. Then he set the phone on the dashboard. Dan saw the red circle, a timer counting, as Brian turned to face him. “…Right before the accident, I was showing you something on my phone. What was it?”

“It was a video of Audrey...I think...” Dan replied right away, eyeing the phone. He felt somewhat confused. ~...Did Arin talk to him?~

Brian’s stare was unwavering and he kept his expression controlled. “Describe the video to me,” he commanded, watching Dan carefully.

Dan exhaled nervously. He felt like he was being interviewed for some high end job. He spaced out as he tried to recall the images. “Uh, okay…it might take me a sec…umm…” Dan closed his eyes. He saw glimpses of images, but they were difficult to hold onto, like a mostly forgotten dream. “This might be wrong, but…Audrey was laughing, of course…” When Brian said nothing, he continued. “Mmmh…she was wearing yellow, I think…and pointing at something…” Dan’s brow furrowed as he fought hard to remember but the images slipped away. He opened his eyes and shook his head. “I can’t think of anything else. I’m sorry.”

Brian simply nodded and put his phone away. Then he looked back at Dan. “…You ready to sing?”

Dan couldn’t help but smile. “Always."

~~~

The guys spent the first half hour setting up their equipment, sound checking and loading programs on their laptops. Dan did some vocal warmups in the sound booth while Brian stayed at the recording station. Dan cleared his throat several times- he felt too rusty, a little discouraged. His pitch was spot on but his growing anxiety caused each note to waver. He felt both at home and alien in front of the microphone stand.

When Dan figured that that was the best he was gonna get, he looked up at Brian and spoke into the mic, putting his headphones on. “K, I’m ready. What’s first?”

“The covers,” Brian responded on the speakers.

Dan felt stupid; he didn’t even review the track list. He was about to walk back into the sound panel room when Brian held up his palm. Brian pointed down at the panel and Dan stayed at the mic. “What song are we doing?”

Brian looked down at the panel and the room was silent for moment. When the familiar guitar intro rocked the speakers, Dan’s heart lit up in his chest and he smiled. He looked at Brian. “…You couldn’t save the best for last?”

“Not this time,” Brian replied. His face was unreadable but Dan recognized his ‘business’ mode. “You ready? I can count you in.”

“I got it,” Dan said. He was confident that he wouldn’t need a cue for this one.

Brian nodded and restarted Rush’s ‘Limelight.’

Dan stared at the mic, focusing. His legs felt a little shaky; once again, he felt like he was stuck in an important audition. Trying to shut off his running thoughts, Dan followed the rhythm and jumped into the first verse:

[ Living on a lighted stage  
Approaches the unreal  
For those who think and feel  
In touch with some reality  
Beyond the gilded cage ]

Dan’s voice wasn’t as strong as usual; a hard lump of emotions was slightly blocking his throat. He looked up and noticed that the lights above felt hotter on his skin. He closed his eyes.

But that didn’t help, because a familiar ‘friend’ was beginning to emerge from the dark, snaking slowly around his head…

Dan ignored it and went into the next verse.

[ Cast in this unlikely role  
Ill-equipped to act  
With insufficient tact  
One must put up barriers  
To keep oneself intact ]

Barriers…that struck a chord, low and cold in Dan’s stomach.

Without warning, he was hit with images of all the things that had been haunting him for days. The look of disgust hiding behind his friend’s eyes as they avoided his gaze at the office…his best friend bawling into his shoulder…imagining a strong woman, standing alone in an empty hallway…a hollow eyed, curly haired stranger slowly sinking into a hospital bed…his own body sinking into a bathtub, filled to the brim with blood…

And worst of all, the words of his friends that no matter how hard he tried, he could never surpass.

‘…the illusion breaks.’

‘TURN HIM OFF!’

Dan went into the chorus but his heart was pounding now, a tear running down his face, losing his breath as he stumbled across the words-

[ Living in the limelight  
The universal dream  
For those who wish to seem… ]

“For those who wish…for those…” 

Dan stopped singing and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily as more tears fell, his shaky arms gripping the microphone stand. 

The music cut off and Brian rushed in and stopped in front of Dan. His expression was only mildly surprised. “Dan, what’s wrong?”

~What’s…~ A smile formed on Dan’s face. He giggled a little and then began to laugh. Then his laughter turned into a scrunched up look of pain. He looked up at Brian and asked incredulously in a quiet voice, “…You wanna know what’s wrong?”

Brian glanced at the floor for a minute and then back at Dan, staying silent. Dan rolled his eyes and removed the headphones as he walked back to the recording station.

He felt Brian’s hand on his shoulder. “Dan…we can take a break, and then-“

Dan pulled away from Brian, turning around swiftly. His eyes were on fire. “AND THEN WHAT?!” he suddenly shouted, glaring at Brian. “WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?!”

Brian widened his eyes but stayed still, saying nothing.

“Great talk,” Dan spat, grabbing his laptop and shoving it back into the bag. “We’re leaving. I’m never coming back here.”

Brian exhaled hard from his nose, lost in thought. Then he tried again. “Danny-“

“Don’t call me that!” Dan angrily threw the bag strap over his shoulder and shoved past Brian, heading for the door.

Brian ran after Dan. There was a hint of fear in his eyes. “I just wanted to hear-“

“I know what you want,” Dan said. He stopped and sighed before turning to face Brian. “I’ve heard it all from Arin already. Just please stop.” Dan opened the door and stepped outside. “Go get your stuff.” The door shut behind him.

Brian silently walked back to the station and packed up his things. As he woke up his laptop, he tapped the mouse in the corner of the screen on a red circle button before he closed the laptop and slipped it into his backpack. He grabbed the equipment he brought and turned out the lights before joining Dan outside.

~~~

The LA evening air was cool and refreshing in Dan’s lungs. His eyes were closed as he waited, leaning against the building. The nostalgic scent of fall calmed him quite a bit.

Then Brian was leaning against the wall with him and he opened his eyes to face his friend. And even though he looked just fine, Dan could tell that Brian was upset.

“…It’s a beautiful night,” Brian commented quietly, looking away from Dan and out into the darkness.

Dan nodded. His voice became gentle. “…I’m sorry I yelled. Thank you for bringing me out here, Brian. It was really thoughtful of you. Probably the nicest thing anyone’s done for me.” Dan closed his eyes and turned towards the parking lot. For a moment he just listened to the sound of the wind between the trees and the faraway hum of traffic. “It…was a wonderful dream. Being a musician.” Dan’s tears glistened from the light of the street lamp. He forced out his next words, his throat feeling swollen. “It’s just…not mine to have anymore.”

More silence. The wind died down. Then Brian spoke. “…It was selfish of me to bring you here. I just…wanted to hear him again. One last time.”

Dan looked over in surprise. Brian was crying silently and suddenly Dan felt a solid mass of guilt form in the pit of his stomach. He’d seen a lot of grief already, but Brian’s was the most difficult to bear. His pillar of strength, crumbling in front of his eyes.

Dan gave him a sympathetic look. “Brian…he’s gonna be alright. He’s getting new treatment…”

Brian started to walk back to the car.

Dan blew out a long sigh. Then, with new determination, he called out, “Brian.” His older friend looked back at him. “I’ll meet you back inside,” Dan added. Taking deep breaths, he opened the door and reentered the studio.

~~~

They took a little bit longer setting up this time. Dan washed his face in the bathroom before returning to the booth. Brian had cleaned up a bit as well; the streaks were gone from his face.  
Dan stepped up to the microphone again. He held the stand in both hands with willful resolution. 

This was for Brian.

The song started over and this time, Dan moved with it, closing his eyes.

[ Living on a lighted stage  
Approaches the unreal  
For those who think and feel  
In touch with some reality  
Beyond the gilded cage

Cast in this unlikely role  
Ill-equipped to act  
With insufficient tact  
One must put up barriers  
To keep oneself intact

Living in the limelight  
The universal dream  
For those who wish to seem  
Those who wish to be  
Must put aside the alienation  
Get on with the fascination  
The real relation  
The underlying theme ]

Dan poured himself completely into the words. He imagined being on stage again, Brian and TWRP standing on either side of him. He’d be wearing his signature Danny Sexbang leotard and rocking the world of thousands of fans in the crowd. He couldn’t help but smile just thinking of it. This is what he loved- more than anything else. He began to dance with the music, getting into it now.

[ Living in a fish eye lens  
Caught in the camera eye  
I have no heart to lie  
I can't pretend a stranger  
Is a long-awaited friend

All the world's indeed a stage  
And we are merely players  
Performers and portrayers  
Each another's audience  
Outside the gilded cage

Living in the limelight  
The universal dream  
For those who wish to seem  
Those who wish to be  
Must put aside the alienation  
Get on with the fascination  
The real relation  
The underlying theme ]

At the ending guitar solo, Dan settled down. On his imaginary stage, he watched as TWRP, the crowds of people and at last, Brian, all slowly faded away around him. Dan was left standing alone under the blinding spotlight. Even though he had already admitted it, the realization was beginning to hit him now.

He’d never be on stage, ever again.

Dan sang the final chorus then wiped the flowing tears from his face. He pulled off the headphones as the song ended. When he glanced up, he saw that Brian had the same heartbroken look in his eyes. Dan looked away and silently walked back to grab his stuff, avoiding Brian’s gaze.

As they walked back to the car, Dan turned around with his palm outstretched to Brian. “Gimme your keys.”

“Dan…”

“I saw how you were shaking in the drive thru,” Dan said seriously, reluctantly looking up at Brian. “I can drive. Keys?”

After his initial puzzlement, Brian fished them out of his pocket and handed them over.

Then men packed up the trunk and got in the SUV, driving off in total silence.

~~~

When they stopped in front of the house, Dan killed the ignition. They just sat for a moment. 

“Thank you,” Brian said quietly.

Dan looked down. “I’m…glad you came back from London.” He handed the keys to Brian, grabbed his bag from the backseat and hopped out of the car. “Goodnight.”

Dan didn’t wait for Brian to walk with him to the front door or to even say goodbye. He didn’t see the reflective expression on Brian’s face as he walked back inside the house. Dan was tired of looking back.

Once inside, he trudged over to the living room. It didn’t feel right to go back to the bed that he’d spent all day in. Exhaustion hit him, so he set the bag down and laid down on the couch, falling asleep almost immediately.

~~~

It was hunger that awoke Dan about five hours later. He groggily got up and walked to the kitchen to grab some late night cereal, glancing at his phone. The clock read 1:09am.

He brought a bowl of Frosted Flakes back to the couch and turned on the side-table lamp, munching quietly. He had a mild headache that he chalked up to having low blood sugar. He walked around, eyeing his laptop bag as he ate.

It occurred to him that he never checked the track list for Under the Covers 2. Once upon a time he had known it, but it had somehow slipped his mind. It had been saved on his previous phone but Dan figured fans probably had it posted online. Out of pure curiosity, Dan googled it and brought up a Reddit post:

Rush – Limelight  
Def Leppard – Pour Some Sugar On Me  
Peter Gabriel – In Your Eyes  
Elton John – Rocket Man-

Rocket. That word jumped off the page for Dan. He stared at it in growing confusion.

All of a sudden, Dan was hit with an epiphany. Then his headache was blossoming into a migraine and before he could really respond, his entire skull crushed down on him with immense pressure. Dan cried aloud in pain and let go of the cereal bowl, bending over and clutching his head.  
He saw swirling colors and firework lights blowing up in his vision.

He didn’t hear the bowl shatter as it hit the floor.

~~~

“So this is what Audrey and I were working on last weekend,” Brian said, smiling and passing the phone to Dan. The cool evening air was blowing through their hair in Brian’s car, the windows down a couple inches as they cruised along on the freeway. Dan grinned; he felt so carefree and relaxed after the Game Grumps Live show. He took the phone in his large hand and tapped the screen, holding it between them both. “What’s this?”

“Just watch,” Brian said.

Dan watched the video. Audrey was walking around, her usual giggly self. She was wearing a yellow shirt with a daisy on it and pink pants. She was walking around a giant, overturned cardboard box that had been used for a dryer. She had blue marker up and down her arms and it became apparent why- one side of the box had blue circles and stars drawn on it. Dan heard Brian from behind the camera. “Audrey, show Mommy what you built.”

“A wocketship!” Audrey exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air and giggling. Dan giggled as well. “That’s really cute.”

“Ok, show us the inside,” Brian instructed her. Audrey ran around the box- there was a cut out section acting as a door. Audrey walked inside the box and Brian followed with the camera. The inside of the box was lined with tin foil and there was a princess lamp on the floor. There were computer parts glued to the interior- a keyboard, a mouse, the front glass of a monitor and various other fun parts and buttons. Brian continued. “Ok, how do we start the countdown?”

Audrey pressed some of the keyboard keys. “Beep, boop, beep,” she said, laughing.

Dan laughed aloud. “Whoah, that’s so cool! I want a rocket ship!” He smiled at Brian and then kept watching.

Audrey counted down from ten with Brian, then shouted “Liftoff!” and made explosion-like noises while giggling. Brian panned around the inside again. “Where’s your chair? Might wanna talk to NASA about that.” Audrey kept making noises. “Where are we going, Audrey?”

Audrey ran outside the box. She pointed to one of the circles drawn in marker. “To the moon!” she exclaimed excitedly.

“It’s probably not safe to be outside the ship without a space suit,” Brian stated. “Why don’t we go to Mars instead, Audrey?”

The little girl stopped and gave Brian a quizzical look. She pointed at the circle again. “Buh, its right here!” she reasoned.

Suddenly, Brian swerved the car briefly to the right and Dan put the phone down, both of them startled. “Whoah!” Brian shouted, correcting the wheel. “What the hell?!”

Dan looked out the driver side window, across Brian. The lime green camaro drifted back into its lane, the driver revving the engine.

~Douchebag!~ “The fuck he think he’s doing?” Dan gave the driver the finger, glaring at him. “Stay in your lane, asshole!”

It began. The camaro tried to cut Brian off, bumping his left front wheel.

Trying to correct his car and overdoing it, Brian turned the wheel too sharply to the right.

“BRIAN!” Dan shouted in fear. And the entire world lurched to the right, and upside down, and around, and around. Dan squeezed his eyes shut. ~No…nonononono…~

Suddenly, the lurching stopped. A bright light shown directly in Dan’s face and then adjusted somewhere above him. A white noise erupted around Dan and evolved into a cheering roar. When Dan could see, he looked out at the crowd of thousands of audience members in front of him. Most of them were giving him a standing ovation. Dan grinned out at them and held up his arms, the fuzzy, blue cape of his leotard spread open like great wings. “Thank you, Toronto!”

The crowd went wild. And suddenly, Arin’s arms were around Dan and they were laughing and grinning at the crowd. Then Brian joined on the left side, giving the fans a bow before putting his arms around Dan too.

Dan’s heart filled with immense love and gratitude. He blew a kiss to the audience. He couldn’t ask for more than this. It was everything he loved, and he never wanted it to end.  
But the images faded, and the colors swirled, and then everything was turning, turning, turning…

~~~

Barry heard the crash from his bedroom. When he sleepily walked out of his room, he saw Dan downstairs. He was lying on the floor, his entire body shaking, his eyes wide open. Sweat was pouring down his face.

Barry immediately fumbled down the stairs and ran over to him, avoiding the spill and broken bowl on the floor. “Dan!” He knelt down next to him, his eyes wide.

Dan was mumbling a string of words. “I-Choose-You-To-Die-The-Hero-Of-Rhyme-Dinosaur-Laser-Fight-Unicorn-Wizard-“

“Dan!” Barry shouted again, smacking the android’s face lightly. And holy shit- his skin felt boiling to the touch. Barry withdrew his hand and stared. He froze. ~What should I do?!~ He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I-I’m calling Arin-“

“NO!” Dan shouted suddenly, grabbing Barry’s arm and holding it tight. His face was scrunched up in pain and anguish, staring at Barry in absolute fear. “Brian! Brian, please!” Dan’s hand shook as he held on, warm sweat dripping down Barry’s sleeve.

Barry was overcome with panic. But staring at his distressed friend’s face, he felt more compelled to act. He began to yank off Dan’s shirt, tossing it to the side. Dan’s flesh was pink. “We gotta cool you down-“ Barry rushed into the kitchen. He grabbed a metal pot and began to fill it with cold water, grabbing a wad of washcloths from the pantry and tossing them in. He took ice cube trays out of the freezer and emptied them into the water. Then he grabbed a mug from the cupboard and threw it into the water before he carried the pot back into the living room.

Barry set the pot next to the Dan and placed ice wrapped in washcloths on Dan’s head and all over his chest and arms. Dan lay still as he did this, his shaking beginning to subside. He tried to look at Barry, his vision blurry. “Mmmh…Barry…”

“I’m here, Dan,” Barry assured him. “I’m here.” He stared at Dan, thinking hard. He knew that it was a robot…but he couldn’t stop worry, sadness and fear from starting to press on his chest. Barry’s nerves loosened quite a bit when he continued to work, taking Dan’s shoes off and yanking his jeans down. Barry placed more cold cloths on Dan’s legs.

When Dan was sufficiently covered, he took the mug and filled it with water, then supported Dan’s head with his other hand as he held the glass to his lips. Dan drank thirstily, emptying it quickly. Barry refilled it for him and continued until Dan pulled back, closing his eyes. His breathing began to return to normal.

Barry looked over Dan’s body, assessing the situation. Dan looked better but he was still warm. He looked down at him. “Dan?” Dan murmured in response. “Do you take pills?” Dan murmured again and nodded, his eyes scrunching up. Barry got up. “I’ll get you aspirin-“ Barry ran back to the hallway closet to grab pills from the top shelf.

~~~

The pills Dan took seemed to be working. Barry sat on the couch and waited, feeling tense. Dan’s face slowly relaxed after only a few minutes. Barry had his hand on his own thigh, ready to pull out his phone again. “…Dan…”

This time, Dan turned his head and blinked tiredly at Barry. “Mmmh…Barry…thank you…”

“Dan, do you know what happened?” Barry asked, watching him closely.

Dan stared up at the ceiling. “Mmmh…over…loaded…”

“You were saying song titles. NSP and Starbomb,” Barry said.

Dan’s lips curved into a smile, his gaze somewhere far away. “Toronto…I was…alive then…”

This comment deeply bothered Barry. “Dan, I should really call Arin,” he said with growing concern.

“No,” Dan said stubbornly, looking up at him. “Brian…needs…to know…” It was hard to get the words out as fatigue began to set in.

“Why Brian? Were you with him today?” Barry asked.

“Yes…Brian…tell him…Audrey…” Dan’s eyelids began to droop. “She made…a rocket ship.”

Barry stared at Dan, puzzled. “A what?”

But Dan had already fallen asleep on the hardwood floor.

Barry pulled out his phone. He stared at it a moment, a hand over his mouth. Then he shot a text to Brian.

~~~

Brian was struggling through his second bout of insomnia when he heard his phone vibrate next to him in bed. He picked it up and looked at the screen.

He read the text. His eyed widened. He almost dropped the phone as his hand shook.

He sat up abruptly and walked downstairs as quickly and quietly as he could. Then he dialed and held the phone to his ear as he slipped his shoes on. “…Barry, what’s wrong with him?...”

~~~

“Where is he?”

Barry led Brian into the living room. There was a towel on the floor, the broken bowl and cereal swept up next to it. Barry had taken the rags off Dan’s arms and legs and moved him onto the couch. He was still sleeping soundly, chest rising and falling gently. Brian walked over and knelt next to him. He stared at him, saying nothing.

Barry walked over, noticing the way Brian was watching Dan. “Brian, what exactly is going on?” he asked, completely confused.

Brian turned to look at him. “Have you called Arin?”

“No…” Barry still looked incredibly uncertain, watching them both.

Brian brought his attention back to Dan. He put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him softly. “Dan…”

Dan’s eyes slowly opened. When he focused on Brian, he smiled. “Brian…hey…”

Brian gave him a little smile back. His eyes glittered in the lamplight. He spoke soothingly. “Barry says you wanted to tell me something?”

Dan nodded, breathing deeply. “Yeah…I remembered the video…”

“Tell me,” Brian said. One hand took out his phone and pulled up the recorder, the other one still squeezing Dan’s shoulder.

“You…built Audrey a rocket ship,” Dan explained. His smile widened. “It was awesome…”

Brian looked at the floor, closing his eyes. His voice trembled. “…Describe it for me.”

Dan explained everything exactly as he had seen it in his memory. Barry watched them and folded his arms as he stood, completely mystified.

Dan seemed a little more energized now. When he got to the end of the story, he giggled. “My favorite part…was when you asked her, ‘Why don’t we go to Mars?’” Dan smiled up at the ceiling. “She pointed to the moon…” He pointed up towards it and imitated Audrey’s voice. “’But it’s right here!’”

Brian stared at Dan. A few tears fell down his face. “Danny…” he whispered in disbelief.

Dan looked back at Brian and smiled wider but his eyes were glistening too. “Brian…I’m really glad you came back.”

Brian couldn’t take it. He pulled Dan into a tight embrace and began to weep, his whole body quivering. Barry’s eyes widened in alarm. Brian cried out in despair. “Danny!” He buried his face in Dan’s hair as he wailed. “DANNY!”

You’re right here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This section probably violates real HIPAA laws but whatever, lol. So did the first couple chapters! XP)
> 
> How many song references could I cram in one section? :P Any lyrics aren't mine.
> 
> Thank you so much!


	19. Looking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here's part 1 of this next section and kinda a bridging segment. I'm almost done with the second half too. Thanks for your continued patience and support!
> 
> Anyways... enjoy!

Over an hour later, Barry and Brian sat at the dining room table, beneath the dim lighting of a small chandelier. Dan was still deeply asleep on the couch and as far as they could tell, was back to “normal”. But that didn’t seem to help the dilemma that they were currently facing.

Barry had listened to the CD in the gaming room while Brian was cleaning up, and watched the video of Audrey on Brian’s phone at the table. Now the men sat for a while, drinking coffee across from each other and quietly speculating. Barry looked at the table and then gave Brian an incredulous look, his hand scratching his chin. “Okay…so you’re telling me…that the robot…is somehow actually Dan? The real Dan?” The skepticism dripped from every word.

Brian looked Barry in the eye, his own rimmed in red. “I know how it sounds, Barry.”

Barry gave a dubious chuckle. “That’s...just impossible.”

“I know.” Brian sighed. “He…everything he said…he really said. In the car. And he was the second person I showed that video to, after Rachel. Every detail was right.” Brian’s stare became more intense. “I checked my social media, nothing there. It wasn’t on my cloud. An EMT handed me my phone on scene, and the screen was broken. It was on me at all times afterward. And Dan went to the lab with Arin an entire month before the accident.”

Barry raised an eyebrow. “And what about the second half of the recording? Wasn’t Dan unconscious?”

Brian thought for a moment, then nodded. “…Yeah, he was. I don’t know what that’s about. But everything else is true.”

Barry blew out a long sigh, folding his arms. “This is…”

“Completely crazy, I know. I’m Mulder to your Scully right now. But…” Brian looked over at Dan on the couch. “…Have you ever, in your entire life, seen a robot that can get even close to acting like that?”

Barry looked over at Dan too, thinking deeply. There was a hint of emotion in his voice. “…I saw him knelt at his bed a few days ago. Praying…and crying…”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “Praying?” Brian took a sip of his coffee. “…You should’ve seen him sing, Barry,” he said quietly, clearing his swollen throat again. “…He thinks and feels. He could easily pass a Turing test.” Brian looked down at the table. “…I don’t know how this is possible…”

Barry tapped his fingers on the table. “If he is a supercomputer, couldn’t he just get all of our personal information online somehow? Dan willingly gave his to the doctor...” Barry gave Brian a deeply concerned look. “Look... I’m not saying you’re wrong, but this is just way too weird. I mean, Dan’s in the hospital. He’s in a coma, but he’s still alive. So…” Barry gave another light chuckle. “There’s gotta be an explanation for this…”

Brian nodded, sadly but in understanding. “It’s fine, Barry. You can say it’s crazy. Hell, I almost can’t believe it. It doesn’t make any real sense...”

Barry was choosing his words carefully. “I’m…really worried about you, Brian. I don’t think you need to worry about this…Arin and Suzy think he’s real too. This whole robot situation is getting way out of hand. Are you gonna show the recordings to the others?”

Brian thought about it for a minute, then he shook his head. “No, not now anyway. Arin and Ross’ minds are both made up, so it wouldn’t help. But tell Arin as soon as possible that Dan overheated and he needs to see Dr. Jackson.”

“What if the android says something to them?”

Brian stood up, taking his cup to the sink. “He can make his own decisions. But listen to me.” Brian faced Barry again, his expression extra-serious. “I won’t try to make you believe in anything, Barry. I know this is nuts. But Dan is our friend. And he’s practically my brother. I made him a promise, and I have to keep it. He doesn’t have to make music if he doesn’t want to…but I need to take care of him.” Brian’s eyes glistened again. “I think he's scared right now, he doesn’t understand what’s going on. I don’t think he even knows if he’s real. He needs all the help we can give him. I need you and Arin to take good care of him too until we figure this all out. Okay?”

Barry got up, feeling uncomfortable under Brian’s gaze. “Yeah, of course. I mean, assuming he doesn’t explode or go Terminator or whatever…”

Brian nodded. “Good. Just call Arin. And if anything goes wrong, if Arin can’t afford him anymore, you call me, asap.” Brian picked up and slung his backpack over his shoulder. “I should head home before Rachel wakes up.”

“What are you going to do then?” Barry asked.

Brian looked a little lost. “I…really don’t know. I’ll be in the hospital tomorrow at least, so I’ll get the new visiting schedule. You?”

Barry shrugged. “We gotta get started on Scream Train at some point…”

Brian nodded. He walked into the living room and looked down at Dan. He gave him a look of concern. His voice got quieter. “I…threatened the doctor a few days ago. I was afraid that Ross was right about her. But he’s still alive. And she helped him.” Brian closed his eyes. Other gears turning. “…I guess I should see her soon…”

Barry walked up to him, hands in his pajama pockets. “Whatever you think is right, man. I’m here if you need me.” He gave a small smile. “It’s…honestly really hard to watch someone like you cry. You’re normally so…Brian-y.”

Brian smiled back at Barry. “I might be some old geek, but I’m a theoretical physicist, Barry. This is especially upsetting.”

~~~

Both Barry and Dan slept in late, but when Dan awoke on the couch, it took him a minute to realize his clothes were on the floor. He groaned and sat up, scratching his head. It felt itchier than usual…

“Oh good, you’re up now.”

Dan turned and looked groggily at Barry, who was standing in the hallway next to the kitchen. “Arin will be over here in a few minutes. He’s pretty freaked out.”

“Why?” Dan mumbled, standing up.

“…You don’t remember last night?” Barry asked, watching him. Dan just blinked a moment before getting up and grabbing his clothes off the floor. Before he put it back on, he put his shirt up to his face and scrunched his nose in disgust; it smelled like rancid milk. Barry continued. “I found you on the floor last night. You had like, a super high fever and a headache or something. You were sweating buckets and shaking. I put ice packs on you and gave you aspirin and you cooled down. You ok now?”

Dan simply nodded but he had a sad look in his eye. He glanced at his hands a moment and then began to walk upstairs to his room, avoiding Barry’s gaze. “…I’m fine. I’ll be back down in a bit.”

Barry watched him walk away, his worry growing.

~~~

Arin played mother to Dan, hugging him tight once he had his foot in the door and asking him a thousand questions, clearly panicking. After Dan tiredly insisted for the twelve time that he felt ok, Arin practically shoved him into his car and they drove off to the hospital. Barry watched the car drive away before returning to his desk in the gaming room.

Barry was browsing Steam, looking for some good horror games for Scream Train. In his other window, he had an older Youtube video open of him and Ross playing SOMA, from October 2015.

In one video, there’s a dark hallway with a machine that has a lever on it. Ross clicks on the lever, and it repeatedly moves up and down. Whenever the lever is pulled down, another machine nearby on the floor that’s connected to it lights up with sparking electricity. It writhes and a human voice screams out in excruciating pain.

Barry hears himself freak out. “What are you doin’, Ross!? Why’re you torturing him!? It’s not cool, bro! This is really fucked up! Stop! Stop-“

Barry stops the clip. In his mind's eye, he sees Dan’s red, pained face, gripping his arm tight, crying out desperately for Brian. He thinks of him waiting alone in the dark, on the steps in front of the hospital. And he thinks of what the android told him when he first came back to the house.

‘I’m here. I’m real.’

‘I can’t trust myself about any of it.’

‘I thought of all you guys had done for me…’

Barry closed Youtube and put his head in his hands. He sighed. “…Dan…”

~~~

Dan was ready to hit Arin but this time he folded his arms and sighed. “Arin, please stop staring at me and drive.”

Arin had a somewhat terrified look on his face, which he tried to hide in humor without being subtle. “You’re an attractive man, Dan-“

“I know you’re freaking out right now,” Dan interrupted.

“Yes!” Arin said exasperatedly with his own sigh. “This shit should not be happening to you anymore, but it is. So yeah, I’m fucking freaking out! Your brain is supposed to be fine, the scans were fine!” Arin beat his hand against the steering wheel.

Now Dan glanced at Arin’s face and it hit him; he didn’t know. ~She didn’t tell him?~ Dan lowered his voice. “Uh, Arin?”

“What?”

“Remember the day in the lab when you got pissed off and broke everything?”

“Yeah?” Arin was glancing at Dan again and pure fear suddenly struck him. “Oh no, I didn’t…!”

“Nonono!” Dan replied, putting his palms up. “You didn’t hurt me. But…” He bit his lip. “I had…an impromptu surgery…”

Arin slammed on the brakes at the next light and the guys flew forwards, their seatbelts catching them. “WHAT?!”

“Easy Arin, Jesus!” Dan said, clutching his seat. The car behind them honked. “I’ll tell you when we get there, just drive please!”

~~~

“I need you to not be mad at her.”

“Part of your brain fucking died, and you didn’t tell me?! I’m mad at both of you!” Arin exclaimed, although he still looked afraid.

“Look, I’m sorry! It wasn’t a big deal at the time!” Dan exclaimed, although he wasn’t sure he could even convince himself of the lie. “But I don’t think it caused the headache anyway.” Dan had a distant look in his eye as he stared at the parking lot. 

Arin took a second to calm down. “Okay, what do you think it is then?!” They both got quiet. Then Arin fed a notion that Dan didn’t want to go anywhere near. “Dan, maybe your mind…like…your soul, or whatever…”

“Arin,” Dan said skeptically, shutting down his friend’s train of thought. “Computers break all the time.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better!” Arin said, huffing and stepping out of the car. Dan didn’t notice the large box until Arin was pulling it from the backseat. Dan stepped out. “What’s this?”

“My apology,” Arin said, carrying it in his arms as the two walked towards the front of the hospital. “I printed some more brochures for Katie. I guess she hasn’t gotten a lot of customers in this area, even though she emailed a ton of celebrities. So she’s starting to prep for the alpha model sales. Told her I’d help her design ads, and I help with whatever technical stuff I can in the lab.”

Dan was surprised. “You’ve been working for her?”

“More or less, at least a couple times a week now. I guess you didn’t notice me pass you, since you were…well, you know.” ~Zoned out in a waiting room chair.~ Arin could tell Dan was afraid to ask, so he casually added, “The damage was only about two thousand, since the heads were prototypes. She said she could cover the tools as a business expense.”

Dan deeply sighed. “Only two thousand…Arin…”

“I know, I get it, I fucked up. But everything`s fine.” Arin glanced over at Dan as they reached the elevator. “I won’t get mad at her if you don’t get mad at me. But seriously, tell me what’s going on in your life. And you can help me out with these, if you wanna.” A small smile crossed Arin’s lips. “I told her I know a guy with an advertising degree.”

Dan groaned.

~~~

Katie seemed to be just on edge as Arin after he explained the situation to her. She pulled Dan’s file out of her desk drawer and looked him up and down, the worry on her face growing worse. “Your entire body overheated? For how long?”

Dan shrugged, feeling self conscious from their eyes on him. “I’m not sure, maybe like an hour or something?”

“Jesus. Follow me.” Katie pulled Dan into a spare room and sat him down, proceeding to get to business by shining a light in his eyes and checking his current temperature. Dan patiently complied and Arin stood next to him, his arms folded. Katie asked Dan a few questions about the pain, then wrote a few things down, biting her lip. She sighed as she was checking his heartbeat and blood pressure. “I don’t understand this. I just checked everything a few days ago. We’re just gonna have to do another scan. I’m sorry, Dan.”

Dan nodded silently but Arin looked at the doctor. “I’d like to see this one, if you don’t mind. You know, just in case I notice any anomalies,” he added bitterly.

Dan shot Arin a look but Katie nodded knowingly. “Sure, I can go over it with you.” She looked at Dan. “Afterwards, I’ll have to open you up again to check your hardware and CPU.” She waited for a response from Dan but he was zoning out for a moment. “Dan? You ok?” She asked with some concern.

Dan snapped back to reality. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Ready when you are.”

Katie glanced at Arin. They weren’t convinced.

After thirty minutes of lying down in the whirring, white machine, Dan’s scan showed nothing unusual. Arin stared at the newly printed picture for a bit and then asked Katie, “So, the problem isn’t in his head?”

“Right,” Katie answered, but he could see the truth in her eyes. ~I don’t know. I really don’t know.~

~~~

Dan was taken to the backroom again while Arin reluctantly waited outside at one of the new tables. Dan was mostly naked (save for the thin cloth shorts provided to him) and lying down flat on the table. He watched Katie as she washed up at a small sink in the corner and donned a mask, gloves and cap before proceeding to hook him up to an IV and various machines, via sticky pads on his head and chest. Katie explained everything she was doing, albeit in her typical run-on fashion, but Dan was only half listening. “Ok, so first I want to check your heart rhythm and brainwaves, then I’ll put you to sleep while I attach an external battery via your spinal cord- no worries there, it’s kinda like getting an epidural but it won’t hurt much cuz you’ll be drowsy- and it’s just an emergency backup. Then I’ll open your chest, and-“

“You helped him,” Dan interrupted in a dreamy tone, looking up at her.

Katie blinked at him. “What?”

“You gave him the stem cells. Even though you said you couldn’t.” Dan watched her intently, his eyes soft.

Katie nodded slowly, lowering her gaze. “…Yes. I realized just how truly worried everyone is for you. Including me.” She rubbed Dan’s shoulder comfortingly. “I hope they help you heal.”

“Thank you,” Dan said sincerely. His eyes glimmered underneath the light and his next words were bright, like those of a child. “Could you…help me again?”

Katie raised an eyebrow. “I can try. Do you have something in mind?”

When Dan spoke again, his voice was gentle, quiet. “Could you…make me…into somebody else?”

Katie nearly dropped the needle she was prepping. She stared at Dan, eyes as wide as can be. She felt as though someone had poured liquid nitrogen on her before shattering it with a hammer. When she read the seriousness in his eyes, her voice dropped to a whisper. “…Dan…”

Dan’s voice trembled. “I don’t think…I can be him anymore. It’s hurting everyone…” ~Everyone I care about…~ Dan’s eyes shimmered beneath the florescent lights. “And I don’t know what else to do…”

Katie couldn’t stop the tears from coming. She wiped them away swiftly on her sleeve and took one of Dan’s hands in hers. The gesture took her back to another point in time, when she sat across from someone else’s hospital bed. “Dan…you can’t be anyone else. You’re still you.” She squeezed his hand. “You’re real. You’re just in a different kind of body right now.”

“Why not? And why does is everyone becoming so sure of that but me?” Dan looked up at the lights, his gaze becoming jaded. ~This is only an illusion…~ “…I feel like I’m slowly losin’ it…”

Katie tried to get a grip on herself. “You’re just feeling lost. It’s normal,” she reasoned. “Nothing makes sense, and I’m sorry…I-I’m trying to figure this out, but I don’t know how this happened, or how to fix it…” Katie reached up to cup Dan’s cheek in her hand. “But trust me when I say that anyone who sees you, someone who is really looking, will see that it’s you. And that means you too.”

Dan’s eyes filled with innocent fear. “But what if they couldn’t see? Or…” He gets a glimpse of the previous night in his memory. An older man weeping against him, gripping his hair, salty and wet with fresh tears… “What if it’s too much to take?”

Katie just shook her head and cleared her throat. “…I can’t make you into someone else, Dan. If I installed another personality chip into you, it could kill you.” When Dan remained silent at this, Katie sighed, thinking deeply. Then her eyes lit up. “I have a different idea instead. I think it’ll help you feel better.” She tenderly moved Dan onto his side with his back facing her. The IV in his arms dripped something into his veins, making his eyelids flutter, his body heavy. Carefully, Katie pierced his spine with another needle. “For now, sleep.”

~~~

The door to the back room opened and Arin glanced up from the table. What he saw surprised him.

Dan had been given a haircut and a clean shave. His hair was much shorter with less volume, and wavy rather than curly. He was also wearing his thick-rimmed black glasses and a blue and black plaid shirt, carrying his old one in his hand. But the biggest difference to Arin was that his scars were almost non-existent, having been carefully smoothed out.

As the two approached, Arin’s eyes widened. “Whoah! What’s this for?” he asked curiously.

Katie answered first, sensing Dan’s embarrassment. “Dan wanted a change, so I helped him out.” She sighed and gave Arin a sympathetic look. “I checked everything at least three times. Couldn’t find any problems. I cleaned out his cooling fans, checked his thyroid and applied new system updates. But that’s the best I can do right now.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Dan said, oddly polite and quiet, still a little sleepy. Katie pulled a bottle from her pocket and handed it to him. It looked similar to green aloe vera gel. “Apply that to your scars when you get home. I guarantee they’ll be gone in twenty minutes or less. It’s a good first aid agent too.”

Dan walked over to Arin and stood next to him. Arin looked him up and down again and a grin spread across his face. “…Well, look at you, Mr. brand new! You look like when I first met you actually, although more bookwormish with the glasses. You tryin’ on Vernon’s brand?” he asked jokingly.

He got a smile out of Dan, who snorted lightly and looked down. “Oh, God. Bicycles, Soylent and obscure music? Do I really look like a total hipster?”

“Yeah, a little. But chicks dig it,” Arin replied, winking. Dan’s cheeks turned light pink as he walked away.

~~~

Dan helped Arin carry some other boxes out of the lab to his car. When Arin was alone with Katie, he turned to her on his way out. “Oh, I almost forgot. When I got my last bill, I think there was an error. It said zero due.” Arin looked at Katie questioningly.

She walked around slowly, her hands in her pockets. She was deep in thought a moment before she replied. “It’s not an error.” She gave Arin a gentle look. “He’s paid off. For the next two years, at least. I had…some leftover funds, in a savings account.”

Arin paused, his eyes searching hers. When he saw that she was serious, he slowly exhaled, wearing a confused expression. “…Really? But…why?”

Katie walked back over to him. She offered him a smile but Arin could see the sorrow in her eyes. “How much do you love Dan?” she asked, watching him.

Arin blew out a sigh. “Oh, geeze…I…I’d give my fucking soul for his if I had to,” he answered in earnest, still staring at her in wonder. “You won’t…get in trouble for this?”

Katie ignored the question, her eyes distant. “If you love someone…then you know...” she said cryptically. “…Thank you for helping me in the lab. I know you’re just paying me back, but I get it.” She looked him in the eye. “I get why you got so upset. Sitting there, watching the person you love slowly get sick. Not being able to do anything…” Katie’s eyes watered. She looked down at the floor. 

Arin approached her, feeling bad for her. “Dr. Jackson…”

“…But our work isn’t done,” Katie said, looking back up. Arin wasn’t sure exactly who she was referring to. “…In the operating room, Dan told me that he wanted to become someone else entirely. To protect you.”

Arin flinched as if the news physically stung him, hard. His eyes widened and he made an exasperated sound. “W-What?”

Katie walked up, her eyes pleading with him. “I’m sorry for the attitude I had when Dan went missing. It wasn’t right. And I’m sorry that he somehow got stuck this way. But…he’s one of the only things I don’t completely regret anymore. So please…just don’t let him forget who he is.”

Arin stared back at her, his own emotions welling up. He nodded. “…Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

Dan opened the door from behind them, watching them curiously. “You coming?”

~~~

When Dan got home, Arin had to leave, so he spent the rest of the day hanging out with Barry again. Dan watched a few more of his videos while offering editing ideas here and there. When Dan got out his own laptop, he wasn’t sure what to do with it. Once it booted up, he just stared at his desktop a while, contemplating. He could feel Barry’s eyes on him. 

“…Dan?”

“Hmm?”

Barry shifted in his seat. “…You didn’t really forget about last night, did you?”

Dan laid back on a bean bag chair in the corner of the room, still staring at his screen. “…I didn’t tell Arin, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Barry turned around in his chair to face Dan. There was genuine concern on his face. “I’m worried about you.” Barry’s eyes looked Dan over. He gave a small smile. “I like the new look. Kinda classic. You tryin’ for a fresh start?”

Dan huffed. “…What do you care?” He didn’t mean for the words to be harsh, but it was too late. He glanced down at his right hand. Katie was right; after using the lotion, there were no signs of scarring left. The truth, vanished. “…I’m living a lie.”

Barry looked down for a moment, now unsure. Navigating. “I…heard the recording of you singing. It sounded awesome, dude. Are you gonna keep recording with Brian?”

Dan sighed and closed the laptop. He stood up. “…No. I told you, I’m not a replacement.”

Barry looked up at Dan. His face was gentle, sincere. “…Dan, I could hear how you felt when you sang. I can hear it now.” He paused a moment, then continued. “I…heard you praying for help a few nights ago. And I want you to know I’m here for you, dude.” Barry gave him his best reassuring smile. “I hope I’m not being to cheesy. And don’t get me wrong, you confuse the hell out of me. But you aren’t a lie, exactly.” Barry leaned forward in his chair. “…I mean…I guess...fake doesn’t feel.”

Dan looked at his hands again. His voice was low. “…So I’m real. And I’m breaking everything I touch.”

Barry felt a pang in his chest. He suddenly found himself standing, his eyes filled with uncertainty. He placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “Well, I mean…despite this weird situation, you’ve helped Arin, Suzy and Brian smile again. And me too.” Barry looked into Dan’s eyes.

Behind his glasses, Dan’s eyes welled up. His voice was quiet. “…That’s all I want,” he admitted honestly, sounding childlike again. ~For my friends to laugh and smile again…~

“And to make music?” Barry asked, feeling his own emotions rise. 

Dan closed his eyes. Slowly, he pulled away from Barry and turned to leave the gaming room. “…See you later, Barry.”

“…Later, Dan.” Barry watched him walk down the hall and turn left, out of sight.

Somehow, it felt like failure.

~~~

The following day, Arin surprised Dan by appearing in the door way of the gaming room with another box in his hands. Dan put down the book he was reading and stood up from the small couch. Barry was editing at his desk with his headphones on. Dan walked over to Arin to help him carry the box. “Hey…I didn’t know you were coming over. You working on brochures?”

“No,” Arin replied, passing Dan and setting the box down near the TV. When he opened it, Dan saw that it was filled with recording equipment, mics, the PS4 and games. Arin knelt down in front of the TV and began to set up the equipment. “I’m working on Grumps today. And you can join me.” Arin grinned at him as he moved the TV to plug in the PS4. “The lovelies are expecting Ghoul Grumps recordings, and after your last health update, we can just say that we had a few things on the backburner to use…so I’ll need your help for Resident Evil HD.”

Dan sat on the arm of the couch and felt his heart fall into his stomach before it began to twist. There was so much disconnection in that statement. He swallowed and watched Arin set up for a bit before he responded. “…Arin?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you recording here instead of at the office?”

Arin looked up at Dan. “Well, last time we were there, Ross tried to rip your throat out. So I think we’d be better off recording here,” he said casually, setting the input for the TV.

Dan’s mouth set in a hard line. He folded his arms. “…Have you talked to Ross about this at all?” He already knew the answer.

“About recording here? No, but he didn’t ask. He’s been kinda doin’ his own thing.”

Dan huffed- that wasn’t what he meant. He slowly stood back up. “…Is he done with his office yet?”

“Almost but he took a break to work on Gameoverse and some other project he’s starting,” Arin replied. When he looked up from the equipment, he saw Dan packing his laptop bag and slinging it over his shoulder, heading out of the room. Arin rushed after him. “Whoah-whoah-whoah, where are you going?”

“I’m gonna see if he needs any help,” Dan said, reaching for the front doorknob. Arin put his palm against the door. “You can’t go over there-“

“Yet you can, but you won’t,” Dan spat, facing Arin with a hand on his hip. “I told you not to treat him this way, Arin. He’s part of this team.”

Arin sighed. “I understand that Dan, but if you go there, Ross will kill you without a second thought-“

“No he won’t!” Dan stared at Arin incredulously. “You really distrust him that much? It’s just Ross!”

“Just Ross?! He punched you in the fucking neck! He screamed that he’d shut you down!” Arin exclaimed. His eyes filled with worry. “If you’re going, then I’m coming too.”

“No you’re not,” Dan said stubbornly.

“Why not?!”

“Because you already decided that it’s more important to stay here!” Dan shouted. He exhaled in frustration- he really didn’t want to get angry right now.

Barry rounded the corner, alerted by the noise. “What’s going on?”

Dan answered first. “Arin needs help with Ghoul Grumps, can you record with him? I’m dropping by the office to help Ross.”

Even Barry looked nervous. “Uh…is that a good idea?”

“Yes it is,” Dan said firmly. He looked Arin in the eye. “I did what I promised him. And we aren’t children.” He looked at both of them. “I’ll text him. If he doesn’t want me there, he’ll tell me. If things get bad, I’ll call you. Jesus.” Dan rolled his eyes and walked out the door before Arin could get another word out. 

It was shaping up to be a good day.

Arin and Barry slowly walked back to the gaming room and sat down on the couch together. Barry noticed the novel resting on the arm of the couch and picked it up. He raised an eyebrow. “…’Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?’”

Arin looked over at him. “Did you get that for him?”

Barry set the book back down. “No.”

Arin just stared at the PS4 menu for a moment. “…I wonder what he’s been dreaming about…” he mumbled absently to himself. 

Barry looked back at him, his eyes widening. “…He dreams?”

~~~

Dan had only gotten one brief reply from Ross. 

[I’m in the back.]

His determination was fading as he drove closer to the office but he knew that this was something that had to happen. He parked his car and carefully walked inside, palms sweaty on the door handle.

Nobody else seemed to be there. Dan walked across the main grumping room and down the hallway in the back. At the end of the hall near the bathroom was Ross’ office. He was sitting at his desk and working on some cells for Gameoverse, his headphones down around his neck. The office was nice- it had a few coats of fresh, dark blue paint with brighter designs across the border. On the wall were shelves of several Transformers, Anime, and fan made figurine sets and rows of games. But there were empty spaces around the desk and the right side of the room was largely empty, save for the TV, the couch and a few boxes. Dan stood in the doorway and just waited. When Ross didn’t stop drawing, he spoke up. “…Hey. I, uh…came to see if you needed help unpacking.” Ross raised a hand and motioned for Dan to come in. Dan walked inside and stood awkwardly next to the boxes. He smiled a little at the figurines. “It’s really comin’ together in here.”

Ross put down his stylus and turned his chair to face Dan. The smile faded from Dan’s face- Ross looked like a zombie. There were dark circles underneath his eyes. They skimmed across Dan in a calculating way- he raised an eyebrow at the new appearance, but didn’t comment on it. He turned back to his computer screen, moving some files around. Then he addressed Dan in a low, exhausted voice. “…You changed her mind.”

Dan looked at the floor. “Oh…I don’t think it was me…”

Ross looked at him. Dan felt like his intense gaze pressing on him. “You talked to her. And he’s still alive.” Dan wanted to ask him if he was alright- it was obvious he wasn’t. But he didn’t think that would be well received, so he simply nodded. Ross continued, staring back at his screen. “…October is coming up. Fans will want to see Ghoul Grumps and Scream Train.” Ross wasn’t blinking as he looked at his monitor. “…We’ve been losing views. Things are going South.”

Now Dan was even more surprised. “What?” How could that be true? And why hadn’t Arin said anything? “But they were great a few weeks ago.”

Ross’ voice was low. “…Everyone is checking the channel to see if he’s okay. But we’ve lost some subscribers, even with the new announcement. And those still with us have stopped watching regularly.”

Dan still couldn’t believe it. “But Arin said he had solo runs recorded and you were still doing Steam Train…”

“We are. But we ran out of prerecorded ones. It’s not enough.” There was bitterness in Ross’ tone.

Dan was genuinely worried. “What are you going to do?”

Ross tapped his stylus on his desk. Irritated. Uncertain. And something else. “…I was talking to Brian in the hospital room a few days ago. He said that once Dan wakes up…” Ross paused a moment, the words hard for him to get out. “...he might not be able to talk, or move well. Or at all.”

Dan felt his chest welling up. “Ross…”

Ross looked him in the eye. “I don’t need your pity. What I do need…is for you to continue being a useful machine. Especially if you’re going to stay here.” Ross’ gaze darkened.

Dan nodded slowly, nervously. “…What do you need me to do?”

“We’re behind on everything. I can’t do Game Grumps and Steam Train and Gameoverse and animation projects and still record with Holly.” Ross sighed lightly in frustration. “Do you have any editing skill?”

Video editing? Hardly. But Dan was eager to do the right thing. “Uh, maybe…I mean, I could probably figure it out…” He could draw just by searching something online, so maybe the android thing had other perks?

Ross’ next words were firm. “You’re going to help Holly edit her videos on Saturdays.” It wasn’t a question.

Dan felt his nerves acting up again. “Uh…okay…but…”

Ross gripped his hair slightly, feeling stressed. “Also…” he glanced back at Dan, “I can tell by looking at you that you’re a good actor. That’s why you’re going to help Arin with Game Grumps,” he said reluctantly.

Dan widened his eyes, shocked. He put his hands up. “Ross…no. Nono, I can’t-“

“Yes you can, and you will,” Ross said firmly. “Because I’m not asking.” He clenched his teeth and Dan froze, stuck beneath his hard stare. “I know what you’re thinking. Don’t let this get to your head. You’re going to act like the videos are prerecorded. You are prerecorded. Understand?”

Dan had an odd mixture of emotions stirring in his gut. He was glad to help, but…to see his friend this way…his eyes glistened. “Yes, Ross, I get it.”

Ross sighed again, this time sounding tired. “Good. The channel needs Dan. Fans need him. And he needs a voice, for now. That’s all you are.”

Dan stared at the carpet and just nodded sadly as the rock formed in his stomach. “Okay…”

“We’ll start with Steam Train, tomorrow morning. Be here at ten. Now get outta my face, I’m busy.” Ross went back to drawing on his screen, ignoring Dan.

After a long pause, Dan slowly walked out of the building, feeling nauseous and dejected. Maybe Arin wasn’t wrong for being so concerned. 

But Dan wasn’t about to admit that.

~~~

When Dan got back to the house, Arin approached him anxiously, Barry behind him. “So? What happened? What’d he say?”

Dan looked up at him. “He…he told me to record Game Grumps with you. And to help him with Steam Train,” he said slowly.

Arin’s face lit up with a huge grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness... trying to figure out what exactly to do with Ross has been a mini nightmare! XD But I've got the next couple of segments outlined for him. 
> 
> **Other note* I just saw the thing Holly tweeted about editing her videos and I just wanna reiterate that in my story, Dan's not helping her because she's incapable, he's helping her because there's just too much work between her and Ross. ^-^;; **
> 
> I apologize if the slowish pacing is driving you guys nuts. I want to be better about it in future stories. I'm learning the dynamics of navigating character relationships (and I just need to gain skill in being more succinct). XP
> 
> Thank you so much for reading though! It means a lot! I hope you're enjoying the ride for what it is.


	20. The Hunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two of this segment! :3

The next morning, Dan felt quite a bit more relaxed having Arin and Barry in the car with him as they all drove to the office. They’d be in the next room in case anything went wrong, or so Arin had insisted. But Dan wasn’t as worried about Ross. He fought to ignore the twisting feeling in his gut as they parked the car and walked inside.

Dan gulped as he walked down the hallway again and knocked on Ross’ closed office door. His uneasiness felt almost like betrayal. 

~~~

They moved to the regular recording room, leaving Arin and Barry back in the main office next to the kitchen, at their desks. Dan silently helped Ross adjust equipment and mics as they set up the laptop on a side table set next to the TV, connected to the monitor. Dan sat down in his usual grumping spot and felt some of his nervousness melt into the cushions. He bent forward and watched Ross take a seat next to him and pull up Steam with his external keyboard and mouse in his lap. Dan was trying not to irritate him too much but he also wanted to try and break through some of the tension. Hesitantly, he asked, “We playin’ a horror game?”

Ross shook his head. “Nah, I couldn’t find anything good. This is more of a test-run anyway.” Ross pulled up the game and Dan recognized the late 80s, pixelated fantasy art. “I bought the Quest for Glory pack. It’s a set of four games.”

Dan grinned. “Sierra games? Nice.” He tried not to sound too reminiscent but he actually felt excited now. Like good old times.

Although the look on Ross’ face said otherwise.

~~~

Dan wasn’t as familiar with these games as he had been with King’s Quest and Space Quest but when they started recording for Quest for Glory 1, he tried to summarize the story as best as he could to fill in the otherwise awkward and mostly empty air. The plot was simple: you were a hero who was destined to save the ‘Valley of Spielburg’ from an evil ogress named Baba Yaga. The game was less linear than they had both anticipated, so it would take a few hours to complete, like the other Sierra games. And while they had planned for a long recording session, good jokes just weren’t flowing within the first half hour of recording.

It was as if the game had sensed their hesitancy; the entire thing crashed shortly afterwards and for whatever reason, they couldn’t restore the save file. “Goddammit!” Ross exclaimed in frustration, tossing the keyboard aside and running a hand through his hair. Dan watched him carefully. He could tell that this wasn’t gonna work out- not this way, anyway. He opted for a small change. “…I think we should try again, in your office.”

Ross looked over at him. “And why is that?”

~Because that’s where we usually…~ “…I think the equipment might work better in there,” Dan said lamely.

Ross looked him up and down critically. Considering. Then he nodded. “Alright. Take two then.”

~~~

They restarted the recording, sitting on the small couch in Ross’ office. As the beginning cut scenes occurred, they both complained about the crash and were happy when actual gameplay began. 

Things started off quiet again. Ross was hunched over next to Dan; he thought he looked like a shook soda can, ready to explode. So Dan decided that he had a goal in mind during the recording session.

It started with a simple sentence. “I miss Cedric the Owl from King’s Quest,” Ross said absentmindedly.

“You don’t stand a chance against the evil wizard Mordack!” Dan said, trying to imitate the owl’s voice, chuckling. “Yeah, he was a hoot.”

Ross smirked lightly. “Really, dude? A hoot?”

“Yeah, I went there Ross. Someone else here can sling puns like it’s nobody’s business.”

Ross rolled his eyes. “Hardly.”

Things unfolded from there. They both started to do voices for the characters and make fun of the cheesy animation. The flow slowly started to become natural. Dan daringly bounced his jokes off Ross’, their improv on point. Ross continued the tradition of giving the save files ridiculous, unhelpful names. And they had fun using random items (and licking) everything in the game that they could, just to see what would happen. They’d have a mini celebration every time they used the right item. Stupid puns and sexual innuendos increased in frequency with the passing time. And as usual, Dan got really giggly near the end.

And then it was already 2:40. “Next time on Steam Train- still saving the world, probably,” Ross said hastily before stopping the recording and saving the game. Dan stared at the clock in surprise. “Whoah, the last one already? Damn, that was quick.”

Ross didn’t answer, getting up and walking to his computer. Dan sensed him starting to go cold again. He got up and glanced at him. “So, same time tomorrow?” he asked awkwardly.

Ross grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “Yeah. Let’s go, I’m locking up.”

They left the office and Ross swiftly walked away from Dan.

And as Dan walked back into the main room, he smiled softly to himself. Even though he’d never admit it, Ross had smiled too during the recording. He’d had at least a little bit of fun. They had, together. And that could be enough.

Goal accomplished.

~~~

Brian started visiting Dan during lunchtime, beginning that day. He also looked tense, for different reasons. He had gone to the hospital and gotten copies of the new visiting schedule. He passed a copy to Dan, watching him carefully. Brian seemed oddly cautious about saying anything to him at all. As if certain topics or words had the power to break Dan’s being.

Dan looked at the empty time slots listed and then back at Brian. “…You see him today?”

“Briefly,” Brian replied. “The doctor was out. A nurse told me she was getting your cell order. Sounds like you’re going into surgery in two or three days for the first skin graft.” Brian gave Dan a deeply concerned look. “…She didn’t find anything wrong with your head?”

“No.” Dan took a bite of his chicken sandwich. “Same old story. Nothing there.”

Brian kept watching Dan silently for a bit. Dan chuckled, taking a swig of water. “Dude, you’re being kinda creepy.”

“Sorry,” Brian said, glancing down at his already empty paper bag. He put on a small smile. “It’s just…your haircut reminds me of when you were younger. When we first started NSP.”

Dan giggled lightly. “Yeah. I was supposed to look really different. So much for that…” He looked down, chewing slowly. ~But change can’t happen here…~

“And what were you supposed to look like?” Brian asked curiously with a raised eyebrow.

Dan didn’t have an answer.

They continued to chat about mundane things, trying to get back to a place of normalcy but always not quite there. Just a touch too forced. Brian seemed to be both surprised and reassured to learn that Dan was recording with Ross.

Then Brian gave the proposal. He was going to the studio again tonight.

Dan politely declined. He knew that Brian was hopeful. Knew he had a personal mission. But he just couldn’t sing again. Not right now.

So they’d reached a small compromise. After recording with Ross and Arin, Dan could sit down with Brian and continue to toss around and play with song lyrics and ideas. And although Brian wished for more, he complied. They’d go at Dan’s pace. It would be enough.

Because it had to be.

~~~

Recording over the following few days seemed to be getting much easier, to Dan’s total relief. When he took a seat next to Ross on the couch again, he surprisingly felt none of the stress from yesterday. It was just them, getting down to usual business as Ross got situated and started the recording.

They finished the final boss of Quest for Glory 1 rather quickly- they were right at the end from the previous save. Dan cheered and offered Ross a hearty high five; he ignored it until Dan protested. “Come on, don’t leave me hangin’!” Ross rolled his eyes and returned the high five before giving a small ‘hurrah’ to their success.

Quest for Glory 2 took their fictional hero into the desert to master the magical elements and save a race of odd cat people. The game was even more effortless to make fun of than the first one and it didn’t take long for Dan and Ross to openly laugh at it. Now their humor was unrestricted; Jokes flew, on the whim, completely immature and full of silliness. Dan facepalmed when Ross blindly walked into danger and Ross continued to make puns that would make him groan. (He’d also request Barry to make several, hilarious edits.) When they switched turns and Dan took the keyboard, Ross tried to distract him at important moments with disgusting, often homoerotic commentary, or by jabbing him in the side. Dan acted uncomfortable and scolded him but inside, he was filled with utter joy.

At some point after a couple of hours, they were both blabbing about various life experiences. Suddenly, the hero on the screen’s face was turning green, after Ross clicked the wrong button to feed him a dubious potion. “Oh no. Oh no,” Ross said, grinning.

Dan giggled. “Ross, what did you do?!”

“I don’t know! I was just checking the items!” Ross exclaimed. They both shouted and panicked, watching the character on the screen fall down and writhe in pain until a sarcastic game over screen popped up. 

Dan keeled over, laughing hysterically. “Oh my God, you killed him! You fed him the fucking poison!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Ross shouted, joining in the laughter. “Jesus…he looked like Matt and Ryan after Barry’s last birthday party.”

This gave Dan more infectious giggles. “Yeah, that’s right! They did get really wasted! And Matt was two seconds away from vomiting all over Suzy. Who knew drinking an entire bottle of Patron would make you sick? God, that was disgusting.”

“I had to pry Ryan off Holly. I almost punched him,” Ross admitted casually.

“Yeah, they were so stupid. But that was a fun party.”

After the laughter died down, the duo stared at the game over screen for a moment, then Ross pulled up their previous save. “Ok, well, let’s try that again.”

“Don’t randomly click buttons this time, Ross,” Dan said, grinning. He relaxed back into the couch.

Things were going better than he could have hoped for.

~~~

After Dan had lunch with Brian, he started recording Resident Evil with Arin. But before they started, Arin glanced over at him with a grin. “So it sounds like you and Ross are doin’ alright.”

Dan smiled. “Yeah. I mean, we started off kinda rocky yesterday but I think we’re cool now.”

“That’s awesome. Guess you were right then,” Arin said, glancing down. His expression saddened. When Dan noticed, his own smile faded. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Arin shrugged. “It’s just that…” He looked up a Dan. “…I told you before that I didn’t wanna use you to make money. But I totally am. I mean…right now, you can’t…”

Dan processed this a moment then smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I decided to do this. I can stop at any time.” Not entirely true, but… “And I’m not doing it for the money.”

“I know you’re not. And I love doing videos with you. It’s just…I really don’t want you to feel obligated…with everything…” Arin’s voice trailed off with his muddled feelings.

“Arin?” Arin glanced over. Dan had on a big, reassuring grin. “Stop worrying and turn on the game.”

Arin smiled and pressed the power button.

~~~

The next couple of days blurred smoothly together. Ross and Dan knocked out the third Quest for Glory game and were at the end of the fourth. Arin thought it’d be nice to have Dan play a game, so they began recording ‘Inside’. Brian and Dan continued to string together songs. The only largely awkward moment in the week was while Dan was editing a video for Holly. He was alone in her office while she worked on painting and putting together a few cosplay costumes in the main room, later recording with Ross. She didn’t seem to desire being in the same room as Dan for very long, which was alright with him as he struggled through mentally watching editing program tutorials. In the end, the work wasn’t nearly perfect but Dan managed to get the basic job done.

~~~

On the fifth day, Dan and Ross were still finishing Quest for Glory 4; some of their data from the last session had been lost. They were both laughing and goofing off, so when they got to the final fight, neither of them noticed Ross’ phone buzzing on his desk. It was the early evening and they were the only two in the office. (Dan had recorded earlier in the day with Arin before he left to help Katie in the lab).

Ross kept dying in stupid ways, to Dan’s utter delight. After the seventh death, Ross groaned. “Jesus, this is fucking hard! I hate this stupid Ad Avis fuck!”

Dan giggled. “You can do it, Ross! I believe in you!” he cheered.

Ross glanced at the clock. “Well, let’s end the episode here, I gotta take a piss anyway. Next time on Steam Train-“

“We’ll actually beat this series!” Dan chimed in, smiling.

Ross grabbed his phone on the way out and glanced at it as he walked across the hallway. He did a double take- he had missed calls and messages from Barry, Arin and Brian. Some were even from yesterday evening. Had it really been that long since Ross had looked at his phone? Must’ve gotten lost in animation work. He opened up the messages, looking at a couple of them in order.

BARRY: [Where are you, dude? You comin’ in today?]

Ross raised an eyebrow. He had been in the office all week.

BRIAN: [Did you get the new visiting schedule? I have extra copies if you need one.]

Ross’ brow furrowed. Schedule, for what? Did he plan something? 

It was Arin’s text from yesterday that tipped him off.

ARIN: [I guess you’re busy- Dan got his first skin graft done. It took them a few hours, but they say that some of the fluid and swelling went down. Will you be at the hospital tonight?]

Ross started at his phone screen. Then, very slowly, he leaned against the wall, just staring off into space for a minute.

He had missed it.

He missed the calls.

And nobody bothered to tell him in person.

Or maybe they had, and he didn’t hear them?

But he had really missed it.

Because…

 

…No.

 

Unbelievable.

 

Un-fucking-believable.

 

Unforgivable, the longer he thought about it.

 

Ross closed his eyes and let out a long sigh before stepping into the restroom.

~~~

When Ross reentered the office, Dan gave him his usual cheerful smile. “You ready to kick some evil overlord ass?" he asked.

Ross sat down quietly. “…Sure.”

Ross tried again and lost. Through clenched teeth, he reloaded the data to try again. Dan glanced at him and laughed. “Ross, you look like you’re gonna bust a vein. You want me to try?”

“I got it,” Ross replied hastily. He tried twice more and lost, Dan giggling before kindly offering little bits of advice. But Ross ignored him. He was beginning to feel really irritable. Mocked.

At the following death, Dan lost it completely. “G-Goddammit Ross!” he shouted, bent over in a silly fit of laughter.

 

There was a half second of clarity and then change, like the flick of a switch.

 

Dan felt a blunt object collide hard wit his jaw; it was enough to knock him to the floor. I took him a moment to register what had happened. He tried to sit up, completely confused. “Ross-“

Dan heard a loud crunch and felt another impact underneath his left eye. His glasses flew off and hit the wall, lenses shattering. He failed again to sit up as he was barraged by continuous punches to the gut. When he tried to look up, he saw flashes of sandy hair and a deep crimson face.

For being a shorter man, Ross revealed that he was by no means weak. Dan endured a few more painful hits to his ribcage before Ross let up a moment, standing over him and panting, rage in his eyes.

Dan put his hands in shaky surrender, groaning as he curled up on the floor, eyes watering. “Ross,” he wheezed, trying to start a dialogue, stomach stuck in a bruised knot. “Ross, stop. Tell me-“ Blood dripped from his now swollen lip onto the carpet.

“TELL YOU WHAT?! Ross shouted. With uncharacteristic, anger fueled strength, he grabbed Dan and shoved him against the wall next to the couch. The back of Dan’s head hit it hard and he blinked a moment, seeing stars. A throbbing headache emerged.

Suddenly, Dan’s shoulders were being painfully gripped and he was shaken, hard. Then Ross was up in his face, screaming at him, spit flying. “WHY?!” Ross gripped Dan’s hair and smacked his head against the wall a few more times, punching his cheekbones left and right. “WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY?!”

Dan coughed and felt his tears mixing with the blood flowing freely from his mouth. His mind was shouting at him to fight back- to hit Ross hard and just bail out. But he just couldn’t. It would undo everything he had fought for, what he believed in.

No. There was no way out of this but through.

Dan fought to breathe, his eyes shut, face and torso bruised and tensed up, the thick copper taste overcoming his tongue. It became more difficult as he was forced back onto the ground. Tight hands gripped his neck and squeezed, completely cutting off his air. Then he was being shaken again. “WHY DO YOU BLEED?!” Ross screamed at him.

Dan forced his eyes open and looked at Ross as best he could with his swollen face. Ross was completely infuriated but Dan noticed the wet tracks down his face. Ross seemed angrier as their eyes met. He squeezed harder. “W-WHY-DID-YOU-GET-THAT-STUPID-FUCKING-HAIRCUT?!”

Now Dan’s aching chest was desperate for air. He placed his hands on Ross’, his eyes pleading desperately with him. He tried again to speak but no words could come out. Only blood, spilling down his chin into his shirt.

There were a few more torturous seconds of suffocation while he stared into Ross’ darkened eyes. Then Dan caught something else in them, for only a moment. Ross threw him back into the carpet, finally letting go.

Dan coughed and wheezed, precious, wet, burning air filling him. But before he could get a deep breath, he was bombarded again with hits to his face. His vision went blurry.

He heard Ross get up and felt the unpleasant collision of his boot with Dan’s stomach and ribs. He didn’t hear anything crack but something might as well’ve been broken.

When Dan thought that maybe this was it, that Arin had been right, the blows stopped.

Dan kept his eyes shut, curled up on the floor, breathing slowly. His entire torso and face was a tight, aching, colorful mess. Something interesting happened; he began to feel disconnected from himself, like an observer. He heard Ross’ heavy breathing all around him. The jingle as he grabbed his keys from his desk. Lifting his bag from the floor, swinging it over his shoulder. Flicking switches. Boots walking away from Dan, down the hallway. More clicks. The faraway sound of front door opening and slamming shut.

Then nothing. Nothing but his own pulsing heartbeat and ragged breath.

Dan stayed where he was, too sore to move much. He slowly lifted his arm and slid his phone out of his pocket. Through salty vision, he briefly looked at his phone and dialed what he hoped was Brian’s number.

And for the second time in his strange life, Dan fell unconscious in his own blood, a numb sensation growing in the center of his chest. He thought he could hear something above. No, within. Laughing at him.

~~~

Forty minutes later, Brian burst through the front door of Barry’s house, holding Dan’s shoulders as he stood hunched over. Brian looked up at Arin and Barry, who were watching a movie in the living room. Their eyes widened enormously when they saw the total anger on Brian’s face and Dan’s badly beaten body. Arin’s face turned white and he got up, running over. “DAN!”

“WHOSE IDEA WAS IT?!” Brian shouted, holding Arin back with his hand. Brian shot daggers at them with his glare. He growled at them, “WHO LEFT DAN ALONE WITH ROSS?! BOTH OF YOU?! I ASKED YOU TO TAKE CARE OF HIM!!”

Dan attempted to say something, but it came out as a mumble; his lip and face was too swollen to speak.

“We’ve got first aid gel!” Arin said hastily as he ran upstairs, rushing to Dan’s bedroom to retrieve it.

Brian and Dan went over to the couch and carefully sat down. Barry stood up and just stared at them, his guilt growing larger by the minute. “Dan…” 

Brian had his arms around Dan’s shoulders still, his face completely worry-stricken “…Why didn’t you defend yourself?” Dan avoided the question, looking away from him.

Barry looked at Brian, his face also turning pale. “I swear Brian, they were fine all week! They were recording alone together for hours!”

Tears fell down Brian’s face. “Dan…I’m so sorry…” He took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself. “…Something must’ve set him off then…”

Barry thought deeply a moment. “He never answered our calls about yesterday…” He looked at Brian. “Brian, maybe…we should tell Ross what happened a week ago…”

“If he’s willing to go this far, that won’t fucking change his mind!” Brian said through clenched teeth. He turned, becoming impatient. “Are you going to help or not, Arin?!!”

Dan was extremely frustrated that he couldn’t get any words out. He began to feel angry too. Did nobody think of Ross at all?

Arin ran back down with the green bottle and a wet towel in his hands. “What happened a few days ago?! The headache?!” When he saw the telling looks on Brian’s and Barry’s faces, Arin’s eyes widened. “WHAT ELSE HAPPENED?!”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut again. ~Stop yelling! God-just-gimme-that!!~ Dan reached to take the gel from Arin’s hands but Arin ignored him, pulling up Dan’s shirt and immediately applying it to his bruised ribs and torso. “Jesus fucking Christ, Dan…you let him do a number on you…” Arin said, tears streaming down his face. Then he looked back at Brian and Barry expectantly. “…Well?!”

Barry was the first to cave. “He remembered a video he was watching in the car, with Brian. Right before the accident…”

Arin just looked at all of them, unbelieving. He looked at Dan lastly, deeply hurt while swimming through guilt and shame at the same time. “…And nobody thought to fucking tell me?” He asked. His eyes searched Dan’s. “…Why?” Arin tried to wipe the blood from Dan’s face with the towel. Dan grabbed it from him and began to do it himself, avoiding Arin’s gaze too, further hurting his feelings. Arin dejectedly handed him the green bottle too, then faced Brian. “…How am I supposed to fully protect Dan if you keep things from me?!”

Brian shot an angry look at him. “Oh, you have absolutely zero right to get upset about lying, Arin! You made Dan think he was sick for weeks!”

Barry had run off to the kitchen to prepare (yet another) cold compress and came back, handing it to Dan, who placed it against his face. The bruises on his torso seemed to already be fading. Barry looked at Arin and Brian. “What are we going to do about Ross then?”

Brian gave Arin a dark look. “This can’t happen ever again, Arin. Ever. Go talk to him. Now.”

Barry gave a nervous laugh. “Brian, you don’t mean…”

Dan’s puffy eyes widened as he understood the implication. He stood up from the couch, wincing in pain. “NO!” he shouted, blood flying from his slightly less swollen mouth. He began to tremble. “S-Stop fighting!” ~Ross isn’t evil, goddammit! NO!~

But Arin was already grabbing his keys and heading to the door. Dan limped over to it to try and block him. Misunderstanding him, Brian grabbed Dan’s arm and pulled him back. “Stay here, Dan! You can’t go back there!”

“NO!” Dan shouted again, pulling away from Brian, but Arin was already outside, Barry following behind him, trying to reason with him. Dan held the door open as Brian grabbed his arms harder to hold him back. “LISTEN!!” Dan shouted at Arin. “JUST LISTEN TO ROSS!!” Arin gave him a somber look and then got in the car, Barry still trying to talk to him. Then Arin hit the gas and drove away, Barry standing on the front lawn, hands behind his head in disbelief.

Dan stood with his head against the doorframe, staring at the floor. Then he gave Brian the most disappointed look he could muster and limped back inside. This time, he held back the tears. They would do no good.

~~~  
Arin was fuming when he pulled into the drive way of Ross’ house. He ran up to the front door, pounding on it. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Holly answered the door, wearing an alarmed expression. Arin sighed, not wanting to direct his anger at her but feeling stress-ridden. “I need to talk to Ross,” Arin said anxiously. He was about ready to rush through the door.

Holly looked him over. She also seemed uneasy and had shadows beneath her eyes. “What about?” She asked in an overtly skeptical tone. “Can it wait until tomorrow?”

Arin was fed up. He glanced past her and saw shadows moving between rooms at the end of the hallway. “ROSS!” He shouted, startling Holly. “I KNOW YOU’RE THERE!”

Ross suddenly appeared, face stony, a backpack slung over his shoulder. He looked almost casual as he walked towards them and attempted to go past them. Holly grabbed his shoulder, her confusion growing. “Babe, what’s going on? Where are you going?”

Arin blocked the doorway with his arm, glaring down at the shorter man. “Nuh, uh, no. You aren’t going anywhere!” Now Arin felt his anger rising again. Ross just stared back at him silently, which fueled his irritation even more. Arin clenched his teeth. “…What the hell is wrong with you?!” Arin grabbed the front of his shirt. “Why would you hurt him?! WHY?! What did he EVER do to you?!”

Ross shoved Arin off him, a disgusted look on his face. He glanced at Holly. “I need to get away for a bit. I’ll text you what’s going on- I just can’t be here right now.” Ross looked down, shoving past Arin and walking to his car. “I can’t do this anymore-“

Holly walked out onto the porch, becoming exponentially worried. “What are you talking about?! Babe- tell me what’s going on!”

Arin was largely ignoring Holly as he approached Ross and grabbed his shoulder, yanking him back. “STOP! You can’t do that- you can’t fuckin’ beat the shit out of your friend and just walk away!”

“HE IS NOT OUR FRIEND!” Ross roared, sudden anger overtaking him again. He pointed at Arin. “You’re crazy! You’re not in reality! DAN IS DYING!” He shouted.

Arin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Ross…why did he come back, huh?! I knew you were gonna do this, I fuckin’ knew you’d wail on him, and he trusted you!! He came back anyway! Why would he do that if he didn’t care?!”

Ross gave him a loud, incredulous laugh. “I don’t know! Maybe he’s a fuckin’ AI with a death wish?! And he’s still here, ruining our lives!”

“He’s not ruining anything!” Arin shouted, frustrated. “Jesus dude, if you hate him so much, why did you ask him to record for us?! This was your own idea!”

Ross looked at the ground. He mumbled in a low voice and Arin almost didn’t catch what he had said. “I deserve this…and as much as I really hate him, he’s all we had to go back on until-“

“Wait-wait-wait-“ Arin interrupted, holding up a hand. “What did you say? You deserve what?”

Holly walked over to Ross, slowly piecing together what the conversation was about but not quite understanding. “Ross,” she said sadly, “Please just come inside and go to bed.” She gave Arin a hard look. “You can both talk tomorrow-“

“No,” Arin said stubbornly, “We are figuring this out right now.” When Ross scoffed at this, Arin turned to him. “What?!”

Ross just laughed and Arin watched as his eyes began to shimmer from the light of the front porch. “It just doesn’t matter what I say to you. You’ll always choose his word over mine,” Ross said, giggling darkly. “…and I keep telling you, the stupid doctor is destroying your wallet and your goddamn mind-“

“She’s not even charging me anymore!” Arin interjected, arms raised. “She paid him off. For two whole years. If he even stays with us that long!”

“So he’s a free trial. She’s using us to advertise her daddy’s company, as usual. Real nice. Is she gonna pay us for the sponsorship?” Ross asked, folding his arms.

Arin sighed again. “Ross, it’s not like that. And don’t…don’t talk about him like that!”

“Like what?” Ross asked, putting on a small, sly smile. “Like he’s just a thing?”

Arin took a deep breath. “Look…I know you’re just trying to piss me off now. But there’s something else about it that’s bugging you. Did he say something to you? And what exactly do you deserve, Ross?!”

Now Ross looked like a mixture of exhaustion and flared anger. He pulled away from Holly again and began to pace. “There’s just no getting to you…”

“What did he say to you?! Answer me!” Arin demanded.

“Did you…” Ross thought a moment and then reluctantly asked, “Did you talk to him about the birthday party?!”

Arin raised an eyebrow. “What birthday party?”

“Barry’s house party! Last year!” Ross shouted.

Arin’s eyes widened. He suddenly felt excited. “He…he told you something personal, didn’t he?! Something that only Dan would know!”

Ross rolled his eyes. “You’re completely delusional..” He turned began to walk to his car, Holly following him anxiously, still trying to get answers from him.

“Who’s ignoring the truth now?!” Arin shouted angrily as he stood and watched. He continued to shout at the back of Ross’ head. “Look, I don’t care how incompetent you think I am, I’m your boss!” Arin started walking towards the car as Ross was getting in and starting the engine, Holly lowly talking to him through the open window. He glared at Arin, who continued, “Dan came to the office, he helped your wife with her channel, he recorded videos for Steam Train, he recorded videos for Game Grumps! He waited almost an entire week in the hospital without moving- you saw him! You think he did that for himself?! He was waiting for us! And he did all of that knowing that you hate him and that he isn’t getting paid for any of this shit!” Arin pointed a shaky hand at Ross. “It’s really Dan, Ross. Really. And you used to be one of his best friends. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true!” Arin’s eyes became glossy, a stray tear falling. He was desperate now-pulling. Trying to pull Ross back. Like Dan would want him to. He put his arms down to his sides. “Listen, we need…to just fix this. Please. I know it sounds impossible. But it’s just how things are now. Let’s just talk…”

Ross just stared at Arin for a moment, his eyes still watering. With a trembling lip, he spat back at Arin, “Fix this?! FUCK YOU!” With that, he slowly pulled out of the driveway.

“What are you afraid of!” Arin yelled at the car as it left the lot and drove down the street, into the night. “Tell me! ROSS!”

Holly and Arin stood there and stared at the now empty street for a moment. Then Arin turned to her. “…I’m really sorry about this, Holly.”

She looked over at him. “…Something bad happened between him and the robot?” When Arin nodded, Holly just sighed, rubbing her head. “Arin…” She looked back at the street. “I knew he was stressed, but….he didn’t tell me that anything was wrong. Or where he was going.”

“I could tell you that,” Arin said, fishing a crumpled sheet of paper from his pocket and handing it to Holly. She took it and unfolded it. It was the visiting schedule. Arin looked up at her. “He’ll come back tonight. Give him that when he does. I guess I’ll talk to him sometime tomorrow.”

Holly looked at the paper and them back at him. “Arin,” she said in an admonishing tone, “This all needs to stop. We tried to tell you before. There’s no fixing Dan, not like this. The robot just isn’t a permanent solution. I know it sucks, but that’s how it is. Please, just… get rid of him.”

Arin listened, nodding as he stared off into space. Then he slowly started to walk towards his car. When he looked back at her, there were tears down his face. “…I wish I could make you understand. I really do.” Arin opened the door to his car. “…I’ll talk to Ross tomorrow. He’s not fired, or anything like that.” With a defeated look, Arin got into his car and drove away, Holly slowly walking back into her home and shutting the door.

~~~

Dan had locked himself in the mini studio, Barry sulking in his own room. Brian knocked on the studio door, trying to coax him back out. He too began to be overtaken by guilt. “Dan…please just open the door.”

“No,” Dan stubbornly replied. He sat against the wall, knees up in front of him. He would’ve had more to say, except that ~Nobody is listening. Fuck this.~ He continued to rub the green gel onto his face, feeling the swelling go down, things returning to normal. Well, fake normal.

Brian tried again. “Dan-“

“Go home to your family, Brian. I can take care of myself.”

Brian shook his head. “I’m not leaving you-“

“Yes you are!” Dan shouted in irritation.

He heard Brian sigh. “I’m staying right outside this door until I know you’re okay and that this is taken care of.”

“I’m a fuckin’ ray of sunshine, Brian,” Dan said angrily through clenched teeth. He began to feel sorrow, thinking of how Arin would be talking to Ross right now. He closed his eyes, resting his aching head against the wall. ~This is all awful.~ “…This isn’t a solution.” Dan reopened his eyes, gazing ahead. 

He knew that Ross was upset about something unsaid, that was for certain. And he was pretty sure that his friend was afraid of him. But also…

“I know why he hurt me,” Dan said.

“He did because he doesn’t understand. He never will, and I’m sorry,” Brian said, still standing outside the door with his arms folded.

Dan shook his head. ~No. You’re wrong.~ “Ross hurt me…because he saw me.”

Brian attempted to engage Dan in further conversation but he ignored it. After fifteen or so minutes, Dan wiped the gel off his body with the towel. He still felt very sore, but all of the injuries were gone from the surface, except for a small cut he left open, on his lip.

Maybe if he left it there, a tiny piece of himself would heal, all on its own.

Dan shakily stood up a moment to shut off the light. “I’m going to sleep,” he announced. Then he curled up on the floor, staring off into the darkness.

 

~I just wanna go back to sleep.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you worried? Well, hang in there! As usual, thanks for reading!


	21. The Cave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bridging segment and part one of next section.
> 
> "I will hold on hope  
> and I won't let you choke  
> On the noose around your neck  
> And I'll find strength in pain  
> And I will change my ways  
> I'll know my name as it's called again"  
> \- Mumford & Sons

~OCTOBER~

The concert started off fantastically. The crowd was roaring as Danny waved to them from the stage, clapping his hands to the beat of Everybody Wants to Rule the World, TWRP and Ninja Brian behind him. Dan sang his heart out, a warm glow rising in his chest with every note, wanting nothing more than to be swept away by the music, the cheers.

At the introduction of the following song and after a minute of singing, Dan ran out into the crowd to give high-fives to the fans, who were going crazy and crowding around him. His palm met with several people’s hands and he grinned, running down the hall, getting ready to head back the opposite direction.

Then something caught him off guard; a sharp, slicing pain that ran from his palm all the way down his arm. Dan cried out and fell to his knees, clutching his right arm, now badly bleeding. The music stopped. Suddenly, everything got dark around Dan; he felt a hot spotlight right above him and he squinted against the harsh light. The fans had all gone quiet, encircling him. Dan winced as he held his throbbing arm, trying not to panic. Trying not to ruin the wonderful energy in the room…but it was already long gone. And his eyes widened when he peered within the gash and was met again with the familiar, dizzying image of metallic bone, twisted wires. His wires.

Dan looked up and met the horrified eyes of a fan- Emily from the café. Her face was red with fresh tears, her arms trembling. She held a box cutter in her hand. She stared at Dan’s open arm, then back at him, breathing heavily. All was silent around them. Then she lifted her finger to point at Dan, her face contorting into anger. “…You…” she whispered. Her eyes disappeared beneath the shadows. “Traitor!” she spat. He could feel her eyes penetrating him in the dark.

Dan’s eyes widened in fear. “No…nono!” He whispered, pulling his arm towards his chest. Suddenly, the lights lifted slightly. All members of the crowd stood above Dan, staring down at him. All of them giving him that same look of pure hatred. Dan stared at them all, trembling. He didn’t know what to say, but he was afraid of being silent. Blood dripped down the front of his costume, spilling across his star. “No, please…I’m still me!” he pleaded with the crowd, his anxiety growing by the minute. “I’m Danny Sexbang!” he shouted, tears dripping down his face. “Please…somebody help me!”

There was a moment of silence. Then the crowd began to chant in total infuriation, “TRAITOR! LIAR!” They booed and shouted at him , pounding their fists in the air. They began to close in on him.

Dan shouted out to Brian and TWRP, trying to see the stage. But he felt his head get forcefully yanked back and he was down. All of the lights in the room went out. And then all he could feel was his face being punched, his body being kicked. Helpless, he listened to the chaos erupt around him, listening to his bones crack as he lay there, eyes squeezed shut. He tried to cry out again, but the noise was too much. So he lay there, waiting for the final blow.

Waiting for the hit that would finally just take him-

Dan’s eyes flew open and he stared at the studio ceiling, hyperventilating. He was lying flat on his back. He took a moment to realize where he was. He looked around, his breathing calming down. Then he sat up, groaning and wiping the hair from his eyes.

Pushing the horrid nightmare from his mind, Dan took a deep breath and stood up, opening the door. 

~~~

Brian was sitting on the couch, looking at his phone. When he saw Dan, he stood up, walking over to him. Brian’s eyes widened when he saw the amazing condition that Dan was in. He let out a breath. “Dan…how did you heal so fast?”

Dan put on a grin for his friend and held up the bottle of the green serum, setting it on the kitchen counter. “Magic,” he replied. He put his hands on his hips and looked at Brian expectantly. “…Well?”

Brian raised an eyebrow. “Well what?”

Dan opened his arms and walked around Brian in a circle. “What do you think of the new, life-sized Danny Sexbang action figure?”

Brian felt unsure of the joke but he played along with it, smiling at his friend. “…He looks much better than he did yesterday,” he replied honestly.

“Yep!” Dan exclaimed with a laugh, folding his arms. “Incredible! The best piece of NSP merchandise money can buy!”

Brian’s smile faltered. “Dan…”

Dan began to pace now, looking at the floor. “I was thinking…that at our next show, we could sell me to the highest bidder. Or just give me away.” He leaned against a wall next to the TV, staring blankly ahead. “…Who do you think should get me, Brian? The fan that spits on me first? Or the one that’s cried the longest?” Dan smiled, but there was no happiness in it.

Brian just stared back at Dan, his face becoming somber as his heart fell. “Dan…it’s not…you aren’t…”

“I’m not what, Brian?” Dan asked. He laughed but his eyes were glistening. He looked back down, rubbing his forehead. “…The channel will die in minutes when fans find out that I’m just a robot. Our music...they’ll fucking tear me apart. And you think Ross is the problem…” Dan began to giggle, covering his eyes with his hand.

Brian swiftly rushed over, putting his hands on Dan’s shoulders. His expression was serious as he held back his emotions. “Dan, I promise you, we are going to fix this.”

Dan looked up at him. “How? How the hell can we possibly fix this?! M-my…b-body’s not taking me, if that’s the case. Fuck, it’s hardly functioning for its own sake!” Dan began to tremble. “And this body is probably breaking too…”

Brian pulled Dan into a tight embrace, his feelings breaking through. “You aren’t broken, Dan! You’re going to be okay. You have us.”

Dan pulled away from him. “…Brian, everyone in the office is scared of me. Why do you think Ross attacked me? And our musician friends don’t know I exist…Doctor Sung thought I was some phone scam when I called him weeks ago.” Dan laughed again, his body shaking from the effort. “And then m-my parents…can you imagine? And Dana…she already thinks that I’m…” Dan’s voice broke and he slid down to the floor, giggling incessantly, his face in his hands.

Brian sat next to him with an arm around him, a couple of tears escaping him. When Dan’s giggles died down, he took a deep breath and lowered his arms, closing his eyes. “Brian,” he said airily, “Everyone is fighting, and I can’t…I’m just so tired. Already so fucking tired…” 

Brian understood what Dan meant. He rubbed his back, speaking gently. “Dan…we’re all afraid of losing you. We all love you. But you’re going to heal.” Brian squeezed his shoulder. “You just have to hold on a bit longer. Hold onto hope. We’ll figure this out, together.”

A small, gentler smile escaped Dan’s lips. He looked over at Brian, feeling a little better. “…Arin told me pretty much the same thing.”

Brian returned the smile. “Then that’s the smartest thing he’s ever done.” Brian stood up, offering Dan his hand before pulling him up off the floor. “…Arin should be at the hospital now. To talk to Ross, and to check on you.” Dan nodded at this bit of information. Brian continued. “You should eat something, and keep resting if you’re tired.” Now Brian looked down as guilt poured into his chest. “I’m sorry about yesterday. About Ross, and how I handled it. I...wasn’t acting reasonably. I’m so sorry, Dan.”

Dan nodded again. “…It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Brian sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. “Well…if you’re okay, then I should leave you alone and go home.” He headed to the door and looked back once more before heading out. “…Hold onto hope, Dan. We all are.”

“I will,” Dan said. When Brian left, he slowly walked into the kitchen to check what was in the fridge.

While Dan searched for something edible, Barry walked down the hall and met up with him. “Hey Dan!”

Dan looked up at him, startled. He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling embarrassed, quickly wiping his moist eyes. “Hey, I didn’t know you were still here.”

Barry shrugged. “Yeah, well, I live here, so…” He peered into the fridge from behind Dan. “Hmm…not a great selection, is there?” He looked over at Dan. “Let’s go out for lunch, my treat. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”

Dan smiled at him, throwing out a guess. “Sushi bar?”

Barry smiled back warmly. “Exactly, my friend! We are on the same page.” The boys chuckled and grabbed their jackets before shutting the front door behind them on the way out. Despite his somewhat sore body, Dan's spirits were already slightly lifted.

~~~

Arin carefully opened the door to the hospital room. The florescent lighting above the patient’s bed was combatted by the bright sunlight shining through the window, which landed on Ross’ back as he sat next to the one in the bed. Ross’ eyes were glazed over as he stared at the patient’s face, but became alert when Arin entered the room. 

Arin pulled a chair up to the foot of the bed and took a seat. He looked at Ross. “…How is he today?”

Ross’ reply was low and hoarse. “He looks better today. I dunno, like…more vibrant, I guess.” It was true- the patient’s skin was still riddled with scars, but they had begun to soften. The shadows beneath his eyes somehow didn’t seem as deep as before. 

While he was still hooked up to an oxygen machine, Arin thought his chest was rising a little further than before. He had heavy facial hair, although his head was shaved clean and heavily bandaged, a drainage tube still protruding from the back of his skull into a container. Despite all this, Arin had to agree. “Yeah, he does look better.”

The two sat in silence for a bit. Then Ross shifted, a scowl beginning to form on his face. “Look…” He sighed. “…I don’t want this to take all day, so just say what you have to say,” he said, his eyes never leaving the patient.

Arin watched him. Ross had the patient’s hand in his, circling the top of it with his thumb. Then Arin looked down. “I didn’t come here to get mad at you, Ross.” He began to play with his hands, feeling uncomfortable. His voice became softer. “I…I know that it’s far past way too late. But…I came to apologize. For everything.” When Ross didn’t reply, he continued. “I should’ve spoken to everyone before I…before I got the android. And the party…” Arin gave a cold chuckle, looking away. “…I don’t understand. Why did anyone agree to that? And…for me to expect that from you...”

Ross still didn’t reply for a bit. His eyes were fixated on the patient. Arin didn’t press him; Ross was clearly at the end of his own rope. But then he quietly replied, “…I missed it. One of the most important days of his life…and I wasn’t there.” His eyes began to glimmer.

Guilt was flooding Arin’s veins. He sighed. “I…that was completely my fault. I should’ve reminded you again about the operation. I should’ve known you couldn’t hear me when I dropped by your office-“

Ross was somewhere else. “The last show…his…” he said vaguely, staring blankly ahead.

Arin was confused. “What?”

“The Grumps Live Show. In April,” Ross clarified dreamily. His hand drifted up the patient’s arm.

Arin thought about it for a minute. It was true that Ross didn’t make it to the show. But that was nothing new- everyone on the team had their own schedules. Sometimes others would follow Dan and Arin to the live shows but it was completely normal for someone to miss it. They never had the full team there. Arin raised his eyebrow. “…Yeah? But you were busy working on your animation.”

“And it’s all I ever do,” Ross said, sounding defeated. “I could’ve put it down for one day. Just one day…” A few tears spilled from his eyes. “And now…”

Arin just looked at Ross in surprise. He moved his chair closer to him. “Ross, look…you can’t beat yourself up about not being at the show. It’s not the first time that you’ve been too busy to go, it wasn’t a big deal. We had no way of knowing that any of this was going to happen. And besides...none of us would be mad at you for doing what you're passionate about. Especially him. Seriously.”

Ross’ emotions began to pick up as he cried. His voice fell to almost a whisper. “...I don't have any more excuses. Not for yesterday. Because...” Ross closed his eyes and looked down, biting his lip. His hand moved back down to the patient’s, squeezing it tight. “I missed the operation...because I forgot,” he admitted incredulously, eyes now wide, rimmed in red.

Arin nodded, thinking that he understood. “Yeah, and that’s okay sometimes. We have a lot on our plates, and-“

“No, Arin,” Ross interrupted, looking up at him. Arin’s eyes widened when he saw the expression on Ross’ face. It was ridden with guilt. Scared. “I. Forgot,” the sandy-haired man emphasized, staring at Arin. Arin swallowed, listening intently to him. Ross closed his eyes again. His voice broke. “He’s just…so damn convincing…and sometime, I dunno…maybe the third day…I just…it felt like…how it used to be.” Ross’ breathing became erratic as he tried to hold back his feelings but he just couldn’t. “That just…that can’t happen! That can’t ever happen! And I let it!” he cried aloud, putting his face in his arms.

Arin took a few deep breaths, his own eyes watering now. Hesitantly, he scooted next to Ross and began to rub his back. Ross didn’t pull away.

A heavy feeling like lead began to rise in Arin’s chest. Suddenly, weeks of pent up feelings were stacking up on each other. A deep sense of dread began to spread throughout his body. The god-awful truth was creeping up on him. A growing shadow.

Ross looked up at Arin. Analyzing him for a minute, he seemed to relax a little. He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. His tone became almost sympathetic. He looked Arin in the eyes. “..I want to believe that…the fans would never accept a replacement. But even if they did…” He gave Arin an intense look, “They'd forget too. Even if just for ten minutes, they'd forget someday.” His eyes began to glisten again. “Arin...I know what you think is true. But I will never, ever let that happen.”

Arin just stared back at him for a bit. Then he stared at the floor. His shaking hand gripped his thigh. The truth was slamming into him, over and over.

Dan had been right. It didn’t matter of he was real or not. And Arin couldn’t convince Ross alone that he was. But could the fans believe?

…The question was pointless. Arin knew that he was willing to risk everything, including the channel, to try and give Dan his life back. But that could derail the entire team’s careers and potentially cause years of backlash and hurt. It ignored how Ross and everyone else felt. It would be a completely thoughtless, arrogant move. Dan and Ross had been trying to tell him that this whole time.

Arin put his head in his hands, holding back the tears. 

He had to admit it now. He was wrong. As far as he could tell, Dan couldn’t retain his normal life as an android. Arin had tried too hard to fit a warped piece into the puzzle. And in some insane, supernatural stroke of bad luck, everyone was paying the awful price. Including Dan.

There was only one solution, as far as Arin could see.

Dan had to return to himself. He just needed to wake up.

But nobody knew how to do that…or what the consequences could be.

Fuck.

Arin felt his heart turn cold. The light in his eyes dimmed. He looked up at Ross in defeat. His voice was low. “What…” he bit his lip. It was fucked up to ask. But he had to. “…What do you want me to do with the android?” he asked, staring at Ross.

Ross’ eyes washed over Arin carefully. Seeing if he was serious. Then Arin saw it- a flicker of something else again. He couldn’t read what it was. Ross was quiet for a bit. Then he answered decidedly. “…He’s your computer. Do whatever. I don’t care anymore.”

“…Ross…”

Ross stared Arin in the eye. “…We’re still barely keeping our heads above water as it is. So keep recording. Do solos…or ‘prerecorded’…with him. It doesn’t matter. Just space out the videos- one every other day or so. The fans will just have to deal with it.”

Arin was completely shocked. It wasn’t the answer he had expected. He just stared at Ross. “But…why…?”

Ross ignored the question. He looked back at the patient. “…I’m not doing Steam Train anymore. I’m gonna start something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Maybe like…an animation or drawing show, or something.”

Arin just nodded, still dumbstruck. “Okay…I can help you if you need it.” The two men sat quietly, just watching the patient, lost in thought. 

After a while, Arin glanced at the clock. It was late afternoon…he figured he should help Katie out today….Arin stood up, looking back at Ross. His eyes never left the one sitting in the bed.

Arin wanted to end on a better note. “Hey, Ross…you should forgive yourself.” Arin’s eyes passed over the patient. “…I know he’d forgive you, easy.”

Ross nodded. “…Of course he’d forgive me. That’s Dan.” A sad smile touched the corner of his mouth. Despite his efforts, thoughts of the recording sessions with the android entered his mind. They filled him with regret…

…and warmth.

Arin got up and walked to the door. Before he left, Ross spoke up. “Arin?”

“Yeah?”

“If…” Ross seemed conflicted for a moment. Then he continued, speaking slowly. “If…you asked the android…what he wanted…what would he say?”

Arin just stared at Ross. He was completely puzzled. ~…Why?~ And all the right answers flooded his head. Everything Dan had told him. But they didn’t make it past his lips. He looked away. “…See you later, Ross. Take it easy.” He walked out, leaving Ross alone.

Ross looked back at the patient. He squeezed his hand again, closing his eyes. 

Ross mouthed the words, but they wouldn’t come out either. Instead, another stray tear fell.

~I’m sorry-~

 

~I miss you-~

 

Please wake up.

 

~~~

Nobody had been home for a while except for Dan, who was sitting alone on a bench in the mini studio in his and Barry’s house. His roommate had to supposedly run to the office after lunch, leaving Dan once again alone with his thoughts.

He had a dusty acoustic guitar in his lap, his laptop open next to him with some chords and scales pulled up. He was in the process of tuning it. 

Dan had never been fantastic at playing guitar but he figured that he needed something else to do to pass the time. And music was always in his heart.

He played with a few chords for a few minutes, fiddling with the basic melody of “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.” He listened to the notes spring to life for a moment before fading, absorbed by the soundproof tiles on the walls. If only he could turn them into something new, good. Real.

After a bit, he set the guitar aside and sat for a bit, staring ahead. Then he put his face in his hands. And he sat a while, body shaking, water dripping through his fingers. 

As the tears dripped down his face, Dan put his laptop in front of him. He pulled up a video app and hit record. And he began to speak. As he spoke into the camera, he felt something sweet bloom in the center of his chest, covered in a layer of despair and mixed feelings. He began to sob but he wiped his eyes and continued to speak. It was vital that he got all the words out. Because they deserved so much better. They deserved everything. 

 

The Lovelies.

 

~~~

Dan thought he had more time but he got caught when fifteen minutes later, a somber looking Arin opened the door and widened his eyes when he saw Dan’s red, swollen face. He turned the light on and rushed over. “Hey- you ok?”

Dan sighed and wiped his face, feeling embarrassed for the second time today. “Yeah, sorry. Just…bad day.”

Arin moved Dan’s closed laptop aside and sat next to him on the bench. He tried not to stare but he was concerned. “Did Brian give you any shit today?”

“No, nothing like that. Just...” Dan cleared his throat and swiftly changed the subject before Arin could probe any more. “How’d it go with Ross?”

Now Arin looked downtrodden. He was silent for a bit. Dan watched him closely. “…Arin?”

Arin sighed. “Ross, he…feels guilty about a couple things. Mainly that he wasn’t there for your cell graft. That was my fault. I should’ve just dragged him there with me.” Arin pushed his hair back, staring at the floor. 

Dan took deep breaths, leaning back. He began to feel guilty too. “I wanted to say something…I really did. But, I knew that it was already too hard for him, just having me there. So I just…shut up and did what he wanted.” Dan wiped his eyes again with a hand. “…Fuck.”

Arin looked up at him. “Dan, you never did anything wrong. You…” Arin looked back down. “You made him so happy…that he couldn’t tell the difference….He held your hand the entire time he was there-“

“Wait,” Dan said, cutting him off. “Did he say that? What did he say?”

Arin hesitated. “Ross…he loves you, and he misses you-“

Dan sat up straighter, looking at Arin with a serious expression. “Arin. What did he say?”

Arin sighed. His eyes met Dan’s as he let the words spill from his mouth. “Ross was mad…at himself, because…he forgot...that you were in the hospital.”

 

The men let the words hang in the air a moment. Then Dan’s eyes widened before beginning to water again.

 

So Ross had seen him. So well that it hurt. Dan bent over, putting his face back in his hands.

Arin sensed the waterworks coming. He scooted over to Dan, putting an arm around him. “Hey, hey…it’s okay…I asked him about you, and he said that we should keep recording videos….He’s not going to do Steam Train anymore, but that’s because he wants to start another show-“

“Stop.” Dan sat up and stared at the ceiling. “Just stop.” Arin shut his mouth shamefully. Dan sighed and looked at Arin. “I’m…not going to make videos anymore, Arin. I can’t do this.”

It badly stung but Arin expected it. He just nodded. “…Okay. Okay, you don’t have to,” he said dejectedly, the low feeling in his chest becoming a steady background hum. But he couldn’t even imagine what Dan was feeling…Arin blew out a sigh and stood up. He reached out a hand to Dan. Dan just looked at it. Arin rolled his eyes. “Come on. Let’s get out of this dark, depressing room.”

Arin let Dan into the living room. “You eat dinner yet?” Arin asked as they passed the couch. Dan was about to answer when Arin looked back at him, his face falling a little. “Oh, shit. You’re still injured.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about-“ He was interrupted when Arin grabbed the bottle of gel off the counter and delicately, without hesitation, Arin spread some of the gel across Dan’s torn lower lip. Arin then gave him a goofy smile. “You missed a spot.” He looked down and recapped the bottle before walking back to the counter. Dan caught the pink on his cheeks. Then Arin walked to the front door and held it open for him. “…Well? You comin’?”

Dan slowly followed behind. He wasn’t sure if he had the energy for Arin’s shenanigans…but he didn’t have any excuses either. “Where are we going?”

“To have a better night than yesterday,” Arin replied vaguely as they made their way to the car. As they each sat down, Dan wiped the gel from his lip. It was already smoothed out.

 

If only it were all that easy.

~~~

They stopped at Arin’s house first, to pick up Suzy to presumably go somewhere to eat. While she was getting ready, Arin led Dan past the kitchen. “There’s something I want to show you,” he said. With Dan behind him, Arin opened a door connecting to the garage. Dan’s eyes widened when he saw what was behind it.

The entire garage was filled to the brim with bags of mail, presents, fan made art and posters. Arin grinned at Dan, who just stood staring. “…Well? What do you think?”

Dan didn’t know what to say. His throat was too swollen. He just shook his head. “…This is…”

“Also three storage units,” Arin added, putting a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “We’re running out of room, dude. It’s insane how much fan mail you’ve gotten since the last update.” Arin smiled at him. “You did really well after the skin graft. Katie said there’s less fluid in your brain now.”

Dan closed his eyes. “This is…” He began to feel remorse. “…This is all their pain.”

“Dan.” Dan looked over at Arin. His expression had softened when he looked back at Dan. “This is love.”

Dan swallowed his tears, looking back at the room. “…Jesus…”

It was more than he ever thought he’d have.

~~~

When Suzy saw Dan at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes lit up. She ran down to him and have him a huge hug, asking him how he was, if he was ok. After hearing the sincerity in the question, he insisted that he was alright. Suzy glanced at the clock and gasped. “Babe, we’re gonna be late again!”

Dan shot Arin a questioning look. “…What are we late for?”

Suzy smiled back at him. “Oh, we’re going to Vernon’s to watch the new Mystery Science Theater 3000 and hang out. You coming?”

Dan began to feel nervous. He looked at Arin. Arin knew what he was thinking. “I invited everyone, but so far it’s just Vernon, Barry, Matt and Ryan.”

Dan nodded. He didn’t really feel comfortable with the idea. But he had a feeling Arin would just drag him along anyway. He sighed. “Yeah, I’ll join ya,” he said with some defeat. But when Suzy smiled back so genuinely at him, Dan couldn’t help but return it as they all walked out to the car.

~~~

It was easier to get comfortable at Vernon’s house as everyone got situated around the TV. Everyone treated Dan normally, although Vernon may have stared at him a little too long occasionally. There were pizza boxes, snacks and drinks spread out in the kitchen. Everyone just chatted casually about work and entertainment. Dan silently navigated the back, getting food after everyone. On his way out, he caught Vernon talking to Arin. 

“So…how’s, you know…your robot?” Vernon asked awkwardly as he poured a drink.

“He’s good. Works fine,” Arin dismissed him, quickly grabbing his plate and leaving before the conversation could continue.

Dan sat apart from everyone else by taking a seat in a chair next to the couch on the edge of the little group. After talking for a few more minutes, everyone got situated and started the show.

Dan stared at the screen, but he wasn’t paying too much attention to the show. He was still thinking about the piles of mail that Arin had shown him. But every now and then, he laughed aloud at a good joke. He needed to feel something good. 

If he didn’t, then what could he possibly give back?

~~~

They took a snack and bathroom break after the first movie. Everyone was chatting again, Vernon putting on some of his music for the intermission. Then Vernon looked over at Dan. “Hey, uh…Dan?”

Dan was caught off guard. He blinked back at Vernon, aware that everyone was looking at them now. “Uh, yeah?”

“What have you been up to lately?” Vernon asked with genuine curiosity. 

Dan gulped, feeling on the spot. He didn’t want to bring up work. “Uh…well…I’ve been sort of learning the guitar, slowly. And reading, I guess.”

Vernon nodded. “Cool. What are you reading?”

Dan smiled a little in embarrassment. He didn’t want to admit the full title. “Um…the ‘Bladerunner’ novel."

Vernon seemed deeply amused by this. He laughed. “Right on. You see the movie?”

“Yeah.”

“And are you excited for the new one?” 

This time Dan chuckled, shaking his head. “No, not really. I mean…some things just don’t need remakes, or sequels.”

Vernon nodded, smiling. “Fair enough.”

Arin hopped into the conversation to help steer it away from Dan. He sighed in relief and closed his eyes.

 

~~~

Ten minutes into the next movie, there was a knock on the door. Vernon paused the movie and got up to answer it. 

When Dan heard Ross and Holly’s voices, his heart felt icy cold. He glanced over at Arin, who gave him a knowing look. Dan looked down as the couple walked into the room and said hi, taking a seat next to Suzy and Arin on the couch. As they chatted for a minute, Dan hesitantly looked over at them. But nobody was looking at him now. So he decided to try and relax as Vernon sat back down and started the next movie.

After the next movie ended, they decided to call it a night, since most of them had to return to work the next day.

Everyone said their goodbyes and headed to their cars. As Dan was walking back, he stopped dead when he heard Ross call behind him. “Android!”

Arin cut in “Just ignore him, Dan-“

But Dan sighed and turned around. “Yeah, Ross?” Ross was looking back at him with his usual stare. But even Holly looked nervous as she watched the interaction.

“Did you…have fun tonight?” Ross asked casually. Dan held back an eyeroll and stood his ground, saying nothing. He felt Ross’ gaze piercing him. But he returned the look as they both sized each other up. Ross continued. “Are you…gonna be in the office tomorrow?”

“…Maybe. But I won’t be recording. Which is what you’re really asking,” Dan pointed out. Their eyes were glued on each other.

Holly was trying to lead Ross to their car now. “Come on, babe…enough…” But Ross wasn’t listening. “…Do you want to do videos?” He asked Dan. His expression was unreadable.

“Alright, time to go,” Arin decided, getting in the car with Suzy. “Come on, Dan. You don’t have to play this game.”

“I’m just asking a question,” Ross insisted. But Dan’s silence was irritating him. He pushed a little further. “You won’t answer me, but I know that you think about these things. What do you…expect to get from this?”

Arin got back out of the car to pull Dan into the backseat. But Dan pulled away from him, leaning against the car. He looked at the ground, feeling emotional. He chuckled. “What…do I expect to gain?” He looked back up at Ross with a sorrowful look. He replied slowly. “I expect that…all of this is never going to get any less painful.”

Everyone was quiet. Matt, Ryan and Barry had left, but Vernon watched the interaction from his porch, raising an eyebrow.

Dan ignored them all and looked out at the sunset. “After the hell you all have been through…it’s nice to see everyone laugh again.”

Arin murmured something to Dan and got back in the car, starting the engine. But Ross seemed more frustrated now. He spoke louder. “…Just answer the question!”

Dan sat down in the backseat. Before closing the door, he gave Ross a tired, small, sad smile. “Ross…everything in life is temporary. So…you just have to decide…what that means for you, I guess.” Before Ross could respond, Dan shut the door, Arin put the car in reverse. Ross watched them drive away, a pensive look on his face.

Dan rolled the window down and held his hand out. He put his fingers together in the “heavy metal” sign. He hoped Ross would see it and know what he meant.

 

~…I hope you find peace, brother.~

 

…I’ll hold onto it for you.

 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I actually heard the Bladerunner sequel is getting amazing reviews! Haha
> 
> Thanks for reading! Life is getting busy but I'm trying to keep up with posting. I'm honestly not too fond of this section, it's not what I wanted it to be but yeah...I actually had an entire other chapter written out for this month, but I had to toss it because I realized it was just more pointless filler compared to what I'm trying to do now. ^_^; I'm not trying to George R.R. Martin you, I promise! The next segments will move more.
> 
> ... Anyways, it is what it is. Thank you for your patience and for the regular follows! I appreciate it. <3


	22. Heavy Metal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a slightly long chapter. I dunno how I feel about it but I hope it's alright!
> 
> <3

The week passed as a blur to Dan, who spent most of it in his own head. Having nothing better to do with himself, he sat next to Arin on the couch while he watched him solo Chrono Trigger. It didn’t bother Dan as much that he wasn’t recording anymore- he still got enjoyment from Arin’s jokes. What bothered him was the tense atmosphere that never quite left the office. Although everyone was on speaking terms again and working together as normal, a dismal cloud continued to float above everyone’s heads. They didn’t stare at Dan as much anymore. But he was beginning to think that maybe there really was no point in being around. That maybe he was just a hunk of plastic, meant to be ogled at, a strange gimmick.

He was surprised when he stepped out of the recording room into the lunch room one day and found his pair of glasses laying neatly on the edge of the table, unbroken. Dan picked them up, pausing thoughtfully before folding them up and pocketing them. He peered down the hallway. Ross’ office door was open, but the lights within were off. He walked down the hall cautiously and entered it, switching on the light.

Everything was powered down and neatly put away, but Dan noticed one small difference. A dark colored rug had been placed in front of the couch. Dan slowly lifted the corner of the rug. His suspicions were confirmed. Stains. He closed his eyes a moment. When he opened them again, his irises had lit up slightly as his eyes flitted back and forth.

~~~

Arin wondered where Dan had run off to. He wasn’t answering his phone. But before he had time to worry, Arin saw the light at the end of the hallway.

Dan had his jeans and shirt sleeves rolled up, bent down on his hands and knees as he diligently scrubbed the stains on the floor with a new cleaning solution.

Arin knocked lightly on the wall and Dan looked up. They looked at each other a moment. Arin seemed conflicted but decided not to press anything. “Do you…need any help?” he asked.

Dan nodded as he concentrated on his task. “I need something to dry this with.”

Arin turned around. “…There’s a fan in the main office. I’ll grab it.”

~~~

When Arin wasn’t recording for Grumps, he was doing KKG with Suzy or recording a new podcast with Barry. Matt and Ryan quietly did their editing duties. And, true to his plans, Ross started a new drawing show called “Doodle Doods” that he recorded privately in a back room with OneyPlays and various guests. Dan was able to kill some of that time by spending it with Brian most afternoons.

When everyone was too busy to accompany him, Dan decided to take long drives around town. He’d thought about going back into the home studio but it no longer felt comfortable. He cranked up the music in his car and sang along. And for the first time in his life, he enjoyed the packed, stop and go traffic of LA. Irritated horns blared all around him, yet he smiled as he looked over at the city buildings.

 

He was caught in the system…just like everyone else.

~~~

It was a quiet weekend in the Grump Space. Arin had been recently recording several obscure solo, one-off videos while Dan sat at his side, sipping tea. Suzy was out in the main office, editing videos at her desk.

They had taken several breaks but Dan felt especially lethargic today. Arin told him to take a nap, but he declined. It didn’t seem like that type of exhaustion. But five minutes into Arin’s next recording, Dan began to feel nauseated, motion sick from staring at the screen too long. He closed his eyes and felt himself fall into deep sleep.

~~~

 

There was a sound blooming slowly, directly into Dan’s ear. It was a growing, chaotic mixture of blaring static and the screeching of a dial-up tone. When it escalated to the intensity and sound not unlike a freight train, Dan’s head throbbed so badly that he thought it might explode from compression.

Dan felt himself fly upside down, being tugged forcefully upwards by some invisible thing. Suddenly, there was no sound or pain. Dan didn’t know which direction was up, or where he was. But he had one strong desire to wake up from whatever nightmare he had landed in. He began to feel cold.

A different set of beeping began to sound around him. He became aware of his eyes. He tried to open them; they felt glued down, as if extremely heavy weights were pulling on his eyelids. He tried again. A flicker. The harsh trickle of light, stinging him. A sticky, itchy feeling as his eyes widened and fought to focus on a moving, blurry image in front of him.

The picture slowly adjusted. Dan found himself staring into the light eyes of a sandy-haired boy. The boy shouted Dan’s name, wearing a look of complete terror on his face. But as he continued to shout, all sound became muffled to Dan, as if he were underwater.

Dan felt an absolute need to tell the boy that he was okay. But as Dan tried to speak, he realized that he couldn’t locate his mouth. But a jolt of electricity ran down his right arm, startling him. He wiggled his fingers as an intense, burning ache appeared that took hold of his arm up to his shoulder. He wanted to shout in pain…why couldn’t he?

Dan focused on the boy again. There were tears running down his face. He had grabbed Dan’s shaking hand and continued to shout, occasionally looking back at something else.

With all the strength he could muster, through the pin and needle, fiery pain, Dan bent down his middle and ring fingers, thumb across them, pointer and pinky extended. He felt so bad for making the boy upset. But before Dan could form another coherent thought, he closed his eyes again, sensing everything falling away again.

Dan drifted back into space, flying in the direction in which he came. That was all he knew. He didn’t need to know exactly where he was going. He didn’t need anything now. He floated along in the murky place, now completely content. Occasionally, he could hear Arin’s voice from somewhere far away, moving closer to him. Then he was flipped upside down and pulled backwards again before hitting a wall of constricting pain that encompassed his entire skull. Vaguely aware of his form now, he clung tightly to the warm body that was carrying him. He recognized the smell of Arin’s body spray. He whined and breathed heavily, fighting through the pain. “HOLD ON!” Arin was desperately insisting. “HOLD ON, DAN!”

Dan tried to follow the instruction, but the pain was too much to bear. He felt himself slipping again. Into an unknown void. It was nicer there. 

 

Maybe he could stay.

~~~

Audrey was complaining of hunger and it reminded everyone else of their own needs, so Holly had followed Brian to the hospital cafeteria to grab something to bring to Ross.

That left Ross sitting alone in the hospital room, quietly holding the patient’s hand. Brian had tried to make small talk with him earlier but he wasn’t in the mood for talk. There was too much weighing on his mind. Ross gently rubbed the patient’s hand in his, briefly glancing up a the clock.

When Ross looked back at the patient, something peculiar occurred. At first he simply didn’t register it. He just stared at the one lying in the bed.

It took him a moment to realize that two chocolate orbs were staring back at him.

Ross felt himself go numb, immediately followed by fear and confusion. He thought he’d be happy when this moment arrived. And now that it was here, he was terrified. “…Dan! DAN!” Ross stood up and shook his friend. He felt weeks of welled up emotions begin to spill over. “DAAAN!” Ross retook the patient’s hand, beginning to cry. “Are you awake?!” Ross hit the emergency nurse call button several times, too afraid to move as he cried and looked back at the door. “…NURSE! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP, PLEASE!”

 

Ross felt the patient’s arm begin to shake. When he glanced back, he felt those tired eyes looking back at him. Seeing him.

 

Ross looked down at the patient’s hand. It shakily bent down some of its fingers. Ross’ eyes widened. The heart rate monitor began to beep erratically here and there.

 

Ross had looked away for only a moment but when he looked back, the patient’s eyes had closed again. The guilt and fear was too much. Ross shouted, grabbing the patient’s shoulders. “NO! NONONO, COME BACK!” One of the PT nurses rushed into the room, pulling Ross back from the patient. “What is going on?!” she asked. When she heard the heart rate monitor, she immediately went to work, checking pulse, temperature, stats on the computer screen next to the bed.

“He was awake! Something’s wrong! Do something!!” Ross shouted, grabbing his hair as he stepped back.

The nurse gave him a skeptical look. “He was awake?”

“YES! He looked right at me!” Ross screamed in frustration. “Are you gonna help him, or not?!” Two younger nurses stood in the doorway, watching nervously.

The nurse wasn’t nearly as concerned as Ross needed her to be, but she was efficient. She gently tried to wake the patient, but he didn’t stir. And when she lit up the patient’s eyes with a small flashlight, a look of surprise crossed her face.

The patient’s left pupil wasn’t dilating. Suddenly, the heart rate monitor quickened again.

The nurse swore under her breath. She pointed at the two other nurses. “He needs to go upstairs, immediately! Room 611!”

The other nurses eyes widened- they understood what that meant. The two by the door came in and carefully began to wheel the patient’s bed out of the room. The older nurse stood by Ross, speaking quickly into a walkie talkie. “Possible CVA in room 507, requesting Assert Team, moving to 611, that’s a possible CVA, moving to 611, patient Leigh Daniel Avidan.”

Everyone rushed out of the room, Ross following, panic rising in his chest. “What’s wrong?! What’s happening?!” he desperately asked the nurse but she didn’t answer, focusing on the situation.

As they swiftly moved down the hallway, Ross heard a cool female voice page the “Assert Team” over the intercom. Time began to speed up as other doctors and nurses began to join the three around the patient, all babbling at each other now. Not knowing what else to do, Ross frantically dialed Holly’s number and held the phone to his ear as he continued to cry.

~~~

Holly and Brian met Ross in the hallway of the sixth floor, Audrey in Brian’s arms. “What did they say?!” Holly asked in anxious worry. Ross hugged her tight, crying harder. Now everyone was emotional, tears running down their faces. Both Holly and Brian pestered him as they all became anxiety-ridden. “Ross, what did they-“

“HE WAS AWAKE!” Ross shouted, shaking and crying into Holly’s shoulder. “His eyes were open!!”

Holly pulled back and looked Ross in his swollen, red eyes. “…What did they tell you, Ross?!”

“I…they did a CT scan and then immediately took him to the ER! They didn’t fucking tell me anything!” Ross shouted in anger and despair. “…What’s a CVA?!” he asked them both desperately. “What does that stand for?!”

Now Brian was the shocked one. “No…” he whispered. Looking back at them, he clarified. .“It…stands for cerebrovascular accident.” Tears dripped down his face, his voice cracking.

 

“…A stroke.”

~~~

 

Arin was sweating through his clothing as he carried Dan’s unconscious body in his arms and practically ran to the hospital elevators, Suzy helping him.  
Everything had gone from zero to 100 in no time flat. Arin had been recording as usual with Dan beside him when the curly-haired man suddenly collapsed on the floor, an ungodly screeching sound being emitted from somewhere in his chest as his body seized. Arin screamed and fell to his side, Suzy running in to see what was wrong.  
Dan was shaking, his body red and beginning to sweat- like last time. Except that he was drifting deeply in and out of consciousness now. Arin tried to stabilize him, but even as the frightening sound and shaking had faded, a horrible fear struck Arin.

 

They could be losing him.

 

Before anything could fully register within those few, agonizing minutes, Arin’s and Suzy’s phones were suddenly blowing up with calls and texts. Arin picked up Dan, who gave a sad whine, clinging to him. “HOLD ON!” Arin shouted.

Suzy jumped into the driver’s seat of her car as Arin sat in the back, Dan lying across his lap. He had gone unconscious again, his breathing slowing down, his face clammy.

Suzy’s phone was going off- she handed it to Arin as she focused on the road. It was Brian. Arin clicked it and held it to his ear while he tried not to have a panic attack. When the line picked up, he blurted out, “What’s wrong with him?!”

Brian heard the urgency. “Dan was sent to the ER – they’re saying they think he has a blood clot. He may have suffered a stroke. He’s going into surgery now. Ross, Holly and Barry are here, his parents and others are on their way.” Brian relayed the information calmly but Arin heard the pain hiding behind it. “FUCK!” Arin shouted. He looked back down at Dan and desperately shook him. “DAAAN! WAKE UP!”

Dan stirred but only replied with a faint groan. Well, that was something. Arin put the phone back to his ear, speaking fast. “Brian- it’s bad! Is Katie there?!”

“It’s a different surgeon. I heard them say Evans.”

“We’ll go to her then! We’ll be there in a few- keep us updated!” Arin practically shouted into the phone before hanging up.

Brian held the phone to his chest and leaned against the wall, placing a hand across his eyes.

He had told Dan that he wasn’t broken.

Time was unraveling the largest lie of all.

~~~

 

On the way to the basement, Arin and Suzy almost collided with Dr. Jackson as she headed the opposite direction. She was dressed in full ER garb. She stopped and stared at them, gasping at what she saw. Her wide eyes met Arin’s. “A-Arin…”

“Doctor! He needs help, now!” Arin issued to Dan, who was still sweating but mostly quiet, save for his very labored breath.

Katie covered her mouth, eyes watering. “Arin, he’s going into surgery right now-“

“He needs you RIGHT HERE!” Arin shouted. His fear began to mix with urgent anger. “He’s HERE!” Arin shouted, beginning to cry. He shook his head slightly. “Don’t…don’t you DARE tell me that you can’t do anything to help!!”

Katie reevaluated the situation, feeling torn in two directions. But seeing Dan as he was, she turned around, heading back to the lab. “We have to act fast- do exactly what I say, no hesitation!” she barked. She opened the giant, silver door and they rushed inside the lab.

They laid Dan down on one of the long tables with a pillow behind his head while Katie immediately got to work, Suzy helping her pull a tray of tools and various machines out into the main room. While she was hooking him up to an IV, heart rate monitor and other gadgets, she brought out a large tablet and began to type code into it furiously. She called to Arin, pointing at something in the corner that Arin had never seen before. “Grab that helmet-looking thing with the cords by it!” The doctor injected Dan with several multicolored shots while Suzy watched. Katie asked Dan several times if he could hear her- he murmured but it was barely audible. She looked at Suzy. “Are you squeamish?”

“I do taxidermy for fun,” Suzy lightly joked but her face was a mask of worry as she took Dan’s hand.

Arin brought over a white machine that looked like a cross between an 80’s sci-fi mind control device and a glorified bike helmet. Katie pulled Dan’s shirt over his head while Suzy helped. Arin jumped in, getting Dan’s pants off. He was beginning to look better but he still had a slight tremble, his skin still overheated.

Katie placed the strange device on Dan’s head, looking back at Arin and Suzy. “This won’t be pretty. Help me hold him up.” Suzy lifted Dan as Katie connected the cords to the helmet. She took a small scalpel and made an incision at the base of Dan’s neck, above the tattoo. Katie’s worry grew; Dan didn’t show a response to the pain. Blood dripped onto the table as she peeled back the skin to reveal a jack. Katie plugged the cord into Dan’s neck and the device on his head came to life. She bandaged around the cord and started up a new application on her tablet, typing away. When she was satisfied with whatever was happening on the screen, she turned back to Dan. His chest was barely rising, slower than a regular person’s would.

Katie’s eyes flitted across several screens, checking stats. She placed a hand on Dan’s arm, her brow furrowing. “Everything seems to be stabilizing…why won’t you cool down?!” she asked herself, puzzled.

Before Arin could ask what the helmet was for, it beeped and a picture began to print from the side. While that occurred, Katie turned back to Dan, shaking him lightly. “Dan, can you hear me? Dan?!”

No response. Not good. Katie tapped his arms and hands. “DAN!” Now Arin ran over, also trying to wake him, fear flooding his chest.

“His hand is moving on this side!” Suzy exclaimed. Dan’s hand shook in Suzy’s, his fingers curling into a familiar sign. But the rest of his body suddenly went limp as the machines around him began to go off with low, alerting tones. Katie quickly shone light into Dan’s eyes as she continued to call his name, beginning to panic.

One of them didn’t dilate.

The device on Dan’s head finished printing the picture. Katie grabbed the scan and held it to the light. Her eyes widened. She screamed.

 

Half of the image was black.

 

~~~

 

The longer Brian waited in the hallway of the sixth floor, the faster dread filled his heart. Rachel was holding Audrey and chatting with Barry, Ross and Holly in the new waiting area on the other side of the room. They were still waiting for Dan’s parents and the others to get through heavy traffic. Brian wanted to help them, but the anxiety was overwhelming him. He paced back and forth, glancing at the group.

He felt guilt for leaving, but there were pressing matters at hand happening all around them. Brian turned and began to walk towards the elevators.

He was caught off guard when he felt someone grab his arm. Ross had a growing, irritable look on his face. “Where are you going?” he asked. The accusatory tone wasn’t hidden.

“I’m just going to my car.” Brian tossed the excuse behind him as he kept moving.

Ross wouldn’t have that. “Brian.” Brian sighed and turned around as Ross raised his voice. “…You’re really going to leave now? Go party with Arin somewhere?” Ross’ hands were shaking.

Brian kept going. “We don’t have time for this-“

“Dan needs us! And you’re abandoning him!” Ross practically shouted it down the hallway, catching the attention of his friends on the other side of the room.

Brian was at the end of his rope. He marched right up to Ross and stared down at him, speaking lowly and firmly. “Ross, there is something going on here that goes beyond any of us, including Dan. He’s fighting a losing battle on two different fronts, and I’m not going to stand here and fight with you about it while he suffers! I’ll support Dan my way, you do it yours.” Without any real explanation, Brian turned and walked off.

Ross stood there, silently seething as he watched Brian go. Holly came up behind him. “Ross? What’s wrong now?”

Ross took a few deep breaths and looked at her. “…I’m going downstairs to bring them back here.”

Holly sighed. “Babe, it’s not worth it-“

“Dan is worth it!” Ross exclaimed, looking her in the eyes. His began to water. “We are all he has!”

Ross gave her a quick kiss. “I love you. Keep me updated!” He turned and raced down the hallway, hitting the elevator button.

~~~

 

Katie was bent over for a few minutes, trying to keep her lunch down. She had seen plenty of horrors in her career, many more gruesome looking, but nothing topped how she currently felt. Arin ran over to her. The machines continued to make warning sounds. “What’s happening to him, Katie?! Why are you just standing there?!!”

The doctor stood up, a hand over her mouth. Slowly, weakly, she handed the picture to Arin. When he saw it, he stumbled back. “NO!” he cried out, grabbing her shoulders. “WHAT DO WE DO?!” When she didn’t answer, Arin forcefully shook her. “…DOCTOR!”

Katie was quiet for a moment as she calculated, tears falling down her face. There was only one foreseeable option left. She snapped out of it, moving past Arin and taking the large tablet again, typing in new codes. “rs1008297, Safe Mode!” she barked. Suddenly, Dan’s eyes lit up a moment before glossing over, turning a silver color. After typing for a few more minutes, Dan’s heartbeat seemed to even out. The monitor returned to normal, although the tablet was still flashing yellow warnings. Seeing the couple’s scared looks, Katie added “It’s to protect him, it’ll buy us some time. Arin, go grab another helmet and cord from the wall!” Arin nodded and ran off to do so. Katie got up and walked briskly to the back room, motioning to Suzy. “Follow me.” Suzy quickly walked behind her.

They entered a cool storage area. Suzy gasped in awe; there were androids lined up against one another in neat rows. Most all of them were largely unfinished- skinless, or missing crucial parts. All except for-

“Julie.” Katie stepped in front of the young, brunette android. She looked more complete this time around, the only one clad in a blue hospital gown. Katie looked back at Suzy. “Can you grab her legs?”

They carried Julie together back into the main room and set her down on a second table. Katie spoke a command and Julie’s eyes lit up silver, although she remained silent.

Arin set the helmet and cord down and walked over to them. His distress was mounting as he watched Katie hook the helmet up to Julie. His eyes widened as he realized what was happening. He ran over to Katie and grabbed her arm. “NO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!”

Katie was trembling and her voice wavered. “Arin, we have to try-“

“IT COULD KILL HIM!” Arin shouted in complete terror.

“HE’S ALREADY DYING, ARIN!” Katie shouted back. “His brain is half-gone!!”

Everyone was crying, struck with anxiety. “W-what?! What are you going to do?!” Suzy asked.

 

Katie gave her a knowing look. She began to link the two cords together in the middle.

~~~

 

Brian heard some muffled shouting behind the wall before he even got to the lab door. He pounded on it, shouting. “Arin! Suzy!”

A minute later, Suzy answered, her face swollen, eyes panic-stricken. Her expression changed to surprise. “Brian!”

“What’s happening to Dan?!” Brian demanded, his heart beating hard against his chest.

New tears ran down Suzy’s face. She faltered. “Brian…” She grabbed his arm and pulled him inside, the two running back to the main room.

Another set of hands caught the door in time before it closed, slipping inside behind them.

~~~

He had to convince them that they were making a mistake. That enough was enough- and he would be as stubborn as he needed to be to get his point across. At least that’s what Ross thought as he ran into the main lab. But what he witnessed caught him completely off guard.

Brian and Suzy held Dan’s hands, crying as he seized on the table. Arin had his hands over his mouth, face green as he stood next to the female android on the opposite table.

The heart rate monitor, the tablet, everything was chaotically beeping alarms. Katie was shouting in absolute fear, “INITIATE TRANSFER!” The screen in front of her flashed bold red text: COMMAND FAILED. She tapped the screen furiously, her emotions getting the better of her. She tried again and again. “INITIATE TRANSFER, DAMMIT!”

When Suzy raised her head and saw Ross standing there, she ran over and hugged him tight. “Ross!” She pulled away from him, looking into his eyes. “Ross, what’s happening to Dan upstairs?!”

Ross’ expectations were thrown out the window at the bizarre situation. And he felt his anger waver in seeing Suzy’s honest distress. He looked away, his thoughts stumbling. “Ah-…You’d know if you just came back!” he exclaimed.

They were interrupted when the beep of the heart rate monitor went flat.

A disturbingly ghastly groan escaped from Dan’s lips and died away. His chest lifted an inch off the table before falling back as his body seized one more time.

That’s when Ross saw it. Dan’s arm shaking extra hard, holding his fingers down.

 

The “metal” sign.

 

Then Dan’s body went still, the light fading from his eyes.

 

Everyone went silent.

 

 

 

A few minutes passed, everyone too scared to breathe or move. Then Katie glanced down as a green message popped up on the tablet screen.

 

TRANSFER COMPLETE

 

The female android’s helmet lit up; her chest shot a good foot off the table, startling Arin. A moan escaped her lips as she fell back down, her face scrunched up in discomfort.

Arin shook her as Katie and the others walked over. “Dan?! Dan, is that you?!”

The female android blinked, her eyes squinting up at the lights above. She looked over at Arin, her blue eyes struggling to focus on him. “Ah…Arin…” She said in a tired yet cool, gentle voice, frowning at him.

Arin pulled her into a tight hug as relief flooded his entire body.

~~~

 

Dan wanted to scream as he felt himself spinning at an impossible speed, although he had nothing to shout with. In a split second, he felt himself collide with something, hard. Senses began to slowly flood back to him, although they felt…off. He felt more dense…or confined, somehow. There was a light ache, beginning to throb at the base of his neck. He heard a strange moan from somewhere. Sensing his eyelids, he gently opened them.

His head felt foggy, and he was still greatly dizzy. He was barely able to focus on Arin, whose name he spoke aloud. But even as his friend hugged him, he made a face. The heavier pain was over…yet something was still wrong. That wasn’t his voice. But he had heard it before.

When Arin pulled away from him, Dan held onto him, staring in fear; He felt like he could fly away at any moment, and he needed an anchor. Arin returned a look of worry. “Dan, are you okay?! Are you hurting?!” Arin pulled something heavy from his head, and the pain in his neck lessened but was still present.

Dan closed his eyes again as his head swam. Was he okay? He knew that he had fallen down at some point. That his headaches had acted up again. Everything was still spinning. But it gradually began to slow down as he fought to center himself. He didn’t want anyone to worry about it, so he insisted. “I’m okay…I’m…” That voice again. Not his. He scrunched his face up again. “…Who is that?...” He realized now that the voice spoke his words. “…Why…do I sound like…”

It was somewhat difficult to move his body, so Dan carefully sat up. And still, nothing felt right. Refocusing his eyes, he glanced down at himself.

…It dawned on him that certain (what he would normally call “extremely fucking important”) parts of himself were missing. And then there was the smooth curtain of hair on the back of his neck…unfamiliar legs…and two mounds weighing on his covered chest. With a shaking hand, he reached up and touched one of them.

…Yep, those were definitely boobs. He gasped and pulled his hand away- he could feel them. He looked down at his hand. Small, soft. Also not his.

Too much. Dan screamed, scooting back on the table. “Aah! AAAAGGHHH!”

“It’s okay Dan, you’re okay!” Arin said, standing up and placing a hand on Dan’s back to support him. “It’s temporary, I promise!”

Dan blinked a few times, still struggling to adjust. He tried to breathe deeply. He started to panic as reality was sinking in. “H-holy shit...I’m...a- a g-girl…?”

Dan heard a relieved chuckle from his other side. He looked over and met Brian’s wet, warming eyes. Then he finally noticed Katie, Suzy and Ross. Ross just stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. Despite the smiles, everyone’s faces were a mess of total grief.

Dan winced as he felt the sharp pinch in his neck again – something was tugging on him. He reached up and felt the gray cord protruding from his neck. His eyes skimmed across it, followed it to the other table…to the base of the neck…of his body. His own lifeless body, staring back at him with glassy eyes, blood dripping from its nose.

He had seen himself before, but not like this. And too many things were happening at once. Suddenly, Dan’s stomach twisted into a knot. He bent over the side of the table, beginning to dry-heave. Katie rushed to the other side of him, holding him with Arin. “Easy, Dan...breathe…it’s okay…” Dan coughed a few times then sat back up, wiping the spit from his mouth. Katie’s hand moved up his back to his neck, pulling his new, long hair aside. “Here, let’s get this off you...” Katie pulled out a roll of bandage and carefully unplugged the cords from Dan and patched him up, wrapping the bandage around his neck gently and releasing his hair.

Dan started to realize where he was. The situation had to be bad. Nevermind his body a moment; the quiet in the room was intense. Dan touched some of the hair that fell on his shoulder. He looked up at Katie with unease. “Doctor…what the hell is going on?! What happened to me?!”

Katie bent down so she was eye level with him. “Your…brain failed.” A complete understatement. She rubbed his back, her voice sympathetic. “…You’re in Julie right now.”

“…Julie…” Dan gulped and looked back at Arin for confirmation. He gave a sad smile, standing back from the table. Arin spoke. “Yeah, dude. We…transferred you over to her.”

Dan’s eyes were huge as he looked back at Katie. “You transferred me to another body?!” No fucking way. That was just impossible.

But Katie gave a small smile as looked at Dan with a new awe, her voice incredulous. “…Yeah, we actually did.” Then her face fell to a serious expression. “…I’m going to fix your android body tonight, Dan. I promise. And then we can transfer you back…okay?”

Dan could sense the total uncertainty pervading the air. There was much more to it than that. Questions were swirling all over the place in Dan’s head. “H-how did you move me in the first place?! And what about…” he turned to Arin, the fear rising again. “…What about my real body?”

Arin gave him a somber look. “You…have a blood clot. You’re in surgery right now to get it out.”

Dan turned back to Katie, quieting down. “But, you said the scans were…”

“The clot is tiny. It wasn’t attaching to the pia mater of your brain, so the scans didn’t detect it until…” Katie looked down, feeling ashamed. “…I’m sorry.” She looked back up. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

"I was with Arin in the office while he was recording...and then..." Dan's eyes widened as it came back to him. He looked over at his Australian friend. "...Ross!!"

The two stared at each other for a moment. Dan felt his new eyes begin to water. He looked down at his hand- the fingers were still bent. Slowly, he lifted his hand and for the last time, displayed the "metal" sign to Ross. They stared at each other again. Ross blew out a breath and looked away. Dan couldn't read his expression.

Brian couldn't wait any longer- he embraced Dan tightly, who awkwardly returned the hug, beginning to calm down. Brian grinned at him. "So? How does it feel to be a young, new woman?"

Dan gave a sweet giggle- something that had transferred with him. "You can add that to the growing list of 'things I never fucking thought I'd be asked,'" he said nervously. He blinked a few times, still adjusting. Arin and Suzy laughed, then Suzy gave him a hug. "You're such a cutie!" she said teasingly.

"And believe me, we know our cuties," Arin chimed in. They laughed again while Dan blushed in embarrassment.

Brian looked at Katie. "What do we need to do now?" he asked determinedly, his eyes wandering back to Dan's lifeless body.

Katie returned a dutiful look. "Okay, so I need some manpower to move all the 3D printers together so I can link them. Once I get those going, Brian, I want you to assist me with restoring Dan's body." Katie didn't fully elaborate- she didn't want to scare Dan. She turned and headed towards the printing room in the corner. Arin and Brian quickly followed behind her.

Dan sat up on the table, kicking his legs and getting a feel of the shorter, foreign body. Suzy looked at Ross, who hadn't yet moved. Suzy wasn't sure what to say to him. "...Ross? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Ross replied faintly, turning away. He rubbed his head. "...I'm gonna go back upstairs to be with Holly and the others. I'll...let you know if anything happens with Dan." Without another word, Ross walked back to the exit.

"Ah...okay..." Suzy replied, watching him go. She glanced back at Dan, both of them wearing worried looks.

~~~

Ross stopped in a bathroom one floor above the lab. He dialed Holly's number and waited.

"...Babe? It's been a long time, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's okay," Ross replied. "Everyone is just...hanging out in the basement."

Holly sounded uncertain. "Ah, okay...are you coming back up?"

"Not yet, sorry...how is he?"

"We don't know yet...I mean, this kind of surgery can take two to four hours at least. His family is here." Ross remained silent. Holly continued. "You know, Ross...Dan will always know that you love him. No matter where you are."

"Holly..." Ross closed his eyes. "I...I w..." He thought of saying something then decided against it. "...I love you."

"I love you too."

They said their goodbyes and Ross hung up the phone. He let his body slide to the tile floor, tucking his head between his folded arms.

~~~

The men helped Katie link up the 3D printers. They were all supplying power to a single printer that Katie had pulled from the back. She matched it with Dan's original brain scan and it began printing a new brain, the needle moving several times faster than usual as it began to piece plastic together. Brian got dressed in operation attire and waited for Katie in the main room. The duo unhooked Dan's lifeless form and carried it with the machinery to the back OR while Suzy and Arin waited with Dan.

Katie ran what she could of Dan's system in safe mode and hooked him up while Brian patiently watched. She immediately got to work by cutting open his skull. What she saw made her curse aloud.

Half of Dan's artificial brain had completely melted- it slid out of his head to the floor in a grotesque, burnt puddle. "Jesus fucking Christ!" Brian shouted, looking at the doctor in horror. "You can really fix this?!"

"Well, w-we have to try, don't we?!" Katie said apprehensively. She pulled the rest of the brain out and set it on a table next to her, then brought forward another tool to rinse out the skull interior. "I'm going to need you to help me with his programming if you can, while I check his hardware." Katie moved on, drilling a hole and attaching a drainage tube into his side that began to fill with blood. Brian spoke up. "Doctor...Dan was in his real body. Ross said his eyes had opened. It might've only been a moment, but he was there."

Katie looked at Brian unwaveringly. "Good. Then as long as everything goes well here and upstairs, then we know there's a chance. We...we can do this." Brian nodded as the doctor took a scalpel, carefully slicing open the chest cavity.

~~~

Dan tried to be inconspicuous but it was pretty apparent what he was doing as he slowly slid his hand down to the place between his legs. Suzy smirked and he pulled it away, face flushing. Arin lightly chuckled. "Hey, don't let us stop you. I'd be doing the same thing if I was in your boat."

Suzy rolled her eyes. Dan groaned. "Guys...this is…so fucking weird. Even by our standards."

"We have standards?" Suzy asked.

Dan sighed and stood up off the table, taking a few tentative steps forward. He wobbled like a fish trying to walk on legs. Arin followed alongside him to make sure he wouldn't fall. Dan's eyes widened as he looked up at Arin. "Whoah."

Arin blinked, concerned. "What, what is it?"

"You're...taller than me. This is so bizarre."

Arin couldn't help but laugh. "That's what's getting you?" But he frowned when he saw the look of fret on Dan's gentle, feminine face. 

"Arin...look around. It doesn't even fucking matter what body I'm in. Everyone is still getting hurt because of me. I know that things are way worse than what you've told me. What if I'm stuck this way?" Dan's bright blue eyes glistened with new tears. Fear was filling himself to the brim. 

What if he could never be Dan Avidan again? What if he was stuck in some loop of continuous transfers from metal to plastic, never to return to something real? What if his real body died, his true life ending with it?

...What did it mean to be alive anymore?

Arin pulled Dan into a hug. It felt a little off having another female body other than Suzy so close, but Arin held Dan tenderly against him.

And for once, he 100% believed in what he was about to say. He lifted Dan's chin. "Dan...we are all fucking scared. But listen to me. You've never, ever been a burden. And Katie is gonna fix you. We're all in this with you." Arin closed his eyes a moment then looked down at Dan with a somber smile. "Every time...I just can't tell you how fucking glad I am that you're still here." There was one other thing still bothering Arin. He gave Dan a concerned look. "So...are your memories still okay?"

Dan just looked up at Arin for a moment, then returned a sweet smile. He brought a small hand upwards to brush Arin's lip lightly with his fingers. "...You missed a spot, Big Cat."

Arin gave a light laugh, hugging Dan tighter. He couldn't hide the pink in his cheeks now.

Suzy walked over. "And even if you did get stuck, being a girl wouldn't be so bad. Especially a bionic woman."

Arin pulled away from Dan. "He'd still have all of the problems he's facing now. His career, for one thing..."

Suzy shrugged. "Maybe Julie can sing?" she offered in an attempt to cheer Dan up.

But his expression saddened. "Julie..." He put a hand on his chest. "I hope I didn't erase her..."

Arin raised an eyebrow. "You're worried about the robot? She's probably backed up on two or three other systems."

"She was nice to me..." Dan murmured, partially to himself. His thoughts began to wander as he walked around. Then he looked at Arin intently. "Ar...I was in my body. M-my real one."

Arin realized Dan was serious. He walked up to him again. "...Really?" So he had seen Ross. Arin's eyes glistened again, with hope. "...How did it feel?"

Dan looked down at Julie's feet. "I...couldn't really feel much of anything. I mean, my arm felt like it was on fire...but I don't think it was like, supposed to be that way...but I dunno..." Dan sighed, his head swimming with frightening questions again. "Arin, what if I can only go back when something is wrong with me?!"

A voice called from across the room. "Anything is possible, Mr. Avidan." Katie crossed the room over to them. "I didn't used to believe that. But I'm starting to, because of you." She tossed some bloody gloves into a trashcan and walked over to Dan. "Regardless, it's almost never worth focusing on 'what ifs' of any situation."

Dan didn't reply, still stirring pensively. Katie passed them, walking into the printer room. When she came back out, she was holding a cubical glass case in arms. There was a pristine, newly printed brain within it. Everyone stared at her as she walked back over to Dan, wearing a tired smile. "...Instead, you should focus on what you can do. Here and now."

Dan looked back at her, feeling overwhelmed again. Tears dripped down his girlish face. He asked the doctor the question that had been plaguing him for weeks. "So...what am I supposed to do now?" What could he even do?

Katie looked at him sincerely. "You're supposed to be. To be yourself and keep your friends company." Even she knew that the answer was not going to suffice. But a look of deep and total awe crossed Katie's eyes as she looked into Dan's borrowed ones. Holding the case in one hand, she reached out and cupped his cheek. "Dan...have you even thought about what the implications of your existence are now?" Katie held up the glass case. "Most people live their entire lives in just one of these. You've surpassed that, twice now. You've gone way beyond the physical." Katie lowered herself to eye level again. Her voice was almost a whisper. "Dan...you are proof of the human soul. A taste of cosmic consciousness. You're incredible." 

Dan looked down, the realization dawning on him, finally. Katie placed a kiss on his head and walked away. "I'll fix you up, and then you can decide what to do. For now, try to take it easy." She disappeared into the back room.

Dan didn't feel any less confused. He looked down at his soft hand. The truth didn't make him feel enlightened, or comforted, while being stuck within another form that wasn't his. He closed Julie's eyes. 

.~...Why me?~

~~~

 

In an amazing stroke of luck, Katie and Brian discovered that Dan’s computer had not fried. However, several of his applications had oddly been removed or otherwise weren’t working, so system updates had to be reapplied. Brian worked on those at the tablet and watched as Katie carefully injected the new model brain with a clear gel from a large metallic syringe. She then put on a wearable magnifier and began to carefully connect the brain to the spinal cord, gluing it with the usual blue gel. Brian’s eyes wandered over to Dan’s open chest. He let out a breath. “You’ve…created something truly incredible here, doctor….Have you spoken with other members of the company about the possible medical applications of this type of work?”

“Oh, of course, there are meetings on it all the time. There are entire teams that calculate those costs and benefits…but I only hear what they decide to tell me nowadays.” Katie’s voice dropped as she began to set a new brain covering. Brian could sense that it was a touchy subject, so he didn’t press. He looked over at her and felt his own guilt rise. “…You are a perfectly capable doctor and engineer…and I’m-“

Katie cut him off. “Don’t worry about it, Dr. Wecht. I forgive you.” She winked at him and he smiled at the given title.

Katie made sure Dan’s new brain was secured, then gave Brian a serious look. “Ok, this is the tricky part. First, I need to activate the brain…that might be harder to do since it’s untouched. Then we sync it up with Dan’s body, which may take some time and might encounter errors while his system is updating.” Katie pulled a new machine from a corner that looked somewhat like a smaller, rounded and more high tech, door-less microwave. Seeing Brian’s dubious look, she added, “Don’t worry, we aren’t cooking him. We’re just waking up the neural networks.”

“If you say so.”

Katie slipped the odd new contraption over Dan’s open skull and switched it on, grabbing his fine from the counter. She pulled a thick, black blanket from a drawer and draped it over the device and Dan’s face.

~~~

 

Sometime later in the main lab, Dan, Arin and Suzy were making light conversation about movies to try and calm their jittery nerves, as they awaited any news.

While Dan was replying to Arin, he stopped mid-sentence. When Arin looked over, there was a look of bewilderment on his friend’s face as he clutched his chest. Arin’s face fell. “Dan, are you-“

A sudden burst of electricity jolted Dan; his vision flashed white and he stumbled. Suzy ran over as Arin grabbed him by his tiny waist to steady him. “Dan! What’s wrong?!”

Dan opened his mouth to answer when he was hit with another jolt. And another. And another. He gasped in pain and surprise as he began to feel a tugging sensation from the back of his neck with each jolt. Now frightened that he might somehow disappear, he held on tight to Arin’s arm as the shocks exponentially increased in frequency.

Arin was on high alert- he reluctantly passed Dan to Suzy and dashed to the back OR. “KATIE!”

Katie had sealed up Dan’s chest and was about to get a blood transfusion started when Arin burst through the door. “DAN NEEDS HELP!”

Katie and Brian’s eyes widened. “What’s happening?!” She asked as Brian set down the tablet.

Arin looked at the table- he saw the flashing light beneath the black cloth. And somehow, miraculously, he put two and two together. He pointed at the cloth. “IT’S THAT! IT’S HURTING HIM!” Arin ran into the room, ready to yank the cloth away.

Katie grabbed his arm just in time. “NO! You can’t touch that- it’s not done syncing up!”

Arin stared at her incredulously. “ARE YOU LISTENING?! DAN IS-“

Brian had already long rushed out the door. And from the other side of the wall, a high pitched scream erupted from Julie’s lips that chilled Arin and Katie to the bone. They ran out into the main room in a frenzy.

~~~

 

Dan knew that Julie’s CPU was going. His thoughts began to skip and twist, codes flashing in front of his vision. The most intensely hot pain he had ever felt lit up his chest and flowed downwards. Melting his insides. His head felt like it was being torn three different directions.

And as the scream erupted from him, he instantly remembered a dream from weeks ago that had long slipped his mind. One tiger chasing from behind, another waiting for him below…

The sweet taste of a ripe strawberry as crimson flowed down from his open mouth.

 

~~~

 

Ross wasn’t sure how much time had passed while he was in the bathroom but it felt like at least an hour. Feeling totally exhausted, he slowly lifted himself off the floor. He didn’t think too much as he stepped out, down the hall, to the elevator, going down.

He knocked on the giant silver door and waited. No answer. He tried again. A few minutes passed. Then, slowly, Suzy pulled open the door. Her eyes lit up when she saw him but darkened again when she read his expression. She was different- much wearier than before. Despite Ross’ greeting, she said absolutely nothing as she held the door open for him. Ross looked at her then cautiously walked inside.

 

The desolation was almost physically palpable in the air as Ross entered the main lab. Nobody was speaking. Arin and Brian were sitting at one of the tables. They were zoning out, staring at the floor, tears flowing down silently.

 

Blood was smeared on the white tile. In the center of the room, Katie was crumpled on the floor, softly crying. She held onto the still body of the female android. Julie’s head was tilted back; icy eyes stared back at Ross as blood dripped from them, down her nose, her lips, pooling onto the cold floor. Her torso looked misshapen beneath the thin gown. A shattered tablet lay a few feet away from them on the floor.

 

Ross felt dread rising inside him. It was like walking into another world.

 

Brian seemed to be the only one waking up. He looked up and upon seeing Ross, he walked over, ignoring the horrible mess. There was a glint of hope in his eyes as he approached but his voice was almost gone. “Ross…is Dan…?”

Ross looked up at him, feeling his own emotions resurfacing. “…He’s still in surgery,” he replied quietly.

 

…And that was great news, wasn’t it?

 

So why was everyone acting so dismal?

 

…Why was the same trepidation swiftly unfurling in Ross’ own heart?

 

“…I’ll come upstairs with you,” Brian whispered, beginning to walk towards the exit.

But Ross didn’t follow him. His eyes were fixated on the female android. He couldn’t move.

 

 

There was a loud, abrupt clatter from across the room that snapped everyone out of their stupor. After a moment, the OR room awkwardly opened and a tall, lanky spirit with a scar down his chest drifted out, collapsing against the wall. He was deathly pallid, a black blanket adorning his head. As he fought to focus on any one of them, he looked straight out at Ross.

 

…And there it was. Those warm, brown eyes. Truth.

 

The truth washed over Ross like a tidal wave.

 

Bluing lips curved into a sad smile. Dan’s voice was faint, chalky as he shivered. “Is…t-this f-f-fever dream over yet?”

 

Ross somehow reacted faster than anyone else could. He dashed as fast as possible, slipping slightly on the wet floor. He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Hyperventilating, heart racing, he crashed into Dan and hugged him as tight as he possibly could. His body began to shake, tears pouring down his face and shirt as he bawled.

 

Dan just smiled down at him drowsily as the others quickly ran over to join them. “…H-hey, Ross.”

~~~

 

It was apparent that Dan wouldn’t be able to return home yet as Katie continued to take care of him and finish his updates in the back room, fully determined to monitor him all night long. The others were downtrodden that they couldn’t stay with him and keep him company. Keep him safe. But when Brian re-entered the lab sometime later, he looked greatly relieved when he spoke to Arin, Suzy and Ross. “…A thrombectomy and decompressive craniotomy. The surgery went well. Dan's vision in both eyes came back. There was just one small blockage hiding between the back of the occipital and temporal lobes on his bad side.”

Arin urgently walked over to him. “And what about the rest of him?”

Brian shrugged. “It’s too early to say. But…” he gave a small smile. “…the extra fluid is finally gone, hopefully for good.”

Arin and Suzy gave each other a hopeful look. “That’s good, right? He’s getting better?” Arin asked.

“Like I said, too early to say. But they also went ahead and placed the second stem cell graft while he was open. So hopefully, his brain activity will increase over the next few weeks. A nurse will be in the room almost 24/7 to watch him now.” Brian let out a long sigh. “…We made it through another day.” He glanced at a clock- a little after 9. “…As badly as I want to stay down here with Dan too, we should go really upstairs. There are people that care about us, wondering what the hell we’re doing down here.”

“What are we going to tell them all?” Suzy asked aloud. They were all wondering the same thing.

Brian shrugged again. “Well, we should definitely apologize, but I would just say that we were supporting each other. Being together. That it was just too hard for the few of us to be upstairs tonight.” He let out a small chuckle. “I mean, is that even a lie? Look at us all. We’re all exhausted at this point.”

Everyone nodded. It was true- they all were so emotionally spent that they felt like they hadn’t slept in three days. But a lot had happened in a few hours. Ross finally spoke up, his voice shaky. “S-so…is Dan going to be okay now? O-or…”

Everyone looked over at him with mild surprise. Arin put a hand on his shoulder. “For now, sure. Katie will take care of him. She has been this whole time. She’d tell us right away if something happened.” But great worry crossed Arin’s face that he couldn’t hide. He didn’t feel okay at all leaving Dan down here either, but they had their own lives to check in with first. They just couldn’t leave everyone upstairs hanging. And they all needed rest too.

But Dan was right- everything in life was temporary.

How long could any of this truly last?

Ross nodded at Arin as he thought deeply. He was acting a lot gentler than usual as he spoke softly. “So…whenever there’s a change to Dan upstairs…it, like…affects his android body?” He awkwardly asked them all, confusion crossing his face.

“We don’t know, but we have reason to at least suspect that now.” Brian said. He looked down sadly. “This night…Mr. and Mrs. Avidan…all they know is that he'd opened his eyes…”

Arin looked up with new determination on his face. “Well, that’s why we’re going to help him. Dan needs all of us if he’s ever going to get his family and life back. He needs help as soon as possible.” He looked back at Ross. “Ross, you think you can get Holly on board with this?”

Ross laughed. “Jesus- you’re kidding, right?” He didn’t even know where to start. It was all still sinking in for him, after all. 

Brian folded his arms. “…We should have a meeting at the Grump office. Tomorrow. I’ll bring the CDs. Then we can decide together what we can all do to help, if we’re all on board.”

Ross raised an eyebrow. “What CDs? What are you talking about?”

Arin gave him a guilty look. “…Brian has some recorded evidence that might help convince the others about Dan.”

“Assuming that our wives don’t kill us tonight first,” Brian added, gently smiling at Ross. But Ross couldn’t return it. He looked away, covering his face with his palm. Ashamed. “Jesus…I can’t believe this. This is real. And I…was an asshole….I hurt him so fucking much. And he just cleaned it all up, like it was nothing…and I can’t even apologize now…” Ross' face scrunched up in self disgust.

“Ross, remember what I said last week?” Arin gave him a small reassuring smile. “Dan knows you, dude. He’s cared about you this whole time.”

“Which is why this all fucking sucks!” Ross loudly exclaimed. He sighed, feeling angry at himself. “He was all upset that he’d let us all down somehow, and I let him down! Even worse!”

“It’s not a contest, Ross. Look, let’s just go check in upstairs, then home and get some rest,” Arin tiredly replied. “We can all talk to Dan tomorrow when he’s up. I know this sucks. It feels completely wrong to leave. But we just gotta help him now. He’s done enough for us.”

“For now, that means being with his family. And our own,” Brian added. 

“We just have to have faith that he’ll be okay tonight. Or else we’ll all completely burn out,” Suzy said. “He’s held on this long. We have to too.”

“And Dr. Jackson will continue to take good care of him,” Brian said, confidently believing it to be true.

Everyone nodded as they tried to support each other. But each of their eyes drifted back over to the remains of the female android on the floor. Back to the OR door. What had occurred that evening was going to be a lot for them all to process, especially Dan. And none of them could cover up the fear that he could be gone at any given moment. Yet, hadn’t that always been the case?

The utter lack of knowing the future had everyone on edge. But before they all walked out of the lab together, they stopped by the back room. They all hugged Dan and said their reluctant goodnights as he slept now peacefully on the OR table, Katie managing his apps on her tablet and running a blood transfusion. After assuring them that she didn’t need any more assistance, she smiled exhaustedly and offered them comforting words. “He’s going to be okay.”

As the crew finally stepped into the elevator to rejoin the world above, Ross closed his eyes and thought about what Holly had said to him on the phone.

 

“Dan will always know that you love him, no matter where you are.”

 

Ross wiped away a tear and glanced at the others pensively.

 

~We love you, dude. No matter where the hell you are.

 

We’ll find a way to save your life.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was an ok update! Thanks so much for reading and following!


	23. Glass Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Man, life has been sooo busy! And things always take longer than you think they will. I hope this section is alright... Feel free to praise or criticize in the comments. I really appreciate the continued support!
> 
> *There's one possible, tiny Cowboy Bebop spoiler. Btw, You should go watch that if you haven't already.
> 
> Thank you!

Dan was able to sleep for a few hours before Katie woke him but when he looked at her, he saw the puffy shadows beneath her eyes. As he sat up and groggily came back to his senses, she offered him some water but kept him on the table. He was still attached to various machines monitoring him. His mind was heavy with enough worries to distract him while she closely watched the tablet screen, although his concern for her mounted as her movements gradually became sluggish.  
   
His system clock told him that it was a little before three in the morning. Katie had been working for hours to run all his updates. Double checking, triple, quadruple. A stack of newly printed scans were laid out next to him on the counter. He knew that she was used to the late night grind, but the events of the evening had taken a hard toll on everyone. Her eyes continuously scanned the screen, flicking between several windows. Everything was flowing  so smoothly now. But-  
   
~I had to have missed something.~  
   
~Oh God, what if I missed something?~  
   
Dan could see the fear in her eyes. He felt compelled to make her smile. “So…” he said softly, gesturing in a circle around his crotch. “All the external hardware looks good too, right? I mean, it’s in the right place?”  
   
Katie chuckled and gave a small smile, although Dan sensed it was a little forced. “Yes Dan, you’re still the same goofball of a man as before.” Some of her words were slurring together. Katie glanced out the open OR door to the main floor. The remains of Julie were still in a sprawled out mess on the floor. Katie sighed. “I should clean that up-“ As she moved, her elbow bumped her third cup of coffee, spilling it across the tablet and several papers. “Ah! Shit!” She frantically snatched the papers but they were already soaked. “Goddammit!”  
   
Dan reached out and placed his hand on her arm, giving her a smile. “Doctor, it’s okay. You’ve done everything you can. I feel fine. Please, get some sleep.”  
   
Katie shook her head, wiping off the tablet with a cloth from a drawer. “Doctors don’t really sleep, Dan. Two more hours.”  
   
“You’re more than a doctor,” Dan pressed, moving forwards slowly on the table. He looked into her eyes, his wearing soft sincerity. “You saved my life. That deserves rest.” Before she could reply, Dan moved his hand down to hers, taking it gently into his. His expression changed to something warmer. “I’ll even…stay with you tonight. If you want,” he added, watching her intently.  
   
Katie frowned slightly. “Dan…I don’t want to…”  
   
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Dan said hastily, clearing his throat. “Uh, I can sleep on the couch or whatever. And nobody has to know I was even there. I mean…it’s just…” He looked down, feeling stupid now. “It’s really late, and…I want you to feel safe too.”  
   
Katie was quiet a moment as she threw the wet papers away. When she looked back at him, she tiredly grinned. “You fuckin’ smooth-talker.”  
   
Dan grinned. “Oh yeah.” He cringed at his own words.  
   
Katie chuckled again. “Okay, you win. You can see my place. But I gotta clean up here first.”  
   
Dan sat at the edge of the table, pulling the sticky electrodes from his forehead. “I’ll help you.”  
   
Katie smiled to herself as she shut the computers down and put equipment away. ~I know you will.~  
   
~~~  
   
Dan was surprised to learn that Katie lived on the first floor of an apartment complex not too far from the recording studio. He was even more surprised when she unlocked the door and he saw the humble size of the interior. It was only a one bedroom, one bath, decorated in a simple, modern style. Or rather, it was hardly decorated at all, save for the entertainment system and a large bookshelf in the living room, as well as the expensive-looking coffee maker in the little kitchen. Everything looked almost untouched. Dan noticed the lack of family pictures anywhere.  The walls were adorned with department store paintings of flowers. “It’s nice,” he said politely, looking around.  
   
“You sound almost let down,” Katie said, leading him down a hallway to the bedroom. He cautiously followed behind her. 

“Nono, nothing like that. I just thought…with how big the lab is and everything…” Dan suddenly felt  foolish again.  
   
Katie shrugged off her lab coat, walking across the room to set it on her dresser. The bedroom was much like the living room…except that there were piles of mail, laundry and books strewn about in a few places. Her face flushed with embarrassment as she switched on the lights, but she put on a smile. “Well, as you can see, I like to live in luxury. Sorry, I don't usually expect guests…” She picked up some of the items on the floor and shoved them away in the dresser. “Ryan and I thought about buying a house once, but we were hardly going to be inside it anyway…” Katie’s voice trailed off as she turned on the lights of her adjoining bathroom and walked inside.  
   
Dan was mentally kicking himself now. He really shouldn’t be here- not with this woman. His doctor and savior, a person who was still mourning her own loss, despite all that had occurred.  
   
Dan wasn’t completely stupid. He remembered the brief chat he’d had with “Ryan Smith” so many months ago. The man whose name Dan had caught a couple times, hidden deep within his own coding. Dan had figured out where his main computer and most of his parts had come from. He couldn’t imagine how hard it would have been to disassemble the one you love, just for someone else’s self-promotion.  
   
And now that same person was smiling sleepily at him, wearing a baggy tee and pajama pants. Dan couldn’t help but blush as he briefly admired her long, blonde hair. She handed him a new toothbrush. “You figure out where you’re gonna sleep?” She asked, sticking her own toothbrush in her mouth.  
   
Dan took the toothbrush and nodded slowly. “…The couch is good. Thanks for havin’ me.” He knew he sounded stiff and he didn’t know what else to say- his usual jokes had escaped him. But he gave her a small smile as he began to brush his teeth.  
   
Katie nodded back. She seemed a little disappointed but shrugged it off. After a couple minutes, they both rinsed in the sink. Dan tried not to glance too much at the lingerie he saw hanging about in the bathroom.  
   
Afterwards, Katie pulled blankets and pillows from the hall closet and walked back to the living room. “I’ll make you a nice, cozy setup.” Dan watched as she carefully made a bed on the couch, even tucking in the blankets for him. “I also have some old pajamas that might fit if you don’t feel like sleeping in jeans. Or you can just sleep in boxers- it doesn’t matter to me…Oh, I’ll leave the bedroom door open too…so you can pee, or use the…shower…” Katie’s eyelids fluttered as she stumbled a little, standing back up.  
   
Dan took her arm to steady her.  “Alright, it’s way past your bedtime, young lady. Come on…” Katie giggled lightly as Dan let her back to her own bed. She was out like a light as soon as her head hit the pillow. Dan smiled and pulled her blankets over her. Then he sat down at the edge of the bed. His dark eyes turned somber and serene as he watched her for a moment. Then Dan closed his own eyes and allowed the beginning of a soft melody to leave his lips.  
   
[ Numi, numi, yaldati,  
Numi, numi nim.  
Numi, numi, k’tanati,  
Numi, numi nim. ]  
   
Dan opened his eyes and gave Katie a gentle kiss on her forehead. He stood up, letting his eyes wander to the empty side of the bed. He looked at the floor as he turned out the lights and walked back to the living room to retire.  
   
~~~  
   
After spending some time staring at the ceiling, at some point, Dan had fallen asleep without noticing. When he awoke, rays of early light were filtering through the closed blinds as birds chirped outside.  
   
Another sound had awoken him- a trickling that came from the kitchen. He stood up, feeling a little dizzy. He could smell the strong coffee brewing. He flicked on the kitchen light and discovered a small waterfall of dark liquid dripping down the counter to the floor. ~Fuck, what..?” Dan quickly unplugged the coffee maker. It kept flowing. “Shit-“ Dan pulled open an overhead cabinet and grabbed a tall glass to catch the remainder of the falling liquid. He grabbed the roll of paper towels from the opposite counter and began to lay sheets down to soak up the growing lake.  
   
~She is a genius at spilling her coffee,~ Dan thought absently as he walked down the hallway to grab Katie and let her know that she’d forgotten to use a coffee pot.  
   
But when he looked into the bedroom, she was still buried underneath her bed sheets, snoring softly. He furrowed his brow and slowly returned to the kitchen, not wanting to disturb her. ~…Okay? Stupid machine…~  
   
When Dan took a step into the kitchen, he suddenly felt a strong sensation of vertigo. He stumbled and held onto the left counter as his head began to spin. Which was a good thing; as he glanced at the coffee machine on the other side, he saw that the electric stove was on, all burners glowing bright red.  
   
Dan tumbled out of the kitchen and leaned against the wall, panting. Instead of feeling pressure in his head, he felt the opposite; his mind was airy, away from him...he couldn’t think straight.  
   
In the kitchen, the microwave, a small food processor, and the toaster oven all came to life.  
   
Dan began to lightly sweat and looked above as the lights flickered. As his glazed eyes swam over to the TV, it turned on. It began to display fuzzy, fishbowl images.  
   
Dan’s eyes widened as he realized exactly what was being shown to him on the screen. ~What? H…H-how?!~ His eyes began to water. He squeezed them shut, his head spinning faster and faster. “STOP!” he shouted, feeling completely overwhelmed.  
   
As if on command, all of the appliances stopped and the lights went out. The TV remained on but displayed a screen of slight static. And Dan felt centered again.  
   
He collapsed back onto the couch, a little winded as he wiped his brow. As clarity returned, his panting turned into quiet crying as he sat there with his face in his hands. His messy mop of hair was silhouetted against the brightening light coming from the blinded window.  
   
~…What is happening to me?~  
   
~~~  
   
The noise had somehow only been enough to roll Katie over onto her other side. Dan managed to clean the counter and floor without further incident. Silently, he shut off the TV and neatly folded the blankets on the couch. After checking that all the appliances were off or unplugged, he stood in the doorway of the bedroom and took another look at her.  
   
She was peaceful, sprawled out across the middle of the bed. Dan gave her a sad smile. “Thank you, doctor,” he murmured. ~I’m sorry.~  
   
Dan didn’t have anything except the clothing on his back as he quietly left the apartment building. He began to walk down the sidewalk, partially dazed as he looked ahead. He thought about the old words Arin had told him at Wendy’s.  
   
“Just get in your car…and drive away.”  
   
Dan didn’t have his car with him now, but he had one particular destination in mind. He picked up his feet and began to run, tears falling to the concrete beneath  him.  
   
[ …Why must I walk this road all alone?  
   
Is this how I…turn my soul into stone? ]  
   
~

Most all of the Grumps team met early in the office the following morning, all sitting around a table in the middle of the open, main work room. Arin hadn't yet addressed what kind of a meeting it would be; He wanted to make sure everyone had bothered to show up first. As everyone sat down casually, most of them looking at their phones and expecting a somewhat usual work day to begin, Arin shot a nervous glance at Brian. Brian nodded, his face a stony mask. Suzy squeezed Arin's hand underneath the table. Ross chatted lightly with Holly, not letting on that anything was different.  
   
After everyone was situated, Arin cleared his throat. The team looked up at him. He blew out a breath. ~Well, here goes nothing...~ He looked at them all seriously, speaking lowly. “Thanks for waking up early for this, everyone. I know it's not our usual afternoon meeting but I thought it'd be good to start with this before we all split. Uh, so...” Arin looked at the table, one of his legs beneath it anxiously jumping. “So...I know that we should've gone over this much sooner...but I wanted to hold a meeting where we could go over a few important things...about Dan's current situation.” Arin looked at everyone's expressions; now they were all listening intently, eyes on him. He continued. “It's obviously been impacting each of us personally, and I want you guys to feel like you have the emotional support that you need, inside and outside of work. So I thought we could all sit together and talk about whatever we feel we need to say. And if you're worried about being judged or would prefer not to talk in front of everyone, you can meet with me in private instead. As the corporate world likes to call it, I'm giving you an “open door” policy,” he explained.  
   
Arin summarized the events of yesterday's surgery and Dan's current health. He also went over how he knew that the lack of current videos was negatively affecting the channel and that he was working on sorting out a more efficient video schedule that wasn't yet finalized. “So, that's where we are at now. I'll leave the floor open now for you guys to talk about whatever you need to. Does anyone wanna start us off?” Holly glanced expectantly at Ross, who kept his expression controlled. But it was Barry who spoke up first.  
   
Barry cleared his throat, staring at the table. “Man...I really miss him. I'm really scared for him. I want him to get better but I don't want him to be a vegetable when he wakes up. Whatever happens, I just want him to...you know...be himself again.” Barry's voice got low at the end and he cut himself off.  
   
Arin gave him a second to continue, then nodded. “Thank you, Barry.”  
   
   
Matt spoke up next, fiddling with his hands on the table. “So, like...I miss Dan too and I'm worried about him. But, like...I feel bad, but I don't think it's affected my work much. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, I just mean that, like...  
   
Ryan cut in “That we should keep working, 'cuz it's the best thing we can do right now for the situation?”  
   
“Sorta yeah, like, I'm not saying not to be sad or not to see Dan, but...we just have to keep on living too, you know?” Matt glanced anxiously at Arin, like he had overstepped some boundary or something.  
   
Arin just nodded. “That's fair, we have to keep taking care of ourselves too. Thanks Matt.”  
   
Holly's eyes kept wandering back to Ross, waiting for him to respond. They narrowed when he didn't appear eager to add anything to the given conversation.  
   
Vernon politely raised his hand a little. Arin smiled a little. “Yeah, Vern.”  
   
Vernon's eyes immediately began to water. “So, like...fuck...” He wiped his eyes, feeling embarrassed and self conscious, as usual. “Jesus, sorry guys...umm...I'm so fucking worried about whether or not Dan's gonna make it or not. That whole thing with his parents last month fucking scared me- I really thought they were gonna pull the plug on him…But, like Barry said, I also don't want him to be paralyzed or like, disabled when he wakes up. And after last night and everything, I don't really feel any better. The doctors supposedly say he's getting better, but...I don't know if I believe it.” Vernon hesitated a moment and looked at Arin fearfully before continuing. “And then there's the thing with the robot...”  
   
Suddenly, the tension in the room tangibly rose. Vernon's look became apologetic. “Look, I know you brought it in 'cuz it's what Dan said he wanted or whatever, and it was interesting to talk to when we were all hanging out last weekend, but honestly, that thing scares me. It totally acts like Dan to the point where it's freaky, it's like as smart as a fucking Replicant, and...” Vernon nervously glanced around the room. “...Are we seriously not going to talk about the robot?  
   
The others almost immediately looked back at Arin. He gave Brian a quick knowing look. ~Here we go.~ He exhaled. “Yeah, Vernon, we are definitely going to talk about the robot. I know that at least some of us have some strong feelings about it...and we're going to go over everything in detail...” Arin looked over in Holly and Ross' direction.  
   
Holly carefully watched Ross, expecting him to speak up. When he didn't, she huffed, growing confused and frustrated. She looked up at Arin. “What does that even mean? 'Go over everything in detail'? Why is the robot still here? Are we just gonna gloss over the fact that we held a welcome party for it?!” Holly's voice began to rise with her irritation.  
   
Tension was accumulating in the room like a shaken soda can. Arin cleared his throat, addressing everyone. 'We, uh...we did hold a party for it, and it was my idea...after I went and got the robot...without really asking my own team about it. Or thinking hard about how it would make them feel.” Arin looked down. Despite the truth, the shame he felt was real. “...And then I never really apologized to any of you for it. I even bribed you all with a bonus.” Arin's eyes went dark, somber. He looked at Ross. “I was a shitty boss and an even worse friend. I disrespected all of you...” He looked down again. “I'm really sorry for what I've done.  
   
Holly looked as though she was about to stand up. “No, you're not sorry,” She said firmly, folding her arms. “If you were, the robot would've been gone long ago! Ross?!” She looked at her husband with a mixture of anger and confusion.  
   
Ross knew it was time to steer the conversation. He looked at Arin. “So, I mean...I was fucking pissed as all hell when Arin brought the android into the office that day. I couldn't believe it. I stayed there because I wanted to talk to him about it afterwards without causing a scene, I guess. And we did talk after. But...I was just a little intrigued about it too, if I'm being honest. And all in all, the rest of the night was okay. Friends just hanging out together.” Seeing the look Holly shot him, Ross quickly continued, “Uh, but I mean, that's one thing we should all be asking ourselves, I think. We all knew what it was. So...I think we should probably all be asking ourselves why we were there…”  
   
Suzy spoke up, giving a grim smile as her hand squeezed Arin's. “I just...wanted to see Dan again. To see him smile.”  
   
Ryan shrugged. “I just thought a party sounded cool. I didn't know he was there until I got there. Must've missed the text.” Matt was in the same boat.  
   
Vernon stared at the table. He looked guilty. “I...needed the bonus to pay bills. And I was curious too, I guess.”  
   
“Arin told me that before Dan had gone under…he had told Arin and Brian that he wanted to see how the android would look for NSP...” Barry said, eyes shimmering. “I didn't know exactly what Arin was going to do with the party. But I wanted to respect Dan's wishes. And then I saw him...” Barry gave a dark chuckle. “I talked to him. And then I drank a bunch and got wasted.”  
   
Holly just kept looking at Ross. She lowered her voice. “...I went to support you,” she said directly to him.  
   
Arin just stared dispiritedly at the table. Doubt crept into his chest as he listened to everyone's excuses. ~...They're not gonna get it. They're not gonna see him...~ The little voice in his head kept repeating this. Feeling the beginnings of defeat, he sighed. “I...a little before I spoke with Dr. Jackson about finalizing the android in July...I had a dream about Dan,” He confessed, eyes becoming watery. Suzy's were searching his now- she’d never heard this before. “I-I...don't remember what we were doing. Just recording for Grumps, probably. I woke up...got dressed, made breakfast...and when I stood at the counter...I…I b-broke down.” Arin swallowed, taking a deep breath. “I know that it's not an excuse, or anything. But...I needed hope. I needed a real memory to hold onto. To see Dan having fun with everyone, to welcome him home.” Arin looked down. “...I needed that, and it was completely selfish. I’m sorry.”  
   
Now Ross and Brian were giving Arin slightly confused looks. Holly was becoming openly angry. “So...so that's all you have to say?! For all the hurt it's caused?” She gave Ross an incredulous look. “Ross, tell him how you feel! You've been telling me for weeks!”  
   
The expression on Ross’ face told Brian that they were losing track of the conversation. “I told him already, Holly. I told him two weeks ago and yesterday at the hospital.” He looked into his wife's eyes. He couldn't express half of the thoughts running through his head, but he spoke with renewing courage. “Dan is still alive. I didn't want people to forget that, or forget how he used to be before the coma, because I really don't think it's likely that Dan is going to be exactly the same when he wakes up. And we could sit here and argue about what he wanted or what Arin did, but Dan...he can tell us what he wants.” Ross looked at everyone and then threw Brian a nervous glance. “He's been trying to tell us for a long time.”  
   
Holly raised her eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”  
   
Ross gave Brian a knowing look, who shrugged and began to pull out his laptop, setting it on the table. The conversation was going South...it was now or never that they finally made their point. He cleared his throat, presenting the laptop screen to everyone. “Alright, so…I have a short video that I’d like to share, as well as a few recordings that I think we should all listen to as a group. They're probably not going to make perfect sense the first time but I wanna explain my thoughts afterwards. Then we can discuss them.”  
   
Everyone gave each other quizzical looks. “What is this?” Vernon asked.  
   
“The first video is something personal that I shared with Dan while we were in the car...right before the car accident happened.” Brian looked at everyone, his icy stare unwavering. “I never showed this to anyone else and I never put it online. It's only ever been on my phone.”  
   
   
Brian proceeded to show the video of Audrey and her rocket ship to the crew. Most of the team smiled and chuckled on cue with her cute antics as they watched. When the video of Audrey's rocket tour was over, Brian set the phone on the table.  
   
Brian continued his explanation, bringing up the audio files on his computer. “The next few clips were taken weeks apart from each other. The first clip is of Dr. Jackson...asking the android to describe something for her. The second pair of recordings are from about two weeks ago- it's me asking the android a question and his answer. In these clips, the android was...malfunctioning a little at the time.” Brian bit his lip. He would've preferred to say he was ill, but...  
   
Holly gave an annoyed look. “How is this relevant?”  
   
“I promise that I'll explain it when we're done,” Brian replied curtly, pressing play.  
   
Everyone's faces became confused as they listened carefully to the short recording of the last part of Dan's hypnotherapy session with Katie. Their faces scrunched in discomfort as they listened to the android act out Dan's reaction to the car accident. Hearing it for the first time, Arin and Suzy both put their hands over their mouths. Barry just concentrated on the laptop screen, quietly thinking. Starting to put the pieces together, Holly shook her head and looked down into her lap, Ross setting a hand on her shoulder.  
   
Brian cut the clip before it played the more questionable section of that recording. “Here's the next set from a couple of weeks ago. The first was in my car, the second at Barry's house.”  
   
The next recordings started with Brian and the android in the parking lot as Brian asked him to begin describing the video of Audrey to him. Then Brian skipped the audio forward to the night that Dan was lying on the couch in sweat, smiling and pointing at the ceiling. The crew listened to Dan's voice.  
   
“...You…built Audrey a rocket ship...it was awesome…”  
   
“…D-Describe it for me...”  
   
Dan's voice described Audrey's rocket ship in detail. His infectious giggle filled the room. “My favorite part…was when you asked her, ‘Why don’t we go to Mars?’ She pointed to the moon…’But it’s right here!’”  
   
Brian stopped the recording right before the end, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, quickly wiping his wet eyes.  
   
“Jesus...” Arin whispered, letting his own tears run. Ross and Barry both looked away, their eyes also moist, still processing everything. Half of the group was emotional, the other half just confused. Ryan nervously spoke up. “Um...what the fuck did we just listen to?”  
   
Brian couldn't stop his voice from cracking. Listening to that never got any easier. “What you all just heard was actually...the android...experiencing the car accident...and describing the details of a video that I never showed anyone else but Dan. Not until today. I showed him that video the moment before the car flipped. And he yelled at the car next to me. Exactly like that.”  
   
Brian gave everyone a moment for things to sink in, but they were having a hard time wrapping their heads around it. Vernon looked up at him, his mouth gaping like a goldfish. “So...what you're trying to say is...”  
   
Barry filled in the blanks. “He's saying that the android knows something it had no possible way of knowing. It had…Dan’s memories. “ Brian slowly nodded in confirmation.  
   
There was an uncomfortable silence before Matt laughed awkwardly. “…This is just a weird joke, right?” He waited for someone to reveal it as a prank. His face faltered when they didn't. “...Right guys?”  
   
Holly was absolutely fuming, unlike her usual self. She gave a dark chuckle, her voice low. “You know, your team has done a lot for you...”  
   
Arin tried to step in. “Holly-”  
   
She stood up, raising her voice. “-And we all agreed the party was bad. And then...you come and pull this?! She put on a humorless smile. “Are you all...fucking serious right now? Are you trying to earn an award for- for the most disrespect you can show one team?! Or one person?!” She stared at them all incredulously. “I can't even believe this is happening right now! Dan had surgery last night! We were there!” She glared at her husband. “And Ross, I know you feel guilty, but for God's sake, will you tell them all everything that you said to me?! This is crazy!”  
   
“Okay, yeah, this is pretty low, guys...” Matt said, getting up.  
   
“Super not cool...” Ryan got up to join Matt. They grabbed their backpacks and began to walk quickly out of the office. Arin went after them. “Guys, wait-”  
   
“Let them be, Arin,” Brian said, sighing and folding his arms. What else had they really expected to happen?  
   
Ross took a moment to collect his thoughts as he looked at Holly. Suddenly, he was hit with an epiphany of the nature and reality of the communication barrier. Stuck somewhere in between the truth and normalcy...the one that Dan had been too afraid to speak up against while he was around his coworkers. Too scared to test it...and lose everyone he'd cared about. How hard it must've been, then... ~to watch them all walk away instead...~  
   
Ross cleared his throat and looked down. Because of this, he no longer had the right words to say. He lowered his voice. “Holly...he...the android...remembered details about Barry's birthday party last year that nobody knows. I have it recorded...” Ross was at a loss for what else to say in the moment.  
   
Barry chimed in to try and help. “He’s been weird around me too. On the night he malfunctioned, before Brian got there, he was muttering to himself...saying stuff about the last Toronto NSP/Starbomb concert.”  
   
Brian's eyes widened. His hand ghosted over his jeans pocket that held his wallet with the pictures in it. “The Toronto show...”  
   
Ross looked back up at Holly. His eyes were watering too. He spoke quietly now- it was difficult to get the words out. “The android knew...that his eyes had opened last night. Holly...it's really Dan.” He gave her a small, sad smile. “...I was trying to tell you last night, but it was...well...I was wrong.”  
   
Holly stared at him, at a loss for words. She gave a huff and sadly turned away, leaving the room briskly in the opposite direction. Ross followed closely behind her.  
   
Vernon looked like his mind was being blown. “So...how do you know, like, that the android didn't take your phone or something?” He asked Brian.  
   
Brian gave him a light shrug. “I've always had it with me, Vernon.” Brian's eyes watched Ross and Holly leave the room before returning his gaze to Vernon. “We know it sounds crazy. Trust me, I know. It goes against all reason.”  
   
Suzy gave a small laugh at that. “That's a huge understatement.”   
   
But Vernon's expression became afraid again. He held his hands up to his chest. “Man...this is how it happens...we all get brain washed, and then they take over...”  
   
Brian was going to roll his eyes when suddenly Arin rushed back into the room with his cell phone to his ear, eyes wide. “Katie’s on the phone- Dan is gone.”  
~  
   
Ross caught Holly’s shoulder before she'd rounded the corner in the tight hallway. Her face was stern when she turned back to him. His tone became soft. “Holly…”  
   
“Ross…I need you to just help me understand. What…what did they tell you last night that convinced you that this needs to keep going on? Did they guilt trip you over the channel views?” Holly’s eyes searched his. “I know you think you deserve to be punished for something, but you don’t. This is cruel.”  
   
Ross sighed, thinking for a moment. Everything was harder to come clean about when you were facing your own spouse. Still, the right words wouldn’t come.  
   
Then Ross saw a shape, a small circle hidden underneath Holly’s shirt, hanging from her neck. He knew that it was her pentagram- she hardly ever took it off these days. He looked into her eyes and chose his words carefully. “Holly…you believe in things that don’t have 100% evidence, right?”  
   
Holly looked unsure. “Well, yeah I do, sort of. I mean…I want to believe in them. But this is completely different, Ross. This isn’t religion, it’s just facts. Dan is alive, and he’s sick. A robot is just an imitation of a person. It can’t be the real thing.” Holly took his hand in hers. “…After everything that’s happened, why are you doing this now?”  
   
“Because…I’ve seen it, Holly. With my own eyes. And he knows the truth. Like I said before…the android remembered seeing me when he opened his eyes! And everything Brian said… And like I said before, he remembered Barry’s party. He probably knows everything and has just been too afraid to tell us any of it-“  
   
“Ross, he can’t feel anything-“  
   
“That’s a lie!” Ross exclaimed, beginning to get worked up, eyes glossy. “You’ve seen him, Holly. You know that he’s different. That it’s not just some robot.”  
   
Holly shook her head. “Ross, like you’ve said before, we don’t know anything about this company and what they’re capable of-“  
   
Ross let out a deep breath. He took his wife’s hands into his, staring at her desperately. “Let him show you- let Dan show all of us that he is who he is! We can’t afford to lose him. Not…not just for the channel. Give him one more chance. Please.”  
   
Holly just looked back at Ross, thinking deeply. Before she could answer again, Brian rounded the corner. “Hey, Ross…Dan…went off somewhere again, so we are going to go look for him. I have an idea of where he’d be- do you wanna come with us to pick him up?”  
   
Ross looked at Brian and then back at Holly. She looked at him a moment, then let out a tired sigh. “I…I trust you, Ross.”  
   
Ross looked back at Brian and nodded. “We’ll come with.”  
   
~

The crew had driven to two of Dan's other preferred hangout locations just to be sure, but Brian's suspicions of his whereabouts were confirmed as he, Arin, Suzy, Barry, Vernon, Ross & Holly pulled up to an empty lot on the Southwest side of the city. A familiar mop of brown curls was standing at the edge of its perimeter.

Arin parked his car behind Brian's and rushed out, Brian following behind him down a hill. Barry, Vernon and Suzy got out to get some air while Ross and Holly sat inside the back of Brian's car. They watched the scene unfold below them.

Arin's heart was racing. He'd been so worried that Dan had run off again, never to be found...he hadn't answered any calls or emails. Arin got to the bottom of the hill. “DAAAN!”

Dan pulled his eyes from the lot to look at Arin. Arin drew in a breath- Dan's face and eyes were red, dry tears running down his face. But it wasn't the usual grief that everyone knew so intimately by now. Arin's eyes searched Dan's and he saw the spark of something manic, a fear that wasn't there before. It reminded him of a spooked deer, caught in the headlights right before the impact of an oncoming vehicle. When he approached Dan, he was surprised when his friend stepped backwards, keeping distance between them. Arin spoke. “Dan, are you okay?! What's wrong?! Talk to me.” Frantic questions were flooding Arin's mind. ~Why did you leave Katie? Why are you here? Why didn't you tell anyone?!~

Dan met Arin's gaze but his arms were lightly shaking. “Arin, I...” He put a hand across his face, fighting his anxiety. “I'm sorry, i-it's just...so much has happened, and...” He couldn't seem to find any of the right words as he fumbled through them. “T-There's something wrong with me, and I can't...” He stepped back again, his breathing picking up. He looked like he was about to have a breakdown.

Arin and Brian's worry was only growing. Brian stepped forward as Arin kept talking with a frown. “Dan, what are you talking about? Katie fixed you, right? Please, tell us what's wrong. Why'd you come out here?”

“We're here to take you home,” Brian added, brow furrowed in concern.

Dan took a moment to collect himself. Then he looked back at them intently. “Guys, listen...t-this morning...I was at Katie's apartment, and all of the electric stuff in her kitchen just turned on by themselves...with the lights and the TV...” Dan wiped his face, looking away a moment. He didn't want to think about that part. “I-I got really dizzy, and...” He looked up, his eyes wide. “Arin, it was me. I was, like, controlling them. But I don't know how, or why...” Dan closed his eyes again. “I don't fucking know what's happening to me...and I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore...”

Arin gave Brian a perplexed look. Brian recalled Katie's text- she'd noticed that the appliances had been unplugged and could tell that some of the coffee had spilled onto the counter. Brian stepped forward, his eyes soft but holding a hint of puzzlement. “You're not hurting anyone, Dan. What do you mean, you were controlling the electronics?”

“I...I think I was was sort of...like...inside them...w-with my mind,” Dan explained. “Or something.” He felt completely insane just saying it out loud. His eyes moved to Arin's. “I'm pretty sure I was a little bit, like, outside of myself...” He swallowed nervously as he watched his friends take in this new information.

Brian had already accepted a lot outside the usual realm of science in such a short period of time, but even his expression became skeptical as he raised an eyebrow. “And you're sure that you were the cause?” he asked.

Dan looked away, shaking his head with an exhale. “This makes no sense...I'm finally losin' it...”

Arin gave Brian an irritated look. “Of course he's sure- he's not lying!” He said so firmly but even his eyes held confusion in them. But he gave Dan a reassuring look- one that said I might not understand, but I still care. Arin tried to get closer to Dan but his tall friend continued to mirror him with a step backwards. “Dan, listen to me. You're not crazy and you're gonna be okay.” He put on a small smile. Dan didn't return it. “You've been through Hell and back and after last night, you need real rest. We're gonna take you home, no matter what. You're not alone. Come on, let's go.” Arin held out his hand.

Dan gave a tired sigh. Of course they didn't believe him- he wouldn't either. He glanced up at the trio at the top of the hill. Suzy gave him a little smile and a wave. Vernon just stared blankly at him while Barry seemed to be telling him something. Dan's eyes drifted over to Brian's car and his fear rose again. There were a lot of electronics in a car...what if he lost control of his mind while they were driving? What if he caused another accident? Dan began to shake again as his thoughts consumed him. “Guys, I...I don't think I can come with you,” he said in defeat, closing his tired eyes. “...I'm taking your advice, Arin. I'm walking away.”

That set off something in Arin's veins- sudden anger rose up within him. This time before Dan could back off, Arin strode right up to him and got in his face. “What the hell are you talking about?! You got all pissed off at me when I said that! You told me that you'd stay where you're friends are!” Arin pointed at the group waiting at the top of the hill. “Well, there they are! So just come on!” Arin stepped back and sighed, taking a few breaths. ~Come on, Dan.~ He was urging to embrace his friend but he didn't want to scare him off. He gave him a sympathetic look. “Sorry...just...we're all scared too. All of us.”

Brian stepped up and looked at Dan. “We...told them the truth about you,” he admitted.

As if on cue, Ross and Holly finally stepped out of Brian's car. They looked down at him, joining the other three. “You...you told them?” Dan's eyes widened as he looked back at the crew with a mystified expression. Ross gave him a sad smile from above, folding his arms. Holly and Vernon's gazes were more guarded as they watched Dan carefully.

Brian noticed the fear on Dan's face when he looked at his car and misinterpreted it, suddenly giving his musical partner a worried look. “Dan...we can stay here for a bit if we need to,” he said, putting his hands in his pockets. “If...if you need that to feel safer.”

Arin nodded. “Yeah. Whatever you need, we'll do it.”

Dan looked sadly across the empty lot. “...I want to stay, for just a bit. I was remembering.”

Brian smiled. “We've had good times here.”

“Yeah...we have.”

~

It turned out that the lot used to be a jazz club that Brian and Dan had frequented in some of the growing stages of NSP, to promote their comedy on open mic weekends. But sometime between now and the accident in April, the owners had gone bankrupt; construction had already cleared the area to prepare it for new condos instead. Dan explained this to Arin as they slowly walked together along its perimeter. Dan looked over at him when he was finished with the story. He had somewhat relaxed now, although he could feel the eyes of the others still watching him from the top of the hill. “...I was serious about what happened at Katie's. I don't think going to the office is a good idea, Arin. I feel...I dunno. Unstable.” ~Completely unhinged.~ Dan gave a chuckle to try and lighten the mood.

“You weren't that way before?” Arin joked, giving his own laugh. But then his eyes grew serious. “Listen, Dan. The truth is...that no one has nearly as much control over anything as we all think we do.”

That response made Dan frustrated. “Ar, I'm not talking figuratively-”

“I know, I know,” Arin said, stopping a moment. His voice became softer. “I just thought that maybe that's how you feel- out of control. And maybe...that has something to do with what happened.”

Dan looked at Arin incredulously. “You believe me then?”

“Of course I do. You're my best friend- if you say something happened, then it did. And...you came here to escape and to remember something good and familiar. Maybe that can help you.”

The duo looked back at the empty lot in contemplation for a few minutes, then Dan spoke. “...What color were Spike's eyes?”

The question threw Arin off guard. “What? 

“Spike Spiegel, Ar. What color were his eyes?”

Arin answered casually, “They were brown.” Dan remained quiet. Then Arin remembered. “Oh, right. One was darker than the other. Because it was fake.”

“Right.” Dan put his hands on his hips, looking somewhere far away. “He said the fake eye saw the past, while the real one saw the present...” Dan sighed. “Sometimes I think...that I might still be asleep, and this is all a weird dream...”

Arin moved close to Dan and took his hand as they continued to walk. “...Is that all you think of me? That I'm a bad coma-story trope?” Arin asked. That got giggles out of Dan, and Arin smiled. “It is weird, but this is reality. As far as I can tell, anyway. And like I said, you're not alone.” Arin gave Dan's hand a squeeze. “We're all gonna figure this out. And even if we go back to the office, and all of the electronics go Y2K and break...then let them. They're just things. They're replaceable. You're not.”

Dan looked at Arin, a few more tears escaping him. He glanced up at the crew. “Did they...did they believe you when you told them about me?”

“Just Barry. The others need a little more convincing, I think,” Arin replied.

“I feel like everything I care about is slipping through my fingers,” Dan said, wiping his eyes. “Jesus...what am I supposed to say to them, Arin? And if stuff in the office goes haywire, they'll think I'm dangerous.” Dan gulped. “...I am dangerous.”

“Dan, no...” Arin pulled his friend into a hug, patting him on the back. “You aren't some killer android. It's going to be okay. Trust me, no matter what happens, you have all the truth. And when you give it to them, then they will know and we can finally all help you as a team.” Arin pulled away but began to lead Dan by the hand back to the top of the hill. “I promised Katie that I wouldn't let you forget who you are. You're Dan. And if you just completely be yourself and tell them everything that you remember, then your friends will see you, just like Ross did last night.”

~And what if they don't?~ “What if they're still scared of me after? What if they think I'm like, a body snatcher or something?”

“They're going to feel whatever they feel. Let them. But they should see...that you're more terrified than any one of us could be.”

Dan didn't feel reassured by this statement, but he followed his friend back up the hill, silently praying that he'd be able to hold himself together for the rest of the day.

~

Barry chatted with Dan in the back seat of the car while Suzy was talking to Arin up front as they followed Brian’s SUV. While Barry was looking at Dan with renewed wonder, Dan had his own eyes squeezed shut, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down. Barry spoke up in concern. “You alright, buddy? You look like you might be sick.”  
   
Dan gripped the chair cushion. “I’m…okay. Just nervous, I guess.” He opened his eyes, glancing at Arin’s car radio and GPS navigator.  
   
Barry nodded. “I bet. So…Arin says that you can prove…that you’re really yourself?”  
   
Arin glanced at them in his rearview mirror. “Let him relax a bit, Bar.” He looked at Dan. “It’s going to be okay.”  
   
“We gotchu!” Suzy said with a small smile. Dan nodded but his jaw was set in stone.  
   
The crew pulled up to the office. Dan watched as Vernon, Holly and Ross got out of Brian’s car. He began to feel lightheaded. As Arin was parking, the radio began to switch stations rapidly, the volume moving up and down. “Whoah,” Arin said, quickly shutting it off and removing his keys. “Oh-kay, radio. That was weird…” He looked back at Dan in mild surprise. “Hey…we can eat soon and then you can lie down or something, okay? And Katie’s dropping by too.”  
   
“Okay,” Dan said quietly. But those things wouldn’t come until later. Now wasn’t a time of relief.  
   
With a shaky hand, Dan opened the door and stepped out. But now felt frozen, reluctant to move his feet. He needed to keep it together…hold himself back…  
   
Brian’s hand on his back brought him back to the present. He looked at his older friend, who was addressing the others. “Let’s all talk inside.” Everyone walked back into the office.  
   
~  
   
The crew crowded around in the usual meeting room. Dan stood across from them, Arin at his side. He felt like he was staring at the jury, awaiting his sentence. The group was just looking at them, waiting for clarification. Ross and Barry had obvious looks of concern. He turned to Arin for guidance. “S-So…what do you want me to do?” he murmured, shifting uncomfortably.

“Dan…” Arin paused, looking at his friend. “Everyone wants the truth now, and you have it. Remember what I told you.” He squeezed Dan’s shoulder. “We’re all here to listen to you.”

Dan looked back at the crew. Vernon looked completely perplexed, like he didn’t know what to expect. Holly had her arms folded, her mouth set in a hard line. But the others looked at Dan with renewed interest.

Dan thought for a moment. Where should he even begin? He had recovered a lot of memories, but none of them seemed any more convincing than another to him. And this entire time, words just hadn’t been enough. He briefly glanced out the doorway at the TV hanging in the lobby. This was the furthest part of the building away from the recording room…he made a decision and felt immediate dread in his stomach. But his intuition told him it was the right choice.

Dan kept his gaze low as he spoke gently to everyone. “You guys have been so supportive of me through everything…so, I think that…you deserve a little more than words.”

Ross raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Dan looked at Arin. “There’s a console hooked to the lobby TV, right?”

Arin furrowed his brow. “Yeah, there is…what do you wanna do?”

“I…wanna show everyone the truth,” Dan said cryptically as he walked into the lobby. His vague answer did nothing to help anyone’s nerves.

~~~

Everyone waited as Arin pulled out the PS4. Dan had also made a request Arin thought he’d never hear; he wanted to use a VR headset. Arin stood up from the floor and handed the headset to Dan, confusion written all over his face. “Here, but you can’t really use it without an app or game,” he said, unsure. “What are you gonna do?”

Holly glanced at her phone impatiently. “I need to feed the animals soon,” Dan heard her murmur to Ross, who frowned. 

When she looked up, Dan was giving her a sad smile. “This won’t take too long, Holly,” he insisted, slipping the headset on. ~Then you can all go back to your lives…~ He took a seat in a nearby chair and took a few nervous breaths, trying to concentrate. He began to feel lightheaded again…but a little better about it this time. He sensed a gentle force blooming from the top of his head, expanding outwards…occupying the space around him…reaching out…just a little farther…

Nobody else could see anything happening. Arin reached out to his friend. “Dan…” Suddenly, the power in the building flickered, startling everyone. Vernon moved closer to Barry; Holly looked at Ross. Arin’s eyes widened. “What the…”

As the crew murmured, Matt and Ryan suddenly appeared in the doorway, looking mildly irritated. “Is there some kind of power surge going on? We just lost half an hour of work,” Ryan said. He stopped when he saw everyone’s faces. He and Matt walked into the room and looked over at Dan. “What are you guys doing?” Matt asked.

Arin placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder and realized he had slumped over in the chair. “…Dan?” ~Did you…do that too?~

Next, the TV turned on promptly and displayed a screen of static. Everyone stood still as they watched colors flash onto the screen that turned into blurry images, expressed in a fishbowl view. Then sound sprouted up, starting off as a background murmur that gained clarity as the images came into focus.

The first image was of Barry and Ross, sitting on a couch, laughing and eating various snacks. They were speaking to someone unseen in front of them. A long table across the room behind them is filled with snacks, decorated with bright balloons. Other friends  walk around, holding drinks and chatting with each other. A bright giggle and long, familiar arm reaches out to pat Barry on the back revealing who was with them. “So Barry, how old are you now? 26? 27? Over the hill?”  
   
Barry puts on a face and laughs. “Pffft!  Not even close!” Ross chimes in, “That’s a little harsh, coming from you!”  
   
The voice giggles again. “What’s that supposed to mean, Ross?” But before he can get a response, a loud, retching noise comes from somewhere behind them. The speaker looks up just in time to see Suzy shrieking and shoving Matt away from her just as he bends over and begins to vomit. “EW! GROSS, MATT!”  
   
The guys at the couch begin to laugh again. Suddenly, the scene is changing, switching to different locations rapidly with mostly the same faces present. The group hanging out in the Grump Space. Going out to lunch together. Christmas. And then sitting alone on the couch next to Arin as they record new Grump videos.  
   
The Grumping room transformed into a backstage waiting room. There are men dressed in colorful, strange costumes all joking together. Long arms play with a billowing, blue cape, twirling around and laughing. Brian approaches, wearing his ninja garb without his mask, getting ready to slip it on. He smiles, his icy eyes shimmering. “I saw NSP on a billboard in Times Square last week.”

The fluffy cape stops dancing to laugh aloud with the other strangely dressed men in the room. He gives Brian a hug. “I’m proud of us,” he says. Brian nods. Somewhere on the other side of the wall, a crowd begins to go wild. Brian slips on his ninja mask.  
   
The images turn and unfold again. A music studio, in front of a mic stand. Between a crowd of people, looking up at a stage at some rock concert, shouting and singing along with the music.  
   
When the scenes change next, they become fuzzier and take on a more aged quality. They begin to transition faster, not in any particular order anymore. The sound is slightly muffled, like watching an old VHS tape.  
   
Now the people in the room are completely unfamiliar. A couple of guys who appear to be in their early twenties are sitting on a couch in what appears to be a small apartment. One of them takes a smoky hit from a makeshift bong made out of a plastic drink bottle, passing it around to his friends.  
   
Another transformation occurs.  Everything quiets down as a long dining table comes into view. It’s decorated with intricate china plates, wine glasses and a line of specially-prepared foods and flowers in the middle. There’s another line of unfamiliar faces sitting reverently at the table, although a younger version of Dan’s parents and sister appear to be on the left. Everyone is dressed nicely, kippahs adorning the men’s heads. Someone at the other end of the table is holding a book and speaking in Hebrew.  
   
Images melt, faces fade away. Now there’s a white room- a hospital room. An old man is lying down in a hospital bed, his eyes closed. There are deep shadows beneath his eyes; his breath is slow with a slight rattle. Family members are seated all around him, some holding flowers. Everyone is crying, although some are speaking. Recalling memories of happier times.  
   
The Viewer looks at the floor and leaves the room quietly. He walks down a hallway. There’s a few vending machines nearby; he stops in front of them. As he stares at the snack selections, the image blurs, then becomes black. The Viewer begins to quietly sob.  
   
The TV screen went black. It took the crew a moment to realize that they could still hear crying. Arin gasped when he saw smoke coming from the VR headset. He pried it from Dan's head just in time; it fell to the floor, the black, plastic edges slowly melting. Quite a bit dizzy, Dan stumbled onto his knees and grabbed Arin's shins as he openly wailed. 

Arin knelt down and embraced his friend, tears falling down his own face. “Dan, it's okay! It's okay...”

Dan continued to cry, squeezing his eyes shut. “I...I just w-wanted...everyone to be alright when I w-was gone!” he exclaimed in his misery, crying into Arin's shoulder.

Everyone in the room was in shock, most of them covering their wide mouths in disbelief.

“Holy shit," Vernon exclaimed, putting his hands behind his head.

Holly's eyes glittered. “It can't...D-Dan?” she whispered, stepping forward.

“Dan,” Barry confirmed for them all. And slowly but surely, Barry, Ross, Holly, Suzy and Brian walked forwards and began to join their mop-headed friend in his overflowing grief. Barry and Ross knelt down with him and joined in a group hug as the others looked down at him. Matt, Ryan and Vernon watched from where they were standing, too shocked to move.

~

In time, everyone had moved over to the lounge area. Dan's eyes were puffy and he was slowly recovering from his trance-like state. A plate of Eggos and an orange juice box were placed in front of him, Arin sitting next to him. Katie had joined the group a few minutes ago looking disheveled, her clothes wrinkled as if she were in a rush. The others were staring at Dan with mixed emotions and wonder.  
   
Holly spoke up first, her voice timid. “How…is this even remotely possible?” Her wide eyes stared at Brian and Katie for some sort of answer. “How can this happen?!”  
   
Brian shook his head. “I don’t have a clue.”  
   
Katie folded her arms, adding, “I don’t even know how it happened in the first place. I wasn’t even done downloading Dan’s applications when he first woke up on my table, back in July.”  
   
Dan chuckled lightly at that remark. He recalled aloud a summary of his memory of waking up on the table. “That’s single-handedly the most terrified I’ve ever been in my life,” he admitted, taking a sip of his drink.  
   
Barry looked over at the doctor. “Do you think this all has to do with Dan’s brain scan that he did with Arin last February?” he asked.  
   
Katie shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine, although I did the exact same scans for other clients. I was just doing what I do to make every android.”  
   
Dan spoke up. “But I’m a different model type than the others. Your first one,” he clarified.  
   
Katie slowly nodded. “Yes. In layman’s terms, your computer is a bit more high tech than the others. I wasn’t exactly preparing it to have higher processes…but…”  
   
Ross cut in. “What do you mean, ‘higher processes’ exactly?”  
   
“Well…before I started building Dan’s android, I was using his computer for another android…my assistant, actually,” Katie admitted in slight embarrassment. “And over time, he displayed evidence that he was learning and developing outside of his initial programming…”  
   
Now Arin suddenly looked startled. “Your assistant...wait, that guy, Ryan? He wasn’t real?!”  
   
Dan raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t notice the logo on his neck?” he asked, chuckling. He slowly frowned, rubbing the back of his own neck. He gave Katie a knowing look and watched as she lightly sighed.  
   
Arin shook his head. “No, I didn’t…”  
   
“Wait, so why did you use that CPU for Dan?” Barry asked.  
   
“Arin told me that Dan wanted to use one of our robots for NSP, if anything were to happen to him…” Katie elaborated, “So I assumed he’d want something with a bit more…functionality, at least.” She gave Dan a small smile.  
   
Holly looked puzzled. “But…Dan is still alive. And all of his real parts are inside of his real body, right? So…why…” A look of discomfort crossed her face as she tried to wrap her head around the information.

“I wouldn’t try to think too much about it,” Brian said with a small smile. Then he shook his head with a light chuckle. “I never thought I’d say that…”  
   
Arin glanced over at Matt and Ryan. They were on the opposite end of the lounge. They had been quiet during the conversation and both of them looked like they were going to be sick, Matt’s face paler than usual. “Are you guys doin’ okay over there?”  
   
Ryan looked at his hands. “I don’t know, man…it’s just…how do we know…”  
   
“…That this isn’t still some weird trick?” Matt quietly supplied.  
   
Suzy’s face scrunched up. “After all Dan’s been through and what you’ve seen, you guys are still doubting?” she asked.  
   
Arin placed an arm around her. “Of course they are, babe.” He looked over at Dan. “I mean, we’re only human.”  
   
“People have a right to question what doesn’t make sense, especially when the evidence leaves more questions than answers,” Brian added, folding his arms.  
   
Holly looked down into her lap. “But it’s also human…to believe in things that sometimes don’t have evidence…” She gave Ross a small, apologetic look.  
   
Ross looked back at Dan, wearing a serious expression. “Last night…you remembered looking at me. In your real body.” Everyone else’s eyes drifted over to Dan.  
   
Dan nodded. “I did…but I was only aware of my head, and one of my arms…”  
   
“We need to find a way to get you back to your own body for good,” Suzy said, looking over at the doctor.  
   
Vernon spoke up again, wearing a completely perplexed expression. He still seemed to be on edge. “Okay, so, what about the thing with the TV and the lights? How did you do that? You weren’t connected to anything, right?”  
   
Katie glanced at Dan in confusion. “What happened?”  
   
Dan’s eyes looked over everyone. He gulped, feeling extremely self conscious. “I, uh…I think I can, like, control other electronics sometimes. Like…mentally.” Dan winced even as he said it.  
   
Katie looked back at Arin for confirmation and then returned to Dan, who gave her a sheepish look. “You unplugged my kitchen appliances this morning…”  
   
“Because they were all freaking out. They all turned on at the same time, and…it was my fault.” Dan weakly replied.  
   
Arin spoke up. “Dan was able…to show us his memories on the TV…”  
   
Katie’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What?!” She stared at Dan. “Is…is that true?” Dan nodded, looking down.  
   
“Wait, so…so if it’s true that Dan can like, willfully control things…could he use that to go all the way back into his body?” Suzy asked, looking at Arin.  
   
In the midst of the conversation, Vernon appeared to be having a miniature meltdown. “…Guys, is this real life right now? Are we seriously talking about, like, possessed robots and magic and mind control?!”  
   
“Take a deep breath, Vernon,” Brian replied, leaning against the wall. “We’ve surpassed science and logic at this point. Unless you can invent another mind-transferring device for Dan?” He asked Katie with a hint of humor.  
   
She laughed in response at the ridiculousness of their given situation. “No…I’m afraid we’ve accomplished all that known science can do. I mean, I’ll try to find a solution, but…” Katie bit her lip and gave Dan a sorry look. “If what Suzy proposed is correct, then fixing this is probably up to you, Dan. Your own willpower.”  
   
“Okay. And…if that doesn’t work…” Dan said gently. Everyone got quiet.  
   
Arin placed a hand on Dan’s thigh. “You’re alive, Dan. Like I said, we will help you through, no matter what.” Dan gave a humorless chuckle. Arin knew where his thoughts were going. “How…you approach your parents would be entirely up to you. We’d support you, either way. As for the fans…” Arin looked up at him with a serious expression. “You woke up. They’d never have to know.”  
   
Dan’s stomach lurched as he thought about it. Lying to hundreds of thousands of Lovelies…and all of the people they had legal contracts with. It sounded like a total mess to him. He looked down. “…And this body? It wouldn’t age,” he said sadly.  
   
“…I could provide that service for you,” Katie replied. She gave Dan a small smile. “You’d have a lifetime warranty.”  
   
Everyone got quiet again. Tons of questions were floating in all of their minds but everyone seemed a bit too overwhelmed to bring up any more for the night. Dan had been sick for months…so what were they really supposed to do with this new development?  Each person was lost in their own muddled thoughts.  
   
Dan yawned. “I think…I need to rest again.”  
   
“Okay. You can crash here, on a couch or beanbag if you want,” Arin said, standing up. He looked at everyone else. “Well, guys…thanks for coming to the meeting, I guess. I’ll have a more solid work plan drawn up by tomorrow. You can call me if you need something…” He knew there was obviously more to be said, but the group broke up quickly. Matt and Ryan seemed eager to get out, at least. Ross returned to his office, Holly with him, although she glanced back at Dan with concern. Barry and Suzy gave Dan tight hugs before returning to their own desks. Brian said he’d call Dan later and left to go home. And after one last, quick check of Dan’s vitals, Katie left to go back to the lab.  
   
Arin had gone off to grab pillows and blankets for Dan. Vernon was still sitting across from him, staring. He spoke up, still sounding a bit afraid. “…Dan?”  
   
Dan looked over. “Yeah, Vern?”  
   
Vernon bit his lip. “So, if…if anything happened to…your...real body…would you, like…” He couldn’t finish the question.  
   
Dan didn’t know what to say. He gave Vernon a tired, somber smile.  
   
~

It was a few hours later before Dan awoke again. Leaving the dark lounge, he found Ross and Holly in the dining area, eating dinner and talking quietly. Ross had a smaller Cintiq in front of him, carefully sketching. The couple looked up as Dan walked in. “Hey. How’re you feeling now?” Ross asked.  
   
Dan nodded. “Good.” He looked around- it was quiet in the building. “Who’s here?”  
   
“Just us. Wanted to keep an eye on you. Arin went back to the lab with Katie and everyone else went home.”  
   
Dan looked at the ceiling, remembering his last wake-up call. “…Anything weird go on while I was asleep?”  
   
Ross shook his head. “No, the power’s fine.” He saved his project and began to shut down the tablet. “We were just waiting for you. We can drive you home.”  
   
Dan felt touched. “Okay.”  
   
~  
   
The drive home was also quiet, until Ross looked through his rear view mirror back at his taller friend. “You didn’t know. At first, anyway.”  
   
Dan pulled himself from his thoughts. “Hm?”  
   
“That you were…how you are. Arin didn’t tell you for a while, did he?” Ross asked softly.  
   
Dan remembered the argument. It felt so long ago now…the documents…Arin’s bruised and bloody face… “No, he didn’t.” He gave a sad chuckle. “I found some documents from the hospital, and…well, you know how that went.” Dan looked out the window. “I took that trip up North, and Arin explained everything when he got there…”  
   
The car pulled up to Dan and Barry’s house. Ross walked Dan to the door. For a few minutes they just stood next to each other, staring down the street. Then Dan spoke. “…You know, I forgive you.”  
   
Ross huffed and looked at his sneakers. “You shouldn’t.”  
   
Dan looked across the horizon as the sun dipped lower and lower. “It…didn’t hurt that much. I mean, doing something to you would’ve been worse.”  
   
Ross wiped his wet eyes. “I just want to go back and completely redo that entire day. I’m sorry.”  
   
“You can’t. But that’s okay.” Dan was pensive for a moment before he continued, his voice low. “When I took that trip…I had planned on dying, ” he admitted, choking up a little. Now Dan returned Ross’ gaze, his own eyes spilling a couple tears. Ross was shocked. Dan gave a sad laugh. “But…I don’t really want to.”  
   
Ross tightly hugged his taller friend. “Jesus, Dan...” Behind them, the sun slipped beneath the hills.  
   
~  
   
After Ross and Holly had left, Dan remained standing on the porch for a bit. He held up a symbol on a silver chain in front of him. It was a small pentagram that Holly had given him before they left.  
   
“You’re handing a pentagram to a Jewish man?”  
   
“Oh, shush!  It’s for protection. And…I dunno…maybe it can help you get back to your body, or something.”  
   
Dan closed his eyes and tucked the necklace underneath his tshirt. When Barry opened the front door to check on him, he grinned and walked inside his home.  
   
[ This is only an illusion  
A future made of sand  
And you know that time spent wishing love  
Is just more time wasted  
And as long as I keep standing  
I can look ahead. ]  
   
~  
   
Dan spent the rest of the night in his room. He still felt unsure about how his body would react around other electronics and he didn’t want to ruin any of Barry’s work downstairs. He played a game with himself where he closed his eyes, trying to extend his mind to a few of the items in his room. It required exertion, but while sitting on his bed, he managed to somehow individually affect his alarm clock, cell phone, and was now attempting to turn on his record player without touching it.  
   
The green power light clicked on. The needle lifted and dropped it onto the Rush vinyl.  
   
As music flooded the room, Dan was suddenly bombarded with wonderful sensations. This was more than just feeling the music in his chest. He moved with the rhythm of the guitar, pounded with the beat of the song. The lyrics flowing from Geddy Lee’s lips became his personal truth. As the record played, Dan joined the song in heartfelt union, a faint laugh escaping his dazed lips.  
   
He had been planning earlier what he should do now. He figured that once he felt a little bit more in control of this new trick, he’d stop by the hospital as soon as he could. Try to bring an end the strange dream once and for all…  
   
But those thoughts were far away now as Dan’s mind wrapped itself around the song, vibrated with it, becoming indistinguishable from it. For now, he just wanted to drop all his worries and enjoy this moment.  
   
For now…he was the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been my own worst critic on these latest chapters as I put them together...such is life. I realize that maybe the reaction from everyone fell flat or wasn't entirely realistic but I don't want to spend any more time having them arguing so much about Dan's condition, so yeah. Anyways...thanks for reading, as usual! <3
> 
> *(PS, if you are on Instagram and you got a like on one of your Grump posts from some random chick you don't know, it might be me. XD)


	24. Jump / Reboot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! Thank you for patiently waiting! I really, really hope this chapter is okay...  
> ** This chapter will be more meaningful and make more sense if you go watch the Grump series "Everything," if you haven't already. It's not a requirement though (although it's awesome!)
> 
> *Also, as usual, chapters are a lil tentative. 
> 
> (BTW, Blade Runner 2049 was incredible, haha. Go see it if you like androids. XP)
> 
> Thank yooou!

The following day. Dan was more determined than ever before to stay in an optimistic mood. He woke up at six and went for a morning jog with Barry (who was having enough trouble staying awake, let alone keeping up with his long stride). He went out for a quick breakfast with Brian, bringing along more song ideas to review together. Afterwards, he dropped by the office to quietly hang out with Arin for a few hours while he was recording and say hi to everyone there.

Nobody brought up the events of yesterday or asked Dan about his plans. Arin figured he would need time to sort out everything going through his mind. After seeing Dan exhaust himself emotionally for so long, anyone paying attention could tell that his animated talk and big grin were compensating for some inner turmoil. But Arin just smiled back as the two chatted casually on the couch between recordings. Dan's eyes would occasionally flicker nervously to the electronics in the room but nothing out of the ordinary happened.

After some time, Dan said his goodbyes and headed home. “What do you have planned today?” Arin asked him.

Dan shrugged. “I dunno. Meditate, I guess. Maybe write a little.”

Arin could tell what he meant and nodded. “Alright, take it easy. Don't start anything on fire.”

Dan chuckled, although there was a hint of worry in his eyes.

~ ~ ~

Dan switched his record player over to Pink Floyd and sat cross-legged on his bed. He figured he would relax for half an hour before he tried anything. Barry was in his usual spot downstairs at his desk.

Once he was calm, Dan started small again. He used his mind to once again activate his alarm clock, then his phone, then toyed with his record player. Things were beginning to move more naturally; his mind felt cool, focused and light. This time, felt that his energy was distinct, distinguishable from the flow of the music. He felt his “boundary” pushing as a solid energy, moving past his bedroom door, floating down the hallway, down the stairs...

As he pushed himself farther and farther, Dan's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell into a deep trance as he fell backwards onto the bed, still breathing deeply.

After a few minutes, he felt himself get “sucked into” something. He saw flashing colors, then the empty living room came into view...

~ ~ ~

It was a good thing Barry had saved his editing progress because a few seconds later, the lights above flickered and his monitor went out. He sighed, scolding it. “Aw, come on-”

Suddenly, it turned back on and the screen was frozen, covered in colorful pixels. Barry was about to restart his computer when he heard the sound of heavy breathing coming from the speakers. He paused, then watched as the pixels on the screen began to dance. They encircled each other, some of the colors becoming uniform as they formed an image- an extremely blurry portrait of a certain curly-haired friend. Barry just sat in shock a moment before the TV in the room clicked on, causing him to jump. The monitor went fuzzy and Dan's face came into focus on the TV screen. The image moved unnaturally, at a lower frame rate; Barry was a bit unsettled as his friend's golden laughter spilled from the TV speakers and the image lit up with a wide grin. It began to speak, sounding out of breath. “Barry, I did it, I can...I can do this!”

Barry gulped, his wide eyes meeting Dan's on the screen before he spoke up. “Uh...Dan? W-what are you doing?”

Barry watched as the triumphant look was wiped from Dan's face in an instant. The image looked away and the cloud of brown curls turned to static before disappearing from the screen entirely.

Barry waited a minute to process what had happened, then jumped up and ran upstairs to Dan's room, pushing the door open. Now Dan was awake, sitting bent over at the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes. When he glanced up at Barry, he looked ashamed. Standing up slowly, he pushed past Barry, staring at the floor. Barry turned and followed him. “Dan-”

“Sorry, wasn't tryin' to scare you,” Dan said lowly.

Barry walked up to him. “Dan.” The taller man turned around and they faced each other. Barry thought a moment, then asked. “How...how does it feel? To like...project like that?”

“It's...I can't explain it very well in words,” Dan replied lamely, avoiding his gaze.

“...Are you gonna try tomorrow?” Barry quietly asked.

Dan nodded solemnly, looking at his sneakers. Barry patted him on the back. “I'll be there, then.”

“Thanks,” Dan replied softly before continuing downstairs to shut off the living room TV.

~ ~ ~  
Arin had his hand on Dan's back as they slowly walked through the halls of the hospital. Dan was decked out in a more elaborate disguise today with what little the team could find. His hair was tied back and carefully hidden beneath his beanie. He wore his shades and a medical face mask. Arin dressed him in a thick red sweatshirt and black jeans. Even his hands were adorned with tight latex gloves. Arin spoke into his ear as they walked. “Ok, if anyone asks, your name is Stephen and you're an animator friend. Your parents are out of town, you have high anxiety and germaphobia, so-”

“I got it, Ar. I'm a wreck, you're looking after me,” Dan responded curtly. Not so far from the truth. Dan didn't have to rehearse; he had his arms folded, shifting anxiously.

“You're not a wreck. You got this,” Arin said encouragingly. They turned a corner. Just a few more doors. “So...if Avi and Debra are here, then-”

“I'm not talking to my parents,” Dan said with finality, giving Arin a serious look.

Arin nodded. “Of course, just...stick with Stephen...”

The crew was slowly walking behind them. Everyone who had been at the meeting had showed up.

There were already three nurses in the room when they got there. One was monitoring the Patient's vitals and refilling his IV as another stood on the opposite side of the bed and stretched one of his arms. A third nurse who was looking after the room sat on the couch in the corner, reading a magazine. When she saw the size of the group, she looked at Arin. “Only five people in at a time, please,” she said sternly. Arin gave her a sad, pleading look and she caved. “Alright, six. That's the best I can do, hun.” Arin thanked her and as the other two nurses headed out, they decided on who should stay in the room. Votes landed on Arin, Brian, Ross and Barry.

Arin and “Stephen” took seats next to the Patient while the others stood at the foot of the bed. They had their arms folded, wearing solemn looks. When the nurse raised her eyebrows at Stephen, Arin quickly explained, “He's not sick at all. He's, uh, scared of germs.” The nurse murmured and went back to reading her magazine.

Arin rubbed Dan's back as they both stared at the Patient. He looked more peaceful now; there was more color in his skin and just a thin oxygen canula in his nose. The drainage tube had been removed from his skull, which was still half-shaven and bandaged. The scars had healed up nicely, beginning to smooth out.

Arin rubbed Stephen's back. When no one else spoke, he looked over his strangely-clad friend. “Well...shall we pray then?” he joked lightly, a somber smile playing on his lips.

Stephen looked back at his friends, who were giving supportive smiles. Then he looked back at the Patient. “I, uh...I need silence. I-If that's okay,” he whispered. When Arin saw his watery irises, he leaned in closer to his friend. “Hey...it's okay. We're all right here, if anything happens. Whenever you're ready,” he said softly.

Stephen played with his hands nervously. “And what if...what if I wake up...and I don't...I don't know you anymore?” he fearfully asked.

Arin took his gloved hand and squeezed it hard. “Then...you'll just meet us again,” he whispered reassuringly, although his voice broke a little. “But don't worry. You're gonna be alright.”

“Stephen” rested his head against Arin's shoulder and stared at the Patient a moment before closing his eyes. He tried to concentrate, remembering how he felt on his bed the evening before. He could feel everyone glancing at him.

Dan felt the casual lightheadedness return to him. He became more aware of how the energy was manifesting. It lit up somewhere above his head, like the spark at the end of a fuse. He had to be extremely careful now; aim is everything and he couldn't afford to upset any of the machinery in the room. He doesn't want to expand himself like a bubble. With extra concentration, he tried to condense his own boundary, twist his energy into a rope-like shape in his mind. The effort involved caused him to fall into trance, slumping over against Arin, who watched him nervously.

Dan sensed another fainter flicker of light, the “hook” waiting for him at the top of the Patient's head. He snaked his energy towards it excitedly. ~Almost...there...~

At the Patient's forehead, Dan ran into a strange, new barrier, so suddenly that he bounced back in recoil. Somewhere behind him, he felt his body shudder against Arin. “You doin' alright, Steve?” he heard him ask. ~Just peachy,~ he thinks to himself. With caution, he lightly pressed against the barrier once more to test it.

A freezing cold sensation engulfed his energy. It felt solid almost, like it was caging him into a tight block of ice. ~What...what is this?!~ This wasn't here before. Dan began to fill with dread. He panicked and immediately withdrew his energy again. It took a moment for him to return to his “senses” as the terrible feeling melted off of him. He “glanced” around at the different vibrational energies traveling around the room, bouncing off the machinery and his friends, using it to map and regain his bearings. He didn't want to focus on what the cold sensation was...he moved forward determinedly. ~Can't give up now...somewhere else?~

There was a gentle, round pool of green energy awaiting him at the center of the Patient's chest. There were odd, black gaps floating around the energy here and there but for the most part, it looked calm. Feeling more scared this time, Dan reached out and “touched” the pool. The response was more favorable this time- Dan was overcome with a deeply relaxed feeling. It seemed as though he were stepping into a warm pool of water. He took that as a good sign and began to wade through it, sinking deeper. As he moved forwards, his android body and friends seemed to be farther and farther away.

Dan sank into the body completely. He became aware of his arms, legs and head, although they seemed far away too, somewhere in his periphery. He suddenly gained information about his internal organs, how everything was connected and working in unison, his blood pathways, metabolic processes, and so forth. Or rather, in actuality, he “became” that information. His energy naturally spread out, although he still felt that there was some sort of disconnect occurring. Feeling more confident now, he began a second phase, concentrating harder than before. He “split” his willpower into four additional “coils,” which slowly moved towards his sleeping limbs. His awareness of his fingers and toes gained clarity; he tried to will them to move, although for some reason, he couldn't determine if they were.

~Okay, now the hardest part...~ He had to try to fully complete the connection to the Patient's brain. Beginning to feel terrified, he reached upwards with the last extension of willpower he had. He felt it move upwards along the spine, to the neck...carefully creeping...up to the mouth...

Sounds slowly appeared somewhere outside of him, muffled, volume low. He recognized Brian's voice. “Dan...can you hear me? Danny?”

And another voice. More familiar than the rest. A woman's tender and sweet. The same one that used to tuck Dan in at bedtime, the one that told him he could be anything he wanted when he grew up. “Danny, baby...I'm right here, sweetie...everyone is here...”

Dan reached upwards desperately, trying so hard to get to his eyes, to the Patient's- no- his own mind! ~Please, PLEASE!~ he begged, stretching himself.

But as Dan tried to shove his way past the stubborn barrier, he realized too late that something else was controlling it. A well known Shadow was blocking his path.

Icy fear grabbed Dan and shook his core violently, overtaking his energy. He began to feel as though he was falling, weighted down, completely encased and trapped.

All sensations turned into frozen, blind panic. It felt as though everything around Dan was crystallizing and caving in on him. All of his extensions of willpower fell back onto themselves and he “fell” back down to his chest. He tried to reach outwards but found he could no longer move. He's too afraid.

The fear solidified and engulfed him.

He is fear.

~No, NO! WAKE UP! PLEASE!~ He began to feel as though he was being pulled downwards. The pool he was in darkened and became thick, deep, like mud. Everything began to fade around him. Before he could try again to fight it, it felt as though a floor beneath him was removed, opening out into impossibly infinite space. He sank down faster and faster.

Dan is terror. ~AAAAAAGGHH! DEBRA! BRIAN! SOMEBODY! HELP MEEE!~

The “mud” covered him completely and he began to fall into the black space, gaining speed. Would he fall forever? Would this empty into Hell? He's holding on to himself as best he can, but feels as though the energy that is himself is depleting, much too fast. Dread claws at him, pulling bits of himself away with each swipe...

He has only a moment left to act. With all the will he has left, Dan condenses the energy into a tight ball. ~I CAN'T DISAPPEAR!~ his “mind” screams into the void. ~I...I WON'T!!~ With his remaining effort, Dan pushed all parts of his willpower outwards.

His energy “flashed” and began to expand rapidly, flying upwards, back out into the world.

~ ~ ~

When “Stephen” seemed to be completely unconscious, Arin explained to the confused nurse that his strange friend had a sleeping disorder, then excused himself from the room, Ross helping him carry Dan out. They walked to the waiting room of the fifth floor and sat him down in a chair in between Holly and Suzy. Suzy looked up at her husband with worry. “Is he okay?”

Arin shrugged, his face turning pale. “I-I don't know. I think...he's still trying.”

Holly took off one of Dan's gloves and felt his hand and wrist. “He's got a pulse...but he's really cold.”

Arin folded his arms and closed his eyes. Prayer was seeming like less of a joke now.

~ ~ ~

A short while later, Dan's parents entered the hospital room, called up by one of the nurses. There was a flurry of new motion; the overseer was checking the Patient's vitals and prepping him for a new head scan while another nurse checked his eyes, ears and physical reflexes. As Debra and Avi walked in, Brian approached them. “Dan's brain activity might be increasing- the nurses are checking now,” he said in a serious tone.

A low moan escaped the Patient's lips, startling all the visitors in the room. Brian walked briskly back to the Patient's left side and tried to speak to him. Debra's eyes fell on her son; she noticed his fingers and toes lightly twitching. Looking at Avi a moment, she sat down next to her son and took his hand, speaking to him gently. Avi stood behind her, hands on her shoulders.

The Patient's limbs stopped moving. For a moment, his heart rate picked up, then dramatically slowed down. One of the nurses pressed the call button on her lanyard. “Could someone from Radiology come to room 507 please?”

Before the nurse could finish the call, the florescent lights above flickered. Suddenly, all systems shut down, leaving everyone sitting in the dark. There was a confused pause as everyone looked around. Three seconds later, the backup generators came on. A cool voice came on the intercom, explaining that there was an unforeseen outage on the floor and requesting everyone to check their programs.

One of the nurses looked at the other, perplexed. “What in the world caused that?” she asked.

Brian and Barry exchanged nervous glances.

~ ~ ~

Dan's energy had expanded to a size he couldn't calculate. When it collapsed back down as a sphere, it was already flying down the hallway, being pulled, as if by a giant magnet. Everything was a blur of color and speed before it crashed into another solid object.

The Grump crew all looked around in confusion as the power went out on the fifth floor. When it came back on, Holly and Suzy's hearts almost leaped from their chests as they heard a loud gasp from between them.

Dan's android eyes opened and a practically flew out of the waiting room chair. He stumbled forward, breathing hoarsely, like a fish out of water. Ignoring his friends and the weird looks he was garnishing from strangers, he immediately bolted for the elevator hallway. Arin ran after him, the others following. “STEVE! HEY!”

Dan stumbled, leaning against the wall. Arin caught him in time as he fell sideways and everything went black once again.

~ ~ ~

When Dan awoke twenty minutes later, he was in the passenger seat of Arin's car. He was no longer wearing his disguise. Both driver and passenger doors were open. He turned his head and saw his friends standing as a group in the hospital parking lot, chatting worriedly with each other. Arin rushed over to him, the guys following behind him. “Dan, are you alright?! What the hell happened?!”

Dan just stared at his friend and Arin was instantly unsettled. His brown eyes were incredibly dark, stone cold, unwavering. Dan didn't answer the question. He was out of answers to give.

Brian stepped forward, Barry and Ross peering into the car as well. Brian's eyes watered as he spoke softly. “Dan...you almost made it, right? You were there, in your body again?”

The dull brown orbs slid over to gaze at Brian, then fell back to Arin. “Take me home, please,” Dan said in a low tone.

Arin somberly looked at his friend. “Dan, we are all here to help, so we need to know-”

Dan's eyes lit up like fire. “I don't need any more FUCKING help!” he shouted suddenly, startling everyone in the lot. His tone was unusually aggressive, spitting anger. “Just take me home, NOW!”

Everyone winced as if stung suddenly by burning acid. “Oh...okay, Dan...” Arin said quietly, turning away.

Dan folded his arms and stared out past the windshield. He was too exhausted to let himself feel bad. In his periphery, he watched Arin talk to the others for a bit. Then everyone slowly walked back to their cars, Brian heading back inside the hospital building.

Arin and Suzy silently got into the car. When Arin peered over at Dan, the dark look had already vanished from his face as he fell back into deep sleep. A small tear fell down his face.

~ ~ ~ 

Arin didn't take Dan home. They went back to the Grump Space, where Arin sat on the couch and played Bloodborne for a while while Dan slept beside him, covered in several blankets.

A few hours had passed before the lights flickered again and the power went out. Arin dropped his controller and immediately moved over to his friend, making sure he was still breathing. “Dan...Dan, wake up...”

The TV turned into it's usual black and white static. Arin stared at it. His hand slid down to Dan's and gripped it tight.

The static disappeared to a black screen. For a moment, there was nothing. Then Arin heard a white noise. It took him a moment to realize it was rain. When he looked back at the screen, he saw heavy raindrops landing in some sort of thick, dark water, creating strange splashes. He watched in fascination as two arms reached up out of the deep water and human figure pushed itself out of the “mud”. Rain washed the darkness from its face. It took Arin another moment to realize in horror that he was looking at Dan, who was silently screaming into the darkness.

Arin shook Dan hard. “Dan, DAN!” Suddenly, the TV shut off and the rest of the power turned on. Dan's eyes shot open. He immediately grabbed onto Arin's shirt and pulled himself forward, pressing his face into it. Dan began to quietly sob. Arin sighed and held his friend. “It's okay...I promise, everything's okay...” Arin said gently, rubbing his back.

After a few minutes, the crying stopped and a watery, muffled voice answered him. “...I'm sorry I got mad at you again. I'm getting good at it...” Dan pulled away, rubbing his eyes.

Arin gave him a sympathetic smile. “You'll never be good at being mad, Dan,” he said with assurance. When Dan didn't answer, he continued. “...Some of the others dropped by to check on you. They stayed and worked for a while, but they're home now. Brian stayed at the hospital with your parents. He told us what happened...” Arin watched Dan's expression to gauge his reaction but it didn't change. Arin sighed again. “I'm sorry you had...a nightmare. And you don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to. But...”

Dan looked down into his lap. “It...was nice of everyone to be there for me. Again.”

Arin drummed his fingers along the back of the couch a moment, thinking deeply. Then he stood up, waving at Dan to join him. “Come on. I have something to show you again.” Reading Dan's thoughts, he added, “It's not fan mail this time.”

Dan followed Arin into the main meeting room. He raised an eyebrow at a filled kiddie pool that was on the floor at the other side of the room. “Why is there a swimming pool in our office?”

“We can be innovative like Google,” Arin joked, rolling out an office chair a few feet across from the pool. “Doesn't matter. All you need to know is that that-” Arin pointed at the pool, “is the ocean. Normally, I'd just drive you to the real ocean, but traffic sucks right now, and you hate the ocean-”

“I don't hate the ocean, I hate sharks,” Dan clarified. "I'm more afraid of the open space that-"

“Okay, whatever, just come take a seat,” Arin insisted, holding the back of the chair. 

Dan hesitated then obeyed, sitting in the chair. “Okay...now what?”

Arin reached into his pocket and pulled out a small packet, handing it to Dan. Dan inspected it; it was a pack of Smarties. “These are your pills,” Arin explained, “and your fears. You should say them out loud and throw them into the ocean.”

Dan blew out a sigh and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Arin, come on, don't patronize me, please. I've told you before, you aren't my therapist-”

“You're right, I'm your best friend, so I care more,” Arin snapped, pacing back and forth. His eyes saddened. “You...you used up all your energy today, trying to beat this. You fought really hard.”

“Sure...and as usual, it wasn't enough,” Dan said softly, toying with the candy in his palm.

Arin watched him a moment, quietly pensive. He cautiously added, “Well...it might not ever be enough, if...if you don't want to go back.”

Dan's eyes shot over to Arin, wide and watery. The candy fell to the floor as his hands began to shake. “How dare you...” He stood up, pointing at Arin. “How fucking dare you say that to me?” he said incredulously, feeling deeply hurt.

Arin was determined. “You have a right to be upset, Dan!” he said, stepping forward. His heart began to pound. “We've all seen you suffer. You're not at fault- it's not some...some crazy idea to want to be normal!” he said, throwing his hands up. Now Arin's eyes held a shimmer as he looked intently at his friend. He lowered his voice. “You've been in the hospital almost seven months now. I know that...after three months...things start to tire out...”

The duo stared at each other a moment. Then Dan looked shamefully at the floor. His voice got quiet. “When...when I was in there...my body seemed to be okay...but my mind...it was cold. So fucking cold, Arin. I tried to reach it...and then I was just sinking...and falling forever, God knows where...” Dan's breathing was shaking as he looked back up. “I...I don't want to forget my life. And I don't want to live the rest of it in a brain that's already dead. I'd rather be a ghost.” Dan bent down to pick up the candy from the floor.

“The Dan I know...doesn't accept defeat so easily,” Arin said, folding his arms. “And...your limbs were moving, Dan. A brain that's dead just can't do that. The stem cells have to be helping you. You need to believe that you're strong, because you are! Really!” Arin walked up to his friend. “It's okay to be afraid. You have that right. But...are you going to hold onto it? Or could you...maybe throw it away?”

Dan thought for a moment. Then he stared into Arin's eyes. ~...I'm not the Dan you know.~ “This time...is the only time I know I have. It's the only thing that I know is real. And I've wasted so much of it, trying to fix this.” He raised his hand lightly, looking at it. “Maybe...I shouldn't fight the tide anymore,” he said with finality, slowly handing the candy back to Arin.

Arin seemed to be disappointed a bit as he took the candy. He stared at it for a minute. “Your life will always be your decision, Dan,” he said as he lightly tossed the candy into the kiddie pool. “But I just have one request.”

“What is it?” Dan asked.

Arin gave him another small smile. “If you're gonna haunt the Grump Space...then I'm gonna need 100% more smiles out of you,” he said. He patted Dan on the back and pulled him along into the dining area. “We should treat ourselves today- I bet there's something sweet we can munch on in the kitchen before our Thai food gets here.”

“You ordered dinner already?” Dan genuinely asked.

“Of course. Everyone knows that you can't have a fully functioning Dan without his chicken skewers,” Arin said matter-of-factly.

Dan felt his mouth water, and he couldn't help but smile a little. “Those do make me happy,” he admitted, taking a seat at one of the barstools.

“Good.” On the opposite side of the long counter, Arin grabbed a rectangular box from a cupboard and placed it in front of them. “You're gonna need that happiness to balance out the incredible self-loathing we're going to get from eating these Sonic Twitter donuts,” he declared, opening up the box.

Dan giggled lightly, beginning to feel better. “They sent you more? Yeah...there's no way in Hell I'm eating those.” His smile grew wider.

“Too late now, Dan. You can't back out. We're in it for the long haul.” Arin grinned and held out a donut, glazed with blue frosting.

Dan eyed it skeptically, then took it. “Alright,” he said, taking a tentative bite.

Honestly, he wouldn't have it any other way.

~ ~ ~

After dinner, Arin distracted Dan for another hour by playing co-op Shovel Knight. They were surprised when someone knocked on the window and they looked up to see Barry and Ross waiting outside. The two came into the room, bringing laughter, jokes and snacks with them. They sat on each side of Dan, Arin on the far right.

The guys decided it was time to play some more Mario Kart 10 and Classic Super Smash Bros. while they chatted animatedly with each other. For a time, Dan relaxed and forgot about his troubles. When he died in Smash for the third time in a row, he sighed and watched as Ross’ Kirby did a victory dance on the screen. “Man, I am just no good at these types of games,” he said.

“You’re great at platformers and arcade games,” Arin commented, throwing Chex Mix into his mouth.

“You just need to practice more of the newer stuff and get out of the 80s,” Ross joked, nudging Dan in the side.

“Pretty sure Smash isn’t new,” Dan said, sitting up.

Barry’s eyes lit up with an epiphany and he looked over. “I know what we should do sometime- we should get Dan into Overwatch.”

Arin grinned, looking at his curly-haired friend. “Hey, yeah! We could teach you how to play. If you get really good, you could join our team!”

Dan chuckled. “Can’t make any promises, but I’ve definitely wanted to try it. It looks really fun.”

~ ~ ~ 

The crew played a few more rounds and then decided to call it a night. Barry drove Dan home, telling him about his favorite Overwatch characters and their skills until they pulled into the driveway. The two got ready for bed and Barry bid Dan goodnight.

Dan put on his pajamas and brushed his teeth. As he lay back in bed, the smile faded from his face. He stared up at the dark ceiling. A snarky voice in his head spoke up loudly. ~You know, Arin’s right. You’re being such a pussy- why won’t you just take back what’s yours? Look at yourself. You’re a joke with no punchline.~

Dan turned over onto his side and stared out at the moonlight spilling through the window above his writing desk. And from somewhere in the back of his mind, a softer voice spoke up. ~You really need to stop listening to all that. Have you forgotten your own advice? What…do you tell your own fans at the end of every concert?~

Dan’s eyes began to droop until he closed them, breathing deeply into his pillow. ~Maybe…~

Maybe…this too, was a gift.

~ ~ ~

Arin was startled the next day during recording when the door opened gently and Dan walked in with his laptop bag slung over his shoulder. He removed it and set it down as he sat gently on the couch and watched Arin finish his episode of Chrono Trigger. When he was done, he stopped the capture and put the controller down, looking over at Dan. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Not much,” Dan replied. He looked at the screen. “What about you? You still doin’ solo videos?”

“Just this series right now...”

“So…I’m guessing you’re not doing Ghoul Grumps this year?” Dan asked with concern, glancing at Arin.

Arin shrugged. “Well…we can’t really finish what we have, since we ran out of reasons for having pre-recorded videos this month. I’ve done a little bit of Don’t Starve Together with Ross for whatever’s left of Steam Train…I thought maybe I could do a scary story podcast with Barry and Suzy, but I dunno. I already told the fans that it was likely to be canceled this year,” he said sourly, looking at the controller.

Dan’s face was blank for a moment as he sat, thinking deeply. Then he spoke carefully. “Maybe…maybe for November or something, we could, like…’find a back up drive with a couple of older series on it’. Ones that you’ve…done with me,” Dan explained, looking over at Arin intently.

Arin looked even more uneasy now. “Dan, you really don’t have to worry about the channel-“

“Yes, I do! I’m your co-host, Arin. We’re partners, of course I do!” Dan said exasperatedly. “So, um…what do you think then?”

Arin’s eyes were cautiously searching Dan’s. “You…you really want this, then? You don’t’ just feel like you have to-”

Dan was firm. “I’ve already told you before, I want to record, Arin. I promise. I just want…” Dan stopped his train of thought a moment, then continued. “If we’re gonna do this...we should get started. Today.”

Arin shook his head. “Dan…You’ve been through a lot lately, and-“

“I don’t care,” Dan said stubbornly. He stood up and waited by the door, giving a sigh. “Enough of that. I just want…to do Game Grumps with you. Do you still want this?”

Arin nodded immediately. “Yeah, definitely! Don’t ask me twice.” He still felt a little unsure as he followed Dan out into the meeting room to take a look at the game shelf and see what they could find. 

~ ~ ~ 

There wasn’t anything on the shelf that looked incredibly spooky for Ghoul Grumps, so Arin and Dan settled for some older arcade-style games (Ninja Warriors and Wrath of the Black Manta). 

The duo started with Ninja Warriors, taking their respective places on the couch. Arin handed the controller to Dan for a change of pace. At first, Dan’s presence seemed to cause the console to freeze a couple of times. He took a few deep breaths and tried again, Arin waiting patiently. When everything had calmed down, they began the recording. It only took them thirty seconds to get back into the groove of things, the boys naturally bouncing ridiculous commentary and jokes off each other. They made a few silly jokes about the ninja androids, which didn’t bother Dan in the slightest as he concentrated on beating the level while listening to Arin for a bit. In an hour, they had created at least six episodes of good material for both games.

When Dan reached over and pushed the microphone away, he stared at it in contemplation a moment. Speaking into it again…it was like inhaling a new, fresh breath of air.

~ ~ ~

Dan spent the rest of the day sitting in a bean bag chair near Brian’s small desk in the office, his laptop open and resting on his crossed legs as he brought up his NSP folders. He relaxed comfortably and listened to his other coworkers casually chat with each other as he played with lyrics on the screen. He brought up his email and began discussing new song ideas with Brian.

That evening at home, Dan hung out on the couch in the downstairs office and read a book while Barry worked on his own videos. For once, everything felt peaceful and content. And when Dan went to bed later, for the first time in a long while, he got full, uninterrupted rest.

~ ~ ~ 

The next day when Dan walked into the recording room, he was surprised when there was already a game pulled up on the TV. The screen had a picture of the Earth rotating. Arin gave him a huge grin as Dan raised his eyebrow at the image. “Hey, what’s this? I thought we were doing classics only?”

Arin patted the cushion next to him. “Take a seat, Danny. I got a doozy for ya today. I found this on Steam today, and I think you’re really gonna like it.”

Dan kept giving Arin a quizzical look but he sat down on his side of the couch again. The image of the Earth transitioned into a forest of elk. Dan just stared at Arin, smiling. “Seriously though…what in the world is this?”

Arin’s grin got wider. “This is Everything, Dan,” he said matter-of-factly, starting up the game. “You ready for this?”

Dan was definitely not ready for what the game had in store for them. When it began with an elk stiffly somersaulting across a meadow, he laughed his ass off, thinking it was no more than a comedy game, like Goat Simulator. He had no idea what he was about to experience.

~ ~ ~

“This is…bananas.” Dan was completely immersed in the game only a few minutes later, leaning forward on the couch, his eyes completely transfixed to the screen. There was some narration playing, a British man speaking, telling parts of a philosophy seminar. Dan and Arin listened to the words and then Dan began to open up; he found himself lost in the subject matter as he discussed existence in depth with Arin as they explored the strange world presented before them.

Dan watched in amazement as the elk transformed into all sorts of things: A rock, a clover, a snail, an island, the Earth, the Solar System, groups of stars and galaxies, flying through space. In the midst of discussing eternity, Arin admitted having a fear of its ramifications on his own personal identity. Dan brightly commented, “…It’s hard to have an existential crisis when everything is so pretty..”

At one point, Arin ascended so far in the game that he had become an atom again, a gemstone, little microscopic animals, and so forth. He was greatly surprised when Dan revealed to him that he found the idea of eternity and the interconnectedness of all things as incredibly soothing and freeing. He surprised Arin even more when he told a story of when he first realized he was going to die, when he was eighteen years old, waiting in line to buy a Slurpee at a gas station. He was so focused on telling it that he didn’t catch Arin blatantly staring at him.

At the end of that story, Dan said, “I think the fact that things end is what gives them value…”

Arin felt something warm well up in his chest as he responded gently, “Oh yeah, that’s what beauty is. Beauty is fleeting.”

~ ~ ~ 

At the end of the recording, the two men paused. Then Arin cautiously said, “So…that’s Everything. Did ya like it?”

Dan grinned. “That was awesome! I wanna play more of it later- I should show it to Brian-“ Dan stopped when he saw the perplexed look on Arin’s face. He raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

Arin caught himself; he looked at the controller, smiling. “Ah, nothing…it’s just…” He looked back at Dan. “I just really didn’t expect you to react the way you did. I mean…it’s like you’ve done a complete 180 these last couple days.” Dan looked down, suddenly pensive. When they both stood up to put in another game, Arin put a hand on Dan’s shoulder and grinned. “I’m…glad that you feel better.”

Dan returned a gentle smile, still lost in thought. “Yeah…thanks. So what’s next?”

~ ~ ~ 

Dan and Barry didn’t use their backyard all that often, but off in the back left corner of the yard by the fence, there was a rather large oak tree. Barry found it tedious to rake up its fallen leaves and thought that in its particular location it was an eyesore. Dan, however, didn’t mind it as he sat beneath it that evening, sipping jasmine tea from a thermos as he quietly contemplated the day’s events.

Dan reached up and touched the tree. He closed his eyes, and concentrated on the soft energy, blooming atop his head…

His energy lightly wound around the tree. He found that he couldn’t merge with it completely, but there was definitely some sort of resonance occurring. Dan suddenly felt overtaken by a sense of calm…no, more than that. Belonging. As he explored this fresh, lively sensation, he remembered part of the narration from one of the Everything videos. (He had Googled it later on and found that the one speaking was a late Buddhist philosopher named Alan Watts).

~“…And then we cut ourselves off…and define ourselves as separate from it...”~

Dan pulled his energy back, not wanting to exhaust himself again. He absentmindedly toyed with the tiny silver pentagram that was hiding beneath his shirt. After a few more quiet minutes, he gave the tree one last goodbye pat and headed inside.

~ ~ ~ 

Dan sat at his writing desk in his room. He was leafing through something he had pulled from a drawer; it was the small booklet that came with the Under the Covers album.

Dan revisited the idea of interconnectedness. His thoughts traveled to his fans; he remembered the room full of mail Arin had shown him. He found himself wondering how many of them checked the channel and their social feeds every single day, looking for something new about him. His heart fell as he wondered how many would unfortunately feel pushed to hurt themselves in grief, if they learned of him passing…

Dan’s eyes fell onto a few more of the text in the little booklet. He saw his written response to the song “Wish You Were Here”. When he read the last sentence, he paused. 

Dan stared at the page a moment. He quickly wiped away a tear and set the booklet down. 

And he decided.

Dan stood up and put on his leather jacket, practically flying down the stairs. He jumped into his car and began to drive. 

He gave Brian a call but no one answered, so he left a voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. I guess you’re probably eating dinner right now. Um…I’m heading to the studio now. I’ll leave the doors unlocked. Call me when you can.”

The booklet lay open on the desk. The last sentence didn’t stand out, but it was loud and clear.

 

~The only way to fight death is to live.~

 

~ ~ ~

*Days later*

 

Holly rubbed her head in frustration, turning her chair away from her computer desk. She had been editing for hours, and felt a migraine coming on. It didn’t help that the animals wouldn’t stop chirping and meowing…

She groggily stood up and decided to grab a drink and check the mail. As she stepped out onto the porch and sifted through the mail, her eyes fell on a black envelope decorated in glittering orange, cursive writing.

Holly walked back inside, shouting at her husband as she walked into the kitchen and set the mail on the counter. “Hey, babe! Looks like Mark and Amy invited us to their annual Halloween party!”

“Oh, yeah?” A tired Ross shuffled in from the hallway and peered at the counter before he opened the fridge, looking for a meal. “What day is it on?”

“Saturday, the 29th. Are we still going to the Samhain festival on Monday?” Holly asked, grabbing a bottle of white wine and uncorking it. 

“Yeah, of course.” Ross smirked as Holly poured the wine into a glass. “You want food to go with that?”

Holly rolled her eyes and ignored the Rossism, walking back to her room. 

 

Samhain…celebrating the overlapping of the spirit world to the physical plane…

 

Holly reached up to her chest to touch her pentagram. She looked down in confusion a moment before she remembered. ~Oh, right. I gave it to Dan…~

Dan. Holly stopped dead in her tracks. Ross raised an eyebrow as he headed back to his own office. “You ok there?”

Holly turned and looked at him. “Hey…could you text me Dan's phone number?"

~ ~ ~


	25. What Makes a Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post, thank you all so much for following! ^_^;; 
> 
> I left a tiny Easter egg in this one, lol.

"…Are you sure you wanna do it this way? This could be really damaging in the long run, Dan…”

A sigh. “I’m sure, for now. It’s not like everything’s set in stone- you told them it was a trial, right?”

“Sure, but…they’re our friends too. You’re not gonna-“

“-Tell the truth? That was hard enough the first time. What else am I gonna do? Tell me what I should do.”

“I can’t make these decisions for you-”

“Well, I made mine. Please ask them again, Brian.”

~ 

It was mid to late afternoon when Brian opened the studio door to welcome four guests into the building. The men walked inside and looked around with a newly found curiosity. They were all dressed in basic band shirts or plaid tees and jeans, and each one was carrying an instrument or bag of heavy equipment slung over their shoulders. They each greeted Brian casually and dropped the bags into the main recording room and looked back at him.

 

“Okay, so…is it here?” one of them awkwardly asked.

 

Brian walked up to them, hands in his pockets. “Yeah, uh, he’s…he’s in the back,” Brian said, meeting the man’s gaze. His became serious. “You remember what I told you? If it’s too weird or uncomfortable, then we’re done. No hard feelings, we won’t approach it again.”

 

“Right, okay,” the man said awkwardly. He looked over at the other three and then back at Brian. “I guess we’ll get set up for a bit.”

 

The crew began to set up and tune or test their instruments. One of them took a seat at a drum set in the back while two others pulled out a guitar and bass guitar, plugging them into amps and tuning. The man who had spoken was working with electronics and carefully connecting a talk box and pedal with a bright white keytar he pulled from his case.

 

When the group was finished, they shot each other glances. The man with the keytar looked up at Brian nervously. “…I think we’re good.”

 

Brian nodded solemnly and walked to the corner of the room where there was an adjoining bathroom. “Remember what I said,” he told them all almost sternly as he opened the door and went inside.

 

The room was quiet a moment. When Brian reentered the room, there was a tall, mop-headed someone behind him, clad in glittery blue spandex.

 

There was a collective intake of air by the four men. Danny Sexbang leaned against the wall a moment and folded his arms. He gave what he hoped was a confident, goofy yet enticing grin. “Hey! I’ve never seen you all before. Are you guys fans of Ninja Sex Party?” he asked them innocently, his sparkling eyes meeting each of theirs.

 

The man with the keytar stared in awe. Then he slowly walked towards the duo, the other three men behind him. The first man looked up at Brian in disbelief. “…This is the robot?”

 

Brian nodded. “Yeah, a Jackson & Smith model. They finished him a few months ago.”

 

“For 2016? Jesus, the detailing is…” The man’s comment faded as he looked over the android in wonder.

 

“You’re tellin’ me. It’s absolutely incredible what they’re able to do.” Brian looked over at the android. “Danny, you should introduce yourself.”

 

The android stood up and walked over to the group, still wearing a jovial smile. He stopped in front of the keyboardist and held out his hand. “Hi! I’m Danny Sexbang, and this is my friend, Ninja Brian. What’s your name?”

 

The man swallowed before answering. “I’m ____ ____.” He awkwardly shook the android’s hand and was immediately surprised by how warm it was. ~His motion is so fluid…they even got his thumbs…~

 

Brian could tell that the man was a little uncomfortable. He looked back at the android. “Don’t you recognize him, Danny? This is Dr. Sung and our friends from Tupperware Remix Party.”

 

A perplexed look briefly crossed Danny’s face before he laughed, looking back at Brian. “What are you talking about, Ninja Brian?”

 

Brian looked at Dr. Sung. “I thought this might happen- he doesn’t see you guys without your costumes.”

 

Now one of the guys in the back stepped forward, skeptically eyeing the robot’s face. “There’s no way this is American- it’s gotta be one of those suave, Japanese robots.”

 

“I’m tellin’ you, it’s from LA. Although they got some inspirations from Russia…”

 

“So he’s a spy, eh?” Commander Meouch replied jokingly, still circling around the android warily as if he were an actual jungle cat. “…This is completely nuts. It looks exactly like him! Sounds like him too. How did they pull this off?”

 

“Very carefully,” Brian replied vaguely. He folded his arms and watched the others closely, as if he were a parent looking after children (which wasn’t too far off the mark with TWRP).

 

~

 

Dan thought he was putting on a pretty good act as the guys toyed with him and asked him simple questions about the bands and their music. He carefully kept his mouth shut unless prompted, his actions deliberate, even if a little too over the top. He shared an action filled story of how NSP saved the world from the Samurai Abstinence Patrol. When he was finished, he grinned, folded his arms and patiently awaited his audience’s reaction. His eyes lightly scanned each of their faces.

 

Meouch let out a laugh that sliced through some of the tension in the room. He began to bombard Brian with questions about the robot’s costs and programming. Dr. Sung and Havve Hogan remained quiet, the latter relaxed and inquisitive while Sung just stood and continued to stare in amazement at Dan.

 

But Lord Phobos also had his arms crossed and a stern look on his face that made Dan feel instantly guilty. The stare he was giving the android was so hard that for a second, Dan thought he’d accidentally slipped up. Then Phobos looked down and gave a dark chuckle. “You should get a refund- this thing’s broken,” he said, one of his hands gesturing at the robot.

 

“Oh?” Brian faced him and lowered his arms with a frown. “How so?”

 

Dan set his jaw in a firm line and held his breath.

 

“Just look at him- he’s all wrong,” Phobos said, walking around them all.

 

“I think he looks pretty badass,” Meouch said in light rebuttal, invading Dan’s personal space to stare up at him. “They even got his eyebrow scar.”

 

“Did they get his road rash too?” Lord Phobos spat, turning away.

 

Dan looked blankly ahead, his heart dropping into his stomach. He held back a drop of moisture threatening to spill from his eye.

 

Phobos turned back to them. “They fucked up his dialogue- Danny doesn’t talk or act like that at all. It’s cheesy and stupid.” Before anyone else could offer an opinion, Phobos walked into the mixing room, shutting the door behind him. From behind the glass, the crew watched him stand there, arms folded as he stared at his sneakers.

 

Brian shot Dan a quick warning glance “I’ll be right back guys,” he said, following Lord Phobos.

 

When Dan let out his breath, the others looked over at him. He blinked and forced an awkward smile, unsure of what else to say.

 

~

 

Brian sat next to Lord Phobos and silently set up his laptop while his friend stared at the mixing board. Phobos leaned back in the chair and sighed. “…Sorry.”

 

“Brian raised an eyebrow. “For?”

 

“I…we already scheduled this and everything, and…” Phobos sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Brian waited patiently as he collected his jumbled thoughts. Phobos rested his elbows on the mixing board, staring deeply at it. He lowered his voice. “We…we were working really hard to crank out Ladyworld…and then this happened. I saw him once, and it was just one shit excuse after another…one month after another…”

 

Brian nodded in understanding. While Phobos had his head down, he stared out of the glass a moment, watching as Dan appeared to be telling the other three another silly NSP story. “I don’t blame you. I left the country right after. Went to London and Paris with Rachel and Audrey.” Phobos looked up and Brian, and he continued. “We can all pack up and go home, and leave this somewhere behind us.”

 

Phobos played with his hands. He reviewed what Brian had told him over the phone in a previous call. “His arms and legs move sometimes? And, like…he’s got the stem cells, so…” Phobos let the one unanswered question hang in the air between them.

 

Brian patted his shoulder. “They gave us a trial period as a courtesy. Nothing is set in stone, and I’m not gonna make you do this.”

 

“But it’s what he wants,” Phobos said matter-of-factly, folding his arms and staring again at the android.

 

“Dan wants all of you to keep following your dreams.”

 

“Yeah, well, they’re not as awesome without him,” Phobos said, looking down, keeping his emotions at bay.

 

“He knows that. That’s why he signed for this,” Brian said, gesturing a hand lightly in the direction of the android. “And he knows it’s not the same, he just wants you guys to have fun. But if it’s not fun, then that’s nobody’s fault. He’ll understand if you don’t like the robot. I just thought that if we do this, then when he wakes up, we’ll already at least have some parts recorded to get things moving again. I obviously can’t speak for him, but his vocal chords will probably need months of work, at the very least…I don’t think he’d mind if we planned ahead a little bit. Keeping the robot was the absolute, worst case scenario.”

 

“When he wakes up…” Phobos murmured to himself, weighing options in his head. He looked back at Brian. “And JSA is okay with us using the android’s vocals on some of the tracks?”

 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Brain said dismissively. “I’ll be going over the contracts again with them again, probably during the week.”

 

“Does he even sound good?” Phobos asked, giving the android a dubious look. “That script delivery was terrible.”

 

“You didn’t get my email?”

 

“Email?” Phobos gave Brian a questioning look. Brian booted his laptop and got out his headphones, plugging them in. He brought up the recording of “Limelight” he’d made with Dan, carefully skipping past the first part and handing Phobos the earbuds. “Listen to this and tell me what you think.”

 

Lord Phobos took a few minutes to listen to the song, several mixed expressions crossing his face as he did so. When the song ended, he handed the earbuds back to Brian. “Is that the only one?”

 

“Yeah, just one take.”

 

“It sounds a little sad almost, in the tone,” Phobos softly commented, looking at the laptop screen. After a moment of contemplation, he added, “But it sounds like him.” Brian waiting for him to say more. Phobos glanced out past the glass at the android again. He watched as its face lit up in a grin before he blew out a long sigh and stood up. “Alright, alright. We’ve killed enough time in here- what’re we starting with?”

 

~

 

When TWRP was all dressed up in costume and ready to go, they were each surprised when the android recognized each of them, giving them all cheery greetings. He danced over to the music stand and grinned at Brian. “Are we ready to rock?!”

 

“In just a moment Danny. Hold tight,” Brian ordered the robot, turning to Lord Phobos and Dr. Sung with the track list.

 

Before they began some of the covers, the band started with “The Hit” to observe the android’s performance skills. Dan stayed in his ridiculous character, bouncing around on an invisible stage, swaying his hips and body suggestively. He even pointed and winked at an imaginary woman in the crowd during one of the choruses. At the end of the song, he gave a cheer and bowed before turning and grinning at the others. “Alright, what’s next?!”

 

TWRP looked at Danny again like they were seeing him the first time again. Dr. Sung let out a whistle. “Wow…that was…”

 

“Really good,” Havve Hogan said, causing the android to raise a confused eyebrow.

 

Brian quietly murmured to Dan to ‘tone down the theatrics’ and pulled a couple of song selections for Under the Covers 2.

 

~

 

A little over an hour later, the crew finished recording and began to pack up. As they changed out of their masks, the android silently paced around the room, now in more of a ‘Model One’ mode.

 

At least he thought he was, until he saw his friend’s faces again.

 

Havve Hogan and Lord Phobos held themselves together pretty well. But it didn’t escape Dan’s notice when Dr. Sung and even Commander Meouch wiped their eyes, sniffing a few times.

 

That was all it took for Dan to fully regret his decision.

 

Brian came out of the mixing room and stood in the doorway. “Good jams today, guys.”

 

“Same time tomorrow?” Lord Phobos asked.

 

“No,” Dan swiftly replied without thinking.

 

Everyone paused, all eyes on him. Brian stepped forward. “No, Model One?”

 

~Fuck- fuckfuck.~ Dan backpedaled, putting on a deadpan look. “I don’t know.”

 

“You don’t know what?”

 

“I…I don’t understand that response,” Dan said carefully.

 

Brian chuckled, giving Phobos a doubtful look. “The costume change might’ve confused it,” he explained. “Or maybe you were right. Anyway, we’ll play things by ear…”

 

Brian turned back to Dan and ordered him to shut down. Dan went into the mixing room and sank into a chair, closing his eyes. His previous feelings of satisfaction were replaced with tired defeat.

 

When Dan and Brian returned to the studio the following morning, they recorded alone.

 

~

Life went on.

 

Dan continued to record with both Brian and Arin, spending his mornings on Grumps and evenings on music. He shared the experience with Arin while they took a drink break after a moderate recording session.

 

“That sucks,” Arin said sympathetically, leaning back on the couch. “But they’re still recording with you, right? Just on off days?” He took a sip of his Monster. “So it’s not a total loss, at least.”

 

“Yeah..” Dan said softly, staring past the TV screen, tapping on his bottle of Perrier. Before he could reply, his phone began to buzz on the side table. He picked it up and raised an eyebrow, not immediately recognizing the number. He answered, “Hello?”

 

“Hey Dan, it’s Holly! Sorry to bug you while you’re working- are you busy right now?”

“Holly, hi,” Dan said, eyeing Arin, who gave him a quizzical shrug. Dan noted a slight slur in her voice. “Uh, Arin and I are on a quick break, is everything okay?” He assumed Ross had left something at the office.

 

“Yeah, everything’s good, I just had a couple questions for you, actually.”

 

“Okay, shoot.”

 

“Um…” Holly paused a moment before she continued. “Do you know what Samhain is?”

 

~

 

Dan was amazed by some of the lengths his friends would go to try and help him.

 

Holly briefly explained to him the details of Samhain. In brief, it was an ancient holiday that celebrated the end of harvest and the beginning of winter. Around the end of October and the beginning of November, there was believed to be a time where nature spirits from the “other world” could connect better to the physical plane. It was also believed that deceased ancestors could revisit their Earthly homes.

 

Dan figured out where Holly was going with this, his hand ghosting over his neck where her pentagram rested. “You think I might be able to connect to my body better around Halloween,” he concluded, glancing at Arin.

 

Holly was surprised. “Uh, yeah, actually. Anyway, it could all be nonsense but I just thought I should tell you…you know, just in case…”

 

After speaking to her for a few more minutes (she seemed incredibly embarrassed now,) Dan thanked her for her concern and hung up. Before Arin could question the strange proposal, Dan said, “Holly said there’s a Halloween party at Mark’s on Saturday and wondered if you and Suz were gonna go.”

 

Arin quickly grabbed his phone and pulled up his calendar. “Oh shit, that is this weekend. I better tell Suzy…yeah, we’re going.”

 

There was a somewhat awkward silence a moment while Arin texted his wife and Dan sipped his drink. When he was done, Arin looked up.

 

“Do you, uh…do you wanna go too?”

 

~

~Oct 29th~

 

It wasn’t the riskiest thing he had done so far, but Dan thought it was definitely up there as he leaned against the wall next to the punch bowl and surveyed the quickly growing crowd.

 

A couple of days before the party, Arin had found Dan a pretty badass looking Headless Horseman costume at a local shop. And while it looked awesome, Dan had a few issues with it.

 

He was wearing a full suit ensemble, complete with cloak, boots, and even a pumpkin head mask that he was currently carrying under his arm. To cover his face, he was wearing a thick, black mesh hood (and his beanie beneath it to hide his hair) that from a distance could feed the illusion that he was indeed headless. However, it didn’t help him as much as he tried not to overheat from wearing so many itchy layers. He was taking small sips of water between the mesh as he glanced around.

 

Arin was being a good sport, taking time every half an hour or so to check up on Dan. He introduced him again as “Stephen” to Mark and Amy (albeit a lot less scared and vulnerable version now). Dan lowly whispered quick replies to complex questions, explaining to them that he had a cold, hoping that people couldn’t see right through his charade.

 

As Mark scolded Arin for never introducing his “friend,” Dan took some time to appreciate everyone else’s costumes. Arin and Suzy were dressed as Gomez and Morticia Addams again. Holly was reusing her Strix costume; Ross and Barry were Vegeta and Goku, wearing ridiculously tall wigs. Mark and Amy were dressed as a 20’s mobster and a flapper girl. Dan didn’t know where the other Grumps were; there were over 40 people at the party, including various Youtubers, Twitch streamers and a bunch of people Dan didn’t know or recognize.

 

When the discussion had taken on a somber tone and Dan heard his name come up, he politely excused himself and drifted between the dancers and the beer-pongers to become the wallflower next to the punch bowl.

 

It wasn’t his usual gig but Dan didn’t think it safe to be the center of attention right now. Plus, he was beginning to feel a little claustrophobic as he pressed his back against the wall.

 

He didn’t realize he’d caught someone else’s notice until a 20-something year old ‘nurse’ walked over to him, a drink in her hand and a grin on her face. “Hey there! You enjoying the party?” She leaned against the wall next to him.

 

Dan shrugged, leaning down to quietly answer, “Yeah, it’s alright. Mark and Amy are nice people.”

 

“Yeah, they are.” The girl took a sip of her green punch. “Halloween’s one of my favorite holidays. You get to be someone else for a night, and just hang out with friends and drink and dance.” Dan politely nodded, unsure of how to reply. The girl glanced over at Arin and Suzy. “I saw your friend checking on ya- did he tell you to go for the whole tall, dark, and mysterious look?” she asked, edging closer to Dan.

 

The question threw him off guard. “What?”

 

She chuckled. “You know, girls like it when guys are brave enough to approach them. But I don’t mind.” She turned towards him, smiling. “I’m Jessica.”

 

A part of Dan knew this was a bad sign from the start. A louder part was blooming as a warmth below his gut. He allowed his hidden gaze to drift across her red lips, soft face, curves held in place in her tight, thin, plastic mini dress. He stuttered like a schoolboy, “I’m D-Stephen. I’m Stephen.”

 

“Cool.” The girl glanced across the room- Dan followed her gaze to a staircase by the front doors that led downstairs. “I heard there might be something spooky in the basement. Wanna go find out?” Her eyes and tone became a touch sultry as they curiously scanned Dan’s dark mask.

 

Alarms were going off in Dan’s head. ~No- nonononono. No.~ He knew better than to fall for this.

 

But tonight, Dan wasn’t Dan- he was Stephen. And as far as he was currently concerned, Stephen was an idiot. One that had a thing for blondes.

 

Maybe doctors too.

 

Stephen took a quick glance to make sure Arin and Suzy were busy dancing before he swiftly followed behind his new friend, descending down the staircase.

 

~

 

Arin couldn’t find Dan anywhere. He was beginning to panic as he circled through every room with Suzy, asking around if anyone had seen the Headless Horseman. After ten minutes or so, someone pointed him in the direction of the staircase. Suzy waited at the top of the stairs as Arin moved downwards into the darkness.

 

It was a gaming den with an entertainment system, coffee table and a few bulky, leather couches. There were a few doors on the right that Arin assumed were extra bedrooms or storage. It was chilly and hard to see, the only light coming from little orange and violet bulbs lining the ceiling.

 

But Arin didn’t need to see- he could hear highly suggestive, wet sounds coming from the couch in front of him. When he stepped forward, squinting hard, he saw the silhouette of a familiar mop of curls whose body was moving against a woman he couldn’t see, save for her white PVC dress, bright underneath the black lights.

 

“Steve’s” mesh hood, beanie and pumpkin head lay forgotten on the floor. Agitated, Arin leaned down to pick up the hood. Unfortunately, his knee collided with the end of the adjacent couch. “OW, FUCK!”

 

The girl made a muffled, startled sound and the movement stopped. Arin knew he’d scared Dan too because in that moment, the regular lights in the room flickered erratically and the TV switched on, spewing loud static.

 

The girl cried out in fear and before Dan could stop her, she’s pushed him away and ran across the room to head back upstairs. That left Dan on the couch, blinking through the darkness until he recognized his friend. “Oh, hey Arin…”

 

After rubbing his knee a minute, Arin stumbled and grabbed the TV remote from the armrest, quickly switching it off. Then he threw it aside and stomped over to Dan, grabbing his shoulders. He became even more upset when he saw the lipstick smeared all over Dan’s face. “’Oh, hey’? Are you out of your goddamn mind?!”

 

Dan was gonna throw back a smartass joke about his head missing when they both heard voices from the top of the stairs, quickly descending. Arin grabbed Dan’s arm and pulled him up. “Just come on!”

 

They needed a hiding spot and fast. Arin dragged Dan over to one of the doors off to the side that he suspected was a closet, opening it and shoving him inside before following behind and shutting the door. The room was indeed a large walk-in closet that was stuffed with old clothes, boxes, and random electrical equipment.

 

Arin let go of Dan and threw the mesh hood & beanie at him, quietly steaming. “I really didn’t think I was gonna have to parent you today!” he loudly whispered, folding his arms.

 

Dan wrinkled his nose at the hood. “Do I really have to put on both? This thing is hard to breathe in…” When he glanced up and saw the look on Arin’s face, he wished he hadn’t said anything.

 

Arin sighed and closed his eyes. “Yes you do! Listen, I know there are a lot of people here that don’t know you, but at least a handful do! And if that girl talks to one of them and tells them that she was making out with some tall, curly-haired guy with weird thumbs,” Arin made weird gestures in the air with his hands, his eyes wide, “what the fuck am I supposed to do if they’re smart enough to figure out that some weird shit is going on?! What then?!”

 

Dan nodded, feeling guilty. Arin was right, there was no excuse for his behavior. He quietly slipped the beanie back on. “…Sorry. I guess I got carried away,” he said lamely.

 

Arin looked at his friend, dropping his arms as he calmed down. “I get it, cute girls everywhere, Halloween, you wanna have fun. But keep the hood on, and your pants, please. If you need action that bad, I’d give you a sweet handy anytime,” he added with a small smile.

 

Dan giggled softly, feeling immediately better knowing all was forgiven. He slipped the hood back on. “I know you would, Ar. Sorry again.”

 

“It’s fine. You might wanna find a bathroom though- there’s red all over your face.”

 

~

“What are they doing in there?”

 

Felix didn’t have his ear up to the door but he was close to it as he fiddled with a party popper in his hand. “They’re whispering. Sounds like a lover’s quarrel!” Marzia giggled quietly beside him.

 

“You guys are so mean,” Signe said from the couch. Sean laughed next to her as he fiddled with the TV remote to see if he could find a good horror movie.

 

Suzy approached them from across the room, her hands on her hips. “What’s going on down here? Has anyone seen my husband?”

 

Just then, Arin and “Stephen” fumbled out of the closet. They were surprised when they were suddenly covered in confetti and Pewds shouted in his silly voice, “Well well well! Look who’s coming out of the closet!”

 

Arin rubbed the back of his head and laughed awkwardly, feeling warmth in his cheeks. “Uh oh, you caught us,” he said, playing along as he gave Suzy a sheepish look. Beside him, Stephen was fighting hard not to laugh.

 

“So? How was the sex?”

 

Arin shrugged. “Meh, kinda gross actually. Sticky, humid.”

 

Everyone giggled, Sean looking back over at Stephen. “Ouch, you gonna take that, man?”

 

Stephen bent over, shaking in silent laughter. Above them all, the lights flickered gently again until they went out.

 

~

~Oct 30th~

 

Dan didn’t know what his plan would be for returning to the hospital. He did know that he was gonna go to the movies with his friends early this afternoon.

 

The original plan was to see the new “It” after the party yesterday but when the festivities were over, everyone was far too tired. They all rescheduled for Sunday with a hope that the crowds would be much thinner at the theater.

 

Dan liked the new plan because to his surprise, Dr. Jackson shot him a text that morning, asking him what he was up to.

 

Dan felt a little guilty about the previous night’s activities but he really had no reason. After all, he wasn’t dating his doctor. But nowadays, whenever she told him about how proud she was of him as he told her about his recent recording sessions, his stomach would do a little involuntary flip, every time.

 

When she spoke to him about her usual work week, mumbling about computer programs and what cup of coffee she was on, Dan could only wonder what else was going on inside her busy head.

 

It’s true that the holidays affect all single people a little differently. Some people become cynical and hole themselves up in their houses, watching Netflix alone all day. Others see the holidays as an opportunity to present themselves to the world as confident and attractive, ready to conquer a date and perhaps find a potential mate too, or at least have a good time.

 

Sometimes it simply meant rubbing someone’s back during the scary parts of a horror movie and holding their hand as you walked close together down the street.

 

That evening, the Grump crew (minus Brian and Brent) strolled in a large group down the center of the boulevard, laughing and animatedly discussing the movie as they searched for a place nearby to have dinner. A few cars got frustrated and honked at them, which split up the group but didn’t interrupt the conversation.

 

“That was so good!”

 

“Pennywise was so creepy!”

 

“I liked the part when…”

 

“Finn was hilarious!”

 

“Our little Finn is growin’ up!”

 

Dan and Dr. Jackson were a bit more quiet and relaxed than the others as they listened to them all chattering loudly behind them. They smiled at each other. Dan could tell she still had some leftover jitters; he squeezed her hand comfortingly. “Sorry if that was too much.”

 

“Nonono, it was good! Really well done.” Katie looked up at him, her eyes sinking into warmth as she studied his features. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For inviting me. You didn’t have to.”

 

Dan shrugged. “I figured you could use a break from work.” He thought for a moment, looking down at his sneakers. He decided to be bold. “You know, we could…do this again sometime, if you wanted. “

 

Katie’s eyes widened. Before she answered, Arin and Suzy caught up to them. “Hey! What’d you guys think of the movie?”

 

Katie and Dan briefly shared their favorite parts of the movie. Then Katie was asking Dan about his career and suddenly he and Arin were talking about Game Grumps, how they recorded, what they played, and some of their favorite moments on the show.

 

The four were so caught up in discussion that the bright lights in their periphery didn’t faze them.

 

As they laughed together, they didn’t immediately realize the changing tone of the conversation behind them.

 

“What is he-“

 

“Is he gonna slow down?!”

 

“He’s not…!”

 

“Guys, GUYS! BUS!!” There was a shrill shriek, the sound of running. Pure panic was in Ross’ voice when he shouted “ARIN, GUYS, MOVE!! NOW!!”

 

The four looked back and time seemed to slow to a crawl as they stared into the tall headlights of the six-o-clock bus, going well over the speed limit.

 

Suzy had the quickest reflexes; she had heard Holly shriek and already ran off to the sidewalk, yanking Arin so hard that he fell atop her.

 

He didn’t see what happened. But Arin heard an incredibly loud boom explode close behind them, followed by screeching tires, metal scraping harshly across the pavement.

 

Things slowed down even further for Arin, becoming white noise as his ears buzzed.

 

He didn’t even realize that he was standing up again until Suzy was squeezing him tight and screaming.

 

He didn’t realize that Katie was running to them from around the bus until he saw the tears streaking down her crimson face, a mountain of chaotic words spilling frantically from her mouth.

 

He didn’t know why everyone was still shouting until his eyes caught a glimpse of the smeared blood on the ground.

 

Stains that led to a beanie of curly brown hair.

 

Dark, wet.

 

As Suzy shook him and a siren sounded in the distance, the last clear thought Arin had was how interesting the light of the street lamps looked bouncing off the pieces of wiring and scattered metal on the ground.

 

Flickering lights.

 

 

~Like fireflies~

 

 

Then numbness.


	26. Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Starred sections switch to present tense.  
> Names or locations are fictional, of course.

~Oct 30th~

 

The volume on the TV was painfully loud.

 

“Live from ABC7, this is Eyewitness News!”

 

Two news anchors appeared on the screen. “I’m Todd Brown-“

 

“And I’m Christie Woodside. An interesting story kicking off the Halloween season this evening out of Glendale- Locals were crossing the street on 722 Cabana Boulevard when one of them was fatally hit by the six-o-clock Beeline bus. The bus was traveling Southbound and going over 40 miles per hour when it made the collision. Authorities say the accident was due to malfunctioning brakes. But the strangest part of this story? The victim in question- was a robot! You heard that correctly…”

 

The anchorwoman continued her summary a moment before the camera panned to another anchorwoman, live at the scene.

 

“This is Michelle Banner, now we are here at 722 Cabana where the accident took place…as you can see, there’s still a lot of leftover metal and debris…luckily, no one on the Beeline was injured…”

 

More fucking bullshit words (these news people really got off on hearing themselves speak, didn’t they?) Then, Barbie doll was standing next to Katie, who looked so exhausted that she might as well have gotten hit by the bus.

 

“Now, she has requested that her friends remain excused from interview, they have left the scene to go to the local hospital to be checked in for possible injuries, but I do have Miss Katie Jackson here tonight, the actual owner of Jackson & Smith Automations- now Miss Jackson, you were taking the robot out tonight for a test run, is that right?”

 

There were new, visible wrinkles in the young scientist’s face, mixed with the remains of salt tracks. She looked like she’d rather be anywhere else but there. Her voice was careful, controlled. “…That’s correct, Michelle. I…wanted to see how he would do in a large crowd. We’ve run tests like that before…in both public and lab settings…”

 

“And you’re saying that the robot actually saved your life?”

 

Katie paused a moment, biting her lip, looking down before she answered. “…He did. He pushed me onto the sidewalk.”

 

“That’s just incredible. Now, does Jackson & Smith actively program their companion robots to have this extent of caring behavior towards their owners?”

 

For a moment, Katie looked like she was going to punch a hole in the camera but she forced a smile. “Well…we try our best to create companions that are capable of showing empathy, a-and…displaying a complex web of r-real emotional responses…”

 

“Would you expect the robot to normally respond in this way?” Katie didn’t answer the question. Her eyes began to go dreamily out of focus. Feeling a little awkward, Michelle pressed on, sounding more sympathetic. “Miss Jackson, would you like to sit down? I can tell you’re upset, here…” They took a seat on a nearby bench.

 

The camera zoomed in on Katie. Now she couldn’t hold back a few tears. She looked away with a quiet chuckle. “I’m sorry, I know it’s weird, it’s just…” She bit her lip again, shaking her head. More tears. “That one…was my very first model. I don’t know if he understood…but…”

 

“…He meant the world to me.”

 

~

Arin was bent forward in the tiny waiting room chair, his glazed over eyes watching the TV screen. Suzy sat beside him, rubbing his back. Barry, Ross, and Holly were also there, minds off in their own worlds. Arin had called Brian and left a few voicemails but hadn’t heard back from him yet.

 

They were all making rotations in and out of Dan’s room. They all waited outside now as his parents and family were there for their normal visit.

 

Ross’ mumble was so low that Suzy asked him to repeat himself. “…She saved us a lot of trouble.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“If they’d featured us in the story, we would’ve gotten so much backlash and hate. Fans would’ve dropped us in less than five minutes, and we’d deserve it.”

 

Arin looked up, a flicker of something in his dark eyes. He couldn’t believe that’s where Ross’ head was. “What are you talking about?!” He sat up now, internal flames beginning to ignite. “You think we should be punished for helping our friend have a goddamn life?!”

 

Suzy took her husband’s hand, her own face somber. “Babe, let’s not fight, please.”

 

“I need some air,” Arin said, almost running to the elevator, Suzy following behind him.

 

When Arin got outside, Brian was waiting at the bottom of the steps, holding Audrey’s hand. His eyes were determined as usual, but still wet. He walked up and embraced Arin and Suzy before the four sat down on the concrete steps, staring at the parking lot.

 

When Brian spoke, his voice was softer than usual. “He…was given the strangest experience of his entire life…and he still puts us before himself.”

 

“Yep. That’s Dan,” Arin replied a little too casually. He kept his mouth in a line, holding it down. Holding down everything threatening to topple him over the edge.

 

Brian looked at him. “You know what we have to do. He stayed for us. Now we do the same.”

 

Arin closed his eyes, his breath becoming shaky. “Y-yep…”

 

Suzy squeezed his hand. “It’s going to-“

 

“Suze.” Arin interrupted her. “Please.” He sighed. “I love you.”

 

She understood. “I love you too.”

 

They returned to the waiting room and shared the plan with the others, who agreed. They’d continue the rotations tonight until they were all kicked out (usually around 11pm). During the week, they’d take as much time as they could afford to visit once their workdays were done. Even if it meant cafeteria food for dinner, they were all prepared. No one was expecting to get much sleep anyway.

 

About an hour later, the elevator doors opened and Dr. Jackson trudged over like a zombie. Her hair was windswept, bags beneath her eyes, mascara smeared. She was holding something in her hands as she slowly walked over. She gave a quiet greeting and took a seat next to Arin, passing the item to him. His stomach churned when he took it into his hands. Dan’s beanie- clean. Within it, all his jewelry- also clean, a strong scent of alcohol on everything. Without a word, Arin removed the pentagram and passed it to Holly. She closed her eyes and kissed it, returning it to her neck.

 

After a few minutes, Arin glanced at Katie, glad to have a distraction. “…You gonna be in the lab tonight?” She shook her head, causing him to raise an eyebrow. “No?”

 

She placed a hand on his knee, wearing an aged expression. “Not yet anyway. I think I’ll just stay here for a bit,” she said quietly, glancing at the floor.

 

“Do you have work to do?” Arin asked with some concern.

 

Katie gave a low laugh. “Oh yes. Always.” She looked at the TV, which was now spouting some political debate. “…The LA JSA location is done for.”

 

Suzy looked up in surprise. “What? Why?”

 

Katie just shook her head, giving a small shrug. “It was always doomed- we weren’t pulling nearly enough clients here. Just a matter of time and however much money my father decided to throw at the wall.”

 

Barry suddenly spoke up, curious. “Are you guys still releasing androids this Christmas?”

 

Katie looked over, giving a tired smile. “I don’t know for sure. I personally always thought the plan was premature. We’re having a company meeting this week to review.”

 

“And your job? Are you staying in LA?” Suzy asked.

 

“At the moment…” Katie looked up at all of them, meeting Brian and Ross’ eyes too. “I don’t know how long they’ll keep me here, but I’m still one of Dan’s doctors. I won’t leave him- no matter what. You have my word.”

 

Everyone nodded. For a while, they returned to silence, save for Audrey, who was animatedly telling Brian about Halloween while playing a game on his tablet.

 

The quiet was full of tension- as if everyone had a lot more to say about the situation and none of the energy left to say it. And then some of it was relieved when the elevator doors opened again and four more familiar faces joined the group.

 

The members of TWRP greeted everyone, giving them much needed smiles, hugs, and handshakes. Some of them split off to talk to Brian, the other two saying hello to the others and Dr. Jackson, commenting on the news story.

 

TWRP hadn’t yet figured out that it was in fact the NSP android that was involved in the accident. But they read the mood in the room and knew better than to bring up the robot at all, although Meouch did have some questions about the company.

 

After everyone chatted quietly a few minutes, Lord Phobos glanced up at the television with an irritated grimace on his face. He walked up to the corner where it was hanging from and muted it. When a patient on the other side of the room gave a complaining curse, Phobos somewhat rudely spat at them, “You can watch people argue on your own time- it’s a hospital!”

 

Everything quieted down again, almost reverently. Brian looked pensively at his shoes. Then he took the tablet from Audrey and shushed her a moment as he brought up a different app.

 

When the music began to play from the tiny speakers, everyone glanced over. Brian closed his eyes as the NSP version of Wish You Were Here filled the space within the little circle of friends.

 

Everyone got a little watery eyed as they listened to Dan sing with the guitar. After a line or two, Dr. Jackson began to sing along softly to herself, somewhat unconsciously.

 

Suddenly, Dr. Sung joined in. Then all of TWRP. Brian glanced up- a tear fell down his face but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

 

(( “I’m proud of us” ))

 

Havve Hogan provided the beat for the song. Suzy, Holly, Barry, and even Audrey joined in the singing. Then finally Arin, Brian, and Ross. The crossing nurses and other patients looked over with raised eyebrows. The music engulfed the waiting room.

 

When the instrumental played, everyone lightly clapped along until the song ended. When it was over, there was some applause coming from the hallway.

 

Everyone glanced over to see Dan’s parents and sister standing there. Debra Avidan wore a smile, a bittersweet sparkle in her eyes.

 

~

 

Arin waited two more visitor rotations before he decided to enter the room. Suzy could tell he wanted to be alone; she went in with the other Grumps first and waited outside for him, giving him a somber, reassuring smile.

 

The icy numbness was filling up his lungs again as he slowly walked down the hallway and opened the door on the left.

 

There was a gentle murmur coming from inside the room- Arin was surprised to find Granny Sexbang on the other side of the patient’s bed, holding his hand. He took a step back. “Ah, oh, sorry-“

 

Granny Sexbang’s voice was sweet, refreshing. “No, no, come in, Arin! Don’t let me stop you.”

 

Feeling awkward and somewhat forbidden, Arin shuffled inside and took a seat on the other side of the patient. The room was dim, only lit by the florescent light right above them and the computer monitor off to the side.

 

Arin slid his hand around the patient’s left one and stared at it. He didn’t yet have the heart to look at their face, but he was listening closely to the steady rhythm of the beeping heart rate monitor, the rise and fall of their deep breathing. He didn’t tell himself it was good or bad.

 

For a few minutes, he just sat in silence and listened as Granny Sexbang murmured tenderly to the patient. She was telling him about her day, the recent activities of the Avidans, and the antics of his nephews. Then she paused and Arin felt her eyes on him. “Are you alright, dear?” she asked with genuine concern.

 

Arin cleared his swollen throat. “Mmh, yeah, I’m doin’ okay.”

 

“I heard the singing outside.” A smile rose in her tone. “How relieving it is to know that Danny has such wonderful friends.”

 

Now Arin willed himself to look up at his best friend’s face. He looked peaceful. The tide was rising. Arin’s voice wavered. “D-do…do you think he can hear us?”

 

Granny Sexbang nodded reassuringly. “I know he can. He might have trouble remembering…but he’s listening.”

 

Arin sat pensively a moment, listening to the machines. Glancing up at the lights. A flicker? Maybe not. He looked back down at his palms, which were gently quivering. “G-Granny Sexbang…C-can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course, dear.”

 

“D-do you, um…do you believe in souls?” Now he couldn’t hide the fact that his eyes were watering.

 

Her tone became sympathetic. “Oh, Arin…” He heard her push her chair back, slowing standing up and walking around to stand next to him, placing a gentle hand on his back. “I do.”

 

A tear fell down Arin’s face as he looked up at her. His voice was shaking. “I, uh…I-I had an experience recently…” Granny Sexbang listened politely as Arin continued. “I-I, um…I thought I saw him once, a-and…” Arin’s eyes were wide as he stared up at her. Pleading, desperate. His breath picked up. “D-do you think he can…hear us calling him? F-from…from anywhere?”

 

Now Arin felt guilty as Granny Sexbang patted her eyes with a handkerchief. She ushered him out of the chair and into her arms, rubbing his back as she embraced him. “Of course he can, sweetheart. You two are practically joined at the hip,” she added with a little chuckle. Arin pulled away but stood with her. He watched her look down at her grandson with loving eyes. “You and Danny have given laughter and joy to an incredible amount of people…you are such angels. All of those people are praying for both of you.” Granny Sexbang smiled. “It warms my heart so much…that he isn’t alone…” She gave another soft chuckle, patting Arin’s back. “Dear…you should talk to someone if you need to. And talk to Danny anytime. He’s listening.”

 

Arin nodded, feeling his heart sink to his toes. “…Thank you, Granny Sexbang.”

 

He wanted to believe it. He really did.

 

~

There were two more guest rotations and then the nurses called lights out, Dan’s parents returning to his room.

 

Arin and Suzy drove home in silence. When they got home, Suzy walked up the stairs, entering the guest bedroom and shutting the door.

 

Arin walked into the living room and sat down, turning on the side table lamp. With the beanie in one hand, he grabbed the TV remote, turning it to a blank channel.

 

Staring at the screen, he gripped the fabric tightly in his hands and waited.

 

~

 

Katie sighed, carrying another full box to set next to the growing stack near the lab entrance. Then she walked back to her desk and sat down in her chair. She picked up her fresh cup of coffee, nursing it in her hands.

 

Instead of turning on her computer, she swiveled her seat to stare at the bed near her desk. Staring at the tied-up black bag at the foot of it. Unblinking.

 

It was a long time before she spoke. Almost a whisper but it still bounced off the walls. “…The silence is louder without you here.” A pause. A small sip of coffee. She closed her eyes. “The…there’s a Buddhist saying I like…’Lotuses only grow in the mud.’” Another sip. Then she remembered another she read somewhere. She doesn’t know if it’s true. She gave a sad chuckle. “…The problem is…you think…”

 

…You think…

 

She set her coffee down and covered her face in her hands. Her body shook as she quietly sobbed.

 

 

You think you have time.

 

~ *

 

Arin wakes from whatever trance he’s in. Suzy hasn’t come down to check on him.

 

He’s afraid to ask. But he has to. His voice cuts into the darkness. “…Dan? Dan, are you here?”

 

No answer. 

 

Then three beeps, from the kitchen.

 

Arin rockets out of his seat and runs into the kitchen, searching for the source of the sound. His coffee maker is flashing a warning on the screen. CHECK FOR DEBRIS. The top is open, an empty Keurig cup in place.

 

Arin stares at it a moment. He slowly removes the cup and closes the top.

 

The warning disappears.

 

For a while, he can’t pull his eyes from it. Irritation rises up within him. ~Fucking stupid machine.~ He smacks it hard, moving it a few inches on the counter.

 

Suddenly out of breath, he leans his head on the counter, gripping his hair. His eyes are squeezed shut as he begins to hyperventilate.

 

He doesn’t immediately realize that he’s spoken aloud. “…Why? Why would you do that?! Why?!”

 

He looks back at the Keurig. Hits it again a few times, his voice rising. “Why?! WHY?!”

 

He’s becoming dizzy. He closes his eyes again. He’s losing his breath.

 

But he has to try again.

 

“….Daaaaaaaaan?! DAAAAAAAAAN?!”

 

~Please don’t leave us~

 

Suzy opens the bedroom door, alarmed. “Arin?!”

 

She shrieks in fear when she hears a loud crash of breaking ceramics-

 

Followed by a complete roar of anguish from her husband.

 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!”

 

“BABE!” Suzy races down the stairs as fast as she can, casting something she’d been holding onto the dining room floor.

 

A Ouija board planchette.

 

Trying.

 

Arin is still yelling when she runs to him, disregarding the broken dishes scattered all over the tile on the other side of the kitchen.

 

Now he’s fallen to his knees, still wailing when she embraces him, pressing his head to her chest. She cries with him as she holds him close.

 

Even when his cries quiet down and his tears have completely soaked her shirt, she doesn’t let go.

 

They don’t know how long they stay there, exhausted, lying on the kitchen floor.

 

~ *

 

Dr. Jackson sits next to the black bag, her knees pulled up to her chest as she stares off for a while.

 

She’s so used to not having cell service down in the basement, she almost doesn’t notice when her personal pager begins to beep.

 

She glances at it.

 

507.

 

~

 

Dan’s parents were asleep while sitting on the bench beneath the largest window in Dan’s room. The nurses had provided them with pillows and blankets. The only sounds were the heart monitor, deep breathing, Avi’s light snoring.

 

Granny Sexbang had insisted on staying a while longer, although she constantly felt herself nodding off, body and mind growing heavy as she sat next to her grandson, still holding his hand.

 

As she began to drift into a dream, she was jolted awake by a sudden sound.

 

A brief, gentle coo, not unlike an infant.

 

When she looked up at his face, fearful, bright chocolate eyes met hers.

 

Granny Sexbang's heart swelled up as they took each other in.

 

He continued to murmur softly. Trying. His eyes widened, beginning to water.

 

“Mm…Mmhh…Mom?”

 

~

 

~Oct 31st, 2:58am~

 

Arin’s phone was going off nonstop somewhere in the other room. He pulled himself out of deep sleep, looking around in mild confusion. He was still on the floor, Suzy curled up next to him.

 

He stood up and shuffled back to the living room, following the obnoxious ring. Suzy stirred behind him as he picked up the phone from the couch and answered it. “Mmh…hello?”

 

When Suzy walked over to him, he was as still as a statue. He listened a moment before he dropped his hand, still staring off into space.

 

Suzy placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at his back with worry. “Babe…what is it?”

 

Arin’s voice was barely above a whisper. “…He made it, Suz.”

 

 

He made it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say...thank you so much to everyone reading this fic. It got way more attention than I thought it would and it has been so fun to get back into writing. Thank you! I'm so happy. <3
> 
> This fic is definitely a first draft and there were a ton of ways I could've gone with it and things that need work, but I'm happy with what I've created and I'm glad people have enjoyed it.
> 
> I'm gonna post a "soundtrack" list of this fic later, for anyone interested (it's pretty emo but whatever, haha)
> 
> (Breathe Me by Sia was constantly playing as I wrote the second half of this chapter)
> 
> Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays!  
> Keep writing!


	27. Finale pt 1: Once Upon a Time

The fan mail wouldn’t stop pouring in. Even as Arin split it between his own basement, the office, Brian’s garage and even more storage units, the poor, new personal assistant they hired couldn’t sort through a fraction of it by herself. As soon as Arin had dropped the announcement video on Youtube, Twitter, Reddit, and IG, thousands of Lovelies immediately responded to every channel or thread they could. There were letters, posts, blogs, vlogs of people crying and expressing their gratitude and happiness that Dan was alive, expressing their utter sadness that he had to endure so much. The group that waited outside his window returned, at least three times larger than before. They were ushered to the outer edges of the parking lot by security, and the Grumps spent some time picking up some gifts left near the front steps of the hospital.

 

Everyone outwardly expressed their gratitude but they were all still afraid. The final concern was still hanging in the air, above the world.

 

Was Dan really going to be okay?

 

~

 

Upon waking up, Dan’s first two weeks were complete, miniature Hell. Despite the multiple surgeries and a total of three stem cell injections, his awakening came with some terrifying truths.

 

Dan’s memory, balance and speech had all been affected by the accident. In the first two weeks, the world was somewhat new to him. He didn’t seem to recognize anyone outside of his family. The nurses and therapists told him repeatedly what had happened and where he was, but his mind couldn’t retain the information for longer than fifteen minutes at a time.

 

Even worse, when he tried to ask for help, the words just wouldn’t come. He stuttered, only able to get a few consonants and coos out. In his growing frustration and fear, he cried out often, his mother holding him, her heart breaking as she watched him. Without a clear concept of the passage of time, he clung desperately to her, his knowledge and comfort in her his only current handle on the given situation.

 

It was difficult for anyone close to Dan to watch. Because of his instability, the other Grumps were not yet permitted to even see him.

 

Dr. Jackson couldn’t stop wiping her eyes as she updated his medical records and spoke with Mr. and Mrs. Avidan a couple days later. But she did have some good news to offer. “He has already far exceeded our expectations. And he’s making some progress.”

 

In the course of their empathetic communication, the doctors had been quite a bit lenient about Dan’s actual statistics. Around the three-month mark, if an average coma patient was lucky enough to reawaken, they had at least a 50% chance of having a permanent disability and a mortality rate of 78% or higher. The fact that Dan hadn’t drifted into oblivion was a total miracle. That he could stand and almost walk and talk was something that many of the hospital nurses hadn’t seen before.

 

But “progress” would be painful on all levels as he struggled through the beginning of therapy. Because of his initial blood clot and fluid swelling, Dan was suffering from heavy vertigo and muscle weakness as he took slow steps to the adjacent bathroom with a walker, Debra on one side of him, a physical therapist on the other. For the first few days, the dizziness and fatigue would overtake him. The nurses worried that they were pushing him too hard, so they returned him to the bed, resigned to use the undignified bedpan. And Dan might’ve felt a touch of gratitude that he could at least control his own bladder if it weren’t for the other fact that everything constantly hurt. His half-shaved head throbbed when he made swift movements; his throat was dry and hoarse from all the time on oxygen. Although his scars looked much better now, his muscles would tighten up, constrict, ache and burn when he worked too hard. The pain sometimes throbbed from his neck all the way to his ankle and he was occasionally hit with electric jolts of sciatica.

 

The first week passed excruciatingly slowly for everyone. Arin and the crew didn’t receive any updated information for another week, not wanting to get in the way of Dan or his family while he adjusted. But everyone was growing restless as they waited, many friends and fans afraid to hear the worst.

 

So it was nice when, sometime near the end of the second week, a few old, tired neurons in Dan’s brain lit up once again.

 

The entire day had been exhausting. The nurses were trying to get Dan to eat solid food and increase his caloric intake. He completely loathed the plastic-wrapped, lukewarm-at-best meals that had a sort of antiseptic aftertaste that left him vomiting almost every time. Later in the day when he was presented with a lunch tray, in an uncharacteristic show of irritation, he (rather impressively) lifted the entire tray and dumped its contents onto the floor.

 

After coaxing him to eat a few crackers with juice, Dan’s parents helped calm him down and somehow convinced him to stand up and practice walking again with the PT. But that seemed to be his limit for the day; later in the evening when a speech therapist dropped by and pushed to try and work with him, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get everyone to just leave him be.

 

The nurses recorded his progress, gave him an early evening dinner (which he actually picked at this time,) his dose of meds, and left him alone with his parents.

 

Tears were running down his face as Debra spoon fed him his dinner. Even though he couldn’t vocalize it yet, he was beginning to mourn the possible loss of a life he couldn’t yet entirely remember. He knew he was a popular musician and a comedian. He knew that he had friends and many fans, strange people waiting for him somewhere outside, holding signs. But who exactly was he to everyone? And what could he be now? The questions themselves gave him a dreadful sense of déjà vu.

 

The answer came to him that night, flowing from the speakers of his father’s cell phone.

 

His folks knew that when Dan was little, one of the first songs that made him feel really happy was Your Wildest Dreams by The Moody Blues. Avi played it in a last effort to cheer up his son before bedtime.

 

The effect was almost instantaneous. As soon as the dreamy and gentle, out-of-this-world intro began, Dan’s eyes lit up as he looked at the phone intently. A small smile appeared at the corners of his lips as Avi handed him the device. At first, he just swayed with the music.

 

[ And when the music plays,

And when the words are touched with sorrow

When the music plays,

I hear the sound I had to follow

Once upon a time ]

 

Into the second verse, Dan cooed along to the tune, being unable to fully sing the words. Debra and Avi were astonished to find that hey hit all the right notes.

 

They were even more surprised when a strained look crossed his face and a few slow, stuttered words tumbled from his lips.

 

“Wuh-w-when…t-th-the-mmh-mmh-mhu-sic…p-p-plays…”

 

Debra covered her mouth before hugging her son tight, a few happy tears falling as she laughed. Avi joined her, exclaiming excitedly, “Yes, Dan! The music!”

 

Dan began to cry again, feeling overwhelmed. And that’s when he remembered his friends, several signals flickering back on in his mind. Images flickering faintly and rapidly, still a bit fuzzy. The Grumps. Arin. Brian, in the driver’s seat of his car. Both of them standing to the side of his hospital bed, Brian’s arm in a sling.

 

And Dan knew exactly who he was. He was Danny Sexbang. Not-So-Grump. Dan Avidan. Who he always had been.

 

And right now, he really needed to know that his friends were okay too.

 

Dan pulled away from his mother, a new fear in his eyes as he asked her, “Wh…wh-where’s B-Buh-Brian? Ah…Ah-rin?”

 

Debra held his hand tight, taking Avi’s phone. “They’re alright! They might be sleeping, Honey…but I’ll call them…”

 

~

 

Arin, Suzy, and Brian showed up shortly after (They hadn’t really been sleeping). Dan immediately relaxed in their presence as they embraced him, more tears of relief flowing freely from everyone. (Arin had tried to get ahold of Barry and Ross but unfortunately, they didn’t answer). Arin’s face was wet as he joyously grinned and held Dan’s scarred hand, laughing a little. “It’s so fucking good to see you, man! How are you?!”

 

Debra filled them in on how Dan was doing lately and how therapy was going, leaving out some of the more painful details. “He insisted I call you both tonight- he wouldn’t take no for an answer!” she said with a shaky laugh.

 

“N-no I w-wuh-would-n’t,” Dan said with a half-pained giggle and a cough. Debra helped him take a sip of water.

 

Brian was sitting at his other side, also smiling with tears but trying to keep his cool. “You really scared us.” Understatement of the year.

 

“We’re so glad you’re safe!” Suzy exclaimed, wiping her eyes. “Everyone should be by tomorrow- you’re gonna have so many visitors!”

 

“If that’s okay?” Arin quickly asked the Avidans.

 

Debra nodded with a look of concern. “During mealtimes should be alright, if Danny’s not too tired that day…just a few people at a time.”

 

“Ih-I-I’m nnn-not t-t-ired,” Dan stubbornly insisted, trying to sit up but his drooping eyes told the truth.

 

Arin held him back. “Hey, just relax, man. You've been through a lot."

 

Dan’s parents had informed him again that night about how long he’d been in the hospital and why. The news was finally sticking with him now, sinking into his bones. His stomach suddenly twisted sharply in guilt and sorrow.

 

He’d been extremely close to dying.

 

He was out for seven entire months.

 

He’d missed so much- made everyone so worried, so-fucking-scared-

 

Dan’s eyes glistened again from beneath the lights as he looked back at Brian, his lip quivering. “Ah-ah…are y-yuh-you…?” he tried to ask quietly.

 

Brian’s eyes widened, his heart falling. He squeezed Dan’s hand. “I’m alright, I just had an arm fracture…”

 

Dan’s eyes filled to the brim again and he couldn’t stop them. Brian knew what he was going to say before he tried to say it. “I…Ah-I’mmmh…sss-sss-“

 

Brian hugged Dan tightly again, shaking his head and speaking gently. “No-nonono, Dan, no…there’s nothing to apologize for, it’s okay…”

 

Dan found himself sobbing like a child again, letting his pent up feelings go as Brian continued to hold him. Seeing Dan’s clear exhaustion, Arin and Suzy said their goodnights and politely excused themselves from the room as the Avidans tried to calm Dan down.

 

Sometime later, Brian met with them out in the waiting room, hands in his pockets. He said what was on their minds. “He doesn’t appear to remember.”

 

Arin gave a small shrug. “Maybe it’s for the best.” He eyed a clock on the wall, not really reading it. “But later on…if he asks, then...I made a promise."

 

Brian nodded in understanding.

 

~

 

The following morning, Arin, Brian and the other Grumps uploaded update videos to the GG and NSP channels. They calmly explained the details and seriousness of Dan’s current condition, that he was doing better but after two more weeks, he would be having home therapy for an indefinite amount of time. As a result, Game Grumps would only post 1 video a day and may have to take a brief hiatus while they enjoyed the holidays and Arin came up with new content. He still had a couple weeks left of what he’d secretly recorded with Dan recently, and Ross was still recording Doodle Doods and animation streams. Arin explained that he had plans for a couple of podcast-like videos and that he was thinking of also sharing some of his old art and animation projects.

 

But Dan’s health came first and foremost and they would post health updates again at least once a week as they had before, especially on the NSP channel. And while Brian didn’t have much else to currently add, the gears were swiftly turning in his head as he thought deeply about the future of NSP and Starbomb.

 

They expressed their gratitude to the fans for staying with them every step of the way even after so long, and thanked them for all of the gifts, messages, and endless love.

 

During this time, two things happened that surprised Arin. 

 

Firstly, regardless of content, the channel views more than tripled for almost every posted video. Once again, the comments sections filled with overwhelmingly positive messages and many new comments were added to older series.

 

What Arin hadn’t expected at all were the donations.

 

They came in a few forms: mailed checks, a couple of attempted Twitch streams or charity-fund accounts. Dedicated fans wanted to show their honest appreciation by trying to help pay part of Dan’s medical bills. Although not everyone participated and the amounts were generally small, they were already starting to rise close to a thousand dollars in just a couple of days.

 

Arin sent out a video response, thanking fans for their continued support, letting them know that their love was more than enough and that they didn’t have to worry about Dan’s financial wellbeing. He sincerely gave thanks for all the donations and assured the Lovelies that they’d get to Dan or his family. After the announcement, some of the donations slowed but never completely stopped. When Arin delivered the checks to Debra Avidan, she tightly hugged him and cried.

 

Dan was in the hospital for two more weeks before he was allowed to move onto home-care. His parents, grandmother, and sister’s family held a little Thanksgiving celebration in the hospital room. There was a fold out card-table in the center of the room, filled to the brim with various rich foods that Dan would taste here and there when his stomach would allow him the luxury.

 

He was sometimes speaking a little better now but always with a strong stutter. When his mind seemed a little clearer, the nurses finally provided him with a white board he could use to communicate with in times when he got stuck on a word or long sentence. He was beginning to smile more often too, although there was always a hint of pain or tiredness in his eyes. As he listened to the shared stories from his family, it was a definite reminder of how lucky he was to even be alive.

 

The weekend before Thanksgiving, all of the Grumps had a chance to visit Dan together.

 

Dan’s family had temporarily stepped out to get food. A flood of happy tears was shed again. Ross and Barry spoke with him first, asking him how he was doing. Dan looked a little better today, the shadows under his eyes paling, a fan-made, blue Star of David beanie covering his awkward hair, several other gifts crowding one corner of his room. He scribbled on his whiteboard briefly about how his therapy was going and joked lightheartedly about the crappy hospital food. In the same fashion that they had months ago, Ross and Barry told him about their individual projects they’d been working on in his absence. Both of them glanced at Arin a few times, sharing a silent message. Arin gave a nod.

 

When Matt and Ryan were done saying hi and the others had also stepped out, Arin, Suzy, Brian (and now Audrey) sat across from him again. Dan patiently listened as Audrey asked him a few simple questions. Brian helped her read the answers back on the whiteboard.

 

“Danny, did you have dreams?”

 

[ I did, but I can’t remember how they went. ]

 

Audrey was inquisitive for a moment. “…You ‘member when Daddy got lost?” she asked.

 

Dan raised an eyebrow. “L-lll-lost?”

 

Brian cut in. “Danny was sleeping when that happened, Audrey.”

 

Audrey gave Brian a Wecht-brand look suggesting betrayal but before she could protest, Suzy swiftly changed the subject. She asked Dan if he remembered her reading aloud to him. He paused thoughtfully. “Mh-Mh-Mmmaybe.”

 

Arin went over the plans for Game Grumps like he did for the fans, showing Dan the video and the comments. Then everything was quiet again. Dan’s expression became downtrodden. His hand shook a little as he wrote a new note on the whiteboard and passed it to Arin, glancing at him and Brian.

 

Arin could hear the text in Dan’s voice. [Guys, what are we going to do?]

 

Arin sighed and spoke gently, sensing that Dan might be on the brink of tears again. “Hey, no worries. The channel is just fine, and it’s gonna take time until you feel okay again. Just focus on healing- we’ve got the rest. One day at a time, man.”

 

Now Dan turned to Brian, eyes glistening. Brian knew what he was afraid of. He placed a hand on his shoulder, giving him a determined look. “You will be able to sing again. Even if it’s not perfect, you have therapists, and we have an awesome producer who can help us.” Brian looked over at Arin. “…We might even have some additional help for the next album.”

 

Dan was confused now. “Wh-Wh-what…”

 

Arin looked at Dan intently, pausing a moment. “Dan…what’s the last thing you can remember?”

 

“Uh…” Dan closed his eyes in concentration, beginning to feel frustration. He felt like there was information there, just out of reach, as if it were covered in a black curtain. But he got some images. He scribbled on the board. [I remember pieces of our last Toronto concert. Then I vaguely remember talking to you both in the hospital. Brian’s arm was in a sling- was that after the accident?]

 

“Yeah, it was…right before you went under…” Arin said. “In April. But that concert was like, almost another year before that, I think...”

 

Brian folded his arms. Audrey ran to the other side of the room and took a seat beneath the window, playing with his tablet again. “We were going over options…on what we wanted to do…if anything were to happen to you,” he replied quietly.

 

“Y-yuh-you w-wh-were…” Furrowed brow, scribbles. [You were both mad about something. Right? What’d I say?]

 

Arin spoke carefully now. “Dan…this is gonna sound weird, but…do you remember at all when you and I visited this, like, computer technology lab back in February?”

 

Dan looked like someone had smacked him with a French-speaking fish. He just shook his head, looking at them both quizzically.

 

“Well…it was a lab that specializes in making robots.”

 

“Humanoid robots, many in the likeness of famous people,” Brian added. “Like Youtubers, or musicians.”

 

Dan’s eyes widened. Light goosebumps rose on his forearms.

 

~

 

Sensing that it would be quite a bit kinder on his current psyche, Brian and Arin told Dan that they briefly rented and tested out a custom made, Danny Sexbang entertainment android.

 

Dan reiterated his previous statement. “W-WH-WHAT?!”

 

Arin chuckled lightly and told him all about the JSA company, the details of that day last February, and how Dan had personally requested that the robot be used for NSP. Dan just wore a stunned expression the entire time. When Arin was finished, Dan scribbled frantically, [Holy Shit! HOLY SHIT! Are you both serious?! Can I see this robot, please?!]

 

“Unfortunately, it’s already been dismantled,” a voice answered from the doorway. They all looked up to see Katie standing against the frame in a purple hoodie and jeans. She closed the door and walked over to them. “Luckily, the company has a lot of your audio recorded,” she said in a hushed volume. “That’s where I might be able to help.” She stood across from Dan, hands in her pockets, offering him a somber smile. He stared back at her in growing wonder. “Hello, Dan. My name is Katie Jackson…”

 

~~~

 

With a lack of growing customers for the museum (and mainly company support), the Los Angeles JSA lab packed up to move back to the Silicon Valley location. It wasn’t cost effective by any means but Katie knew it was her father’s intention to have her rejoin the main team and let go of her job as a doctor. He’d given her time alone to “grieve” and to “refuel her creative process”.

 

Katie wasn’t looking forward to the ridiculous commute between LA and Silicon Valley. She also wasn’t looking forward to the talk she would have with her father later about her decision to leave the company. But for now, she could stay with it a little longer, just enough to keep track of Dan’s information until it could be legally released back to him, or otherwise deleted. Long enough to have access to the some of the tools that would hopefully improve his future.

 

Jackson & Smith had backpedaled slightly business-wise after the release of the bus accident news story. They decided not to proceed with an android museum just yet, instead opting to preview the robots in a couple of local technology shows. They were also being advertised in the cities, on busses and billboards. They had still planned on releasing the alpha models for Christmas, although prices were not meant for an average consumer (one android could cost as much as a new Tesla). All of the celebrities that had already shared their information with the company were able to purchase the androids earlier and at a discounted price, and also had access to a brief trial period.

 

The pre-releases were done in November and customers were asked not to publicly review the products until a couple of weeks in to December.

 

This was part of what could be known as a small “PR disaster”.

 

When the time came for celebrities to share their reviews, some of them loudly complained on social media. “These ‘companion robots’ don’t work at all as advertised,” one critic wrote. “My robot is extremely kind, but she doesn’t have a real connection with me. It really is like talking to just another online chat bot sometimes. She remembers important facts about me and knows what I like, but she can’t ‘empathize’ with any of my problems….If I wanted something expensive to compliment me and look pretty, I would’ve called my ex back.”

 

Another review was more contrite.

 

“Not a whole lot going on in its head, but the sex is great! Doesn’t justify the crazy price, though!”

 

Some of the other reviews were much politer and more professional, but the sentiment was the same: the androids were disappointingly more like dolls than companions and were simply not worth the cost.

 

In response, the JSA formally apologized and withdrew their plan for the alpha release. “Perhaps we let our excitement get the better of us…When the time comes, we hope to truly exceed your expectations.” They didn’t state a possible future release date.

 

Katie knew that Robert Jackson wanted her to get started with the team on a new series. The “Model One” series. She attempted to divert his attention. “If you’re worried about yearly earnings, we could still pursue work in biotechnology. I’ve seen some amazing research at the hospital- we could really make a difference in the medical community…”

 

Mr. Jackson gave no comment but didn’t dismiss the idea. A possible victory. But Katie still had a guilty lump in her stomach when she returned to her new office.

 

~~~

 

~ June 2017 ~

 

Katie had gotten used to her work routine. Most of her time was spent in the lab, creating new code and working on more 3D printed models with her new team. For the first couple months of Dan’s recovery, she had visited him on weekends but she hadn’t heard from him in a while now, except for occasional updated messages or emails from Arin. 

 

She was surprised when her phone went off loudly in her pocket and his name showed up on her screen.

 

She excused herself from her desk away from her coworkers and out into a hallway, placing the phone eagerly to her ear. “Hello? Mr. Avidan?”

 

There was stressed breathing on the other end. Like he had been crying. Katie tensed up. “M-Mr. Avidan, what’s-“

 

“K-K-Katie,” he stuttered weakly into the phone. “Puh-please.” Katie could hear some tapping- then she heard Dan’s voice again, the sentence more fluid, but a little too fast. “Please don’t be informal. I…” More tapping. “I just want to know what happened. Please tell me…” The sentence sounded oddly cold. Katie could hear Dan crying softly somewhere behind it.

 

“Dan…what’s wrong?” She already knew the answer, her heart dropping to her feet.

 

Tap tap tap. Lowered tone. “I was really…one of them, wasn't I?" She could see him in her mind, covering his red, swollen face with a shaky hand. “The dreams...thoughts...they were real. They happened."

 

The device Dan was using to speak was stuck on the sentence, repeating it over and over in his voice. “They were real. They were real. They were real. Oh my God..."

 

Katie covered her mouth with a hand and leaned against the wall. A tear fell down her face. “Dan…I’m...I'm sorry. I’m so sorry! I…is Arin or someone with you right now?"

 

A pause. "Barry is here...Can you come over tonight? Please?”

 

Katie nodded, rushing back into the lab, speaking quickly. “Yes, I can, I’ll come down in just a few hours-I promise! Call Arin or Brian right now- they will talk to you! I’ll be there soon, okay?!"

 

Katie hung up the phone, still holding back the rest of the emotions she'd been keeping at bay as she rejoined her team. She could hear the imagined accusation loudly in her ear as the guilt flooded her chest.

 

~I was one of them…because of you.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little update for you guys, hope it's okay! Sorry for the wait, I've been really busy applying for school and working on things regarding that, it's been stressful! I threw together part one and there will be much more of Dan and his feelings in the final part! I wanted to conclude the JSA stuff. 
> 
> (I also realized a few weeks ago that I made a mistake (that I kinda fixed but might rewrite other parts for later). So uh...Dan was made of metal, right? Well, you can't stick metal in an MRI. It's a giant magnet. Whoops. So, uh...the scanners aren't really MRIs, at least not the later ones. They use magical tech specifically for androids. ^_^;; Sorry!)
> 
> Thanks for reading, I appreciate it, and all the comments!
> 
> (And if you haven't yet and you like sci fi, go watch Black Mirror. Skip episode 1- it's garbage that has nothing to do with the rest of the series. I recommend an episode called "Be Right Back." I also recommend going into each episode blind, without reading the synopsis. Some episodes are pretty intense.)


	28. Finale pt 2: Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for waiting! I am sorry about the late update- life has been so crazy! I had to quit my job and move to a small town 140 miles from where I used to be, so things have been stressful to say the least. ^_^;; But we're almost to the epilogue- isn't that exciting? 
> 
> As usual, this got wordy again but I hope it's alright!
> 
> Thank you again to all my readers, y'all are awesome!

When Dan was able to return home, his life had become crowded. He had an entire team of specialists with him almost all hours of the day: physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, cognitive therapists, home nurses, and an occasional psychiatrist. Dan’s parents didn’t feel comfortable leaving California until Dan seemed to have a good level of autonomy and his health appeared consistently stable. Barry was kind enough to let everyone temporarily stay at the house while he roomed with Vernon for about two to three months.

 

Arin, Brian, and Ross visited Dan as often as they could, which was usually only once, maybe twice a week for at least an hour or so in between Dan’s therapy sessions. Dan was always happy to see them and they could tell his energy levels were greatly improving, although he had frequent bouts of short-term memory loss and chronic pain. Using his white board or his phone, he shared with them his constant fears, frustrations, and new grief. He was mourning the previous year before the accident that he seemed to have completely forgotten. He was frustrated that he could sometimes forget simple things and that every action was slow; he often needed assistance. He shared feelings about how his body felt so familiar, yet so foreign now. He was afraid that the scars would look ugly when they faded. More so, that he would forget his entire life in the blink of an eye. He restated his fear that he wouldn’t be able to speak, sing, or dance normally again.

 

Luckily, his friends and family were highly optimistic and determined. (Dan was especially surprised at how cheerful Ross was being at this time). They all helped him fill out his hefty schedules and set personal goals. If necessary, they wrote sticky notes and cards to help Dan remember little things around the house.

 

And Dan remembered the talk that Dr. Katie Jackson had given him in the hospital. The following weekend, she said she would visit him with a “promising gift”.

 

Dan was skeptical for a couple of reasons. Firstly (despite what Arin had told him) Dan didn’t remember Dr. Jackson and therefore didn’t know anything about her. (He already found it odd that a computer engineer could also be a neurologist.)

 

The second thing he found strange was how casually Arin and Brian would talk about Jackson & Smith Automations, the supposedly amazing robotics company that made an “almost perfect” model of Dan himself. Yet when he asked to see any evidence of the robot, Arin didn’t have any to provide. However, he did show Dan a brochure and a couple of online videos of a cute demo android called “Julie”.

 

Dan wasn’t a complete cynic; he’d found the demo girl extremely impressive. He even felt something stir inside him when she smiled on the screen and introduced herself. But she was still very obviously a robot in her movement and speech, and Dan couldn’t imagine one of these androids performing very well as Danny Sexbang. (He’d seen holograms that had looked more authentic).

 

In one rare moment of alone time on the living room couch, Brian showed Dan his most recent NSP ideas and gave a small confession. “…I have some of the audio Katie was talking about.”

 

Dan looked up from reading the ‘Eating in the Shower’ idea. “F-f-from th-th-the ah-ahndroid?”

 

“Yes.” Upon seeing Dan’s hurt expression, he added, “I wanted it to be a surprise, after Katie gives you her gift. I’ll show you then, I promise.”

 

Dan furrowed his brow, still not quite understanding. “Wh-Wh-Why d-d-does sssshe care?” Why did she want to help him in the first place?

 

“Would you believe me if I told you she’s an NSP fan?” Brian wore an almost uncharacteristic grin. “She can tell you all about it.”

 

~

Dan was sitting on the living room, sitting on the couch next his parents. Katie sat across from him on a kitchen chair, Arin and Brian standing somewhere behind her.

 

In Katie’s hands, she held a small, sleek tablet. It had a cobalt-colored metallic finish on the outside and an adjoining keyboard. On the screen, there was a blank textbox. Below it, there were several rainbow-colored, barred, changeable meters. Each meter was labeled differently (mood, intonation, energy, slur, volume, etc) and the bars were moving up and down.

 

Katie placed a metal, hexagon-shaped sensor in the center of Dan’s chest and another on his wrist. They waited a few minutes and watched the screen until each bar had processed the incoming data. Katie pointed to the meters, looking up at Dan and his family. “It will try and read how you’re feeling, and adjust the tone of your voice to match. You can keep the sensors on, or adjust the bars by touch. Go ahead, try it out.”

 

Katie placed the tablet in Dan’s hands. He held it gingerly and typed a sentence into the keyboard. In almost immediate response, his voice erupted from the speakers. It sounded casual, a little tired. “Hello, I’m Dan Avidan.” Dan looked surprised, although everyone around him began to smile. Dan typed in another sentence. “Wow. This is…really weird.” He was personally stunned; there was a slight hint of robotic sound as the text translated, but it sounded nearly exactly like him. “…But also pretty amazing,” he added politely, looking at the screen in wonder.

 

“This is awesome!” Arin said enthusiastically, folding his arms and grinning. “And we could use it to help record for Grumps, if you feel up to working again in a few months.”

 

Katie smiled, although Dan’s reaction made her nervous. “I know it’s not perfect- but hopefully it will help for now. I’m also working on additional sensors to hopefully help improve the predictive text so you can use your vocal chords later on instead of typing everything.”

 

Brian could easily read the uneasiness on Dan’s face- he added, “If we even need the device down the road.”

 

“Right.”

 

Dan’s lips parted, a pensive look on his face. “Th…th-this is…”

 

“This is wonderful!” Debra said, beaming as she placed her arms around her son.

 

Dan nodded, typing. “Yeah- thank you so much.”

 

Avi began to reach for his wallet. “So, eehh…how much do we pay?”

 

Katie put her palms up. “Oh, nono Sir, this is a gift, free of charge. However, I do have some precautions I’d like to go over, if that’s alright…”

 

Katie admitted to them that she was overstepping a few large “legalities,” although she thoroughly insisted it was nothing Dan could be held personally liable for. She requested that, if asked, Dan tell people that the tablet was a custom made gift by a friend and if that ever became any more of an issue, Dan could call Katie to provide “alternative contact information”. Even though the tablet itself was not labeled in any way and appeared indistinct from any other modern device, Katie asked that Dan keep it in a carrying case as often as possible, and to preferably only use the sensors while at home or in the office, unless they were out of sight.

 

As far as the music recordings went, before she left for the day, Katie privately told Brian that no one would have any reason to think the vocals came from a robot, but he could “adjusted certain recording dates,” if he was concerned. Brian was fine with that- in return, he promised her future signed merchandise, and copies of their next CD.

 

~

Debra and Avi left to for the grocery store, leaving Dan, Brian and Arin (as well as one on-duty home nurse) alone in the house. The three men moved into the studio (Dan with a walker) and sat down on the bench. Brian pulled out his laptop and passed his headphones to Dan. Brian played the most recent recording of “The Hit,” as he and Arin watched Dan closely.

 

Dan listened carefully to the track, his face a blank slate. When the song was over, he nodded, using his new device to speak. “It sounds really good…doesn’t sound layered at all.”

 

Brian gave Arin a quick, nervous glance. “It’s uh, not layered with previous tracks yet. That’s just straight audio from the android,” he mumbled. “I mean…I’m not exactly sure how the JSA programmed him, but…” Dan blinked as that information sunk in. Brian continued. “Here, we did a few more of the covers…here’s a solo of ‘Limelight’.”

 

Now Arin watched as Dan’s expression began to change while he listened to the music. First, his eyes flitted back and forth anxiously a couple times in a way that, given his record, was a little disconcerting. After a minute, they began to water. He cleared his throat, handing the headphones back to Brian as shaking words tumbled from his mouth. “N-nneed…t-t-to lllie d-down…”

 

Dan tried to stand up too quickly and stumbled, both men grabbing his arms just in time. He groaned as the sudden vertigo rushed to his head, blurring his vision.

 

The guys spared no time in carrying Dan into the gaming room across the tiny adjacent hallway, lying him down on the couch. The nurse returned and checked on him, helping him take some meds.

 

Dan would have to rest for now, but the two men weren’t ready to leave. They sat in the dining room, arms folded as they wore somber expressions. Brian blew out a sigh, looking up at the ceiling. “That was a mistake,” he mumbled miserably.

 

Arin lightly slapped his hand across the table. “No, no it wasn’t. Dan needs this- it’s his voice. It’s just a lot. He needs time.”

 

~

 

Debra and Avi eventually returned from the store, checked on Dan, and returned to the kitchen for some meal-prepping. Arin and Brian visited Dan in the gaming room one last time for the day.

 

Dan was now sitting up on the couch with a glass of water in his hands. He looked groggy, but a little better than before. Arin sat down next to him, Brian on the other end of the couch. Arin put on a smile. “Hey, your head feelin’ better?”

 

“Yuh-yeah.” Dan gave a gentle smile but the men could see the sadness in his eyes. He pensively stared into his glass. After a moment, he picked up the tablet from the side table and passed it to Arin.

 

The younger man looked at it in puzzlement. “You want me to…?”

 

“Yuh…use it.” Dan’s voice was firmer than before. He didn’t look up from the glass.

 

A loud pang of guilt stabbed the two other men in the chest. They knew what he meant, could’ve seen it coming a mile away.

 

But Arin just chuckled, hiding the pain beneath his casual demeanor as he handed the tablet back to his friend. “This is just a tool, Dan. You’ll use it if you need to later, when you’re ready to go back to work.” Arin knew that Dan was getting ready for a rebuttal- he scooted over and placed an arm around his shoulder. “It’s Game Grumps, plural. And I think the Lovelies have made it clear that they prefer both of us over me alone. They’re already pretty tired of hearing me bitch at myself.”

 

This got a small smile out of Dan, then it faded as he began to type. The tone lowered. “Arin, why didn’t you tell my parents about the android?” Now Dan looked up at both of them, his gaze pleading. An eerie sensation was stirring within him again- the repeated feeling that every new conversation had already been discussed before, some other lifetime ago. “Debra didn’t really know about the company…you guys didn’t tell my folks my ‘dying wish’?”

 

Arin exhaled, mouth slightly agape. He didn’t know how to honestly answer. Now he was the one stuttering. “I-I…we…Dan, we weren’t gonna-“

 

Brian decisively interrupted. “Dan, here…” He quickly pulled out his cell phone, his face a blank mask. “…I’ll show you why.”

 

Both men quizzically looked over while Brian pulled up something on his phone. After hesitating a moment, he passed it over to Dan.

 

Dan peered at the screen. It was close up photo of him next to Commander Meouch, each of them in their costumes. Judging by the lights, they were in the recording studio. They grinned at the camera.

 

When Dan looked up at Brian, the ninja’s gaze was piercing. “That’s...not you,” Brian said softly.

 

Dan’s eyes widened as that registered. He just stared at the image in shock. His finger brushed over his eyebrow scar in the photograph. “...Wuh...Whoah…”

 

Arin pulled away, looking intently at the floor. Dan wouldn’t be able to see his crossed fingers hiding behind his hands as he mumbled, “So...there was no way we were gonna keep it. No way in Hell.”

 

Brian leaned forward and reached out to place a hand on Dan’s knee. “I recorded those tracks for you. I never intended on using them before you healed. I just thought they’d help us out in the harder times ahead.”

 

When Arin looked up again, his cheeks were wet. “The Lovelies don’t want some voice, Dan. They just want you.” He cleared his throat. “I’m not gonna do the show without you.”

 

“NSP doesn’t exist without you,” Brian added, sitting back. “But I’m sorry I decided this alone.”

 

Dan gazed at them, then back at the screen again. There it was again- an odd flood emotions. Or maybe it was just the uncomfortable mix of drugs in his system. Either way, guilt was spilling heavily into his heart. He’d doubted his best friends’ integrity. After everything, they were just looking out for him...so how could he…?

 

He tried to type the sloppy apology as he began to cry again but Arin grabbed the tablet and set it aside as he tightly embraced his tired friend. Brian and Arin stayed until Dan fell uneasily back into deep sleep.

 

~

 

Weeks of therapy slurred together. Dan enjoyed a quiet Chanukah with his family, although it was somewhat difficult for them to keep him in the present. Despite many mental or physical improvements, his mind was constantly drifting into dark territory. 

 

On top of that, he’d begun to have peculiar or disturbing thoughts and sometimes even hallucinations throughout the day.

 

He often liked to listen to music during therapy. Once while one of his physical therapists had him relaxing on a massage table, he awoke with a start when, for a moment, he found himself in a loudly churning MRI machine.

 

Another weekend while he was playing games with Arin, Ross, and Barry in the living room, Ross began to get irritated with Mario Kart. While Arin and Barry laughed, Dan looked over at Ross and saw a face full of crimson rage. When he blinked, the image was gone, but a strong intrusive thought remained. ~He hates me.~

 

Everyone made jokes about Ross but this felt different somehow. Dan could only play the game for ten more minutes before his ribs and stomach began to ache.

 

Dan didn’t share these instances with anyone except his psychiatrist, Dr. Harper. As they sat together in the home studio, she listened as he used his tablet to recall an odd dream. “....I just looked down, and the bath water had turned into blood! It startled me so badly, I yelled myself awake. I was shaking, my parents were worried...Doctor, why am I getting these thoughts? They’re starting to really freak me out…”

 

Dr. Harper was not worried nor surprised by the visions; she told Dan it was perfectly normal for coma patients to have nightmares and his medications were likely causing several imbalances. She assured him that as his body got used to working again, the strange thoughts would eventually decrease. She altered his prescriptions and dismissed him.

 

In the following months, the images gradually faded but a constant, dreadful feeling remained.

 

~

 

In January, Dan was finally able to visit places outside his house, starting with a warm walk around the neighborhood with his PT. He could feel himself getting stronger, regaining some muscle and mental clarity over time, his pain slowly beginning to decrease. He started to do a few home activities somewhat independently (often with assistive devices) although someone was always nearby just in case he needed them. He was still having trouble speaking but he practiced singing as much as he could, even if that meant only cooing along to the music. Keeping his range and waking up his vocal cords was still important, after all.

 

In February, under minimal supervision, Dan could finally do most required things on his own, albeit slowly and carefully. Seeing how exhausted his parents had become, he tried to convince them that he would be alright with only his therapists and some nurses. After much worrying and debate, his folks agreed to move out, but not until after his birthday. He enjoyed some celebrations with the Grumps, his best friends and close family. His parents reluctantly left for New Jersey the following weekend. Barry moved back in and offered to help out whenever he could, although he mainly kept to himself.

 

The following week, Dan agreed to rejoin Game Grumps on Saturdays, assuming he felt well. Recording sessions started off short, only an hour or two at a time and mainly full of games Arin hadn’t even touched before from the shelf.

 

When Dan sat down in front of his mic, he felt his heart swell up in his chest as he wrapped himself up in a blanket and got comfortable.

 

It took time to get used to pacing and to figure out all the settings for Dan’s speech device, but the duo gradually fell back into a pattern. The first few recordings had a more serious tone as Dan told the audience a bit about what he had gone through and how therapy was going, or the progress towards his current goals. It was therapeutic to talk, about but he didn’t want to spoil the show or steal the spotlight. Episodes gradually became more lighthearted in nature over time.

 

Either way, Arin didn’t seem to mind the pace, as long as Dan was happy too.

 

~

 

Spring blew into LA and seemed to leave just as quickly, hardly noticeable beneath the growing heat. There was still a mountain of work to do but Dan was healing. He didn’t have to see some of his therapists every day now, so he used the extra time to work on music, either alone or with Brian. A routine in the realm of normalcy was sprouting up in his life.

 

His world would be turned upside down just once more, one early evening in June.

 

He was sitting on the bench in the home studio, while Barry sat at his desk in the gaming room. The evening nurse was running a little late.

 

Dan was going through NSP files on his laptop that Brian had recently sent him when a stray, untitled video file caught his eye.

 

He raised an eyebrow. The thumbnail was of him, although he looked a bit younger. ~An older video?~ The file was updated October 1st, 2016. Confused yet curious, Dan clicked play.

 

[[ The Dan in the video was sitting somewhere in the dark, although it looked like it could be another studio. He was breathing heavily, his face a red, swollen mess- it was apparent he had been crying for a while. Still in distress, he fought through tears to speak.

 

“Mhh…My name is…” the younger Dan paused, chuckled miserably at the ceiling before he continued, looking into the camera. “My name is Model One. I’m an…android…a robot, from the Jackson & Smith Company.” He wiped an eye. “And I’m here because…i-in Dan Avidan’s will, he asked that if anything were to happen to him…that I take his place in Ninja Sex Party.” His voice broke. “B-but…I have to t-tell you…that I can’t do that…because…” The Dan in the video paused to cry quietly for a bit. When he looked back up, he tried to force a smile. “Fuck, sorry, it’s just…it’s been a really tough time lately. But that doesn’t make any sense…that’s not fair…Fuck!” 

 

His expression twisted into painful anguish as he wiped his face again. “Um so…what I’m trying to say, is…” he thought a moment and seemed to calm a little before he continued, “I…Dan tries at every concert to share a message of love and forgiveness…a-and, through my own weird experience, I’ve just figured out that…whenever people worry about what life means, or how much they’re w-worth…” He stared into the camera, more tears flowing down his face as he cracked another smile, “You have no idea…you have no- f-fucking- clue…”

 

The familiar face broke down again, looking away from the camera. “I-I’m sorry, this is morbid…you shouldn’t…” His sobs became louder as he covered his face. “Life is wonderful…a-and there’s never enough time…”

 

He spent some time crying for another minute before quieting down, forcing himself to take deep breaths. He wearily looked back at the camera. “You Lovelies...you all deserve so much better. But I’m not really the future of all this.” His eyes got watery again. “As fans of NSP, you all have given me everything I ever wanted. I just want you all to know...the future resides with you. And...maybe if we just supported each other, loved each other, and didn’t doubt ourselves so much...maybe then we’d realize that this is really all we get. So...we have to make it count!”

 

At this point, the man began to break again. He looked up at the ceiling, a pained smile crossing his wet face. “My family...friends...and all of you. Man…” He closed his eyes and let out a soft chuckle. 

 

“...How? How did I get...so lucky?” ]]

 

~

 

Dan didn’t realize how badly he was trembling until he began to hyperventilate. He covered his mouth with a hand, utterly speechless. Tears spilled into his lap; he pushed the laptop away and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

The vertigo had him twisting like a rollercoaster- he gagged and groaned, bending forward as he felt his dinner bitterly come back up. While he could focus, he turned up the volume on his tablet and typed out a slur of words before he began to vomit onto the floor.

 

Luckily, Barry didn’t have headphones on. He heard the device shouting, “Barry, BARRY!”

 

Barry was up and in the room within seconds, rushing over to Dan, placing a hand on his back while sickness overtook him. The tablet kept frantically shouting from the bench. “What is this- What- the- FUCK- is- this?!”

 

“Dan, what..?” Barry glanced over at the laptop screen. His eyes became huge when he realized who he was looking at. “Oh…” He was startled as Dan continued to spill the contents of his stomach onto the carpet. “Oh, fuck, Dan!”

 

He continued to support the taller man until he was done. They stood silently a moment, Dan panting as he began to regain himself.

 

They met each other's gaze, Dan’s eyes dark. Barry didn’t answer him. They both knew.

 

Dan wiped the spit from his chin and carefully stood up. His hand was still shaking when he held it out to Barry. His voice was low.

 

“Fff...ffh...phone. Nnh, now.”

 

~~~

 

Katie couldn’t stop worrying during the entire five hour drive to Dan’s place. The farther the sun was going down, the queasier she became.

 

Then she was already parked in his driveway. The only thing that mattered in that moment was if he was okay. She scrambled out of the car and practically ran up to the front door. She rapped her fist loudly against it. “Dan?! It’s Doctor-”

 

She lost her breath when the door opened. There he stood, leaning against his walker. His mouth was slightly agape, salt tracks running down his face.

 

His eyes became gentler as they looked her over. She watched them fill with something bittersweet as his lips curved upwards. “K-K-Katie.”

 

Katie exhaled and dropped her bag, hugging him as tightly as she possibly could.

 

~

 

Katie recounted the events with Dan on the front porch, just as he had with Arin, Brian, Ross, and Barry inside before her arrival. But now they were all there, he didn’t need her to- the memories had reached him as a bright epiphany, details slowly trickling into his mind afterward.

 

His friends had apologized to him countless times and he easily forgave them, just as he had before (or would have otherwise). In his heart, he had gracefully accepted the mistakes, arguments, and insane circumstances that had somehow led up to this point. Without them, he might’ve been gone forever.

 

The two sat outside together and looked up at what little they could see of the stars beneath the city haze. They waited in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

 

Dan looked over at the disheveled doctor, allowed himself to take her in, in a new way. He began to type on his keyboard. “You really thought I would be mad at you, for what you did to me. But I never was. I mean, I was only mad when I thought I was someone else.”

 

When Katie looked back at him, her eyes were glistening. “Dan…”

 

“You stopped checking on me.” Dan was quiet a moment before the device continued for him, “I know you want to give me reasons why.” He met her gaze again, his eyes a pensive ocean. “...Maybe you used me. Maybe...you needed to create something, or feel like you were saving someone. The reasons don’t matter.” Dan looked back up at the sky. “And maybe if...I had remembered earlier...you would’ve told me goodbye.”

 

Katie looked down as guilt poured into her chest. “It’s so hard to say it nowadays, especially to someone like you. But that’s no excuse. Dan, I’m so sorry.”

 

Dan nodded. They sat silently for a bit, listening to the crickets waking up.

 

“Thank you for saving my life,” Katie said, glancing at him, “And for keeping me company. It was...really nice.”

 

“Yeah, it was.” Dan smiled. He couldn’t help it- he slipped his free hand atop hers. “I think you probably saved mine too.”

 

Katie’s eyes widened. “How so?”

 

Dan blew out a sigh, typing the next words carefully. “I can’t believe I actually tried to end my life. Before the accident, that’s something I would’ve never, ever thought to do. It’s like...I really was another person.”

 

Katie nodded. “You were different, Dan. Everyone was. It’s often too small to see but we change every moment, every day.” She gently squeezed his hand. “Nothing remains the same. ‘Nothing gold can stay.’”

 

Dan looked over, his tired eyes warming up in the darkness. He lifted his hand to her cheek. “Katie?”

 

Despite herself, Katie leaned into the touch. “Hmm?”

 

The tablet’s tone softened. “I hope you know that...even if it didn’t last, and it all hurt so much...that it was all still worth it. Thank you...for everything.”

 

Katie closed her eyes and gave a quiet laugh. She allowed Dan to brush a tear from her face with his thumb. She smiled and shook her head. “You...you’re really something else, Dan.”

 

“So are you, Doctor.”

 

After a few more minutes, they both lifted themselves up and returned inside to greet the others.

 

Back to rejoin the world of the living once again.


	29. Finale pt 3: Built For...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (As I noted in the previous chapter, I went ahead and deleted chapter 8 ("Feelings") because I felt it did not serve a strong purpose. I recycled parts of it into this chapter, so sorry for some repeats!)
> 
> (As usual, lyrics aren't mine)
> 
> I hope this is okay! Enjoy!

~ One evening in early Fall, 2019~

 

The Regent Theatre was filled to the brim, fans standing together alongside the bordering wall all the way to the back. At least a couple hundred people had been denied at the door, the place packed to complete capacity.

 

They were all there to see TWRP, who was onstage with the LADYWORLD logo projected behind them. This was their last stop as part of a shorter national tour to promote their new album. 

 

Everyone was in their usual places on stage. Arin was also on the left side of the stage at a mic, wearing his black tee, leather jacket and jeans- he had been featured in one of the earlier songs.

 

Once the song “Food Bar” had ended, Dr. Sung stepped forward, addressing the excited crowd. “Los Angeles!” The crowd erupted in screams and shouts. “Thank you so much for supporting us and Ladyworld! We couldn’t do it without you!” More screams. 

 

Dr. Sung looked back at his bandmates a moment, then intently at the crowd, lowering his voice. “Now, we’ve got one more song on the album that we haven’t done live yet…because we were waiting for some of our dear, old friends to rejoin us…”

 

The crowd instantly quieted, many people gasping in surprise and anticipation. Dr. Sung continued. “I dunno if you’ve ever heard of them...but I believe they’re called…” Dr. Sung paused for dramatic effect, then shouted, “NINJA- SEX- PARTY!”

 

The NSP logo appeared on the back screen and the guitar introduction of the next song began to play.

 

The crowd was so painfully loud that Dr. Sung almost couldn’t hear himself as he pointed to the right side of the stage. A spotlight landed on a ninja standing at a keyboard, flipping off the crowd with both hands.

 

Verbal recognition was no longer necessary, so Dr. Sung took his place on the left as another spotlight focused center stage and landed on a familiar, spandex-clad, moppy-haired man.

 

Danny Sexbang looked absolutely incredible, decked out in a new sparkling, azure jumpsuit with a glittering crimson, five-pointed star on the front. It had pairing platform boots (although a little shorter than tradition held) and a long flowing cape. His makeup was flawless, guyliner with a dramatic, shimmering blue and red zig-zag down one side of his face, an homage to Bowie that covered up his scars. In one hand, he held a tall, matching cane with an orb atop it. Using the cane, he gave the crowd a quick, sultry look before carefully striding up to the microphone stand.

 

It was a good thing Dan’s ears were plugged- the audience’s response was deafening as fans cried out his name. He closed his eyes and began to sing what he could, his voice also playing on the speakers behind him.

 

[ I need your love  
I need your love, whoa girl!  
I need your love, yeah girl!  
Electric love

 

Electric love, c'mon, c'mon  
You're built for love, you turn me on!  
Electric love, c'mon, c'mon  
We're charged until the dawn! ]

 

Dan lifted his hand high into the air, balled into a fist. Then he walked along the stage, looking out at the crowd. Arin was grinning at him from the other side of the stage, staying there just in case Dan needed him.

 

[ Whoa oh, humanity  
Won't know what hit it baby when they get to see you and me  
So don't blow your circuitry  
Let em stare as we walk  
Let em talk  
It's all the same to me

You're aglow  
can't disagree  
Let's fight to the finish  
lady running on electricity  
Your soul knows that love is free  
Now you're all charged up  
Light the spark in me

You light the spark in me  
So (Hey, Hey) Baby, let's go! ]

 

As Danny sang the chorus, most everyone in the crowd was now either jumping, dancing or singing along with him.

 

A blonde-haired woman was standing near the front of the stage, swaying with the music with a huge grin on her face. She had one arm wrapped around another familiar friend- a shorter, brunette woman with bright eyes. Dan threw a smile and a wink their way as he sang the next verse. He knelt down, holding his hand out to the nearby fans.

 

[ Whoa, oh, What can I say?  
You set my program, and it's something that I can't disobey  
So go slow show me the way  
That I could never find all the times that my life ricocheted  
Through the woes of yesterday  
Your chromium finish lady,  
Something that won't lead me astray  
Am I wrong by feeling sated, and understand we can fly away  
We're gonna fly away, so (hey, hey) Baby, let’s go! ]

 

When the saxophone solo began, Dan stood back up and closed his eyes. He sensually swayed his hips and slowly raised his scarred, right hand back into the air. The audience reached upwards with him.

[ You...were...built...for....looooove! ]

 

Dan looked out at the audience and didn’t realize his eyes were wet until he had crossed the other side of the stage to duet with Dr. Sung. He continued to move with the beat.

 

[ I lose it every time I see you,  
I'm thinking this could even be true love!

 

Synthetic spirit will deceive you,  
Didn't even know that you could feel the love!

Your model might be discontinued,  
Now that I know that I can win your love! ]

 

Dan pointed out at the crowd, his grin as bright as the sun.

 

[ Cause you  
(Because you)  
You were built  
(Oh girl, you know that you were built for love!) ]

 

Dr. Sung topped off the ending-

 

[ Built for love  
Built for love! ]

 

Dan exhaled as he stood back up and returned to center stage. Even though he had to resort to partial lip syncing, he was still almost out of breath. He closed his eyes a moment, leaning on his cane.

 

When he reopened them, he realized that there were some fan trinkets and fresh flowers at his feet. He looked up. 

 

The entire audience was giving a standing ovation. Many fans had their hands lifted, shaping hearts with their fingers and shouting his name. It seemed that quite a few people had anticipated his return- hence the light gifts continually being tossed onto the stage. Dan felt his heart swell up when he realized that most of the fans also had water tracks down their faces as they smiled back at him.

 

When Dan saw his family standing against the left wall and waving to him, he let a few more tears openly fall down his face as touched his lips and waved them a “kiss”.

 

Dan stepped back a little as the bouquets began to pile up. Then Arin joined him on his right, Brian on his left as they put their arms around him. Facing the crowd, they all lifted their arms and then gave a bow. Then TWRP joined them on both sides and they all gave another bow.

 

After a few minutes, the audience began to calm down, still standing. Given the go ahead from Dr. Sung, Dan approached the mic one more time. 

 

He stuttered a little, overcome with emotion, but there was a determined shine in his eyes, in his voice. “L-love yourselves...a-and forgive everyone you can...especially yourselves!” The crowd went wild with cheers a moment, then Dan continued “Th-this is the only l-life we get, and it’s not guaranteed...so make it count! Don’t wait! G-go follow your dreams!” Another roar. Dan kissed both his hands and held them up for the crowd. “And know that we love you all so, so much! T-Thank you, Los Angeles!”

 

~

 

The lights dimmed, and everyone on stage took seats on some pulled up stools as Dr. Sung and Commander Meouch made some last announcements about the TWRP tour, the Ladyworld album and upcoming album projects. Ninja Brian and Dan thanked everyone for their purchases of the Under the Covers Vol. 2 album that was released the previous year and promised new music videos in the future. They finished with a short, five minute Q&A for each band, starting with NSP & (Starbomb), then TWRP.

Before Dan, Arin and Brian left the stage, Dan had one last message to give that he had shared at previous concerts, but meant much more to him this time around.

"Before we leave, I j-just want you all to know...that if any of you struggle with depression, or even s-suicidal thoughts, get help. You don't h-have to let one bad chapter of your life write the entire ending. We l-love you all-"

"Regardless of your race, sexuality, age, or gender identity," Arin quickly added. "You're all Lovelies to us." With a few final goodbyes, the trio left the stage.

 

While TWRP was still on stage, Brian, Dan and Arin helped clean up some of the gifts that were left up front before retiring backstage.

 

From a couch, Dan looked down at the avalanche of flowers, gifts and cards that could cover his feet up to his knees. He picked up one of the free papers. It was a hand drawn portrait of Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian. He turned the page over - there was a letter on the other side. From an Alessa, age 18, from Colorado. He skimmed through the letter. --You're such an inspiration to me...I prayed for you every day...Love you so much, hope you are doing much better now...--

 

Dan glanced down- all the letters were like that. He finished reading Alessa's letter, then picked up a picture from Matt in Oregon. Then one from Christina in LA.

 

Arin walked over to his friend after quickly changing into a clean shirt. He let out a tired but satisfied sigh, smiling. “That was a pretty fuckin’ dope show!” When Arin saw the expression on Dan’s face, he paused. “...Dan?”

 

Dan had a letter in his hands and he was staring off into space. Tears continued to fall down his face. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a flurry of different emotions. 

 

First, he felt a brief moment of anguish for what he had been through, what he had put his friends, family and fans through after the car accident. 

 

But that was swiftly whisked away as he glanced at Arin and felt an immense, more powerful wave of gratitude and joy pass over him; he was so thankful for all of the fans, his family and friends, all the people he had in his silly, little life. 

 

It hit him suddenly, like inspiration, like a message that he desperately needed to share with someone. 

 

Like the message his former self had left on his laptop, those years ago.

 

The letter he was holding fell to the floor. Arin was already at his side, looking concerned. “You alright, man?”

 

The tears transformed into silent laughter. Dan spoke clearly again, although more slowly. “I’m just...so happy that I’m here,” he gently admitted, wiping his eyes. 

 

Arin sarcastically rolled his eyes. “Oh, is that all, Daniel? Ya big sap!” He gave Dan’s shoulder a squeeze as he laughed with his friend. “I’m glad we’re here too.”

 

Brian walked into the room, his mask off. “Alright, I gave you ample time to blow each other- let’s pack up and leave soon before the crowds get worse, or I pass out.”

 

Dan and Arin stood up. “Just sleep here- your snoring will scare everyone away,” Dan shot back, giggling childishly.

 

Brian punched Dan in the arm. “Fuck you,” he said sternly but his small smile lessened the effect.

 

Dr. Sung appeared, the blonde and brunette- haired women standing behind him. Although they were both wearing VIP lanyards, he added, “Hey Dan- I found these two sneaking past security. How should we punish them?” 

 

Dan grinned and grabbed his regular cane from the side of the couch, leaning on it as he walked over to the ladies. The brunette woman looked genuinely scared. “We aren’t really in trouble, right? We have passes,” she said, looking at the blonde for confirmation.

 

Katie chuckled. “That’s just another fine example of sarcasm,” she explained to her friend. She looked up at Dan with a tired smile. “She wanted an autograph in person- is that alright?”

 

The brunette girl timidly held out a small poster and a pen. Dan took them carefully from her. “Yeah- of course.” He grinned warmly at the shorter woman. “It’s good to see you again, Julie! How are you?”

 

Julie’s mouth fell slightly agape in surprise. “You remember me?”

 

His smile widened. “Of course! How could I forget?” He gave her another wink, leaning the poster against a wall to write on it. “Do you want it to say anything special?”

 

Julie blushed and looked down at her feet. “Nono- just your name is fine! Thank you!”

 

Both Katie and Dan lightly chuckled as he signed the poster. “You know...it’s not bad or anything, but I don’t remember you being this shy,” he said as he handed the poster back to her.

 

She flushed again, embarrassed as she leaned into Katie. “Oh, well...Katie has been teaching me a few things. About life, and emotions, I guess.”

 

“Yeah?” Dan looked up at Katie. They gave each other a long, knowing look. “She taught me a few things too. She’s a good teacher to have...”

 

Everyone continued to chat for a few more minutes, the rest of TWRP returning to the back room. Then they said their goodbyes before filing out of the theater, Dan meeting his family with tight hugs on the other side of the exit.

~~~

Even though most everyone had decided to take the following day off, Dan spent most of it helping their personal assistant sort and pack all of his new and old mail (they were still going through it, after all the time that had passed). Normally he wouldn’t be one to take on extra work and would find this particular activity tedious, but he wanted to be helpful and he was feeling a little more upbeat the last few days. He still had to take frequent sit-down breaks, but he felt pretty energetic today. He decided that for any gifts that really caught his eye, he would feature them in brief “thank you” videos on his Instagram or the NSP channels for the Lovelies. He felt up to doing more gift unboxing videos in the future, especially since the NSP fan base was growing.

 

After a few hours, he returned home that evening and crashed in his room, reading quietly on his bed. He was going through his planner (still packed with doctor appointments and regular therapy visits but also work related recording sessions too). Nowadays, the planner was completely full, even to include plans for his days off; he no longer wanted to waste any of his time if he could help it. He currently only had another hour to himself before he, the entire Grump crew and TWRP were going to go out for a celebratory dinner. 

 

At some point, he had dozed off- then suddenly, someone was knocking on the front door.

 

Dan murmured and sat up. “Comin’!” He got up, grabbed his cane and limped downstairs.

 

Barry was at the door, wearing a sheepish smile, his girlfriend standing next to him. “You ready, man?”

 

“Oh, yeah, just a sec.” Dan cursed quietly and walked back upstairs to grab his wallet and throw on his white jacket. 

 

As he was slowly taking each step back down, a thought came to his mind. Lyrics from Rush. He felt a little light headed.

 

He didn’t realize that the words weren’t only in his mind until he was at the bottom of the stairs. Music suddenly erupted from behind him, echoing throughout the house.

 

Dan stared back in wonder, listening as Digital Man began to loudly play from the speakers in his room.

 

His record player had come to life. 

His lips slowly parted as he widened his eyes.

 

Constant change was here to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Takes a bow* This has been "Brand New"! I hope the ending was alright! Thank you to everyone who followed this story, it really meant so much to me! I look forward to reading what you write too! Feel free to leave critique or comments- thank you again!
> 
> (Also - I think it goes without saying but in case there was any concern- it was never my intention to glorify suicide in any way with this fic. If anyone feels that way, feel free to tell me.)
> 
> (If I post again, it'll just be my soundtrack list for this fic.)
> 
> Be excellent to each other!


	30. (Soundtrack)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is my playlist for "Brand New" in no particular order. Some of the songs were just inspirational tunes as I wrote.  
> Told ya it was emo xP
> 
> Go listen to TWRP's Ladyworld and add the whole album lol  
> Also add all of Skyhill and Under the Covers Vol. 2
> 
> (In case this posts in weird order, previous chapter is the last) 
> 
> Thank you all!

Automaton - Jamiroquai

Firefly - Skyhill

The Ghosts of Beverly Drive - Death Cab for Cutie

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - NSP version

Heavydirtysoul - 21 Pilots

The Last Unicorn - NSP version

What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie

Goner - 21 Pilots

Just Breathe - Pearl Jam

Rocket Man - Elton John (& NSP version)

Another Brick in the Wall pt. 2 - Pink Floyd

Echo - Jason Walker

The Listening - LIGHTS

Lions! - LIGHTS

Holding On and Letting Go - Ross Copperman

What Makes a Man? - City & Colour

Run With the Hunted - Skyhill

Wish You Were Here - NSP Version

Limelight - Rush (& NSP Version)

Digital Man - Rush

The Hit (feat Ninja Sex Party) - Tupperware Remix Party

Built 4 Love (feat Ninja Sex Party) - Tupperware Remix Party

The Cave - Mumford & Sons

Take on Me - Tears for Fears (& NSP version)

On Melancholy Hill - Gorillaz

All Around Me - Flyleaf

Fully Alive - Flyleaf

Breathe Me - Sia

Realiti - Grimes

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - The Postal Service

Brand New Colony - The Postal Service

We Will Become Silhouettes - The Postal Service

Black & White - Skyhill

California - Grimes

Million Reasons - Lady Gaga

Your Wildest Dreams - The Moody Blues (& NSP version)

We Close Our Eyes - NSP version


End file.
